anna_k

I had/have this problem as well. It's really hard to be the only girl at a guy's night; especially when I can't connect with a lot of them. My situation is different to yours in that I'm not actually his girlfriend. So I guess it's his way of keeping this casual in public. I really don't know how it can be helped. I have mentioned it but I have come to accept that his friends have been on the scene for much much longer than I have (they've all got about 10 years on me) and they are important to him. Trying to compete with them is definitely the wrong way to go! Then there's the whole 'If he really liked you enough, he would spend more time alone with you' take on this. Maybe being alone is intimidating? He's not comfortable with the 'couple' thing? Can you make plans for dates? That doesn't involve all his guy friends? Good luck.

I have actually done this. And admittedly, he did get get narky but truth be told; I don't think he really cares. I just had a think about the title of this thread. I meant to ask the question: 'Do all guys....check out other girls and think it meaningless and normal?' I realise not all guys verbalise their thoughts like mine does. And whilst the feeling of disrespect has been the main view, I did once wonder if it's because he's just comfortable with me and thinks that I won't care. What really makes all this worse is the fact that it is a Long Distance Relationship and the amount of spare time he has in comparison to me is about 10:1. I know there are lots of signs that tell me to just cut and run but I guess that reason I've stayed is because I see the good side of him more and more frequently (then he will do something incredibly stupid).

Oh crap. I have relapsed and let him back in. I can't seem to let him go. I just feel that if I do let him go, that's one less person who will care about me. How does everyone get past being jealous of ex-girlfriends? He's still friends with all of them. I went for a few days without initiating contact. We didn't talk for three days. It was ok. However, the other night, I went out with the girls and had a really great time. Only, I missed him intensely. So I left him a message. He replied back almost immediately. I did it again at some other ridiculous hour and got a reply again. He also called me up the next morning and I found myself so happy to be talking to him. He said 'You know what? I really miss you.' I said I missed him too. We had a really fun conversation and he kept on telling me how much he missed me, wished I was there with him and how cute I was. I can't keep away. I fear it's way too late now because I realise that I no longer 'just like him a lot' but this is serious attachment on my behalf. I guess it's because messaging is so easy. And it's an instant way to be in contact. I know it's hard to heal and get over things when you're in constant contact. I just want him to try and tell me I mean something to him for once. I know: it's desperation but I can't help it.

Honey Pumpkin: It hasn't been that long. Quite recent. I guess it's just how I was raised (not religion-based). I have basically no regrets in life....but this one affects me a lot. There is a person that I care about now and I just wish I waited until I met him.

Hey, we're all kind of the same. New_Horizons: My family is exactly like yours: conservative. My parents were high-school sweethearts and thus, have only ever had one partner (each other). It's a difficult thing to live up to (not that I do because I'm no longer in high-school and finding a decent guy back then was pretty tough!). Forza: That TJ story is a little bit scary! That's the problem with waiting too long. It gets hyped up too much and you can end up doing whatever it takes to get it out of the way.

Well, I thought like you back then. It is true that everyone looks at it with varying degrees of importance. It may also be true that men and women view it differently. I guess, it depends on who you know and how you grew up. For me, it was a really big deal. It still is. I just wish I saved it for the next guy (I know, I'm a broken record with this line!) I hope you don't regret anything later on like I do (although, hopefully the regret will fade with time). Tips on getting a one-nighter? Oh dear, I don't know what to say. I'm officially never doing that again. That was my one and only one-nighter ever. The girls and I spent the day at the races and met a group of guys. We had lunch and went out that night. I had too much too drink. The guy himself was not bad, he just did not mean anything to me. I hate this fact. It can also be pretty risky. You don't know where this person has been and what disease they have. I know that's a very pessimistic way to look at people but it's true. That's what is the most depressing. Once I had sex with someone I cared about, the one-nighter just seems so awful and nasty. All I can say is: be careful, think about what it means (for you and the girl) and take care. I know that's very annoying advice but I wish someone said these things to me at length before hand. Feel free to PM me if you want.

Thanks for your reply. I don't have fear about it, I just wish I was sober and thought things through more thoroughly. I think the fact that I waited so long and fell at the last minute bugs me. ps. I like that quote from S.R

Hey thanks. Sometimes it's just nice to know that you're not the only one who wishes they never did something. I was thinking the same in regards to that 'out-of-the-way' factor. I just wish I listenned to people when they said 'You'll regret it'. Hindsight is evil.

Yes I realise but I just wish I saved it for the next guy (who I actually cared about).

I have a confession to make: my first time was a drunken one-night-stand. I am so depressed and ashamed about this. I wish I could take it back and waited until I found someone I actually liked for a while. I didn't think it would ever bother me but I've just realised that it does and it makes me feel disgusting and horrible. I never thought I would regret it like I do. I just want to cry whenever I think about it. I held onto my virginity for 22 years and I think I just reached the point where it was just an annoying thing looming over my head (a very stupid thought, I know). I felt nothing and there were no consequences from that night, however, it has all of the sudden come back and bitten me hard. He didn't get it all in and it didn't feel like it does when I have sex now (plus, I still bled with the guy after him). I wish I could say that it wasn't really sex..... The whole thing really disturbs me. I know I'm probably in denial but I wish I didn't have to count that one-night-stand as my first time. I don't suppose anyone else has similar regrets? Am I going to be depressed about this forever? I know once it's gone, it's gone....

Anyone there? Help! I need to make some sort of decision tonight. This can't drag on any longer. Is he making an effort now? Why do I have to get mad before he confesses anything?

I have developments-of sorts. Last night, I told him that: -I didn't want to stick around for nothing -I don't need someone who doesn't want me around -Talking to him makes me feel bad because he's alway talking about other girls. I said it made me feel like he'd rather be with everyone else but me. -I think he's rude sometimes. Because he makes me question myself and live in a constant bubble of uncertainty (which I realise is part of any relationship? Nothing is a sure thing right? But I hate living like this and told him so.) -I said that sometimes I just want to shake him and tell him that he should get all his other girls to drive 5 hours to see him. I make all that effort and didn't come all that way for him just to ignore me. -He said there wasn't anything he could do if that's how I felt. The way he's been acting is just the way he normally is. I said 'that isn't good enough for me anymore'. Then. I felt like an utter jealous, controlling idiot. He said that if I wanted to stop talking to him it was fine. That I should do whatever it took to make myself happy. He said that he'd stop talking about other girls around me (which made me feel like I was just nagging, demanding and controlling). He said I take it all the wrong way and that they don't mean anything to him and I should know that. After telling him that I didn't feel very important to him I was greeted with silence. He said that I should listen to how he talks about me with other people. But how am I supposed to know what he says!? (However, one of his females friends did say that he talked about me a lot). Finally, he said that he always tells me he misses me, likes seeing me, likes talking to me...and that I should think about that. He said he hopes I keep talking to him because he misses my voice and that I might change my mind one day. I don't understand that. Because it's his mind that's stuck and made up. I don't know what to do now. On one hand he doesn't try to stop me leaving him. One the other he says he will stop the thing that annoys me because he still wants to talk to me.

30 minutes?! Is it the same for females and males? (I know, everyone's different. But still....)

Hi hi. Okay. Three questions: 1) Who has had one? 2) How long do you have to wait post-wax before you can start having sex (including oral)? 3) Apart from pain, were there any major problems within the next 24 hours? Because I'm going for my first one tomorrow and if it takes DAYS to heal, then I'm going to skip the appointment. Thank You all.

Thanks Sherrili. And yes, I get that awful 'I'd sleep with her, would you?' question too. Also followed by a 'But I only want you, don't worry.' I wonder why they ask us? Honestly. It's so odd. I would love to know why they think asking us is a good idea. I'm glad you're in the process of breaking-up with that person. Well, I am not *glad* (because break-ups are not fun) but I hope it all works out for you. I would love to hear your story because it sounds similar to mine. It can be through PM. No pressure but I'm just curious. To Kellman: Yes, it is terribly superficial that I'm staying with him for a function. It's hard to explain the importance of the function without sounding elitist. But it is very important and as I said, it was oragnised long ago and taking someone else is not an option.

Okay. Update. I hope it doesn't come accross as 'whining'. Just thought I'd keep tabs on this. And maybe someone out there might go 'I do that!' and consider stopping because they need to realise that harmless jokes build up and it just makes the other person feel insecure and unwanted (and write very immature posts on here. Ha ha). And before everyone asks: we have an important dinner with my faculty at uni next week and I just want it to be civil until then. That's why I'm still with him. After that, definitely hitting the road. It's probably unfair but it's been planned for ages. So. What has he been doing since I last updated? -We watched a movie and he did the same thing again. Pointed out his 'favourite' girl to me. Several times. And how the ending wasn't that great because his 'favourite' girl didn't return to the screen. Ok. I let that one go. I agreed that she was cute. -We were having lunch when a tv show came on. He said that he really likes the show. Which was odd considering it was a kids show. Right, I know loads of guys who love this show because the girls on it are hot but he decides to tell me that he likes it because he's in love with the girl host and 'there's nothing you can do about it'. Now, I know I should've kept with the joke and not have made a big deal of things (again) but instead, I made an excuse and left the room (in a small huff. I can't help it). He's chuckles. Tells me not to get angry. Which in turn, makes me more angry.

As lost&broken said: Get either you or her to try; first with one finger, then with two and so on. I heard it as a suggestion at a med lecture once. Gentle pressure, gentle stretching....gently!! Getting her to start is a good idea and when she's relaxed, you could take over. Or you could actually do it together, that way you will know how much pressure is enough. And lubricant is the best thing since sliced bread. re: the age thing: At least he's taking some responsibility and asking about this. I see too many young kids just going and getting hurt and scarred for a very long time.

I have to agree with this. And too much rubbing down there is not always a good thing. In fact, I'm thinking it's actually quite a BAD thing. The whole area gets desensitized and 'raw' and that's just no way to get someone off.

I've known him for too long, we have seen each other at our worst, we know too many gross details and really, it sounds like a perfect dating situation. However, we're just not attracted to each other in that way. I really believe that it is due to the lack of pressure (to date, be on one's best behaviour, romantic, out-to-impress) and pretence that we are able to have such a great relationship. This is not to say we do not respect each other or make effort, simply that 'It's just us'. We're cool and we understand that our company is the most important thing. It's very relaxing and comforting. I guess this is how it should ultimately be with a bf or husband but I should stop now, because I clearly don't know much about this. He says that a lot too. It's often the reason he shows me the pictures. Still, it doesn't explain the bar incident.

Yes. I have thought about that. I confess that I am attracted to the rebellious ones. Often the ones I "can't have" and then, yes, I do wonder why they don't like me later. Oh god, epiphany. I don't think I've ever dated a real, decent and normal guy. I'm scared I'm going to get bored with them because there was one bf who was the most decent of the lot and he was terribly clingy and made me feel married. I seem to date extremes: either too clingy or too blase.

Well, that is good to know! As we have not been seeing each other for a very long time, I guess I did turn a blind eye to it initially. If he was my husband, there's no way I would put up with it but for some reason, the sheer fact that we're still 'new' and young seems to make it easier for me to excuse him.

YES! I have heard that quote. I guess the thing that hurts me the most is how he was nice and decent to the girls before me but that I don't seem to be worth the effort. I don't want him to fundamentally change, just respect and value me and my feelings. Does that count as hoping for change? I usually think of change as changing morals/habits/preferences/goals. Oh...on second thoughts, maybe that is asking for a big change. Well, I know I am worth more. But I just don't seem to be attracting that type unfortunately. I will have to be vigilant in the future. And yes, my best male friend is lovely. I would never expect this sort of behaviour from him. In reply to your other post: I thought it was normal for guys to have pictures and compare? He's your age btw.

No, I don't believe he is. He likes hot women and he has pictures of them but nothing out of the ordinary for a young guy. In the past he has had stable, long-term (2 or 3 years) relationships and either they accepted his behaviour or he never did this with them. When I don't accept his behaviour he tells me to 'Calm down, don't take things so seriously'. Oh-course, there's nothing that makes a person less likely to calm down than the words 'Calm down'. He bascially thinks I over-react to everything. I don't think this is true all of the time and I am very good at not showing it in public and letting it go. I do tell him when I think something he does is disrespectful. He says sorry but as I said, sometimes he means it, other times it's just a band-aid.

Oh, now you've got me. I guess I would ask; "Why are you with him?" I would say that his words and actions don't match. And that he doesn't respect or value her (even though he says he does). I would probably tell her that she could do and deserves better. As a side note: part of me thinks I can't do better. And even though I know it's not true, I often feel that he's the one 'out of my league'. I know it sounds stupid and I wish I was smarter when it comes to this sort of thing.

Thank You for your replies. I appreciate your honesty! Kellbell: I am not defending him here. Just stating fact: he does tell me he thinks I am hot/beautiful/sexy (ect) and that he wants to go home with me. But it is true that he also occasionally talks about other girls in the way I wrote about above. I guess I never saw this an as an convienience thing for him. Thank you for bringing that up. I think you are right. I just haven't had the courage/time to end it yet. New_Horizons Why am I still with him? I confess, it is because I think he will 'get his act together' (as Kellman) said. But I see that perhaps after 2 months I should take the hint that he's not planning to do this any time soon. It's just hard to walk away. Especially when the physical aspect of our relationship is amazing. I guess that's why I'm still hanging around as well. I know it will wear off eventually....hopefully. Annie24 Yes, it's true. He could have said something else. There are time where he can just be really sweet. He will say things like 'It's you. It's always been you, I think you know that.' I tell him I don't know because he never tells me. He says sorry, 'but I still mean it'. He just confuses me. The sweet-talk is becoming less of a redeeming factor nowdays. Oh geez, the truth bites.