How does this happen?

[DavePort80]

There’s not much I can do about my depression/anxiety and physical appearance.

[Honeycomb8]

Life you were given?

 

Everyday, there are people who end up in horrific accidents and become paralyzed, some end up blind and are fighting for their lives in hospital. They triumph over adversity and all their sweat, blood and tears are but a thing of the past, because they make it so.

 

You have the luxury of change, say you're making an honest effort at change...But all you do is complain and dwell on the apparent hardships.

It's time to grow up. I have a friend that is currently nearly 29 and is jobless (but has had a job in the past) and lives at home. I don't want her to become like you.

[Honeycomb8]

There’s not much I can do about my depression/anxiety and physical appearance.

 

There is a man I read about in an article a couple of years ago, he has lost the WHOLE of his lower body, and yet he managed to get married to a woman that adores him. He's known to be positive and jovial. He found joy even when there was none to speak of.

 

If he can do it, ANYONE can.

[mustlovedogs]

There’s not much I can do about my depression/anxiety and physical appearance.

 

Ah. So you alone are special in your suffering. There's no hope for only you.

[DavePort80]

Life you were given?

 

Everyday, there are people who end up in horrific accidents and become paralyzed, some end up blind and are fighting for their lives in hospital. They triumph over adversity and all their sweat, blood and tears are but a thing of the past, because they make it so.

 

You have the luxury of change, say you're making an honest effort at change...But all you do is complain and dwell on the apparent hardships.

It's time to grow up. I have a friend that is currently nearly 29 and is jobless (but has had a job in the past) and lives at home. I don't want her to become like you.

 

You think I wanted to become like me? Do you understand depression and anxiety. There were times the anxiety and dissociation were so severe I couldn’t leave my house. And you’re calling me lazy for not working?

[DavePort80]

Ah. So you alone are special in your suffering. There's no hope for only you.

 

There’s no hope for a lot of people. There are 8 billion people in the world. You think EVERYONE ends up happy, married, successful. Some people just sufffer forever and it never gets better.

[Honeycomb8]

You think I wanted to become like me? Do you understand depression and anxiety. There were times the anxiety and dissociation were so severe I couldn’t leave my house. And you’re calling me lazy for not working?

 

I'm trying to help you see sense. But now I realise I'm literally just wasting my time.

Okay you're right. Your life is effed.

 

 

Good luck.

[firelily]

I have a friend that is currently nearly 29 and is jobless (but has had a job in the past) and lives at home. I don't want her to become like you.

 

Oh just like me! I'm 29 and jobless (for 1 year) and living with my parents. Moving forward in some aspects of life (just graduated), but stuck in some others (corporations made a bad impression on me).

 

I think, what would help me, would be if a friend told me "tell me how I can help", and they actually joyfully appeared at my door every now and then to work with me on a plan, look with me through job offers, help me to formulate a positive long-term plan to move out, etc. I realize my friends are too busy with their own lives and have as many problems as me, so I don't ask them for that kind of help. But if you really care about your friend, maybe she would let you to help her? If you could help her in the way that she'd want you to?

[Honeycomb8]

^ It's great you're making changes. You should read my thread, I posted it a month ago about said friend.

Have pretty much given up cos it's just draining me.

Been the same rinse and repeat the last month as well so I'm now distancing myself.

 

In fact, I just messaged her today to tell her that since labour weekend is coming back, it'd be great if she could come visit cos I wanted to take her to a friend's house party and another's friend's bbq. There is only so much I can do. She isn't putting in any effort. All she does is complain =(.

[DavePort80]

I'm trying to help you see sense. But now I realise I'm literally just wasting my time.

Okay you're right. Your life is effed.

 

 

Good luck.

 

I’m not dwelling on the hardships. Im pointing out legitimate obstacles that have pretended me from working and having relationships.

[mustlovedogs]

What do you do about it? How are you helping yourself?

[DavePort80]

I go to therapy and take medication.

[firelily]

There’s no hope for a lot of people. There are 8 billion people in the world. You think EVERYONE ends up happy, married, successful. Some people just sufffer forever and it never gets better.

 

Yes, they do. The world is a hard place. Some people have depression and it gets cured, and sometimes it never gets cured. That's the reality.

 

But for some part, if you still make effort, if you're grateful for the effort that you make, things you achieve and good things that happens, life can SUCK LESS. This is what most people do - try to make life suck a little less. And it usually works.

 

There was a year when I was in a state close to PTSD. I'd take my usual experiences with depression and anxiety any day over that year. Being so tense my muscles hurt day and night, feeling fear day and night, being paranoid and suicidal. It was the worst year of my life. But every week I tried to do SOMETHING. Like exercising. Going to a trip, when I could. Going to a concert. Meeting with friends. I had a pocket calendar where I noted every non-depressive thing I did. At the end of that year, I summed it up, and I experienced more fun stuff than in the normal year before. I learned a lot of new cool stuff, like ice skating. It was the worst year but it wasn't the worst it could be. I tried my best to make it SUCK LESS, and it did. If I didn't, it would SUCK MORE. And afterwards I was very grateful to my past self.

 

There are people who live with the chronic pain and disability. It's much like depression, but with them it's physical. They feel pain every day of their lives. But they assumed they're gonna die anyway, so instead of committing suicide at 20, they chose to cope. They can live with that pain for the rest of their lives and live their life to the fullest nevertheless, as much as they can, and never stop looking for some cure to make them better. Sometimes, they end up being happier than healthy people. I don't know, somehow it gives me hope. I try to treat my depression like I would treat some serious diabetes - I adapt and try to lead the best life that is possible considering.

[mustlovedogs]

I go to therapy and take medication.

 

Great. Truly. What's next? How can you keep pushing?

[DavePort80]

Great. Truly. What's next? How can you keep pushing?

 

Find a job?

[Pleasedonot5]

DavePort,

 

Is your medication an SSRI? I took those two years ago and stopped when I had intense thoughts of suicide. It provided like 90% relief to drop the medication and instead work on my problems.

 

Your problems are these:

 

- you are lonely and without love

- because you are not currently a "catch"

- because you do not have independence

- because you do not have money

- because you do not have a job

- because you do not have postsecondary or vocational education

- because you... Don't want to?

 

Go get a trade school education. Then, you'll find a paying job, have money, support yourself, become more of a catch, and then we can talk about the POSSIBILITY of finding love.

 

This starts with you. None of us can facilitate your recovery process, only you can. And you can choose to start with a trade school education.

 

Sincerely,

A guy who is diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and has considered suicide, yet still is moving forward and is now happy with his life

[DavePort80]

Yes, I’m on an SSRI. A few others as well.

 

Trade school, huh? I’ll look into it. But I’m running out of time. I’m 32 and would like a wife and family some day. I don’t have time to invest 3-4 years into school and then be in my late 30’s looking for love.

[figureitout23]

Yes, I’m on an SSRI. A few others as well.

 

Trade school, huh? I’ll look into it. But I’m running out of time. I’m 32 and would like a wife and family some day. I don’t have time to invest 3-4 years into school and then be in my late 30’s looking for love.

 

You're right. Much better to just spend the next 3-4 years stalking people's social media. Come on dude, the excuses aren't even making sense now. Do you want to make a change or do you want to wallow?

[Pleasedonot5]

My boss was talking today about someone who became a father at 81. I reckon you could become a father before that.

 

You won't find a wife or become a father if you give up. All those potential good times, forfeit. If you go to trade school, find a nice construction job (the market is verrrry good -- at least in my state) or whatever else, there's hope for a better future. What you ought to learn is that happiness is earned. You can't expect it unless you chip away strategically at what's weighing you down: in this case, it's a multi-layered problem, but the solutions to most of the problems start at the same place. Get a trade school education, make some money, gain some independence, and find the one. There's your general plan, now you're the only one who can start it.

[boltnrun]

Do your parents encourage you to become independent? Or do they tell.you it's fine, they will.just pay for everything?

[DavePort80]

Why don’t these things just happen to me naturally. Why am I the outlier? I’ve never been someone who gets approached by women or invited anywhere. I’ve got friends who are married now that met in high school. How come it’s so easy for other people?

[DavePort80]

Do your parents encourage you to become independent? Or do they tell.you it's fine, they will.just pay for everything?

 

Yes, they try, but they also understand how difficult it is for me to be around people.

[boltnrun]

Who is supposed to invite you places? By your own admission you don't see or talk to anyone.

[Pleasedonot5]

Those things don't happen naturally to anybody who isn't ready for it. I had the same mindset of why is everyone else so lucky, and then I realized I have to work towards it. I am now a lot happier than I was when I had that mindset, because I've resolved a lot of the problems that were weighing me down.

[mustlovedogs]

Why don’t these things just happen to me naturally. Why am I the outlier? I’ve never been someone who gets approached by women or invited anywhere. I’ve got friends who are married now that met in high school. How come it’s so easy for other people?

 

Why would they approach you? You don't go out.

 

You're not getting the point. You COULD meet someone right now. But taking steps to improve your life will definitely make it EASIER.