bubbles07

The reason I say bad to be in the friend spot is because how are you going to deal with her talking about her new bf? You really think that you will be able to remain calm and still act like a friend? I just think that its better to stay away until the right time (whenever that is)

good point goingforit, I also think that it would hurt the dumpee more if they made that kind of effort and then the dumper didn't acknowledege the effort. It would hurt me I know if I sent her a card and she didn't call or text or email me to let me know that she was thankful for it.

If you feel like you need closure and he never fully explained himself to you, then I say go ahead and call him and get him to answer all the questions that you have concerning the break up. Just tell him that you need him to be truthful with you no matter what and that you need closure.

I can see where you are coming from too ramsickle, maybe sending a card saying something like "thinking of you" (not a mushy one) wouldn't be too bad i guess.

ramsickle thats the thing, you broke up with him so its okay for you to send things like that, but in most of our cases where we are the dumpees, reaching out like that on a "romantic day" may just seem either too desperate, or not being over that person and still thinking of them in a romantic way. I think that it may send the message that you still want to be with them and right now thats not the kind of message dumpee should be sending a dumper if the dumper wants space. Thats just my opinion

hey finalcloud, I too am unsure what to do in my situation but I just really sit and think what I would want if I was in there shoes. If i was them and I was wanting space and being able to think on my own than I wouldn't want that person calling and contacting me, I would contact them if I wanted to talk. So I think that you doing NC and letting them call you would be the best thing. You can if you want later down the road call them but you should wait months and when you are strong enough. I think option 3 is a difinate no no. The dumper has thought long and hard about there decision and you asking them to reconsider will only make them angry and will push them further away, so don't do that. Option 2 I think will be alright but I think that may just land you in the friend spot which never is good if you want to get back with that person. Also how is she supposed to know what it is like without you if you are still around? Also if she said she wants space then you still being around isn't what she wants, it'll just make her angry. Just let it be, keep busy, don't call her, if she wants she will call you, if not her loss. You respecting her space will help her figure out what she wants in life.

Umm I too was wondering what to do on Valentines day about my ex gf but I thought about it and came to the conclusion that she has to really realize what it is like without me in her life and thereforeeee it wouldn't be a good idea to send her anything, not even a phone call. The reason I'm saying that is because if she still thinks I'm hung up on her and haven't moved on then she will be expecting me to contact her in some way that day. If I don't contact her that will throw her of alittle bit and maybe then she will realize that I'm not just sitting around still dwelling on her, I actually have accepted the fact thats it over and moving on in my life and that I don't see her like that no more. If shes expecting you to do something and you don't do it, it'll make them think.

Thought I would finally join this thread. Ex broke up with me after 6 years. You can read one of my threads if interested. I maintained NC for 2 weeks and then last night she text me for my bday. I text back to say thanks and left it at that. Now I wanna commit myself to going 30 days atleast. Here goes nothing

mr pink sorry to hear your situation but you can't really blame her for leaving. If you were treated the same way as her, would you stick around? You got to ask yourself did you treat her right? Did you treat her how she shuold of been treated? If I was you just leave her alone and let her figure things out on her own. You can't undo any damage by trying to get back with her or any other tactics. Just give her space and don't contact her. I think that you maybe wrong about her jumping into other relationships quickly. I think that she may because she knows that its not normal for guys to treat woman like that and now she maybe looking for someone that will treat her like a princess. I hate to say it but once she does meet a nice guy that does treat her well, I think that your chances are really slim. I hate to say it but I think its the truth. All you can do is learn from this experience and move on. Just make sure that you don't make the same mistakes in your next relationship. Its hard to overlook a lot of bad when there isn't that much good. I think you guys may of shared some good times and some bad times but all she may see is the negative aspect of the relationship and thats why she left. She may never look back sorry.

She did end up texting back after I text her "thank you, hope everything is going well with you" and she text back I hope everything is well wit you 2. I left it at that because there is no need to reply back. Back to NC

thanks a lot everyone. I was really conflicted on what to do. I am going to just send a thank you. That way I won't be questioning myself later on asking myself "what if" "why didn't you". It will stop me from nagging at myself and I feel like she also won't feel like I'm just trying to ignore her and hinder all future communication (if there will be any).

I just want to make sure that she knows the line of communication is open. I'm not ignoring her. I thought i would send her back a funny message. I'm doing NC mainly for me as talking to her every day would hurt, but also doing NC to give the space that she needs right now.

My ex text me last night shortly after midnight to wish me a happy birthday. It just said "hey happy birthday, i only wish the best for you and hope you have a good night" Should I say thanks or anything else? I haven't spoken to her in 2 weeks. I just don't her to think I'm cold or heartless that I can't even say thanks. Don't know what to do because I also don't want to look like I'm trying to get her back (which I am)

congrats man, glad to see that everything worked out for you. I think that most girls go through the "party stage".

hey goingforit, I understand where you are coming from and I can see that you desperately want her back in your life but I can tell you that whatever you do to try getting her back will not work. She has to make the decision on her own. Whatever you do will only push her away. For example my girl cousin was dating this guy for 4 years. They were deeply in love and they would talk about getting married all the time. Anyways one day she found out he was married the whole time they were together. This caused her great pain and she couldn't stand to be in the relationship anymore. She still loved him soo much and wanted to stay with him but she realized the relationship wasn't healthy. (she still talks about it to this day). Well that guy ended up divorcing his wife and making all these changes in his life to try to please my cousin. He would call her once a week and try to talk to her to lower her guard and in the process he would hint about stuff that he changed. (kinda of like your strategy). After the phone calls she would just feel more anger and resentment and he just ended up pushing her more and more away. So he intiated NC hoping that it would give her time to think. He calls her 4 months later and tried talking to her as friend, never once bringing up the relationship, even though she still loved him deeply, the amount of pain he caused her during the relationship made her never ever want to go back into it with him. They never did end up getting back together and now they are both married to different people. No matter what you try doing, or how hard you try, you can not change her mind man, she has to change it on her own. I know from reading from other threads of yours that you are just trying to hard and concentrating on her rather than yourself. Concentrate on yourself and it is true that if its meant to be it'll be. Let her contact you, don't contact her because you don't know whens the right time to call her. Only she does. When she is ready and feels like she can talk to you, she will. How do you know that you won't just end up calling her on a bad day where she is remembering all the bad things you did to her. She will just tell you to get out of her life and that will hurt you even more. Just let it be. If she wants to talk to you, she will call you.

Hi Nappy, sorry for not replying back in time. I agree that your bf just has to gain back his trust in you and the relationship. He just may feel like you may hurt again. All you can do is just try reassuring him that it will be okay this time and just let him know what you have realized and how you love him. Tell him how you realized things that he does that makes you love him more and talk about what mistakes you guys don't want to make this time. Try not to keep going over the past but talk about how to make this time around sucessful. I think that if he is interested in someone else maybe you should tell him that he has to pick, you or her. I'm pretty sure that if he knows that you guys are meant to be he'll pick you. At the end of the day you have to make sure to look out for yourself. Make sure that he isn't keeping you on the side and trying to get with the other girl. Are you sure that the other girl is trying to get with him or is that what he told you? He could of told you that to make it seem like he doesn't need you and that he has other opportunities. It may be his way of just trying to put up a front and not come off soo desperate. I think you guys just need to sit down and discuss everything, from the mistakes that you guys have to avoid all the way to how the future will be amazing. Good luck to you and I hope it works out for both of you. Also thanks for your advice. I know that I have to live my life and she has to live hers. I'm not going to wait around and I don't think that she will come back for sure. I hope she does come back but I'm not going to hold my breath. If you want you can read all the details about my relationship in this thread . If you think you can provide me with some insight I would deeply appreciate it. Thanks again Nappy. Any questions just lemme know.

so me doing no contact and not calling her, is that good? I just wanna give her space and let her think. I told her I couldn't be friends with her because I care to much and that would only make things harder. Do you think because you and your ex at that time remained friends made it possible for you guys to date again or wouldn't it of made a difference. I just wondering if I am not there as a friend if it will hinder anything.

Hi Nappy, I think that he is just scared that you may hurt him again. My gf also took off after 6 years because she feels the same way you felt. I know that if she came back I would also feel scared that she will just hurt me again and be reluctant to jump in with my whole heart again. Also I'm just wondering did you feel like you didn't love him (due to the boredom in the relationship). Did you feel like you just loved him as a friend and not as bf? I'm asking because my ex left me after 6 years because she felt like the relationship had gotten boring and that she felt like now she just loves me as friend. Reading your story makes me hope that she also with time will become less foggy. Any help or advice from you nappy would be appreciated. Just give him some time. He just has to start to trust you again.

hey goingforit i agree with some of what you said but I have to disagree with the part where you say "Not all of us are without our ex's because they did not love us back, or as much as we loved them..". I think that sometimes be believe that they still love us a lot but in reality if they really did love you as much as you think they do, then they wouldn't of left in the first place. They would be still with you trying to work things out and fix things. A person does not leave someone that they love. They leave someone because they don't love them as much as they use to due to the other persons actions or just getting bored of that person and not being able to see a future with them. I think that sometimes the person that gets dump fails to realize that the person that just left them doesn't love them like they use to. I think that in order to move on that you have to realize that she doesn't feel the same way about you and that is including the way that she use to love you before. She may still love and care for you but its not like when you guys were in a relationship. Its been toned down and is more like a friend. If you really believe that she still loves you with all her heart then she would be right by your side through thick and thin because true love is unconditional.

hey magic star, I know how you feel, I too lost someone I love recently. You have to be good to yourself now and realize that it wasn't meant to be between you. You loved him but he didn't feel the same way about you. Maybe in time he might realize different but he also may not. Don't think that this is the end of you being happy because it isn't. It will take you some time to get over this and when you look back you will see that it wasn't as bad as it feels right now. Everything seems hard and bad at that moment but when you reflect upon it in the future, you will see that it wasn't as bad as you thought. Just look after yourself and realize that you don't need him to be happy. He has made his decision and you have to respect that. Only time will tell what really happens but right now you have to realize that he is gone and now you have to move on.

I know a lot of you are going through what I'm going through right now and that is that we have lost someone that we really love but they don't love us back. I know that you also have been getting the same advice as me which is initiate NC and move on with your life. "Let go". I agree with them that we have to do this both to respect ourselves and also to respect the dumper. I personally have struggled to keep NC but I have forced myself to keep strong and thats what everyone has to do. I haven't given in once and that to me is a sign of myself becoming stronger and less dependent. Another thing is, you have to consider this situation in a different light. You can not consider it as my life is over!, you have to consider it as a part of living. This is just one of the obstacles that we all have to go through during your life, i promise you it is. How can you say that you have lived, when you haven't experienced losing someone? I also think that this is a test for yourself, "Was our love real or was it just a sham?" and the only way you are going to find that out is if you let her go and if she comes back. I know a lot of people are going to think I'm just waiting for her to come back but thats not true, I am spending time on me now and doing things that I want to do. It doesn't mean that I'm forcing myself to go meet new woman because I think that right now is time for me. I need to concentrate on myself. Thats another thing that I think a lot of people are mistaken by. You don't have to jump straight back into the world and start meeting new woman in order to get over your ex. Don't force yourself, you will meet people someone no matter what, it just takes time. You met your ex didn't you, so why do you think that you won't meet someone else? Love finds you, you don't have to go find love. Just stay strong and stay positive. Don't wait around and think that shes coming back because its 50/50. If she does great, if she doesn't her loss. You'll be okay no matter what. Just live your life and take it a day at a time. Don't worry about them, they will be okay on there own. You gotta get your inderpendence back and be good to yourself. You don't need them, you just want them which is different. You don't need them in order to have a happy life, you just want them in your life and you have to realize that there is a lot of stuff that we want but just are not able to have. The things we need, we already have them. Once you do that you will start having a positive energy around you that will do amazing things for you. No one gets anything good if they have a negative energy around them. I myself for example have started working out, concentrating on my uni courses, trying harder at work, started dressing nice and looking after myself (that will help you feel more confident too if you make you feel more attractive). The main point I'm trying to say is that you have to have respect for yourself in order for other people to have respect for you. This is time for you to be good to yourself and treat yourself, now you don't have to worry about looking after someone else and yourself. lol you can be greedy now and hog all your own attention. Be selfish and do what you want. In time some people realize what they have lost and will come back BUT you can not do anything to make them realize this, they realize this on there own. If you do try, you will not succeed. Let them figure out there own mess! If you try to clean there mess for them they will only make a mess again. You don't have to fully give up the idea of them coming back, but you must realize that it might not happen. You also must continue on with your life and make the most of it and not put it on pause for them. Only time will tell what happens so live your life and time will go by faster. Just sitting around dwelling and asking if they are going to come back will make time sit still and you will only have to wait longer to see if they do or don't. Sorry its long but I hope it will help some people out there. I know what your going through but you can't do anything at all to fix it. Just let them be and carry on with your life

I think its dumb, its just a way for him to make her feel guilty so that she will sleep with him. She should tell him to get lost then if he feels like he can't trust her. Its not a healthy relationship if he has to try to coerce her into having sex with him.

I don't really want to go into detail about my ex gf and our relationship because I don't want to keep going over it in my head. (You can read my other threads if your interested). Anyways I'm trying to move on and let go because I know its better for me. I am doing NC and I am not trying to count the days. (its been 12 days) My question is I am trying to tell myself that she isn't coming back and that this is for good but apart of me knows thats a lie because you never know what is going to happen down the road, especially when we both never cheated or lied to each other. So I was wondering will that feeling just go away on its own or do I have to force myself because right now I keep forcing myself to believe that she won't be back but then I keep also telling myself that anything is possible and no matter what I try to do to make myself not think like that, its hard not too. I can't lie to myself. Especially because she also admitted that she also feels like down the road anything between us is possible. ( I know, she was proably just letting me down easy). I don't have the urges to call her or contact her as I know that its better for both of us if we just stop talking. For me it will help me heal and for her it will give her the space that she needs and I respect that. I also feel like if she does come back that I would be reluctant to get into it with her again. Everyone keeps telling me to move on and let go and I'm trying soooo hard to and I feel like I'm making great progress by not contacting her and not even having the urges anymore because I know I'm just hurting myself. I just can't shake the little voice in my head that keeps saying that you never know down the road, even though I keep telling myself that she isn't. I hope it will just go away with time. Its only been 12 days since I received proper closure from her.

exactly my point, how can she go from the person she loves so much to someone new in 2 months. She was already thinking about that guy before and got with him. It is all planned. Whatever when that doesn't work, i'm pretty sure she'll realize that she messed up with you and will proably want another chance. But then if you do get back together she will just leave as soon as she sees someone else she is interested in.

thanks Ellie for your response, yeah i am going to stop talking to her family too. I am angry and feel like i hate her but i also know that i do love her. But whatever, gotta look out for me now, no one else is going to. The only reason I feel like there is someone else is because someone doesn't go that cold all of a sudden and i know that she has quite a lot of guy friends. I'm not letting that affect me because I know they are gonna treat her like crap and just use her like they do every other girl they come in contact with. I have also noticed that a lot of people on here have had there ex only come back to them after they have been through another relationship and for some reason it didn't work out. They don't end up coming back on there own, most of the time its after they have met someone else. I also know that alot of people would not leave a relationship with someone if they think they are perfect for them unless they see someone else they are interested in and think that they may be a better match. Like in my situation its like she knows i would be a perfect husband for her one day but at the moment she wants to go and have fun with other guys and then maybe if none of them work out she will be back, but I'm not having that. I'm done with her and its not like I'm just going through this today, i'm gonna remember this forever so i'm not gonna get soft on her if she does start to realize what she lost. Too Late!