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jcollin4

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  1. jcollin4
    Man, this is tough. What pisses me off is I know better. I know things will get better. I am just so hurt...still....I hate not being with her "you know". I went and found a rubber band and everytime I think of her having sex with her new guy, I pop my wrist with the rubber band. I'm scared, I am in a city where I dont know anyone and right now dont want to. You know what was one of the hardest things to let go of is the dream that things would turn out ok (they always did in the past). Aaaauuugggghhhhh...I hate that she is seeing the neighbor, The Neighbor!!! Everytime I go pick up my daughter, she is there dressed up ready to go out with the guy that lives next door to where they live. I have to see that f'n house when I should be excited about getting my daughter. She made this has hard as she could for me. Maybe I'm made that she has somebody first??? But I made a choice not too. To make me better first. But I really want someone, someone I can enjoy things with, who is kind, nice and has a good heart. I miss the warmth....
  2. jcollin4
    well, I would suggest not to write him. If you want him back start dating other guys and when he finds out, he will come back if he still has any feelings left for you. As long as he knows you not happy about the breakup he will not come back, he has control..
  3. jcollin4
    you did the right thing, it is impossible for you to stay friends with him right now. The prob with married men or women is that they are torn between there family (which they get some needs from) and you (which you are filling some of his other needs). Its like a cow with two bails of hey, he nibbles on both because he cant get rid of either. You are like his one addiction and his family is like another, doesnt want to give up either. Now I'm sure if you could guarentee great sex all the time with no attachment and promise that you guys would never get caught he would jump, but you know as well as I do that that is impossible with the feelings you have for him.. There are a ton of single guys out hear (me being one of them) that would love you attention. So get back out and find you one that you can call "yours"
  4. jcollin4
    the other postings are right. Now everybody wants what they cant have, so play in that. When he says I dont want to be with you. Agree, say"yea your prob right, we shouldnt be together and leave it at that. If you want to play this game you can, he might come back or it might be a waste of your time which will prolong the heartache. Just have fun geeze your 17, I know its hard but I promise there are a ton of guys that would be happy if you just talked to them.
  5. jcollin4
    Time.... its something I have been thinking of....Everybody says it will take time for me to heal. Just give it time, etc... Now time in itself in my opion will not heal, its the memories you make in the time that does the healing...for example all I have to think about now is my past memories, my memories of what was because that is the closes thing to me but with time you make new memories and they start to overshadow your older ones. Its like your past memories of your ex are a huge oak tree and thats all you have in your front lawn, but you start planting new trees (memories) and soon they will grow strong too and will overshadow the old tree because that tree has stopped growing. It is there and always will be but the shadow of all your other trees (memories) make it easier to deal with because after a while you have a forest not just the single tree. If any of this makes any sense to anybody, Im glad..if not, then I understand, Im not sure it makes sense to me
  6. jcollin4
    More on Time.... its something I have been thinking of....Everybody says it will take time for me to heal. Just give it time, etc... Now time in itself will not heal, its the memories you make in the time that does the healing...for example all I have to think about now is my past memories, my memories of what was because that is the closes thing to me but with time you make new memories and they start to overshadow your older ones. Its like your past memories of your ex are a huge oak tree and thats all you have in your front lawn, but you start planting new trees (memories) and soon they will grow strong too and will overshadow the old tree because that tree has stopped growing. It is there and always will be but the shadow of all your other trees (memories) make it easier to deal with because after a while you have a forest not just the single tree. If any of this makes any sense to anybody, Im glad..if not, then I understand, Im not sure it makes sense to me
  7. jcollin4
    I went and had a smoke after I posted my last message and sometimes I get my best thoughts when I leave my current setting. Is the answer to all of my problems just time? Is it that easy? Will time take care of this? And if so, is all I have to do is give up and let time do its thing. Maybe if that is the answer and I quite trying to manipulate my ex to my thinking (which is the bottom line-its not what she wants its what I want)will all my pain go away??? Is this why men have a problem with letting go because we dont know how to fix the relationship and dont know how to fix the problem of getting our ex's back. There is nothing to fix, it cannot be done, we try and try but it doesnt work and that in itself goes against our nature?? Is time everything in this and all we have to do is give up and realize that we cannot control anything that our ex's do and time will take care of us..
  8. jcollin4
    I've written before, my divorced me after 5 years of marriage. We have a 4 year old daughter. The ex is of course already seeing someone and has been kinda leading me on. So yesterday I asked her to email me and tell me that it is over between us and it was best for me to move on. She did and it did make me feel better, I guess I needed to see one more time, so I printed it out and keep it with me. Is there anything harder to deal with than knowing that the women you love is with another man...? The feeling of emptyness, the lack of self-esteem, its just sad. Thats where I am at now. I am just sad. I'm sad that my daughter has to be from a broken home. I am sad because there were alot of things that were my fault and it took this before I realized them. The guilt is so extreme. What the hell do I do now, work, see my daughter, work out, play xbox...everything just seems so empty without my family...I'm venting I know but Im looking and Im trying
  9. jcollin4
    brother I know, what I have read is that the less you think of them during the day the less you wake up or have dreams about them. Just think its all about rehab, Alcholics dream of that last drink and we dream of our ex's. Just know if you stay away from all contact with her you will feel better, but it will get worse before it gets better. Ive also read that it is just mother natures way for humans to stay has a pair, and being a pair makes it harder to break that. Hang in there, also you might want to try writing a journal, that way all of your thoughts can be put down, keep it all the time and everytime you think of her wright in you book. Also, what has helped me is (and it might sound strange) is I try not to cry during the day. I wright and when I get to my sad apt. I fill my tub full of cold water stand in it and try and cry as much as I can, I cry till I cant cry no more, the point is to make it as unpleasnt as possible make yourself stand in that bathtub full of cold water even if you want to cry or not, make yourself and give yourself a time limit, 1 hr to start, then 30 min then 10 min but make sure you stay in there till the time limit is over...
  10. jcollin4
    vfunk is right, I printed out his response so I can remember his advice. I think all of us have opportunities like you had and blow them by our emotions. We have to play actor. Crying, begging and looking sad hasnt worked so I think when we are around them or on the telephone we should do the opposite, small happy talk, thats all just small happy talk. But we will not call, they can call and when they do small happy talk, thats all. When we are not around them lets fake being happy once in a while just to remind ourselfs how it feels. I've heard if you fake it your mind cannot tell the difference and you will start acting happy. And what if the next girl is around the corner and we are feeling sorry for ourselves, maybe we just lost out on our real true love? I will not think she will ever come back, I will not let myself fall into that trap of waiting. I keep telling myself its over, she has given her body to someone else, its over...that is the bottom line and she will never, never come back...Stay with the bottom line and try not to ask yourself why too much.
  11. jcollin4
    hey buddy, Times are tough for alot of us. We all have to hang on. My wife left me for another man and now the thought of my daughter being raised by another man are the worst. Not to mention the other man f'n my ex wife (the women I love). We have to do things that get our addiction of that person under control. I dont want you to talk, see or ask anybody about her for a few weeks. We are addicted to them and the only way to get over it is to go "cold turkey". It is always harder on the dumpor because it is such a shot in the dark. Believe me, she has been letting go for some time, she has a head start on you, and nothing you can do can make her come back, you can only do things for her to want to stay away. Just stay away from your addiction, let yourself go cold turkey, what you are feeling is no different than a crack addict trying to get off, the pain is the same the feeling of doing anything to get something is the same-but it gets better and it might get worse before it does get better. I am trying so hard, I had to see my ex this morn when I dropped my daughter back to her home. The harsh truth is that if you harm yourself over your separation, your mate might even be angrier with you for causing them pain and problems. Besides, imagine your ex at a cocktail party on day saying, "Someone died for love of me." Or seducing a new lover with the sad tale of you, the tragic love. Naturally thier version of the story will have a different slant, probably how they lost their own tru love in a Romeo and Juliet tragedy. It will give her a reason and all the justification of the sepration "Now you see why I couldnt be with him" F her, get mad....get successful, get a hottie on your side, be happy, that is the best revenge..
  12. jcollin4
    hey buddy, Times are tough for alot of us. We all have to hang on. My wife left me for another man and now the thought of my daughter being raised by another man are the worst. Not to mention the other man f'n my ex wife (the women I love). We have to do things that get our addiction of that person under control. I dont want you to talk, see or ask anybody about her for a few weeks. We are addicted to them and the only way to get over it is to go "cold turkey". It is always harder on the dumpor because it is such a shot in the dark. Believe me, she has been letting go for some time, she has a head start on you, and nothing you can do can make her come back, you can only do things for her to want to stay away. Just stay away from your addiction, let yourself go cold turkey, what you are feeling is no different than a crack addict trying to get off, the pain is the same the feeling of doing anything to get something is the same-but it gets better and it might get worse before it does get better. I am trying so hard, I had to see my ex this morn when I dropped my daughter back to her home. The harsh truth is that if you harm yourself over your separation, your mate might even be angrier with you for causing them pain and problems. Besides, imagine your ex at a cocktail party on day saying, "Someone died for love of me." Or seducing a new lover with the sad tale of you, the tragic love. Naturally thier version of the story will have a different slant, probably how they lost their own tru love in a Romeo and Juliet tragedy. It will give her a reason and all the justification of the sepration "Now you see why I couldnt be with him" F her, get mad....get successful, get a hottie on your side and be happy, that is the best revenge..
  13. jcollin4
    man I dont know, I think that when they break up with us they have had it in their mind for a while so they are more prepared. I read that 52% of all marriages end in divorce and 80% of those come from the women. Something that helps me some is I wrote a list of all the bad things about my ex, and when I am thinking of her I try to remember to look at the list and remind myself that it wasnt always as perfect as I am thinking of it now. I have also read when a womens interest level in a man drops to a certian point there is no way of getting them back. e we are addicted to them or ex love ones and we have to rehab them away. E cry when you need to cry, make sure you take all of her stuff and put it away for now, have no triggers around that will make you upset. I know all of the advice in the world sometimes doesnt help because probably like me I dont feel like I should get over this, I want to feel bad, I feel like I have let down so many people that I love that I dont deserve to be happy but lets just make it thru each day, hr by hr and if its true what people are telling us we will make it thru the fog to see the light of a new happy day...
  14. jcollin4
    I have been divorced for a couple of months and I am dealing the best way I know to get over my ex wife. She told me last week that she is seeing someone else and that she plans on him being in her future. Them being together is one thing but the images of them that keep entering my mind is killing me. I see them making love, I see them holding hands, I see all of these vivid images and I cant make them stop. There is nothing worse than waking up at 2am and all you can think about is how the women you love, the women that left you is giving her body to some other man. I want them to stop so bad.....
  15. jcollin4
    i was married 6 years and have a 4 year old girl. To be truthfull, I am still a basket case. I went to lunch today and heard the christmas music playing and just broke down. The hard thing about my situation is that we do have a daughter together and I have to talk to her and I have to see her, just tomorrow we have a Breakfest with Santa that both me and the ex have to join for my daughter. It is so tough, I dont have any family (mother, father and sister passed away) and I just moved to Houston from dallas to work for enron and that of course died. So Im kinda stuck up here. The things I do are, read alot of self help books ( I would recommend The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz and Letting Go by Tracey Cabot) play xbox and workout the other times I am with the joy of my life and even that is painful because I have to hear about the ex's new boyfriend and his kids
  16. jcollin4
    well really he is doing you a favor by giving you no contact, it is much easier for the dumpee to get over the dumpor that way. Just remember that when you get divorced, breakup or separate the dumpor has been thinking about it for a while and has a head start on everything. Its usually a 21 day thing to break a habit and hope you have no contact in those days because if you do the pain will last as long as the dream (fairytale) will last. Trust me He is doing you a favor by not contacting you and remember, there is no good way to break up
  17. jcollin4
    dawg, you dont see her you dont talk to her you dont email. You do whatever it takes to do this. Like in my last posting, she is your drug and you have to rehab. Congrats on having no eye contact with her and f her if she thinks that is a sign of weekness. You have to heal (rehab) do for 21 days no contact of any kind and if you slip start over at day 1. Its just 3 weeks and remember the kind of hell a junkie goes over not having his fix you will go thru the same, but it is the only way. You are strong.
  18. jcollin4
    My Brother, I called and called and still want call. I have to fight myself everyday not to. She divorced me not two mths ago and we have a 4 yr daughter and I have to see and talk to you but let me tell you something. Your an addict, your an addict to her and the ex relationship. You have to spend 21 days of no contact, no email, no IM, no anything. There is no difference in being a relationship addict to a drug, food etc. addict. You have to find within yourself a mear 3 weeks of no contact. If you call, it starts over. If you see her it starts over. Hang in there.
  19. jcollin4
    Brother, Im 37 and just got divorced by my wife. So it looks like me and alot of other guys know your pain. I still cry everyday for my loss and for the feeling of failur I have made my family go thru. The problem is, is that we all are addictive to our ex partners, like any addiction being drugs, food or anything it takes time to rehab. No contact with her for 21 days, no calls, no emails, no anything. 21 days is what it takes to break a habit and your habit is your ex. Its going to be harder sooner than better but just 21 days down the road a mear 3 weeks of your life and things will be so much better. If you faulter the 21 days starts over again. Dont get down on yourself just do better the next time.
  20. jcollin4
    avman, We were separated for 60 days (all it takes in texas where it can be a no falt divorce) before the divorce was final on 11/25. I think the dumpor always is up about 6 mths on the dumpee so yes I think she is moving on more than me. I personally think when she told me the news about the other guy she knew it was going to leave me thinking "well I guess I need to move on" as far as I know she hasnt told the other guy anything. Just wanted to leave me on a string. Actions speak louder than words and I havnt seen any actions yet and really dont plan on it. Its just getting over the false hope. I wish I would never see her, but it is impossible with my little one. Tonight I pick her up and just die inside knowing that I will see the ex. I just feel stupid, all the nights I cried over this, all the happy endings I've thought about and dreamed about was pointless. She gave emotions and body to someone else and it hurts more than I could ever try to explain. The fairytale ending is over.
  21. jcollin4
    there are so many of us in the same situation. I was married and have a beautiful daughter. The thing that I cant get away from is the ex, I have to see her and I have to talk to her because of my daughter. Tonight I go pick up my little one and knowing that I will see her rips my heart out and seems to put me back 100 steps
  22. jcollin4
    if you want her back, ignore her, date other women, be happy. I know now its impossible just fack it. They want what they cant have. Confidence and Challage are two things women like about men.
  23. jcollin4
    Im trying to let go of the feelings for my wife. She is the one that divorced me 9/25/03 and I am still heart broken about not having her. She told me last week (Thur) that she is dating someone and that she plans on him being in her future. The news was very hard to take but I knew it would happen sooner than later. Then Sat nite she called and said that she was going to cool things off with her guy and that she was confused and started talking about me and her and and that she is confused...Now my question is "What the hell?" at first I was all happy then I thought "this is crazy, why is she doing this too me" I have my on thoughts about it..What do you guys think.
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