Out to sea

Hey you, there is another woman on this forum with the same username, butt out and leave her at it, she always had wicked and sausy stories of lust and lovin, that kept us all well entertained. You do indeed sound like a real Mary Poppins. I for one want her back!!!!!!!! Ban GEECEE 2.0.

Again Majord23 as in GEECEE's post I agree 100% with you. As I was telling you during the week Spatz, give her the feeling that you are gone for ever. She needs to get that fright. She may be there tonight with you and thinking that she is happy to be friends to you and going out with this other guy. But by you saying goodbye, she could wake up tomorrow and think ' this isn't what I want, I don't want to lose Spatz over this guy'. Point is even she doesn't know how she'd feel, until it actually happens, you have been there for her since the start, at the end of the phone, all she had to do was pick it up and you'd come running. She has not had to think that you weren't there. She has done everytrhing, including meeting this guy under your emotional umbrella. So taking it away is what COULD change the game completely. People usually don't make major decisions, unless they feel they have too. Again, only my 2 cents worth.

Hi my GeeCee, just a thought on this situation, I agree with Beec And Majord23 on this one, if he is that low about things at the mo, you need to be there for him. He will remember that you were really there for him. However, I wouldn't go getting all excited at things when he is so down. Wait until he has gotten over this ' bad time' and see what he does then. You know how you get much more confident in yourself when you feel happy, you need to see what's going on when he's all happy out with himself. Will he say,' thank you GeeCee for being there it means alot to me, will you marry me?', or will he say, 'thanks for that see ya around!!!' Only my 2 cents worth!

Hi ya, sorry but why can't she sell the god damn thing if she needs the money, I think she is more interested in the argument with you. If you say you want her back then maybe take it easy on her, she is obviously angry but will cool off in time. Stay in touch but under no circumstances give her a cent. Really people, who does that!!! Has to be about something else. And about that mate, well they say what comes around goes around, worry not about him, he'll get his!!!

Hi ya, sorry nobody, probably including him can give you an exact answer as to why he's being like this to you. However it sounds to me like he ain't a happy camper with his lot at the moment, maybe he's just depressed about the whole situation and doesn't know yet what's going on, maybe he's jealous of you going out having a good time, he may want you to curl up and die cause he broke up with you. I think all you can do is give him some time and space to cheer up a bit and sort out his own head, really time is the only thing that will sort him out. If you love him then you will need to be patient, do as you are doing, start getting out there and enjoying life, don't rub it in his face for a while. See what's happening in a few weeks. Sorry for the lack of insight, hope it works out.

Hi Isturbo79, you need to start giving her the space SHE has asked for or undoubtly you Are going to drive her away. HArd as it may seem to you now, you need to stop asking questions like ' how can she throw us away' and all that. Stop worrying so much about other guys, believe it or not the best possible chance you can give yourself is to take Beec's advice.... withdraw for a while, give her some time to think about her feelings without the constant attention, questions and guilt trips from you, it will do good I promise. Now there are no guarentees here, you may have lost her for good, but if you have staying in constant contact with her when in this emotional state is only going to make things so much worse. All you can do now is maximise your chances of getting her back while at the same time healing the hurt, improving you and your own life and learning to enjoy life as an individual, not just a b/f of someone. There is no need to panic, relax, get a plan together to fill all your time, meet and date other women, even if you don't want to, your confidence and self esteem are at a low, time to pull into the emotional gas station and fill up, at the mo your old station ain't selling!!! When you gain some control and are feeling better about yourself then maybe you will be able to re initiate contact with her as BEEC suggested. And you really have to get on top of the jealousy thing in relation to her guy friends, nothing is more damaging than a jealous person, and believe me I've been in her situation and it's awful!!!! Good luck mate.

Spatz, we all need nothing except air water and food, nothing else especially in the short term. The quote I offered up to you to tell her is by no means burning your bridges mate. It is a simple fact that you or us have no idea what she feels, whether you get back with her or not, but you have been all nicey nicey since the start and that was ok cause she didn't do anything that bad, however what has happened now is something that is important, and maybe saying something along the lines of what I said will stir things up in her head, that you really are pulling away big time and for good reason. If she does love you Spatz she will make an effort after that. An ex that came back to me after month's told me that the single thing that got her thinking proper was the fact that she finally realised I was gone. Your ex knows well you are still there for her all along you have been so sound about it.

i Messo, sorry to hear your situation, but right now your mind is bent all out of shape. You are at the start line of the road to recovery and it hurts like hell. It is your cross to bear that you have to see him every day, but look at it like this, you will get the chance to win him back!!! Lots of us don't get that opportunity!!! However you MUST realise that right now you are a wreck and there ain't no way in hell you are going to get him back in this state. Plan 'a' is for you to get back on your feet, this is soo important right now, you need to stop thinking all about him and realise that you must at all times take care of yourself first. Think of it this , ' why do we want to go out with other people anyways???' well it's cause it makes us feel good!!! Right, now at this moment this is replaced with a mountain of pain, so you have to withdraw from the situation and concentrate on yourself first, now i know this feels impossible but it is possible, just takes a whole lot of effort on your part. You need to forgive your self for the mistakes you made with him and learn from them so that you don't do make them again. The best chance you have of ever getting him back, is when you have recovered and are back on your feet again. So this is what you concentrate on first ok. It's sooo difficult but it is the start that is totally needed.

Sorry Spatz about your torment, I posted to you a couple of weeks back that exceptence is all important in getting yourself well again, the only crap part is that it is such a sour pill to swallow, well none of us ever swallowed it, rather it was rammed down our throath's!!!!!! You seem to think that this is the worst thing that could have happened, believe me it isn't half as bad as you may think. No matter what anyone may think about getting their ex back before they meet someone else, I totally disagree with especially GeeCee( sorry girl just my view), in most cases the ex will always spend some time over on the grass they believe to be greener, in all honestly it always plays a part in the minds of people that break up with someone, no matter what reason's they have for breaking up. Think about it, if some breaks up with you, at some point, the thought that there are others out there to be with HAS to enter into their heads right? So from that, if your girl broke up with you for no major reason ( as in your are a murdering psycho), then she must have thought about being with other fella's from the beginning!!!! So what would happen if she had those feelings and didn't go out and try a few, then got back with you!! Bang on she'd probably break up with you again in a while anyways. The fact is that in my experience it is only when the dumper goes out and sees a few people, that they rethink their situation with you, in a way you are put into perspective for them in a more realistic manner, often to your benifit!!! This is the hard part though, you need to except that,as being a probable part to ever getting some back, That is why it worries me on this forum , I read people trying to get there mates back but are so in love they cannot bear to think that there mate being with someone else, and they get sooo hurt as you have when they find out that they are dating other people. I'm sorry but often this 'bd'news is an integral part of ' the process' for some people, they need to date others to see for themselves that the grass isn't half as green as they thought, especially for younger people who haven't been through break ups that many times. Take heart Spatz, this situation that has happened may just be what has to happen, but be warned, how you do react to this news is important, and the hard part is that as all along you have to be strong and aloof about it as Beec and others said. She has had you all along and don't kid yourself, she knew it damn well!!! However to realise that you know about this guy, she will be worried that this news will be the news to make you stop thinking about her and move on. Now she will not have you both, you are gone now and believe me that will play alot on her mind, but if you act like it doesn't matter then she'll think that she can basicially do anything and you'll still hang around. NO COntact is the way to go, if she calls you tell her to sod off, that you ain't waiting for more crap from her, wish her luck and say in a cool determined voice ' your loss girly, you just messed up big time, I've been here for you since we split, cause even if you were too blind to see it you had the love of a man like no other, but today I'm outta here, there are too many woman out there deserving of my love, and I know this as fact', That will rock her to her core, and it doesn't matter what she says in reply, she be thinking about it for a long time to come.

Hi Daniall, I agree with Michael on this one, you may well be the lucky one that your approach has worked for you, but believe me it can really mess others up by doing this cause it ain't going to work for MOST people that find themselves in this situation. The reason why NO Contact is so good is that no matter what the outcome with the ex is, the person is doing the most positive and constructive thing they can, healing the wounds!!!!! However if they take your advice, sure they may have a happy ending, but more often than not, they will end up ruined real bad. Be careful with your advice mate. I am really happy that it worked out for you. You should count yourself very very lucky indeed.

Hi Spatz, I agree 110% with GeeCee and Beec, you know nothing, in the grand scheme of things from her point of view this guy mean's Jack...., I know it hurts like hell but this is a seroious test for you, give up, panic, or whatever and you have failed the test, hang in there grit your teeth and stay stump and you are passing the test. It's that fu..ing simple. Be it her test or your own it don't matter, this is where you act like you got a pair!! Pass this test and i guarentee you in a weeks time you will be so proud of yourself regardless of what's going on in her head. It is a rare occurrence where someone breaks up with someone and will come back to that person, without at least showing some interest in other people first. It's all part of this thing we call life. This is the reason why I tell people in this situation that for there own mental stability that it would be better to EXPECT the person to at least go out with a couple of people if only to get it out of there system. Seriously Spatz, hang in there mate, this to you is soo crap but believe me it ain't half as bad as you are thinking right now. Hope it helps some mate.

Hi Lunchbox, I agree with H+P, get away from him now as it is only making things sooo much harder and drawn out. If he loves you he will be back no question. But this situation is taking all the motivation for him to sort things out in his head cause you are so clearly still there for him, he's in such a great position, take back your self respect and pride, go over on the offensive and blank him. It will be the quickest and best way to sort his head out. You need to be so not there for him to really miss you if he is to miss you. You are clearly willing to get your self back on your feet, continue doing this, it will become easier i promise, you would need to be well sorted even if he was to come back today, but whatever he does now, you need to care , love and respect yourself enough to steer your own coarse regardless of him. Love yourself enough to do this for you, and he will definitely notice that fact and respect you more for it. Hope this helps. best of luck.

Hi ya, my advice is leave it open ended, you will have shot your last bolt by going on about the stuff, have them there and if she asks for them hand them over, she may even tell you to bring them along, if she doesn't then she probably isn't for a reason. Don't back yourself into that corner as I did, unless she makes you... Good luck anyways

Hi Linzar, I'm sorry for your situation, I've never ben jealous really, probably the thing with me is that i totally the opposite and that can cause problems when you are with a jealous person. My girl broke up after 9 months a couple of months back, I knew after a couple of month's going out with her that she was a very jealous person, but it is only since we broke up, that I realise she was really really jealous. The worst thing about it was she got jealous over things that I had absolutely no control over, ie, my ex being in the same nightclub as us!!!, or her texting me. I mean it when I say i did my best not to wreck her head, but nothing worked, the more I tried, the worse it got, I would never know what she would get mad over next.In the end i got worn out and stopped trying. She broke up with me cause she believes that if she was with the right guy she'd never feel that way, I think that's crap. She needs to deal with the jealousy but doesn't even think she has a problem. My advice to you is to get this sorted before you get back with your ex or else it'll end in tears. Just ask yourself, why you feel that fear and anger, what is it that thinks these things will happen, what is the worst that can happen. Basicially I don't know what advice to give you, but having been in his situation, got my heart broken over it, I advise you to get it sorted, for both of you two's happiness.

Hi Fantasia2004, yes happened to me too last year, living with a girl for 2 1/2 yrs and next thing she broke up cause she said she liked this guy at work. After much begging and pleading I walked away with little of my pride left, months go by without any contact, then bang she walks over to me in the nightclub and wants to get back together, after month's without a word. Does happen all the time, but basicially I know she loved me, but got all confused and thought the grass was greener, she realised it wasn't after a while, but it did take month's for her to realise. Must admire her though for having the courage to admit she was wrong, as I had a new girl at that stage, it must have been really hard to do it!!! Chin up it does happen.