anna_k

Hello lovely people. Anyone who has read my other post will know that I've been having a lot of problems with the guy I am currently with. We've had many ups and downs for about 2 months but we've been much better for the past few weeks. However, recently something has come up that has irked me. Due to the long-distance, we have resorted to many phone conversations and also talking on IM. When we do see each other it is usually only for about 2 days (1 night). I will just list some things he does that are really quite annoying: 1. When we go out to bars and lounges, he feels the need to tell me how 'hot' he thinks a girl is. He has even pointed them out and said 'Her * * * is so hot in that skirt'. He then proceeded to tell me why that skirt is hot and how, if I get the side view-it's even more hot. When I get tense and 'Huuh? I don't care.' He tells me to calm down and 'Don't worry, I only want you.' Okay, fair enough but keep in mind that I have just travelled 4 hours just to see him and when I get there, he does that! I pretend to be semi-ok with this on the outside because I don't want him to think I'm being irrationally jealous. I even sometimes agree 'Yeah, she's really pretty'. Of-course I can appreciate a gorgeous woman but there are limits. He chuckles when he sees me like this. As though, he wants me to feel jealous or threatenned or something. 2. I remember when we were watching a movie and these two gorgeous girls appeared on the screen for a few seconds; he looked like he was going to explode from the sheer sexiness. Again, I understand this and am not upset by this fact. But it does irk me when he repeatedly refers to them and says 'They're perfect. I love those two. They're going to be my wives.' I tried to make light of it and said 'Oh, you love everybody'. To which he strangely replied: 'Well, not everybody. I don't love you'. At that point, I turned into one of those people I hate: The Jealous Girl. I said 'Okay. Fine. Goodnight.' Yes, I had a short fuse that time. I admit that it's too early to be saying 'I love you' but still found his bluntness just rude. I was not searching for an 'I love you' and even if he didn't mean it like that, who says things like 'I DON'T love you?' Of-course after that, he said 'Oh, don't be like that'. I said 'I'm fine. But that was rude. You can't just say that.' He always thinks that I am fishing for an 'I love you'. Ridiculous. He always tries to backtrack and patch things up, replying with a 'You know I'm kidding....' And before everyone tells me to 'get over it' because he was 'kidding'-no, I know this guy. He's not kidding. He's trying to band-aid it for now. 3. When we are not physically together we talk via IM as we work a lot at our computers. I don't understand why he needs to send me pictures of girls in bikinis and then says 'You should get something like that. It's hot'. I told him 'I don't want you to send me girl pictures' and I never accept the file. I just don't understand why he would want to show me these things. I really really don't understand it. I don't care that he has these pictures, he can go for his life. He's a young guy, I imagine most guys have girlie pictures somewhere BUT, it's annoying when he tries to send them to me. Do all guys do this? And what on earth does it mean? That he'd rather I look like the girls in the pictures and the hot ones he points out? Or is he hinting at something I'm not quite getting? Is it to keep me on my toes? ps. Oh dear. That was long. Sorry guys! Thanks for reading and any replies.

Ok. An update. Let's call my guy, Jake. I tried to do the no-contact thing and give Jake some space. Even he suggested that we take some time apart for the rest of the week. But. He called me three times and messaged me once the following day. Am I not meant to pick up? Granted I said little but yes, we did speak. He also asked me why I did not reply to his message. I said I didn't know. We've since put a band-aid on our issues and after discussions and tears, we managed to enjoy each other's company again. He has since come up here to see me and I just went down to visit him last weekend. We have a fun time in the bedroom but everything else is pretty much as it's always been. Whenever we go out as a group, I find that I am spending more and more time with his friend, Andy. We get along very well and he says he 'feels really bad for me when nobody talks to me' (as I often don't know or am not introduced to his friends very well). He and Jake have been friends for a few years now. I have known Andy for the same amount of time as I have known Jake, albeit I have spent much less time with Andy overall. Recently, Andy and I have been enjoying each other's company much more. We have become good friends. He is 'sort of' interested in my friend and clearly, I am interested in his friend. You can sort of see where this is going. It must be transference or something. I'm hoping Andy and I don't fall for each other (because at the moment we are cool with being friends and nothing more) although, I often wonder if my friend and I have just picked the wrong guys and need to swap. This was what someone asked me when I told them this story.

Hi everyone, Thank You so much for your replies. I will try not to contact him this week. If he calls, is it wise to answer and talk? Because I imagine that not talking would turn this into a bigger mess. Well, I guess, the old ego survives another assault.

Well, ok. I hope everyone is having an okay day. Here I go: I'm 22 and I've known this guy for just over 1 month. He's one year younger. In the beginning we decided that we weren't going to get attached to each other because I lived too far away. After I got a bit attached to him (it had to happen sooner or later!), we had a big talk and he basically told me that he didn't think this was going to go anywhere and that I should stop investing my heart into it because I'll only get hurt. He was fine with the casualness of it all. That stung but a male friend talked me out of moping and convinced me that I was only 22, it had only been a few weeks, and that I didn't really have time for a proper relationship anyway. He suggested that I should learn to either let go or have fun with what I've got. So I learnt to have fun. To enjoy whatever it was that we have. And honestly, we have a lot of fun and basically make each other feel good for the most part. Apart from this committment issue, he treats me very well and I do kind of adore him now. If he wants to see me he has to drive for nearly 4 hours. He has done this twice now. I also see him, same deal, same distance. During the week he says he misses me and can't wait to see me. We talk every night either on the phone (for hours almost every night) or on IM. That's a lot of talking I suppose. He says he really likes me, cares about me, thinks I'm an amazing girl and wants to continue seeing me (not in the dating sense) yet does not want anything to happen with us. As in, he doesn't want a relationship. And before anyone asks if it's just about the sex-he tells me that it's not important if I don't want to do it and that I'm more to him than just sex. Tonight he told me that he has basically not been without a girlfriend for 7 years and needs a break from it all. This is understandable. He also said that he remembers telling me he was getting attached to me, and that he didn't like it. He didn't say he need space, he just said he needed a break from all of the 'girlfriend drama'. I am quite a reasonable person but he makes me feel as though I am a needy girl asking and whining. He does not like it when I bring this topic into conversation and he feels I take everything too seriously. Should I continue being there for him? When he says he doesn't want me to get attached to him? I just feel like such a loser; hanging around when the guy doesn't even want to like me. He also says that he wants me to feel nothing and he wants to feel nothing. He admitted that he is confused about how he feels about me but he is adamant that he is not confused about how he wants to feels and how he wants me to feel (ie: he wants us to feel nothing for each other). My ego took a bashing tonight. And all I really wanted to know was why he contradicts himself by travelling so far to see me and spending so much time with me when he 'doesn't want anything'. Well, I guess I asked for it. I know that I should known better but what does this all mean? I know he's laid it all out on the table before but are his mixed feelings anything to be hopeful about? I don't get it. Am I being pushy? I haven't asked him to go out with me. All I wanted was clarification of where this was going. He says it's going nowhere but then why does he still put in so much effort to see and keep contact with me? Before out mini-fight tonight, we had originally planned for me to go to see him (as it was my turn to travel) next week. Should I go? Or should I tell him that I can't? I just enjoy his company and physical presense and find it hard to let go of him. Thank you for any help/replies. I know I haven't been very articulate. It's hard to write when you're all muddled.