jengh

oh god...please be gentle...I just posted about this exact same thing yesterday except, I'm in your wife's position. When I asked him why he never wanted to have sex, he said "for the same reason I stopped with my ex" "and why was that?" "she gained 30lbs. It was no longer enjoyable. I've noticed you have quite a bit too..." something to that extent... If he would've said it to me in person, I'd have punched him... DO NOT!!!!!! be harsh. It will seriously crush her. Like everyone else has said... Bring it up saying something like, "We should start *enter physical activity here* together. Or, "I need to start eating healthier. Maybe we should see if we can stop eating fried food" or something. Since he won't tell me, maybe you could enlighten me: Exactly what about the weight gain makes it hard to have sex?

Sigh... Now all he's doing is apologizing profusely, saying he IS attracted to me, if that wasnt the case he wouldnt get hard just thinking about me... he needs to make up his f-ing mind and stop being an idiot. I've decided not to just break it off with him quite yet, but see him one more time and hear him out, in person. Then make up my mind. We're going downstate this weekend and will be in the car for a few hours. Perfect time to talk then. This way, I can't get pissed and walk away like I often do.

I really love it. We're both STD free and I'm on the pill... I like the way it feels when he's cumming.

I LOVE the harvest moon game...my ex got it for me while we were together to keep me entertained while he played his dumb computer games

I've never been able to orgasm from JUST penetration. for some reason, every guy i've been with has found that strange...

I'm really sorry. How old are you? To me, and I truly hope I'm wrong here, it sounds like he may have used you a bit... You supported him, spent money on him, got him a job... when he felt you were no longer of any use to him, he bailed. I'm not saying he didn't/doesn't care for you, it may be a subconscious thing. But he's not too good for you, you're too good for him. The fact that you were so generous proves it.

Then I definitely understand where you're coming from. I would be really bothered by it. I'm sure it was nothing more than what he said, but it's the concept. I've never said anythign to him, but when my boyfriend goes to bars with his single friends, I worry because yeah, I know exactly what drunk girls are like. I also know what his friends are like.

I wouldn't think it was a big deal, since his work friends were going and he didn't have anything better to do but the fact that he made that promise to you makes things a little more complicated. Why couldn't he have just asked you if you would've minded if he went out for a few drinks? Also, I'm curious...are his co-workers married or single?

People are posting about how they played video games all the time when they were younger, watched horror movies when they were younger... but the big difference is how far technology has come since then. I think someone mentioned Atari. The games for Atari versus the games for XBox or PS or whatever are so completely different. I was watching my ex play some game based on Dawn of the Dead (I think it was that movie) and it looked REAL! It freaked me out a bit, I can't imagine how an 8 year old would react. What's popular in games today as opposed to what was 10-15years ago..wow... When I got my first game system (parents thought I was too young for Nintendo, but when Super Nintendo came out, they bit the bullet and got me one), the "cool" games were Mario or Donkey Kong, not schoolkids beating up nerds or those Mafia-type games... I guess I just don't think it's logical to compare today's games to games 10 years ago... not only because of content but also because of the graphics.

god...its not like he has women knocking down his door. i just don't get it... why would someone who says he loves you so much say something like that? Yes, I asked..but 1) be a little kinder about it... 2) why would you be with someone who youre not attracted to? I need to stop crying. I need to do something. He hit the one spot that is the most vulnerable. Why does it have to be cold and snowy/rainy out... All I want to do is just sit outside, on grass and think. Stupid northern michigan.

this relationship has been a lot of work. moreso than any other i've been in. Conflicts with his grandmother, conflicts with distance (we live 2hrs away from each other), conflicts with his stupid friends..and now this... i'm about to throw in the towel and say forget it. I see him again Wednesday. If we fight, bicker, argue, whatever.. i can't do it anymore. Thank you for your kind and helpful words.

ugh... im the same way too... Never really thought about it until you posted that but it's dead-on. When I'm not talking/drinking/smoking, I bite at my cheek or nails...my cheeks are in such bad shape.

his response was something to the extent that he loves me the same as he always has.

I just got off the phone with my ex-boyfriend who i KNEW would be honest with me. He told me this: -I have not gained any weight (he sees me once a week-ish) -The sex between us was always great (for him...i thought it sucked..heh) -There's nothing wrong with my clothes! Thinking about it, my now-boyfriend has never told me I'm pretty or that I look nice "today" or whatever... The ex ALWAYS did...even when I was so sick I couldn't brush my hair for a week. Sigh... this is going to take a while to sort out.

just to throw this out there... a couple of weeks ago, I started running 3 miles daily, 5 days a week. it's not like i'm doing nothing about it. I eat healthy, nothing fried, try not to have excess amounts of sugar/refined carbs, lots of protein. Argh. I told him I can't be with someone who can't love me for me and that I need some time to think.

The clothes thing... I dress very well. I actually take pride in the way I dress. It's always been important to me. Everything is either JCrew or Banana Republic. Classy. Things always fit properly, so there aren't bulges or anything.

i've never loved anyone the way i love him. That's the problem. He's soo skinny too, which makes it worse. I feel so inadequate. I feel so ugly. I just want to crawl into a hole and never come out. To make matters worse, this week is period-week which means my mood is god awful to begin with.

First let me start by saying I'm somewhat overweight due to a medical condition. I've been in a relationship for 7 months. The sex was great in the beginning and since it's almost nonexistant. I got to the point that I demanded he just tell me why. This is what he said (also why the sex with his ex tapered off) on msn: Jackie gained 30lbs after we got together and I never * * * * *ed about it but things did slow down between us because it got to be the same old thing because she couldn't do a lot of things and it just wasn't comfortable anymore. I'm not saying that you have but I know you have some, I can see it. I most certainly don't love you any less it's just not as enjoyable to make love. Hence the reason I make the little comments about you not doing anything during the day and when I say anything like that you get pissed and stop talking to me. Jen says: im not mad... Ben says: But you are something Jen says: hurt, crying, shaking, nautious, deflated, depressed...not mad...not angry. Ben says: You wanted to know. Jen says: i needed to. Jen says: but if you really want to know, my weight has stayed almost exactly the same, give or take 1 or 2. It's one of the things i'm most self conscious about and every doctor has told me it's almost impossible to do anything about it because of the PCOS. I hate you seeing me, i always feel inadequate. I can tell you're not attracted to me, never have been. I Just.... dont know. Ben says: That might be the case, but if it is then the weight is the same but it's moved to different areas of your body. Ben says: Doesn't help with some of the clothes you wear either. i have probably the worst self-esteem when it comes to this. This just crushed me completely. I'm sobbing, shaking... He didnt even say anything when I mentioned him not being attracted to me. oh god..so hurt..

i'm very glad she acted rationally about this.

In most relationships, there comes a point where the 2 people are no longer compatible romantically. More often than not, they go their separate ways. But every now and then, the two will find that they can never be romantically involved again, but great friends. Some people just get along better as friends and nothing more. People just change. As for my exes, I'm still friends with most of them. One, a life-long friend, I dated briefly, but he lived in NJ and I in MI so it never could have worked. My "first love" is no longer in my life and hasn't been in years. I wouldn't want it any other way. My longest relationship, 4 years...we evolved into something better. Great friends. And, as far as I can see, will remain close friends for years but never again be intimate.

I think that since she didn't acknowledge yours, you should just let it go.

So you'll have to take care of both a baby AND your sister? And I'm confused. You stated you'd only be living at your parents' a few months before getting your own place, but later in the post said you couldn't move out because you have to watch your sister? Taking care of your sister a few hours a day is so much different. she's 10 (i think you said?) so much more independent than an infant, which requires attention/care pretty much 24/7...

That is an excellent point. You don't know how the two of you will get along actually LIVING together. Spending a lot of time together is different from sharing everything together, sleeping together, etc. Many couples find that it's a lot different and harder than expected and that they just can't get along. Definitely try to support yourselves first. If you have no problem, maybe then give it further consideration after a couple of years.

I feel the exact same way as you do. I hate kids. I hate everything that goes along with kids. The idea that all women should want/have children is ridiculous. The fact that doctors are judging you so harshly is not right. It is your body and you should do with it what you want. Have you talked to other obgyns? Maybe go to PP and see what they have to say (you may have mentioned this already, i just skimmed through some of the posts)

There is a huge difference between liking kids and having a kid. Almost everyone likes kids if they only have to be around them for an hour or so. They get to do the fun part: play with them, talk to them... not change diapers constantly, get 2 hours of sleep a night, etc. As Melrich said, you are going to have a lot of resentment toward that child, may possibly even blame him/her for your problems. What makes your girlfriend feel ready to be a mother?