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About Pleasedonot5

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  1. So, if it turns out that he has feelings for her and that is why he is checking her social media accounts, it sounds like you would know what to do (not stay in the relationship - that would be doing yourself a disservice, as you just said). Now, what if it turns out to be some sort of power dynamic involving a blow to his ego, or it turns out he's just been oddly curious lately? If your answer to that question is different (i.e., if that is less of a problem) - then you should ascertain the reasons he has been checking before choosing your course of action.
  2. A point which isn't very clear - is she open to sex now? Another poster criticized you for weighing your decision on whether she would be open to sex with you. I do not think that is fair: sex is a very important part of many relationships. It sounds like that applies to you, too. If she is not open to sex, and you want that in a relationship, it seems like getting back with Jane would not be the best decision for you. You have a good attitude about her hooking up with your friends. I think it is a little odd or manipulative that she was sleeping around with half your group of friends. Ev
  3. My initial feeling is to trust your gut. You are right, people who have made an impression on our hearts will stay there as scar tissue: an occasionally uncomfortable reminder of what was. I can think of several supportable reasons for his behavior based on what you described on this thread: He has unresolved hurt from losing her or the place she occupied for him emotionally during the break-up. I.e., he still has unresolved feelings. He is curious about her. He is fixated on the idea that she may be trying to spite him somehow. This may go hand-in-hand with some weir
  4. First, space is fine, but do not let someone "take a break" from you. Either break up or do not. In this case, perhaps she's confused or is suffocated by you. Four to six times a week is too frequent for someone I assume is in high school or college? The only part I question you on is that -- with that much time together, it is no wonder that she might be vying for freedom. One to three times a week of quality time seems like an understandable want/need, though. Second, significant others can spend time with members of the opposite sex without concern, however, if it seems like Mr. Tutor is be
  5. @bluecastle and @DancingFool, Thank you. I might have gotten all worked up about nothing. Still, that the dream(s) had such an effect on me and my day makes me wonder whether or not I'm doing my current relationship a disservice. I sure hope not. I want to be in a relationship with my new girlfriend and I want everything to work out so that I can end up happy with someone, I just hope I'm not forcing the idea of a relationship with her where I shouldn't be.
  6. Thank you. Perhaps I'm still left wondering why she never responded, but if there are any worries, they usually do not surface recognizably/consciously. She (our break-up) is/was a problem I cannot solve; a person with whom I cannot communicate; and an ideal (perceived or real) that I cannot achieve. I do not think I have been thinking about her recently to any significant degree, but I'm in a public, committed relationship with someone new. That's the first time something like this has happened in 4 years, the last being her. Perhaps this is her idea's last stand in my mind. Or, perha
  7. Hello Everyone, I haven't written to this forum in a while. During 2018, I had a pretty rough time. Although I was not overweight by any means, I led a fairly unhealthy lifestyle. I gained weight, had high cholesterol, above average blood pressure, and succumbed to some pretty severe stress and anxiety. I had many monogamous FWB relationships, but nothing committed. Due to the anxiety, I often saw conspiracy and hostility where there were only small slights or nothing at all. At that time, too, I had started a new job, and not being the "expert" in my field in combination with catty/petty c
  8. It is still relatively new and fresh since he has told you, so it has you shaken up a bit. It's important to let it sit, talk about it for a while before making any decision. Are you worried that he may have lied about something else? That your intimacy and closeness was based on something that wasn't true? The key to accepting this and moving on, in whichever manner you decide, is identifying the fears this has brought out in you.
  9. You have made indirect suggestions. Tell him this is bothering you and tell him what you want, directly.
  10. Is this the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with? Sheesh. Have some standards. Let him go. You sound successful and ambitious; you can find someone more on your level. Imagine all of the nice vacations you could have with a nice supplemental income from a future partner!
  11. There are probably a lot of assumptions being made on this thread. I say talk it out and see what happens. There's a lot of power in asking someone to clarify what's going on. Get his side of the story.
  12. Not to burst the planning and excitement bubble, but it will get harder before it gets better. She may not follow through with it. Make the decision not to get involved with a married woman for you, not for her.
  13. I vote you break up, man. By continuing, you are accepting this standard of treatment, which is disrespectful and negligent at best and (pre-)cheating at worst. You define your boundaries by what you are willing to accept. To me, this would be a deal-breaker.
  14. Literally every other post on my social media is bashing white people and men. Look, not everyone with those descriptors are hateful towards your skin color or gender. Stop being hateful to others!
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