bubbles07

Its my ex gf's bday in a couple of days. I've maintained NC for almost a month, will be a month on her bday. I do want to reconcile with her but I know NC is the best thing for me right now to heal and move on. Should I text her happy bday or should I leave it? We broke up in beginning of Jan after 6 years together because she felt like she wasn't in love with me anymore as a boyfriend. She was pushing for us to be friends and meet as friends about a month ago until I told her it was too soon. She then said she understands and that to call her whenever I like. Will me not acknowledging anything on her bday ruin any future chances (if there is any) of us reconciling?

Hey everyone, I've been looking through threads on this forum and seen there is two camps when it comes to doing NC. Some people believe its better to do LC and some people believe just do NC. I'm confused which one is better in my situation. Brief: Ex gf and I were together for 6 years, she broke up with me beginning of this year because she felt like she didn't love me anymore as a boyfriend and just loved me as friend. She also felt like she had missed out on a lot of fun and that the relationship had become boring and rountine. We started dating in HS. First I just want to say I know NC or LC are not to get your ex back and that if they want to come back they'll do it on their own, but I just want to know which one has had success. I've done 2 weeks on NC straight after the break up and then talked once a week for 3 weeks after that. They were friendly chats and even led to her wanting to meet up as friends but I had to call it off because it was way to soon just to be friends. Now i'm doing NC and tend to do it until she initiates. I've noticed there are pro's and con's to both methods. For NC, it helps the person heal and gives both people time to see the relationship for what it really was. But I also keep thinking that you doing NC may lead the dumper to move on easier and even if they do want to talk to you about getting back together, they may not because you haven't talked for awhile. For LC, it can be painful for the dumpee and for the dumper it can make them feel more empowered because they know your still around. It can also push them away more because you are not leaving them alone like they may want you to. The good thing about LC is that it keeps the line of communication open which may make it easier for them to discuss how they feel. I am so confused which one works best for increasing the chances of getting an ex back. Its her bday next month and I was planning on staying in NC but I don't want to offend her or ruin any chances of us reconciling. Is there any success stories just using NC? Do women ever go back to men? I've read a lot of posts where men go back to women but not many that are vice versa. Thanks in advance

hey terk, I think it all depends on why they left you, they proably do think about you but who knows if they are thinking about good things or bad things to back up their decision to end the relationship. I know in the past when i've ended relationships, I would just think of the bad things about my ex to back up my decision to dump them. I think they proably do miss the other person but just like dumpees keep themselves busy to get their mind of them, I think they do the same.

hey sd i'll back you up on that one, I broke NC and tried to LC, she just took it like everything was fine and now we can go to being good friends. Telling me how she is having so much fun now that she is single and glad that we aren't in a relationship and that we'll always just be friends and nothing more. Felt like crap after so decided to remain in NC no matter what this time, just hurts way to much doing LC. Do yourself a favour and don't contact them. I learnt the hard way.

Well I'm back to day 1 of NC, this time I'm going to make it. Before I did LC and it just ended up getting me back to step 1 of being hurt and weak but this time I stayed strong by not pleading or crying, just said thats fine. she wants to remain friends but I just text her letting her know that I can't be a friend, and I hope she understands and then she just text back saying that she thinks its too soon as well and that I can call her or text her whenever I want (but i'm not gonna be a sucker and do that). This time I'm in it for the long haul. I know that she is going through the party phase and that can't last forever, we started dating when we were young so she missed out on having all the fun that her friends did, so now shes making up for it and the novelty of being single and partying has made her change her mind of us ever getting back togther, when we first broke up its was like "i don't know if we will or not, we might, we might not" and now shes just plainly said "nah its never going to happen" but thats because right now the grass is greener, and when she realizes what she lost, I'll be the one to decide whats going to happen but for now, its all about me I know that everyone thinks the grass is greener on the otherside but when they get there and find out its not all whats its made out to be, they always look back and I hope when that day comes I'll ,have the satisfaction of saying "nah I'm over us".

My ex gf of 6 years broke up with me about a month ago because she felt like she just loved me as a friend and that our relationship had gotten boring. we had strict no contact for 2 weeks and then we talked about 2 or 3 times since then. She wanted to meet in person just as friends. After talking to her I felt weak again because she told me that I'll always just be a friend now and that will never change. She sent me a text last night asking if it is too soon for us to meet as friends or if I'm okay to meet her. I didn't reply back because I don't want to seem weak to her. I just think its better if I just disappear and take me space. Should I let her know that I can't be friends with her right now or should I just avoid her texts and calls for a little while? I do want to reconcile in the future with her so I don't want to mess up my chances by either being to weak by admitting I'm not ready to be friends or by blowing her off by not answering her calls and texts. I don't know what to do. Please help me. I know NC will make me feel much a better and help me heal but will it also ruin the chances of us being together in the future? Is LC the way to go? I just don't know.

Nappy, everything you wrote made so much sense. She is extroverted and is into public speaking and stuff like that. We are opposite in that sense. I agree that she has to get it out of her system and that she has to live her life and that she may never come back. She text me a little while ago asking if it is too soon to see each other or if its okay because she doesn't want to ruin our friendship. I didn't reply back because I feel right now I just need to step away. Will that hurt my chances with her in the future if I just disappear for a little while. I just need to do NC to make self stronger but I don't want to ruin our future chances by not being there as a friend for her.

Nappy, thanks for the great post once again. I have started doing things that I wouldn't do when were in a relationship but I also think that its just timing and nothing to do with me being single. We both talked about that yesterday and she said its because we are single now that we are doing more fun things but I disagreed. I know that she has to get this out of her system and that its better this happened now then in the future. I just hate how she is saying that its never going to change and that she will always just see me as a friend. I don't know if I should do NC or LC because I don't her to feel like I hate her and that i'm not their for her. I'm happy for her that shes having all this fun and everything but I just hate how she scarificed us for that when she could of done that before. But like you said now its a different feeling because she is single. How long do party stages normally last for? Won't she get sick of it after awhile? Is she just saying that it will never change because of all this new world that she is exploring and feels like the grass is greener on the other side?

thanks hail, yeah i've heard its quite common for them to go through this phase and that we should let it run its course. It just bugs me because before I thought there might be hope at the end of it but yesterday she told me that she will always just think of me as a friend and that will never change and that she is over us. Now I feel like she is always going to feel that way and she will never look back at what we had. I am going out having fun but like you said she is always on my mind. I just can't believe that she is so sure of us never being together again. When we broke up she said that she doesn't know but now its a difinate no, but can that change after shes had all her fun?

I can't stop thinking about her now, she was telling me how shes out there having fun partying and doing all these fun things and how those opportunities wouldn't of come up if we were together because we limited each other. She said that we're better apart because we are both happier. I hope this is just the party stage that most girls go through and hope she'll come back.

Thanks Nappy for your reply, insightful as always. I'm actually thinking of going NC now. I got the answer I needed and I don't want to be her friend even though it sounds selfish. I just need some time for me now to fully heal, not partially. If she does still want to see me next week i think I'm going to think long and hard about it because right now I think I'm starting to feel weak again.

Finally got the message. So my ex text me and said that she is busy this week and if she can drop of my present next week. I called her back and told her that i was just joking about the present and that she doesn't have to get me one. She said that she wants to. Then I told her that she doesn't have to make an excuse just to see me in a joking way and she said "won't you think its weird to see each other if we are just friends" I said no its fine. She then started asking me if i'm seeing anyone, I said no and asked why are you? she also said no. Then I asked her the same question she asked me "are you okay without me" she said some days I am and somedays I'm not, she said that we thinks we are better apart because we both never lived on our own because we started dating when we were young. I agreed and told I'm happy that she isn't confused no more. When I asked her if she is happy now, she said she doesn't know and then I asked if she is still confused and she said uhhhhh lets talk about something else. I said okay and then I had to go, she said to call her whenever I want, I said okay. I get home and then thought how about going out to eat today instead of next week since she mentioned that she was free tonight. I called her and asked her but she said that she made plans with her sister now but she really wants to see me. I said thats okay some other time. She asked whats wrong. I said nothing, but then 5 seconds later asked her so we are just friends right? she said yes why? and I said so your over us right? and shes like yes why did you meet someone, whats her name. I was like no but are we always just gonna be friends? And shes like yes, shes like I love as a friend and that we are better apart and thats not going to change. She said that we limited each other (not intentionally) and that we never grew up properly. She said that she feels like because she started dating me when she was 16 that she missed out on so much and now we are both happier single. I said thats fine and she asked can we still see each other next week? I said sure why not. So I finally got my answer thats its over for sure and thats it never going to be again. I'm finally gonna let go and move on fully. This is the extra kick I needed.

This is my story Short summary is my ex gf of 6 years broke up with me about a month ago because she felt like we were just friends and that she didn't love me anymore due to the fact the relationshp had gotten boring. All the exact details of exactly what she said is in the thread above. Anyways we didn't talk for 2 weeks, strict NC, and then on my bday at midnight she sent me a text wishing me happy bday and all the best. I replied back the next morning letting her know thanks and hope everything is going well for her too. She text back right away hoping everything with me is well too. It felt kind of cold because it was soo formal. The next day I sent her a smiley face in a text. She replied back asking how I'm doing and asking me about my bday. There was soo many smiley faces and exclamation marks in that message it was crazy. There was soo much excitement and happyness in the message. I text back letting her know about my bday and then she asked me more questions, but I had to go. A week later (so the 4 week) I tried calling her (I know shouldn't of called her but I felt like I'm really strong now and not an emotional wreck as I was at the beginning), she didn't answer so I didn't leave no text, or voicemessage. I just left it, didn't try calling her back or anything. The next morning, I get a call from her, I didn't answer because I was in a meeting, and then she sends a text about an hour later stating that she is sorry she missed my call yesterday and that i can call her back if i want and that she hopes everything is ok. I text her back after the meeting letting her know that it wasn't important and that I was just calling to say hi and see how she was doing. She replied back again with happy faces and exclamation marks saying that it was nice of me to see how she was doing and started asking me how i was, etc. I called her back instead of texting back and forth. She sound so nice, you could tell she was happy to talk to me. We just talked about friendly stuff, like work, family, friends. She started crying at one point about something going on between her and a friend. I comforted her and told her it would be okay. She started thanking me for calling and I asked her why she thanking me, I asked her how come she doesn't call me in a joking manner. She said that she doesn't because I asked her not to at the beginning of the break up and that she feels bad because its not fair to call me if I told her not too. And then I started bugging her about not receiving a bday present from her on my bday. It was all jokes and funny conversation. We were both laughing and joking. I was upbeat but she seemed kind of down about somethings in her life. Towards the end of the conversation she asked me if I'm okay without her. I said I'm fine why you ask? she didn't say anything and then I asked her are you okay with out me, but I didn't let her answer, I was joking around and answered for her by saying yeah. She started laughing and said your still a brat and then we both had to go. The conversation ended on that last topic. The next day first thing in the morning, I get a text from her "so when can i drop your bday present off? with a happy face behind it. I replied back when did u want to drop it off? she replied back "sometime next week" with a happy face again, and I said that should be fine. I haven't heard nothing yet about when she is going to drop it off. I'm going to wait for her to make the date because I don't want to push her if she doesn't want to. I just feel like I've made great strides in myself personally and now I feel like I'm becoming weak again. My friends all tell me that her actions seem kinda weird because why would she want to buy you a gift now and meet you now. Also why would she even ask you that question when all we were talking about was work, and family and fun things we do in a spare time. I'm going into this with no expectations but my mind just won't stop thinking of the possibilities from good to bad. I really could do with some insight. Should I just come out and ask her what she wants, but I don't want to push her away. I want to let her do what she wants to do. I know that if I do come out and ask her, that it may just scare her or it may make her think that I'll be around for ever. I already feel myself feeling more independent than dependent like i was before on her. Oh yeah I've been playing it cool, no begging, pleading, talking about our past. Just upbeat and being myself. Thanks to everyone who spent time reading and responding. I know its long, sorry.

hey nilli, the truth i was talking about was when she asked me the question of me being okay without her, I said yes i was okay without her. I didn't just say it to sound cold. LOL i didn't mean to sound angry about her question. Its just that I found it a awkward question to ask someone if you dumped them. I personally wouldn't never ask any of my exe's that question. I'm not angry at her and I don't hate her. I still love her and I always will but I don't feel like I need her in my life like I use to. I'm not going there expecting her to throw herself in my arms, I don't know what to expect and thats why I'm confused. I'm honestly not hoping for anything because I'm never gonna let myself get in the same state I was when we broke up. Its almost like this time apart made me realize that there is soo much to life then just her. I've experienced so many different things in the last month or so that has completely changed my way of thinking about our relationship. I truly believe now that everything happens for a reason.

I also think its that thing where "if you chase them, they keep running, but once you stop chasing them, they stop running and start chasing you." (not in all cases though )

Thanks a lot for replying everyone, I've decided that I am going to see her because if I don't, I'm always am going to wonder. I know if I ask her right out what its about, she'll proably won't tell me the truth over the phone because she proably doesn't want to sound vulnerable, because after all she made the decision for us to split. Samross, thanks for your advice, I totally know what you mean by being careful with my words. I'm just going to remain calm and just tell her the truth if she asks, just like I did the other day. I honestly do feel like I don't need her in my life now, before I felt like I would die without her, but now I feel like its just one chapter in my life. For some reason it feels like this is all a game. Once I start to move on, shes the one thats wanting to see me now. Before when I was the one that was asking to see her around the time we broke up, she would always hesitate. Could it be true in my situation that now that she is seeing me moving on and doing better things in my life that now she wants to try reeling me back in? The reason i think that is because of her stupid question about me being okay without her. For a person that broke up with someone, you don't ask them that question, am I right? I've broken up with people in the past and not once have I ever asked them anything remotely close to that especially if we aren't even talking about us. Its like we were talking about the weather and then I was like "its soo nice outside don't you think?" and shes like "are you okay with out me?" haha like what the hell was that?

the reason i'm so confused about it is because first her question out of nowhere "are you okay without me?" when weren't even talking about our relationship, and then her sudden attempt to see me when 5 or 6 weeks ago she was saying that we shouldn't be with each other. This hasn't set me back in terms of healing, its just one of those things that you find odd. Some people I've asked think maybe she is scared that your moving on but i don't know what to think. You guys are the experts, help me out

it was her that broke up with me. She broke up with me after 6 years because she thinks she only loves me as a friend and had gotten bored with the relationship. I don't think that I would be set back by meeting her because I am way stronger than what I was when we first broke up. Did all the no no's by begging and pleading. But now the couple of times we've texted and talked on the phone. I find myself not being phased by it. It almost feels like I'm just talking to one of my friends and thats it. I'm not even sure I would want to get back in a relationship at this time since I'm having a lot of fun being single. I just don't know why all of sudden this jump from her. and I don't know how I should handle it .

hey everyone, I spoke with my ex a couple of days ago, it was a normal conversation, up beat, no relationship talk just small talk. Towards the end she asked me if I was okay without her. I responded yes i am okay. a day or two later I get a text asking if I can meet her next week? Its been about 5 weeks since we broke up. Not sure how I should handle this and what should I expect. I need advice guys. Should I go or not go? I feel much stronger and can see my life without her and I am perfectly happy with it. I just don't know whats going on with her.

whoa I don't know what to think about that one, sounds confusing

I really don't know how to make you change that view but I also feel like that about my ex. She is pretty but I just think of it like "i've dated a really good looking girl and now that we are not together, I'll just find another hottie". Just gotta keep moving on man. Theres a lot of attractive people out there. if you got one hot one, you'll get another. Don't stress it man.

First are you sure that you want to get back with her because you really love her and can see her in your future, or is it just because you miss her and feel like you need her in your life because you may not find another? I think that when someone dumps someone, they have to make sure they want to get back with that person for the right reasons. If you aren't 100 percent sure that you want to be with her, then I would say leave her alone and let her move on because you may just come to the realization again that you don't want to be with her. If you are sure that you want to be with her, I would apoligize, tell her how you feel and that you won't do it again, and then give her some time to think about it. I wouldn't hold my breath about her coming back because you may of hurt her bad enough that she may not trust you again and doesn't want to get hurt again.

Hey tony, sorry to hear man, that sucks, I hate to say to it but don't you think that a month of NC was to soon? Its good that now you got closure and now you can concentrate on you and getting on with your life but I also think that when a person makes such a big decision to break of a relationship, it would take them more than a month to figure things out. I'm not saying wait and hold on to the hope of her coming back, but just don't feel bad about her never ever being back in your life because as you may of heard, people come and go in your life and sometimes it takes months, years, for a person to maybe come back. Thats what is so great about life, its all curve balls, you don't know what lies ahead, all you can do it live in the present and not the future. For now you got the closure that you need to make strides forward and thats exactly what you needed at a time like this. So go out there and do whatever makes you happy. Goodluck

hey hail, nah I wouldn't ask him about him and your ex because you may just make something out of nothing and there is no need to do that. Also you don't really want to involve this guy into what you and your ex are going through. Just don't concern yourself with it, even though I know its hard. I think that you should just keep your focus on you and not her. That way you will lessen the chance of getting hurt by anything that you may find out thats going on in her life. For example if there is something going on in her life with another guy, do you really want to know? Its just going to hurt you more if you keep trying to keep tabs on her. Just keep yourself busy and try not to find out whats going on in her life.

Hey goingforit, sorry to hear about what you are going through. I think that you should just act like the way she is acting, she acting like she doesn't care and thats what you have to do to. I think you should not go to her workplace to drop the stuff off because thats kind of invading her personal space and thats not what you want to do right now. Especially at a workplace, its inapporpirate, it'll just create a scence. If you want to save some chance of getting back with her I would just recommend leaving her stuff where it is, if she wants it bad enough she'll try harder to get it. In the meantime just stop answering her dumb emails and just leave her alone. Her stuff can't be that valuable to her if she is not responding to her email right? Forget her man, look after yourself right now, if she wants her stuff, let her make more of an effort. As for the friend, I wouldn't talk to her either, it could be a way just to keep tabs on you or if your ex has a question or is curious about what your up to, she can just communicate to you through the friend. Stay strong and look after yourself. Look what she has done to you just by not answering your email, its just going to keep on happening if you keep responding to her.