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anna_k

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  1. anna_k
    Ok, I am no expert nor do I want to come accross as arrogant however, I've been told I'm good at it and this is pretty much what I know: 1. If he's REALLY in the mood-it doesn't take long at all. A few minutes and he's gone. 2. Sometimes it can take forever, even on a guy who has previously finished at the 5 minutes mark. I think the important thing is to enjoy and get into it because then he can get into it. Someone said that its more touch that intensity-that's very true. Use your hand and give your jaw a break if its going for ages. 3. I always put the whole thing when its soft. Then it gradually gets harder. I also use the twisting motion with my hands but I find the part that seems to make him feel really good is when I reach the tip of the penis I tighten my grips then take my hand and mouth off completely. I don't know if that makes sense. I guess its similar to him entering you then withdrawing all the way out. Apparently it's nice. 4. Also nice is wrapping your tongue around it in a swirling kind of movement. It's really hard to explain. Imagine you want to wrap his penis with your tongue. It makes your tongue really tired though. Bad. 5. I think maintaining rhythm is important. I've noticed that when I don't keep good, consistent rhythm the whole event takes me forever. 6. The gag reflex also feels good and so if you can deepthroat-more power to you! 7. A few fun things to try: blindfold him, do it somewhere (safe/private) outdoors, spit on it, biting the nearest part of his thigh, using two hands ('the perpetual vagina'), changing angles (like instead of being in front, move to the side), if he's a visuals guy-use your hand, look at him and say something naughty.....that's what I do when I'm getting tired and need him to come soon. Haha. Hasn't failed me yet! That's all I've got. Have fun.
  2. anna_k
    I feel I need to simplify my life now so I'm hoping to let this thread go to sleep. I won't lie to anyone. I tried to do NC and it worked only for a couple of days. I haven't seen him though. I've been sticking to my guns and saying 'no'. However, we still occasionally talk. Very very occasionally but it's still there unfortunately. Last night he asked me if I wanted to meet up. Before I said anything he asked if I could invite one of my friends along...like I am just a tour guide to the amusement park. He told me he thinks she's attractive. When he met her, which was at that dinner thing I had last year, he virtually did a double-take. I have no idea why she's being brought into the conversation all the sudden. (This is the problem with having attractive friends and idiot guys around.) I said 'no' and didn't change my mind despite ongoing efforts to convince me otherwise. Not that I expected it but there's been absolutely no compassion or expression of remorse at all. And why should there be? He feels he's done nothing wrong. It's been a good learning curve. I'm too jealous and emotional to be with a guy who loves his freedom so much that he tells me I'm being uptight. I know everyone loves the freedom to look and ogle or whatever, but if there's not potential for committment then what is there right? I'm glad I met him actually. At least I know I need to wise up and be more mature about my relationship choices. I got too emotional and that pushed him away. I know that now. 20/20 vision in hindsight. No, I'm not torturing myself over this anymore. That last incident just killed everything I had left. It really really hurt. I just wanted to lay this thread to rest because I no longer want to deal with him and how he makes me feel. Thanks to anyone who read this and offered advice. I appreciate it muchly.
  3. anna_k
    I think I need to enter this challenge. So today is Day 1? If so, it wasn't a very nice day. Dreamt about him last night. Woke up thinking about him this morning. Was distracted by talking to friends and work for the remainder of the day. It's nearing bedtime now and I'm sad again. The night are horrible. He has been messaging me saying he wants to talk. I want to aswell and it hurts to say no. I'm hoping this is going to be a case of "worse before it gets beter".
  4. anna_k
    Hi Cassie. I just meant that I was physically too tired to justify myself in my other post and not as though I was peeved or anything. What does he personally mean to me? Well, firstly I'm not that old so it's not like I've had vast experiences with adult relationships. Although it's true that I should be old enough to know better. As I said before I've never had a relationship this serious/intense. Before everything went wrong it was very nice. Right in the beginning everyone was saying how lucky I was but in the end, not so lucky after all. I guess that brief period was enough to make me really care about him. It doesn't help that other people say bad things about him...it makes me want to defend him. He's sort of my first real everything. For better or worse, that's the way it is. Motivations? Hope is evil. That's all I can say. I feel there's been a lot lost in communication and translation. We're very different and often interpret what the other person says the wrong way, trouble inevitaly ensues. I guess I just want to sort everything out and be clear but have virtually given up on this because it's probably never going to happen.
  5. anna_k
    Because I've never felt like this over anyone before. I'm too tired to justify anything now. But anyway, the reason I came on here again is to say that I'm starting SuperDave's NC challenge today. Today was the first time his name flashed on the phone and on my computer screen and I really decided to not respond with anything. Before I may have not responded but I always had the overwhelming urge to. Sort of like a 'Consequences be dammed, I'll do it anyway!' moment. Wish me luck.
  6. anna_k
    Yes, I know you're right. But it's still hard. I can handle the truth, but the truth is horrible. I think a lot of what happened was my fault really. I probably pushed things too fast and too hard in the beginning, no wonder he 'friend-zoned' me. I guess I knew this would happen. And to think, I wasn't even looking for a boyfriend at all. Sometimes I wonder if what people would say if he wrote about me on here (like the male-version of this thread). I'm sure everyone would think I was pushy first then too pathetic later. Ouch.
  7. anna_k
    I don't think I choose to be disrespected. I know I tolerate it when I shouldn't because I'm a pushover.. My brain thinks 'I gave him the option to leave me. If he doesn't it must mean something positive.' Some people aren't that wise or raised that strong. Some people are just stupid, blind and deaf. Some people have low self-esteem and various other issues. Some people have too much foolish hope for their own good. Some people can't stop caring that quickly. Some people reacted very stupidly. Everyone does everything in their own time. I already know I'm an idiot. I wish I could just be strong and together enough to say 'I won't put up with that' and never have anything to do with that person again (permanently). I'm working on it but it's not going to happen overnight.
  8. anna_k
    I just read this and: a sad haha. Have you noticed how quick kids are growing up now? I've not even reached my mid-20s but I feel old saying that. I'm sure it was a rhetorical question but: I wouldn't have a clue if young boys are getting more disrespectful to women. I DO know that there's a lot more access to entertainment and porn and such like so more of them expect perfect women aesthetically. I don't know if it makes them less respectful or not because I don't have younger brothers or any of that age in my family. I know that my guy expects a perfect and compliant woman. And if not: Trade In. By the same token, I wonder what kind of girls they're cultivating in school these days. I hope stronger, smarter ones.
  9. anna_k
    I asked my male friends this and they feel that he was stupid to do it but I also over-reacted slightly because it was probably a joke and that this girl was a random, 'he's never going to meet her' sort. Granted, he WAS trying to make a point (that fake breasts can look hot). I know. The point being made was possibly worse than the photo itself. Also, I'm not his girlfriend anymore so it's not like I have that much right to get insanely mad at him (I did anyway). He said he wasn't going to leave me again for some girl but that doesn't mean I'm his girlfriend. Sometimes he tries hard to impress me and get me back. And then...he'll do something like this and undo it all. Haha. Idiot. I know it is disrespectful but I don't think he's trying to see if I'm into girls. I'm exactly like you also, I can aprecciate good genes but I do not care how hot other girls are. He actually told me that he doesn't want to be 'too nice' to me all the time otherwise I'll get used to it and he'll just have to keep topping himself each time. And it will get to the point where he can't go any better. That's what happenned with his other girlfriend. I don't drive 4 hours anymore. I relocated back this year (not for him). We live about 30 minutes apart now but I see him a lot less than I did last year. I have not driven to his house so far this year. As I said, I'm working slowly through this. Everything is getting fewer and far between. Which is good. You have to admit, I'm a lot better than I used to be. Well, I think so.
  10. anna_k
    Yeah. Love's not only blind but deaf. I know he's holding back though. He told me so. I am basically paying for the behaviour of his ex-gf-who took him for granted and kept on demanding more from him until he snapped. I tell him to get a new girl all the time but he says 'no' then will go all silent. Meh.
  11. anna_k
    Why why. That is the question. It takes small steps I guess. I don't call him ever (I haven't for months). I haven't gone to see him. This is what I'm keeping up atm. I cannot cut all communication yet because my life has no room for a big messy fight right now. We still occasionally message. He went to visit some family overseas recently. I was not expecting anything because he had an early flight but when I got to work, I found a message from him saying he was about to board and that he'd miss me. I know it's apparent that I like him more than he likes me but I honestly was not expecting that. Our relationship (or whatever you call it) has definitely changed since the horrible break-up incident. For better and for worse. Sometimes I feel like there's something huge we've both misunderstood with each other. The latest thing to develop is the fact that he openly talks to his parents about me now. In the past he has avoided all questions from them. They are able to joke (he tells me about this) and his parents have started to ask him how I am doing and how my work is. I have never kept him hanging and he's been given the opportunity to be free of me and us. Whenever I tell him to find another girl, he tells me to 'be quiet' and to stop talking like that. I'd ignore him except he has my number. And no, I can't turn my phone off because of work. And yes, he calls from a private line most of the time (no caller ID). If I pick up and it's him, I've done what you guys suggested and was very short and monosyllabic. If I'm like this he says he will call again later to make sure I'm ok as he is probably used to having a more engaging conversation. Don't ask me what it means. You can't win. I'm alright at the moment but I'm going to have the Talk when he gets back (I didn't want to have it before he went away because I didn't want him sad for the trip). Yes I am wasting time and brain cells. I tried to talk the NC-leap and fell in a heap. Baby steps are the way to go for me.
  12. anna_k
    Hrrrm, let's see. What happenned today? Phone call? Check. Request for sex? Check. Sending a sexy-photo of a girl to me? Check. Me using evil words and leaving? Check! It's become an experiment. It never ceases to amaze me how one person can find certain things normal whilst another will find them completely disrespectful. It is also amazing to see how much one person can take. For me, I guess I believe everyone has good in them and should be given chances (as I would like people to think the same for me). This was clearly my downfall in this situation. For him, it is sort of amusing to see how much arguing and relationship-bickering he will take given the fact that he's not actually in one.
  13. anna_k
    I had another bleed tonight. So far I have been bleeding after every session of sex (except one). Tonight's was a big bleed. It soaked through. I was completely shocked. And now I'm all swollen and it feels all sore and 'full' down there. It appears as though something is protruding out. I'm not sure what's going on because I can't quite see. Is this to be expected when the guy is much bigger than the girl should have?
  14. anna_k
    He called again. At some ridiculous hour. Luckily I had anticipated this and turned my phone on silent. When I woke up this morning I found the missed call and a message from him asking me why I hadn't called back. Utterly strange behaviour. He must be on drugs or something...I don't know how to explain the Jekyll and Hyde behaviour. Furthermore, someone is lying to me about my friend going over there last night. I got a message from her about 2 minutes after his phone call and message. She apparently had no idea why I was asking her. Now I feel like a horrible person. I AM a horrible person. I did not believe him 100% when he said it but I had to ask her anyway. Well...it's blatantly obvious that I have no trust in anyone at the moment. I wish I never got mad at her. Even if she did go, I still should not be mad at her. Ah, it just never ends. If this is not the crux of jealousy, then I don't know what is. Jealousy is like this little black bug in your system making you suspect everyone else out there of foul-play.
  15. anna_k
    An update. I received a phone call tonight from him. After distinctly telling him not to call me. He was sort of acting all apathetic and cool about it. He even yelled something out to his friends in the background and laughed. Why did I pick up? I had just finished talking to my best friend. Half-a second later my phone rang again. I assumed it was her as I as in the middle of dialing her back anyway. I should have checked. But I didn't. His name doesn't come up since I erased the number. A series of unfortunate events. He is having some people over tonight and asked me if I wanted to come. I said that I did not. Then he said he had just called my other close friend, she was on the way there and I should get a lift. She did not tell me. Of-course, she has every right to go. But geez. Doesn't friendship count for anything? Especially considering how fresh this is for me. I don't want to get mad at her because she's a lovely girl and very sweet to me. I know I'm being irrational but I don't care. I'm not a very happy person right now.
  16. anna_k
    You know what? I have noticed that I am slightly wary of showing too much emotion now. I am also cautious of believing guys when they compliment me and worst of all, I have hardly any self-esteem left to approach this new guy I want to get to know. I'm sure everyone would advise me to stay single for a while but really, I've been single for a long, long time now. I am intent on taking anything new very slowly and just working on getting to know the person. Seems a good idea. I agree with you. The 'chasing' should ideally happen organically and I also think that it's better for the man to initiate most things (with encouragment from the woman of-course). I occasionally butt-in because I am impatient I guess. I have to work on addressing this fear I have of losing someone. I KNOW another will come along but still, its a real fear strangely. Marcia, marcia, marcia!
  17. anna_k
    Thanks for replying Sadie. What happenned? Nothing. I haven't talked to him recently. He doesn't really understand what the big deal is. I always feel like the drama queen in this relationship. I'm sure he is immature. He still blames me for almost all of what happenned. If I didn't worry and think so much about him, he thinks we could be much happier. It's not always true that people get less and less attractive. Not for me anyway. Usually I see this occurring when past boyfriends have been rude or out-of-line but not with this guy. This is why I am writing this thread. I wouldn't have bothered to discuss it if he didn't affect me so much. It's really quite cruel in a way. Bataya: I understand what you're saying. I admire women who can just carry so much respect from men. Professionally I can achieve this but when it comes to relationships, I usually fail miserably. And I'm not even one of those fragile, quiet girls (well, you make up your own mind about how I've come accross). It doesn't happen all the time. If I am not doing the chasing the guy usually respects me quite a lot. But, as in this instance, I seem to be the one pursuing the guy. It makes sense. By the way, I'm not with him at the moment. So that's a start I guess.
  18. anna_k
    Yes I know. I guess he puts up with a lot of drama from me too. The thing is, he thinks I don't want to see him or hang out with him. I have explained that it's because I'm hurt and self-protecting myself when I say 'I don't think it's a good idea to see you right now.' He doesn't understand that I really do want to see him but it's too painful for me. He got angry at me for that. It doesn't make sense. But it doesn't have to anymore. He's stated on several occasions that he just wants us to be friends and every now and then, he wants to sleep with me. I'm not dependent on him to make me happy although yes, he plays a part. I think it has more to do with the fact that I am just so attracted to him and it bugs me that I can't have him. I don't like failure.
  19. anna_k
    All my posts on here have been about this very issue. He likes you but doesn't want to date you. If you don't call him, he calls you wondering why you haven't done so and asking 'are you too busy for me?' Similarly, my guy didn't want a girl to worry about him. He simply did not want to be attached to someone who calls him to ask his location, who he is with or what he was doing.... I never had intentions of being this type of girl but some guys are hard to persuade. And like everyone else in this situation, I've been tempted. I don't call but send messages. Usually its because I miss him. Anyway, I've done it all. First I tried to force him into it by giving him an ultimatum 'relationship with sex or strict friendship with no sex?' It never worked. We still had sex but for me it was like 'So this means a relationship' and for him it was like 'We're still just friends.' Then I tried to make him miss me by not contacting him for months. And he eventually called me after 2 months absense. I was suddenly injected with all this hope. Because, why would he still miss me after such a long time if he didn't want a relationship right? WRONG. He just missed me as a friend (and I use the term loosely). As someone to keep him company when he's lonely or cold in bed. I haven't contacted him for about 2 weeks now. This is probably the tenth time we've had a fight. It's the hardest thing but I guess we've got to have faith in the old saying: "If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they're yours forever. If they don't come back, you never really had them to start with."
  20. anna_k
    He doesn't really believe me when I say I don't care or that we shouldn't communicate anymore. I've done the cold and apathetic 'Yeah, whatever' thing. I've made it out as though it's his last chance. It doesn't work. He'll just forget that I ever said anything next time we talk. We've had plenty of time off and away from each other. We fight A LOT. He always comes back trying to be my friend again or wanting something. He has always initiated things after each break. Yes, it's my fault that I respond but hope is an evil thing. I do like him a lot more than he likes me. He wants a friend with benefits. I want a relationship. That is out in the open but I know I will never get what I want. I know its a problem. I'm pretty much posting to document the events and in the future, read back and try not to do the same thing!
  21. anna_k
    Your post struck a chord with me actually. I am in many ways similar to you: -I always have short relationships where the guy pursues me first then goes cold whilst I simultaneously get more attached. Always. I always seem to like them more too. I often ask myself: 'What is so wrong with me that makes it impossible for them to love me?' Initially I am attractive to them then suddenly, they go cold. I have a feeling it is because I am a very feminine person. I'm maternal and emotional (erring on the side of melodrama apparently). I'm sure none of these things are attractive to young guys (who always chase me first. It's almost cruel how these things work out!) -I've never admitted it but I think a lot of guys want me just for sex. It's just sad and insulting. But I can't do anything about it. I don't dress provocatively and don't sleep around or take up offers (I've slept with less than 3 people in my lifetime). -My life looks amazing from the outside. I've worked my butt off getting to where I am. If I could look at it without being in the frame, I'd probably be envious. Of-course, living my life has never been peachy. Despite my successes my sense of worth, as someone said before, is probably tied up in being with another person. Don't give up your study. It's the one of those things that you'll look back and be proud of. You always feel good when you get through something hard like that, not everyone can do it. -I have a slight accommodation problem too. 'Slight' in that I usually I live alone whilst I've been finishing my degree (my family is interstate) but my mum recently came here to stay because she was worried about me and refused to take 'no' as an answer. Needless to say, I don't bring guys back home and I never let them come over. This has affected my relationships for sure. I know it's a really hard thing to do but you sound like you used to have the motivation to do well in school. Don't neglect that. Motivation is such a valuable thing. There's a great quote by Mark Twain or someone that roughly goes: 'Time doesn't change everything, we have to change things ourselves.' PM me if you ever feel the need. Good luck with everything.
  22. anna_k
    Spirits: I really do wish I was wrong about him. I mean, why else would I have given him all those chances? I have a 'friends don't sleep with each other' policy. I think having it both ways is pretty selfish when you know the other person has feelings for you beyond friendship. If he wanted me around as a friend, he cannot ask me for sex. I think that is a reasonable request. If he wants a gf, all he has to do is say it. In the grand scheme of things it's true; he's not that bad. He doesn't beat me up, get in trouble with the law, do drugs or hides kids from previous relationships. He's from a good family. Yes yes, he's not THAT bad. I'm sure it's very hard to be a guy. But consider how hard it is to be with a guy who makes it impossible for you to love him but also impossible for you not to.
  23. anna_k
    Its unfortunate that these updates are in real time. "As it happens" and all that jazz. I'm so angry. He keeps asking me for sex. It's true what they say then. Every time you relapse and recover, it's just like another mini-break-up. Clearly I've found a guy who isn't so stupid to not capitalise on a person's weakness.
  24. anna_k
    Just an aside: I just want to thank everyone who has read, replied or PM'd me about this. I know it's hard to be patient and helpful with someone who appears to not want to help themselves.
  25. anna_k
    Well, things are a bit messier now. We started communicating again and we even went out for coffee once. Whilst I did have a relapse I have to say that I am more detached after each episode than I had been in the past. But no, it's not complete detachment. I'm at the point where what I do next could lead to two very different outcomes. I'm too scared to go either way. If I keep seeing him I will fall for him all over again. I think we'd end up getting back together. He told me that he wasn't going to chase other girls anymore. Do I believe him? I'd like to but past history is telling. If I ignore him from this point (which is what I had been attempting to do) I know I'll just miss him a lot and I'll probably never see him again. Its a sad thought. I think I end up losing either way. The strange thing is: I have other guys to think about right now. And yet, I'm still thinking about him. I am very confused at the moment. I really like this new guy I met recently but I just cannot shake the old one off. Its to my detriment I know.
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