xLDx

Hey somuchtogive, Thanks for your praise, it's always uplifting for me to know I've made a difference. Now, about your response. You can't blame yourself for not doing enough in the relationship. You did as much as you could possibly have done. The fact in the matter is that HE didn't match what you put in, and ultimately I think that's why it's been so hard. You know, if this boy truly loved you, he wouldn't let his friends, or your friends, or ANYONE's opinion for that matter convince him otherwise. If it's because this boy has a "superego," and even love can't make him give you respect, then I'd tell any girl that tries to be with him to run for the hills. Honestly, and I don't mean to hurt you by saying this, his feelings just weren't up to par with yours. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't honestly love you as much as you think he did, if not at all. Remember when you wondered how he could do this if he loved you? The puzzle pieces are laid out right in front of you, and it's not hard to put it together. I'm worried for you. I'm worried that in the future you will continue to settle with any guy who will be kind to you, and then overattach yourself to them. It's not being picky to find a guy with qualities that you dream of, because honestly hun, you're aiming a lot lower than the bar you've proven yourself to be at. The right guy will fall into your lap when the time comes, so there's no need to delay the process by being desperate. Right now I just want you to focus on yourself though. Continue to be busy, and although you'll feel the loneliness still, it will begin to ebb in time if you are able to keep out of contact with him. This guy... Just isn't worth it, so stop dwelling on the reasons that you broke up and the far-fetched possiblities that your mind is conjuring. It's tough, I know, but even if this guy does want to get back together with you, you need to ask yourself whether this is what's best for you. Whether this guy really has the qualities you want to embrace for a long, serious, trustful relationship. You can find better. It just depends if whether you have a strong enough will-power to do so. I think you do. You just need to prove it to yourself that you do, and the only way that'll happen is by stepping out onto the long winding road that is the future. I and the rest of the ENA will be walking with you too, and don't forget that. Good luck on the road ahead.

I'm so glad and proud for you that you've been able to take even the smallest steps to bettering yourself in your own eyes, and putting yourself in a position where others can respect you for voicing your feelings. I've also noticed you've been active in advising others on this forum, and helping them deal with their problems. This expression of your opinions, and having them be accepted by those you're expressing them to, will help you realize that what you have to say DOES matter, and DOES make a difference. Keep up the progress! You're doing fine.

Hello somuchtogive, That is quite the tale you have, and it pains me to hear about the state you are in right now. First of all, have you been in many relationships? I'm not meaning to demean your relationship with your ex by saying this, but you're taking this break-up quite badly, especially after a mere few months. Now, normally, the first break-up that actually involves someone you really care about is one of the most painful you'll experience in your younger years (I'm not even going to compare it to divorces mind you). Why is this? It's because people have no idea what to expect, and they can't even picture a life without this other person because they can't even remember what it was like to be without them. The fact that you claim you love this boy tells me one big thing: You've attached yourself to him perhaps too much, too early. Many people don't allow themselves to accept feelings of love too early into relationships. Why? Because relationships are kind of like a job in fast food: There have high quit ratios. In many relationships it doesn't take long to figure out that it just won't work. It's actually very important to build a very comfortable relationship with each other before expressing feelings like that. When you tell a person that you love them, and they return those words, it makes it even harder to let that person go because apparently they led you on to believe that they feel the same way that you do. What you need to come to grips with now though, is that it's over. These mixed feeling you say you're getting from him probably aren't mixed feelings at all. A broken heart tends to overanalyze situations, and formulates narrow-minded assumptions. You broke into pieces at his feet, and when that happens, it DOES have an effect on the other person, but not the effect that you want. What it does, is that it guilts the other person to give you attention. Attention that you may ultimately think is him trying to get back with you. You need to detach yourself from him now. Stop trying to trace visitors to your xanga to find out if it's him. Stop all contact with him. If he writes you, don't respond. This is a concept very common to us ENA'ers, and it's called "re-opening old wounds". You will NEVER get over this boy if you continue to pine and wish and dream for his presense. I suggest you look at this brilliant post about "No Contact" here: For your own mental health you need to let this go. To be honest with you, there are several things I picked up in your post that didn't reflect a healthy relationship. You went on about breaking up over him reading chat logs... This isn't as trivial as you think. Firstly, if you two truly cared about each other, you'd be able to resolve you problems with EACH OTHER. Forget outside sources. This is your personal business. If you can't resolve your issues to each others faces, and you just have to "wait until you both are ready," what's going to happen when you face the challenges that come even further down in the relationship? Remember, you were only dating for 3 months. You would have learned a lot about each other in the months to come. Very personal things, that could very well upset the other person to varying degrees of severity. A healthy, loving relationgship boasts the ability to resolve issues as soon as they come up, without the intervention of any external influences. Lastly, who does this guy think he is? I'm sorry, but reading your chat logs is really sketchy. He obviously didn't trust you, and look how much you've given him credit for. This relationship was lopsided in the committment department, and even though you put a lot into this relationship, face the facts: He didn't. Your friends probably told you to break up with him for a reason. Also, since you agreed with them, you also identified these issues with him as being severe enough to consider ending the relationship. Personally, I think you were just too afraid to let this guy go. I'm not sure why, either. Is it self-esteem issues? Trust me, there will be another one out there for you. You might think he's amazing, but he's lacking some very important traits that are vital to a healthy relationship. I guess he's not so amazing after all. You need to be strong here. Not for your friends, not for your family, and not even for us here on ENA. You have to be strong for yourself. You let yourself crumble over this, and now you need to rebuild yourself stronger than ever. Let this guy go. Don't talk to his friends. Don't do anything that even let's this guy know you still exist. It's going to suck. There will be many times when you just want to say screw it and run back to his doorstep. Don't. Admit the fact that this HAS to be done. You have to get over this guy. If you don't, imagine where you'll be. He'll be with another girl, and you'll be waiting for leftovers. Try some of the steps from the No Contact guide for starters. This will be a long and arduous process, and I'm not being very firm to intimidate you or bring you down further. I'm being firm because you just need to find the strength in yourself again, and that can't be done with pity and advice about what-ifs. I know what it's like to be dumped by a person you love, and I know what it takes to make the hurt go away. I wish you luck... And um... Sorry about the long post =)

I can't really explain the reasons for his behaviour then... Maybe he does it because it knows he can get away with it. Though, it's common that someone with this attitude has something to prove by doing so, and some ulterior motives to attempt to boost his own self-esteem. I'm sure underneath it all, he's not everything that other people thinks he is, and I think he knows it too, and this is just his guise. Beyond that, I can't say much more. You should be proud of who you are though, because you don't want to be someone like him. People like him aren't genuine. Be yourself, and it will all come together for you in the end. Best wishes to you.

Alright, so there's one big similarity with the guy I know. First of all, I have a few questions about him before I can make a conclusion. 1) Do girls find him good looking? If they don't, and he knows it, then he'll take it upon himself to be cocky about other things (perhaps good marks or success in sports? Probably leaning towards good marks though). 2) Are his parents (particularily his dad) similar with that kind of humour? The guy I know has a very sarcastically funny dad, who's more of a friend to him than a father. This guy respects his father because of his humour, and actually emulates it. 3) Do your other friends talk badly about him EVER? If they don't, then I'd be a little confused. Maybe they should learn to stand up for themselves too, because then it would be easier for you to do so. These kinds of people put others down to bring up their own confidence. They have strong personalities (usually too strong, and easily become unbalanced. For example, they will become jealous extremely easily). Most of the time, these kinds of people find good friends, but not necessarily friends they will have for the rest of their lives, just because of their strong attitudes. Just learn to shrug him off, because being like him is definitely not what you want to do.

Does he have a good sense of humour? I knew a guy who is the cockiest, jerkiest human being on the planet, but he's hilarious. If a person can make you laugh, for some reason when you're around this guy it's hard not to like him, and people do give him respect to his face. Although, when we were apart from him we talked behind his back quite often, but it's not like he didn't do the same to us. I don't know. Some people that you wouldn't think likeable just are sometimes. I think humour has a big part of it most of the time. At least my situation did.

I agree with you there, it's not very fair at all that he actually dropped his plans with you to do this. I mean, it's one thing to actually have plans prior to your making plans, and then you'd not be able to go to the movies, but when it's the other way around it's definitely hurtful. At the same time, maybe he just wanted time with his friends? It's a different atmosphere when your boyfriend/girlfriend isn't at a party, and perhaps he just wanted a good time with the guys, even though there will be girls there (he's probably not going because of them). At the same time, if it really hurts you that he's doing this, maybe you should have a girls night out? Go to a party with some of YOUR best friends, and exclude him. Not in a spiteful way exactly, but so you'll get the best of both worlds as well. Afterwards, you might feel better about him going out with his buds too. Worth a chance, right?

Personally I listen to break-ups songs for the same reason I come to these forums: To let me know that I'm not alone. It makes me feel better to know that other people in this world have been or are going through the same situations I am. Also, since music is such a beautiful thing is this world, it's also soothing. Listening to it might seem very emotional, but my mind on its own isn't much better. Often I think of the situations I'm in, and often I think of my ex. I find music to be much better therapy than the counsel of my own thoughts.

**EDIT** Just noticed that you said you'd both be staying at home and won't exactly be an LDR per se? Either way, still take what I've said into consideration, especially about communication and thinking of your partner before acting. Hey Dr. Faust, I really wish that I could tell you that it works all the time, but I can't. Though at the same time, all hope is not lost. My ex went away to University this fall 6 hours away, and we broke up after 2 months of being separated. At the same time though, I realized exactly why we broke up. I was more committed to the relationship, and it showed. I communicated more, and I thought of her before I acted. She on the other hand partied without thinking of me, and ended up doing some things that although she claimed were innocent on her part, were hurtful to me. A LDR like that can work only if you both are equally committed and can establish a routine of communication that leaves you both satisfied, and also by considering the consequences of your actions in regards to your partners feelings. If the committment is lopsided, the more committed one will end up feeling unsatisfied, and the less committed one will feel bad because of it, but won't know how to change. It's a very tough situation, and I wish you all the best in it. You should probably have a talk about communication and how it will work before you both leave. Just keep in mind some lyrics from Coldplay's The Scientist that states "Nobody said it was easy... No one ever said it would be this hard." Everyone knows LDR's are tough, but you don't actually know the extent of it until you're in one yourself. Just don't take things for granted, and prepare ahead for the struggles you could face.

Hey Mike88! I have a similar thread going that you might like reading! It's about songs that remind people of their own personal experiences. Give it a peek and participate if you want! It's here

LDR's are actually easier to deal with if the relationship began as one. This is because if you actually become attached to someone when they are already far away, then you create a routine that doesn't leave you entirely unstatisfied, since your relationship is blossoming in this state. The more painful version of an LDR is a local relationship that becomes one, and after routines and expectations have already been developed at a much more personal level. When this relationship is forced to take a difficult long distance route, then both partners will not be used to this new lifestyle at all, and it is very difficult to cope with, especially with meeting communication and committment demands. My relationship broke up due to a local-goes-LDR relationship, because we were both quite unsatisfied with the new routine we were forced to endure, and the distance inevitably became our biggest obstacle, and also our last. The fact that your relationship is blooming while in the LDR phase gives me much more faith in it than I would have with one that fits the category of the above paragraphs. I say go for it!

It's okay to be vulnerable sometimes... I'm not sure what image you're trying to uphold, but I think it might be taking a toll on you emotionally. If by putting yourself out there emotionally doesn't get you the satisfaction that you need from your friends, then I'm not sure what to say. The ol' "get new friends" is kind of unrealistic. You make friends because of who you are and the way you interact in your environment. You just have to let them know you're hurting when you are. Ditch the tough girl attitude for times like these, because bottling up emotions can be extremely detrimental. If you need to sit down and talk, or to tell people how you feel, that's what you need to do. It shows more toughness and more bravery to be able to do that. It takes guts to stand up for yourself. More guts than it takes to stand up for other people, because it's your feelings that are on the line here. I'm not saying this will cure you instantly, I'm just trying to help you make baby steps, because the more you become comfortable with expressing yourself, the more natural it will be for you. It's alright to open your heart sometimes to people you consider friends and that you trust. If they take it negatively, you have to really ask yourself if these friends are very true, and especially in a relationship level. If your boyfriend can't even listen to you when you're hurting, he's definitely not satisfying your best interests, so you should consider that as well.

There's a difference between the "best break-up songs" which has been covered on this site already, and songs that actually mean something really deep to you. Songs that reminds you of the relationship, and songs will very similar situations to your own. Personally, music is some of the best therapy. It might not fix problems or make you feel better about what has happened, but it numbs pain. It's calming, or satsfying. I think a lot of people can relate their personal situations to many songs. May it be the actual relationship, or the after-effects of the break-up itself. I'm writing this because the only time I've broken down since my break-up was when I listened to a song that captured the essense of what I was feeling almost exactly. I'm just curious if anyone else has gone through that as well. So this is what I propose, and hopefully people will participate: Name a song and the artist that wrote that song that really captured what you went through, and explain why. Explain the real significance of the lyrical aspect of the song, and to help others who are reading this thread, I recommend that you paste the lyrics as well! ---------------------------------------------------- With that said, I guess I'll go first. The song I chose was Goodbye My Lover by James Blunt. Somewhat cliche perhaps, but this song crushed me when I heard it. It was so real to me. Why? Because this song is not about trying to get a girl back that you love. It's about letting that girl go. My ex and I love each other very dearly even still, but circumstance tore us apart. If we thought our being together was realistic at all, without a doubt we'd be in each others arms right now. We were best friends and very intimate as well. I saw everything I wanted in her. If circumstance did not get between us, I'd easily say I'd fight to be with her for as long as I could. I'd want to have children with her, and grow old with her. But we both know it's time to move on, and that we can't look back. We know each other inside and out. We know our likes and dislikes, and what makes us laugh, and what it takes to make us cry. What I thought I could have in the future with her were dreams. Unrealistic dreams that are now gone, and broken. The song focuses a good amount on that... In the end there are so many other aspects of this song that remind me of her and this would be an even huger post if I was to analyze it all, so quite simply, this is my ultimate break-up song. Here it is. Goodbye My Lover by James Blunt Did I disappoint you or let you down? Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown? 'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun, Yes I saw you were blind and I knew I had won. So I took what's mine by eternal right. Took your soul out into the night. It may be over but it won't stop there, I am here for you if you'd only care. You touched my heart you touched my soul. You changed my life and all my goals. And love is blind but then I knew it, My heart was blinded by you. I've kissed your lips and held your head. Shared your dreams and shared your bed. I know you well, I know your smell. I've been addicted to you. Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one. You have been the one for me.(2x) I am a dreamer and when I wake, You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take. And as you move on, remember me, Remember us and all we used to be I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile. I've watched you sleeping for a while. I'd be the father of your child. I'd spend a lifetime with you. I know your fears and you know mine. We've had our doubts but now we're fine, And I love you, I swear that's true. I cannot live without you. Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one. You have been the one for me.(2x) And I still hold your hand in mine. In mine when I'm asleep. And I will bear my soul in time, When I'm kneeling at your feet. Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one. You have been the one for me.(2x) I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow. I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.(X2)

No. Strep is painful. More painful than just any old sore throat. What she's talking about is closure. I'd definitely seek medical assistance when you can, especially if the symptoms do not show any signs of improvement.

I was in the same position as you were, and I thought the same thing. Often I'd sit there and put myself down because I didn't believe that there was anyone out there for me. That I was just so useless that no one could see anything worth while in me. My first serious relationship was 2 and a half months. It was horrible. I felt overattached just because I was affectionate, and she made it quite clear that she thought I was. I felt like I was clinging the whole time, and that she saw me as a pushover. The relationship ended horribly. I was shattered. I thought I was just too dependent on people for them to even go for me. That I'd scare them away. Then I met another girl out of the blue. The relationship lasted 11 months, and ended due to LDR strife. We both still care for each other very much, but the relationship was ended due to circumstance, and I was the one who ended it. You just need to find the right person. Someone who's own behaviour compliments your own. There will be someone out there for you, no matter what you may think now. It may not be obvious, it it could very well come out of the blue, but you can't expect every single relationship to be perfect. Relationships are all experiments. You just need to have the right reagents to make a good one~ Your time will come, I assure you that. For the time being though, it sucks. I've been there, I can't numb all the pain for you, it's something that's tough to deal with, and it might be a struggle until you do finally find someone. Though, it's a struggle worth fighting, because I promise you that a mr. right is somewhere out there for you. We're here for you if you need us~