lunchbox

k I had written that letter last night and this morning, trying to regroup my feelings. I know that I cannot change anything I have done in the past, but only the ability to act smarter in the future. I took your advice and didn't send the letter. I went to the gym feeling utterly DREADFUL (I cried in the bathroom)... but I forced myself to stay. By the end I felt a little bit better. I helped out at a fundraiser tonight, and man I felt good. (Haha.. my back was killing me, but I had a smile on my face). Before I left, I called his place. I'm glad the number will show up as one he doesn't recognize on his message machine. You would be so proud. I think I am strong enough to see him and pretend (key word) that I am absolutely fine. I said something like: Hey It's me. I won't be home this evening, but let me know if we're still on for tomorrow night. Let me know. Hope things are good with you. Bye. (Plans were to get together for a bite to eat and a contemportary church service) Crossing my fingers for a favourable reply. I haven't seen him since the end of february. wow. I didn't realize it had been that long! This place is so good to express how I'm feeling. Even if I'm just rambling, it is way better to be doing it here than anywhere else. It is so nice to know complete strangers care enough to write me. So good... Thank you thank you. lunchbox

I was thinking about giving him this letter when I see him next (I have no clue when that will be... but I don't have much time at all!) What I hope to give you • Value you as a man of needs, wants, hurts and dreams. • Willingness to listen to your thoughts and your opinions & really take to heart what you have to say. • To help you grow in your desire to learn more whether academically or otherwise. This includes going away to other schools in the future. You didn't get that 1400 on your SATs (hehe) so you could stay at [his university]! • Encouragement & appreciation for your love of music, artists, and all things scientific! • Respect for your independence & your time and your sleep. • Fun times together! And lots of laughs. • A genuine interest in what you do with your time, who you are, and how you feel. • Meaningful conversations about things that matter to both you and me. • Respect for my family, but to also know when to really be there for you. • Appreciation for all the times we've shared together. • Love like there will be no tomorrow. What I hope for in return • Value as a woman of needs, wants hurts and dreams. • Willingness to listen to my thoughts & opinions and really take to heart what I have to say. • To help me grow in my desire to be a great teacher, to help kids learn & develop and to be a mentor. To help me feel confident that am good at my job. • Encouragement for my love of reading, exercise, music, God, kids, & sleeping! • Respect for my independence & my time. • Fun times together! And lots of laughs. • A genuine interest in what I do with my time, who I am, and how I feel. • Meaningful conversations about things that matter to both you and me. • Respect for your family, but to also know when to really be there for me. • Appreciation for all the times we've shared together. • Love like there will be no tomorrow. What should I add or take out? Is this too... I don't know what? I'm feeling that by email is not a good thing.

I am anxious to see how she has taken your letter!! Keep us posted!! I agree with GeeCee. Wait for her to contact you. She knows where you stand. lunchbox

Dear Metro, hi... welcome here! I am really glad that you are not thinking about hurting yourself anymore. No matter how crappy you feel, it's not worth it. I say this from experience... I felt the very same way a little while ago. It is good to hear that you think you're getting better, but I want to to make sure you understand that you shouldn't be comparing yourself to the new guy. Everyone does it, but she at one point was with you for YOU! And obviously if you were together for a year, it was you she wanted to be with. Jealousy is something that can rot you from the inside out. Especially now, that is is actually with another guy and that it is not all just in your imagination. You say you've changed. Words are easy to say, but she needs to see that if you did get back together, that you would need to learn to trust her so that the jealousy would no longer be an issue. This is something that works both ways. She needs to be trustworthy too. In my opinion, it's probably best to not communicate with the new guy (your old friend) right now. It will just hurt to see him, knowing he has been around your ex. Tonight you have to start off with the little things. Make sure you eat dinner. Make it a small one even if you feel sick. Eating is important. Wait to contact her until you're certain that you won't get emotional and won't say something you don't mean. It sounds like what I've been doing. You've been available for her, while she hasn't had time to miss you cause you've been around all the time. Let a little space happen. I know it's driving you crazy and consuming all your thoughts, but trust me... you can last one night. And then tomorrow you can last another day...

He's going to live with his parents for the summer (in another country) and he's leaving in about 25 days. I am so scared he's going to invite the new girl to go visit him there, or that my chances are going to be ruined. What's the best thing for me to do? I know he still cares for me deeply, he just doesn't want me to hurt. How can I make sure he contacts me before he leaves for home? I have always been the one to take him to and from the airport. I don't want to be his doormat anymore. I am not going to offer. I know he's going to assume that I will or that I will just show up to say goodbye. It's been 5 days since I've initiated contact. I have not taken back my invitation to meet up this Sunday. But I have not pursued it either. He is really stressed out with exams coming up - how do I know if he's just forgotten?

I'm quite new on here, but have read up on the no contact rule, how not to panic if my old boyfriend starts dating someone else (which he is doing). But I can't tell if he's serious with her or not. I thought this relationship was forever. He told me he seriously considered asking me to marry him. I want that more than anything!! I've acted like desprate, insecure and weepy girl. Have I burned all my bridges?

i blocked him and his parents on msn. When I come on again in a week or so, maybe he'll wonder what I was up to and message me. Is this a good idea? I don't want to talk to my best friend about him anymore. I introduced them a few years ago after she moved back home, and now they are good friends. I'm afraid she's been telling him everything that i've been feeling. he should not know that I'm a little stressed out. lunchie

*sigh* You guys are both right. I want him to miss me. I am just afraid that he's not missing me. I wish I had a tap into his mind. We have been dating for so long... since I was 18 and he was 17 (I'm now 23). Maybe he just needs to date some other people. He's been sleeping over at her house. lunchie.

Thanks SLBG, I went to check out MyJoy's post. I think I will print that too. I've just been so discouraged for the past few days, that I feel like I have OCD. ( he has OCD)... anyways... We have been split up for almost 4 months now. For 2 of those, he has been casually dating some other girl (grrr... and she had the nerve to go out for lunch with me a week before they started dating, just a friend of a friend - I don't really know her) He initiated the break up, but we agreed on it mutually (what was I supposed to say? If one person says they want to leave - I guess the other has no choice!) Afterwards, he went to visit his parents for a month over Christmas (overseas) and I barely spoke with him. When he returned, I desprately wanted him back. (This is where my stupid actions came in - crying, showing up at his house, calling every 5 minutes). He has tried being a friend to me many times, but he either knows it is too hard for me right now and I can't handle it - or - he is having his cake and eating it too. (ie. new girl and me both) I wish he didn't know that I would take him back in a second. Yes obviously, I do want him back. I went to the gym tonight instead of staring at my msn. Yay me! thanks for your kind words. Any other thoughts would be most welcome!!! lunchie

I should have come to this site earlier... some good advice to be found. I finally realized why my old boyfriend contacted me about a week ago. It's because I hadn't contacted him... he didn't even want anything specifically... he just wanted to 'talk' and he said it was so good to talk with me at the end of our conversation. But I took advantage of this - I called him 2 nights in a row afterwards, with IMs in between. I guess I am kind of like a vacuum, as soon as I can suck in a little love, I need more and more! I ended up crying on the phone, saying that I was so upset because I thought our friendship was over (we dated seriously for 4 years) and that I missed him and that I felt like he didn't care anymore because he never wanted to know how I was doing! So silly! I've backtracked! I'm going to try again. Determined. lunchie

dear MayMay... I completely empathize with you.... I understand about the physical pain. I have been apart from my old boyfriend for 4 months, and lost 10 lbs. I have since started to try to eat better, but I still understand the physical pain. Sometimes when I think about the new girl in his life, I actually gag. (so gross... sorry!) After a little advice from others on this board - I'm thinking that I need NO contact - I haven't talked to him in 3 days - and should probably block him from my msn so he doesn't know when I'm around. I should also tell our friends to stop telling him how I'm doing. I don't want him to know. I know this is really hard for you since you work at the same place. It's going to take a long long time for this to go away. Some parts of it will stay with you forever, but I'm finding confidence as I read that other people are in exactly the same situation as me. Good for you for leaving his house so quickly after you got 'the speech' last time. I've gotten that speech about 20 times, and I stayed around and bawled my eyes out until I looked terrible and felt even worse. Where did that get me? nowhere. But the last time it happened, I just picked up my things and left. He was the one that followed me. didn't get me anywhere either, and I still felt like crap, but at least I knew he cared. Just wanted you to know that I was thinking of you. Glad to see some people on here are in good spirits despite all 'the weirdness'.... I like the good spirit moments. lunchie

kungfumaster, I totally agree... I don't want it to be summer - I don't want it to be spring. My plans are down the drain - and I don't really want to make new ones.

from personal experience - age sometimes does matter. For example - My grandfather is 11 years older than my grandma. It didn't matter when they were younger - but if you're looking for a relationship that will be good for your whole life - it kinda sucks. My grandma is going through such hard things, she's still young, while he's just making her older and older. She still fully loves him - but i can see why people would advise to pursue someone closer to your own age.

My ex-boyfriend and I have been apart for almost 4 months now after dating for 4 1/2 years. He was the guy I thought I would marry & we had talked about it lots. My heart got stamped on and broken into a thousand pieces when we broke up mutually which turned into me wanting him back and him telling me he isn't 'in-love' with me anymore... I spent 2 months trying to desperately get him back. I went pretty crazy, almost stopped eating, lost 10 lbs (I'm skinny to begin with) and had some pretty messed up thoughts. He started dating someone (that I know) and told me about her. I guess I was also a glutton for pain, because I asked things that I really did not need to know. I was so upset that he told me he would break up with her, so that I would feel better and because he was so worried about me. I have begged for him to take me back - to the point where he says... 'xxxx... how many times do i have to say it before you understand? I NEVER want to be with you again.' But I just kept asking in different ways. I didn't want to give up. I must have got turned down about 20 times. I ended up walking into his house and finding him in the shower and the new girl in his room when I knocked on his bedroom door 2 days later. I wanted to see if he had told the truth that he was going to break up with her. Turns out he didn't, just told her he wanted to move slowly. Talk about putting myself in the stupidest position ever. I have not seen him in person since then (about a month and a half ago). Started going to a Christian counselor - tried to talk out stuff - but really, it was just someone to talk to. I thought I was doing well - tried to stay busy - but being just done university right now, and unemployed, I have all the time in the world. It should be a great time in my life. Joined a gym the other day to boost my spirits. Today I went to my first class there and I think it will definitely give me confidence just by caring for myself a little more. So, on the weekend I talked to him really late on the phone and cried... I told him I missed him and his friendship and felt like he didn't care for me anymore because he never calls or emails me- such a dumb thing to do. I just ended up feeling horrible. I talked to him the past 2 nights, once when he was by himself. We had a really good conversation and talked in his 'cute' voice. Then tonight - as soon as he picked up - his voice was different so I knew the new girl was over. I invited him to a church service next Sunday with me (I'm a Christian and he is not)... and he said he would probably come as it would be a place where we could hang out and kind of have a set agenda. Then I told him I had to go... I think he is terrified I will do something drastic to mess up his new girlfriend of about 2 months. Yes, I do want her to fall off the face of the earth, but I'm not crazy. I'm not sure if he really likes her or if he's afraid to be alone... He hasn't been alone in a really long time. He is also scared that I am going to try and get him back/try to kiss him or hold his hand and I know he never wants to experience the whole breaking up thing again with me again because this has been so painful on both of us. My family is worried that I am not guarding my heart – truthfully, I don't know what I'd say if he wanted to get back together… I know I want to get married and we need to work through the Christian stuff in our lives. But I'm still completely in love with him. So he's dating someone else – even met her parents, and now I've moved to a nearby city, but am close enough. This is the guy I've put all my hopes and dreams in, had sex with because I thought this was forever, and who still has my entire heart and occupies every corner of my mind. I am still crazy about him!! My first love. SUGGESTIONS ???????????? Should I meet him on Sunday or take back my offer? How do you pretend you are happy when going to be nervous about seeing him and torn over the other girl he is seeing? Please write if you have any ideas at all!! Thanks so much!