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anna_k

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  1. anna_k
    Oh wow. Famous last words. I've had a major relapse. And it really didn't need to happen.
  2. anna_k
    I had the same problem as you dinkykat. When I asked him about it, he just said that he liked their company. And besides you cannot be around 24-7 to provide him with female attention, thus, a man's gotta have back-up. As the other posters have said, it's suspicious but doesn't necessarily mean he is an evil, attention hungry, man-wh*re. Some guys just like a lot of female attention. And I've seen this with girls who like a lof of male attention too. It's not always that they WANT to have a bank of back-ups to screw around with, it's just the potential and ego-inflating fact that it exists. When I threatenned to leave him, he did one of those eye rolls and exasperated sighs. 'If you're going to leave me, you better think of some other reason....because that's stupid.' You said he has a history of depression and goes into his own world. My only guess is that he may feel he needs a variety of different and/or anonymous people to talk about different things when he's in different moods. You just want to escape reality when you're depressed sometimes.
  3. anna_k
    MissyM: Yes, that's what I was told I have. The junction of the cervix is meant to be present and more on the inside. Mine is barely visible and more of it seems to be on the outside. Belladonna: The side-lying position is the least painful for me so thereforeeee it's my favourite. He likes me on top but that is incredibly uncomfortable. From behind seems to be equally painful. I am still getting a blood-stained discharge. And it is really really sore down there. I think there's some minute injury! Are there are other positions that are good? I'm sure it looks a bit strange that I keep taking painkillers.
  4. anna_k
    Not a huge amount but it's definitely there. It's a lot more enjoyable for me actually... Yes, someone else suggested that too. It still hurts because it goes so deep. I can feel this vague pain in my tummy...its a worry! I just want it to work for us.
  5. anna_k
    Yeah, I've told them. I've had the tests and investigations. Nothing came up. He is probably too big for me (admittedly I am rather small in size). Which means, apart from the guilt, sex is great for him and painful for me. I hate that we want it to work so much but have to stop before anyone gets anywhere because I'm in pain. It's so frustrating and I feel crap about it. I don't know how he truly feels apart from guilty...
  6. anna_k
    No I don't do any regular sports. I didn't think it was possible for the hymen to remain intact after 1 year of sex. I used to take painkillers before sex. I kid you not. I don't understand why its still hurting. I suspect the problem is anatomical.
  7. anna_k
    Firstly, I'm not a virgin. Haven't been for a year and a bit. I've had two partners since (one main one). There was a break for about 3 months where I wasn't having any sex. But a few days ago I started again and when I went to the bathroom afterwards there was a bit of a blood stain. I thought the bleeding stopped after a few times. I was checked out by a gynaecologist last year and they say nothing is wrong (the Pill can sometimes cause the cervical opening to become friable and bleed). But it's so embarrassing because it hurts as well and he feels really guilty about it. I seriously thought I'd gotten used to it. But I guess not. Has anyone had/have this problem? I suppose I should get some more lubrication...
  8. anna_k
    Update. Dawn will laugh at the progress but: -lastest news is that he doesn't think much of his new girlfriend and said ' i like her but she's not you' to me last night -when I started listening to the inane smalltalk I realised that I had forgiven him. You can't stay *mad* at someone that stupid. And forgiveness has led to apathy. Of-course, I still care about him as a person (because yes, hate is more self-destructive than anything) but in terms of love and relationships-I really don't care. And since this was originally about jealousy I have to say that I am not jealous of the girls in his life anymore. They will always be there and I am basically too tired to put energy into being angry. I work a lot and this has led me to prioritise what I do and think about. I feel sorry for her. I know she's beautiful and cute but really...that's about all she has going for her. The way he treats her is not something to be jealous of anymore. Hope this new stance lasts and no relapse!
  9. anna_k
    Yeah, I like how you put that. Even if I don't show it, he likes to make me feel it. But then, of-course, he will say he never intends to upset me (but if I get offended then he can't do anything about it). He just wants me to 'be happy'. What a laugh. Oh well. This week has been good to me-I started the move on to someone else!
  10. anna_k
    Well, it sounds like she's relieved. I know that when I give a cold goodbye it's not always because I hate the person. It's just a way of distancing yourself. You know when you're little and you say to yourself 'If I ignore it, it will go away' ? Maybe that's how she thinks right now.
  11. anna_k
    He has well and truly moved on to someone else but the contact is still coming. I just don't get why he's being angry when he doesn't even have to deal with me and I don't bother him anymore. My friend's aunt is best friends with her ex-husband. It's actually so cute. They do everything together and have the best time. I have to admit I find it a little weird when someone is friends with every single one of their exes. Either they are just really friendly people or there's something I'm missing. It's just a little off-putting to hang out with someone's ex I guess.
  12. anna_k
    I'm not very sure of what I'm doing. We do still talk because as pinkelephant also said, we both tried NC and it always ends swiftly. It's hard to go from talking everyday to not talking at all. I've noticed a funny pattern. The way we talk now is much more blunt and curt. Playful to the point of being mean. I'm not sure where it has come from. Perhaps its our subconscious way of trying to keep distance. What makes a person decide to become friends with an ex? And what to make of a new bf who is friends and hangs out with ALL of his exes?
  13. anna_k
    ^Yes, I agree. Sometimes I think they wait for us to go 'It's okay.' Maybe that's why they keep apologising.
  14. anna_k
    1. Save a bucket loads with phone bills 2. When nice new person asks 'Are you seeing someone?' You can say 'no'. 3. Relieve you friends and family of the all the referred agony you put them through 4. Did anyone ever feel the pressure to look decent in the morning when in reality you felt and looked like the swamp-thing? 5. (my personal favourite) The Post-Break-Up makeover. It might be a haircut or new purchase or both!
  15. anna_k
    Exactly. They're usually just relieved to get out of the situation. My guy said to me (post-break-up): I thought it was a nice thing to do. I could've said nothing at all. So obviously he thought he was the furthest thing from 'the lowest common denominator'. At the time he said he had news that was good and bad. Good for him. Bad for me. I kid you not. That was how he put it.
  16. anna_k
    Do you reveal all then become friends? Or do you just play it cool and pretend you are actually "friends" until it happens? Sometimes you can't avoid people. Especially when your lives are interconnected. You have to get over someone whilst still being surrounded by them.
  17. anna_k
    Ah yes, I am in a similar situation. The thing is, I can see it from both sides. I was the 'new girl' once. His ex pretty much hated me. We were all at the same party (their mutual friend) last year and as soon as I walked in, and people told her who I was, she stormed out. Leaving me to ask 'Who was that?' You tend to not care because you're still on that ego high of being with a guy other girls want. But later, it started to bug me that she was so negative. She would ask other people about me and refused to talk to my guy because she didn't like the fact that we were together. I wouldn't say he resented me for that (they were longtime friends before they dated) but it made things a little awkward. Soon enough, people didn't really respect me anymore because he never defended me and just left me to fend for myself. So the next time round, again with the same guy (what a winner), I became the ex who sized up the new girl. Yes, like you I had that moment where I thought: "He broke up with me....for her? Riight." It doesn't really have to do with ego. It's just fact! Hahaha. Finewhine, I do not think you are arrogant or stuck up. Confidence is always a good thing so long as we don't flaunt it. I think I have a lot more going for me than this new girl. I'm 2 years older with a job whilst she is still a student living at home worrying about trivial issues. I'm not knocking that. Not at all. It's what you do when you're young and I'm sure I was like her once. They are more alike and their lifestyles are more similar. It makes sense and is probably a better situation for him. I sometimes feel sorry for her but then I think about the fact that I went through it all too. You start to fend for yourself when you're the newbie.
  18. anna_k
    Yes! That's the word: patronising. I think the best times to apologise are: -as soon as you break-up (just the one apology will do) -many, many years later when you've both sufficiently moved on
  19. anna_k
    I think it's worse when they keep apologising. It makes you feel strangely pathetic. Also, if a break-up has been sudden and shocking to the other person, an apology can feel horrible because of its finality.
  20. anna_k
    I pose questions. Is it possible to make that transition from dating/lovers in a romantic relationship to being friends without adherence to NC? I don't mean "friends" in the wink wink, nudge nudge sense. I mean, strict friends with no romantic inclinations. I'm sure this is a very subjective question. Also, do you think finding someone new does more for healing than other methods? I'm sure reflection and concentrating on yourself to heal from the inside is more healthy (although, sitting at home alone may not really seem so) but typically, it's harder. I've read many accounts of people who end up friends with their ex-partners. I've also read about those who don't understand why people must remain friends with their exes. Of-course, I don't mean saying hello to your ex when you see them in a shop or bar but exes who actually become a part of your social circle. Which group are you in?
  21. anna_k
    Hrmm. I had the same problem actually. I was even given the old "your job/lifestyle is intimidating" line. It's a pretty weak excuse but there are people who could genuinely feel that way. In hindsight, when someone says that it's 'unfair to you' if they see you and just sleep with you, it's true. I mean, initially you might think 'Huh? It's fine. Come see me.' But in the long run, it's for the best. What's the line everyone always says? "If you love someone, let them go. If they come back, they'll stay forever*. If they don't, you never had them in the first place." *Forever is not a good word. Perhaps 'for a while longer'. Hahaha.
  22. anna_k
    In med school, one of the Senior doctors said to a group of us: "Most, if not all, of you are here because for some reason you didn't feel like you were cared enough for in childhood. That's why you're going into the business of health care now. You just don't realise it." With the exception of those who just love biology or the mechanics of the body, he was saying how some of us were tired of feeling like we have made no difference...we want to be of use. * Similarly, I feel the whole martyr/saviour complex has to do with the fact that I just want to feel and be really important and special to someone. I'm not sure I can explain it properly.... I've had people on the periphery say "You think you can save him? What makes you think you're going to be the one?" Maybe by feeling like we need to save and rescue, we're not really accepting them for who they are? I never really thought of it that way. *I'm generalising and relaying someone else's opinions. Don't shoot me.
  23. anna_k
    Oh my goodness, I am really feeling this thread. The stats of my dating track record are so tragic, dramatic and obvious that I've had FOUR people pull me aside this year to quietly say "I'm concerned about the type of guys you're dating...". One woman said "You seem to pick the ones who are interesting...not necessarily ones who are interested in a relationship." I'm no longer of the opinion that nice, normal guys are boring. And whilst I find myself attracted to the bad type..it's less to do with their behaviour and more to do with the way they look. I don't know what worse and more embarrassing to admit. But hey, at least I admit I'm an idiot. I find that all of the guys I've dated are in some way arrogant and outwardly confident but privately they're pretty vunerable. Like attracts like? I'm not arrogant or outwardly confident. I've got the martyr complex though. It's very very BAD. I believe it's the source of all my dating problems. Someone told me take responsibility for who I attract, who I date and what happens to me. I do of course but they question is no longer "Oh woe, why me?" it's now "How do I break this trend?"
  24. anna_k
    Well. I'm back with an update. Progress? Somewhat. It's completely and utterly over. There's no hope of ever being together again. There are new people on both sides but to be honest, there's still something old lingering around. I'm not sure what to do about it. It's been 3 months. I'm finding it really hard to stick to NC. He doesn't stick to it either. Even though it was 'agreed' on. We then tried to be friends. Started talking like normal but it all eventually comes back. That doesn't work. So it's back to NC-which is sure to be broken at some point. Short of changing my number and moving to a place with no internet, I'm not sure how I'll be able to avoid him. I'm weak when it comes to the opposite sex. It's a problem I know. Oh btw, it's no longer LD. We're don't live very far from each other anymore. Ironically, when it was LD, it actually existed. Now it doesn't. Great big tragedy eh?
  25. anna_k
    I think it's hard either way. You can't really win. When I initiated the break-up, I found that I could be resented for being friendly. As if it was fake. After all, if I was so friendly about it all, why did I end it? I felt relieved that I wasn't trapped in the relationship anymore and almost looked on him like he was a little bit pathetic for still wanting to make it work. I felt awful in hindsight, have apologised and we're really good friends now. But it took a long time. Not a solution by any means but I think if you tell her that you are not abadoning her and discuss why you're breaking up (I don't want to say 'convince' but make her aware that things weren't all peachy) right at the start....then go into NC, its not so bad. You've just got to get everything out before you start NC, otherwise the other person will always have questions (and that is what keeps a person hanging on. The 'What did he mean by...' and 'What if he knew I didn't...') In the next relationship, the guy initiated the break-up. He wanted to be friends. He had moved on swiftly so he had the luxury of detachment and a new cause. I couldn't quite deal with the friendliness. It did feel rather like betrayal. He thought NC was an immature and stupid idea but after a while, we both agreed that it really is the best thing because it wasn't a very clean break. Its even harder to stick to NC when the person who broke up with you confesses to still having feelings for you. Every time you get a 'I miss you' is like a stab of the heart. I'm still going through this one. NC is best for us but there's admission from both that sometimes you just can't stick to it. It's a pretty hard thing to do unless there's mutual hatred or complete apathy!
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