jumper71

It is ashame, and I know it must hurt, but if you were that close and he was so sure he did not want to be committed to you, the best thing for yourself is to end it. You have to think of yourself, and I know you have strong feelings towards this person and it is very painful to think that they do not love you the same, but there isn't anything you can do about it. Think of what you said, how great you were to him, you cooked for him, took care of him, and what did you get out of it. There are plenty of fish in the sea that would love to meet someone like you and treat you much better, it should be a equal playing field. Stay strong and good luck!

I've been in this situation a couple of times in the past few months. It is heart wrenching in a way because you really like the person and don't want to lose the friendship, but know better than continue it and have it just hurt them worse down the line. I have been the victim of that before and it is not a nice thing to do. Everyone gets hurt no matter what we do to some degree, best to be an adult and respectful. If you really aren't feeling it, if you aren't getting turned on by her, then she would be better as a friend, but that might not be possible since you already sort of established dating. She might get mad, take a break from her, tell her you just don't want a relationship, can only be friends. One girl I still keep in touch with and we spend time together, she met someone else but still likes going out from time to time, the other hasn't returned my last email in almost 3 weeks so I guess she felt differently. Personally I would take the latter's route if I was in the same situation with a girl who told me she wasn't interested in anything more. I eventually want a LTR that will be right for the both of us, not just one of us, and I would have no hard feelings understanding that.

I know I am not a boob man, but I can't help from looking at them. My first 3 sexual exp were with girls that were smaller in the chest dept and I never thought about it. I had 2 in a row after that were extremely large chested and had my guy friends wanting high-fives but personally I was overwhelmed, didn't know what to do with them. Now that Im older, I really don't care. Its not the size of the boobs that turn me on sexually, its the female body in general, it is ridiculous, but it is a real turn on in general from your hair, neck, back, legs... don't get me started. Women are great in general, smart ones with a heart of gold are true heaven on earth. I'll still jerk my head when i see boobs walk by (try my best not to) or when the waitress leans over the table and she is wearing a mini-skirt, but I really can't help it. Most guys have this visual que that will just about trump even the most self controlled individuals. I can tell you not to feel self conscious about it, but you really shouldn't worry about it. It is like a guy thinking his whatever is too small, when in reality that is the least of your concerns when getting to know someone.

For a second date see a movie or a band or go to a game. Something that you don't have to be constantly talking to each other as you don't want to burn out. Also gives you something to talk about. Also try to mix it up and do a couple or a few things. Meet up for a drink, go out to eat, then see a movie, or reverse. Better yet, go to a game early in the day, then go out to eat somewhere, then walk it off. An amusement park is also good as you'll be going on rides and playing games that will get you laughing and smiling.

As a guy, have you ever been burned by a damsel in distress? I know I have, really horrific... It is painful to see friends meet others and fall into it. For whatever the reasons, it seems to be almost human nature, ingrained to some degree. The guy opening the door for the lady, throwing down his coat so her shoes don't get muddy, to be a gentleman you put yourself out, do what is expected. When a female is in distress and crying on your shoulder, it almost gives a feeling of duty. Of course maturity and experience bring this out of the natural instinct and show the reality that this is most likely destined for bad things. It is ashame because now I really avoid girls with this sort of behavior, and some of them are so attractive and I know that the inital period would be so passionate, but getting burned isn't worth it. Rather find someone with more self responsibility, not a damsel looking for a white knight.

#1 Qualities I look for may be different than others, it varies. I look for personality and some physical attractiveness. Someone who is confident with themselves and shows that she is possibly interested in me. Ideals and dreams say alot so if I meet a girl that tells me right off the bat that she never wants to get married, doesn't need a man to feel good about herself, that is a turn off. Not that I am looking for someone dependent, it just makes me wonder why she accepted the date in the first place. Kindness and apathy are very nice to see, there are feminine qualities like being more emotional, feeling more romantic, etc.. that are attractive. She doesn't have to be a model, or super attractive physically, as the personality comes out that makes less of a difference. Some degree of attraction is needed for both though, and people have different likes and dislikes. #2 For a first date, depending on what you are doing, it is nice to have someone dressed down a bit but still look sexy. For a first date, I personally feel that there shouldn't be too much pressure on how dressed up you can get, that can wait for a few dates in when you really want to spend a night on the town. Jeans, sandals, whatever, makes me more relaxed and more likely to be myself openly and feel she is the same. #3. Too much confidence can be a turn off, too much shyness can be a turn off. Again, no one wants to date someone thinking "why the hell did she even want to go out with a guy", but being too shy can get real annoying. Many if not most are shy, and by seeing that in someone else, it can be endearing, brings up similar feelings. I'd say a mix, I don't want someone who can't order their own food, but having someone scream out the window at traffic can be just as scary. #4. A little make up, I am not a fan of make up really, but a little lipstick or eye makeup can go a long way, give the real wow factor. Too much and I wonder what she looks like without, and why she put so much on. #5. I never expect her to chug alcohol, men in general can handle more than women anyway. If a guy is pounding beers on his first date, that isn't a very good sign anyway. If I have 2 beers, she usually has 1 and most girls don't drink more than 3 in a row unless they are planning on getting wasted beforehand. I try my best not to drink too much on dates, once you are together for a bit you can both get hammered and sloppy on each other. I've found that when you start out drinking heavily the relationship sort of depends on it which gets old fast. #6. I love holding hands, if I can't get something out of my pocket without getting a look like I slapped her that can get annoying. I feel awkward holding hands early on in dating, because I don't know how she'll feel about it, it is sort of something you do once you cross the threshold where you know you really like each other. I don't know about most guys but holding hands or having an arm around each other is more than fine by me, wish more girls were into it.

You and your friend are very astute. It is true to some degree, just as women going after * * * * * * * * who treat them horribly. The damsel in distress is an easy trap to fall into and sometimes it is done unknowingly especially in the beginning. It strokes the ego, it inflates confidence and gives a strong sense of purpose and meaning. It is also complete BS as it is easily manipulated by women, some who do it intentionally and those that are eternally in the midst of turmoil of some sort. As a relationship forms it can become tiresome as the problems never cease, the minute one is finally resolved there are three others cropping up be it another suitor, work issue, whatever. If the problems resolve and then there is no need of fixing the situation of the relationship can take a turn for the worse as the ego inflation no longer exists and the dynamic of the relationship can change. Either way, it is a great way to jump into something, but for long term it is destined for * * * * *ing and griping, fueling the bars and alcohol industries for men not wanting to return home after work, high divorce rates, and bitter attitudes towards other women in the future, hence the popularity of the song "Gold Digger". Like the bad boy finally tamed by the girlfriend who grows bored of him once he learns to cry during lifetime movies...

I personally cannot stand it when a woman acts dumb or is in actuality ignorant of most things in life. Intelligent women do not put me off, it is the main thing I look for in women, but difficult to find, not to sound rude but I think many grow up with experiences that to get a guy interested in them they must stroke his ego by playing dumb. Conversation is key in any relationship and if you can't get any going then it is not worth pursuing. I don't care how attractive someone is, but if they do not know who ran for president last election, no comprehension of basic geography ("Isn't Japan in China?"), and basically is clueless to all things outside of celebrities and MTV, then forget it. Emotional intelligence is a whole other issue. I do have a thing for unique quirky women, an artistic or creative side is super hot. I have been in relationships with very intelligent women, successful women and it was great. There is no need to flaunt this or that, I am quite modest and prefer that as well. It is never a good idea to tell someone they are stupid concerning a topic, or how much more intelligent you are, in grade school that might seem acceptable but shows real immaturity and where their mindset is. Show me a girl that reads on a regular basis, is compentent at what she does, likes to explore and learn new things, is cute, and has the emotional side (cries at movies, loves getting flowers) and I'll give you a million dollars. Actually, there are many women out there like that, just not so many at the clubs and bars. Men on the otherhand... Egos run amok in men, many feel they have to prove something either by being smarter, better, whatever, or the feel they do not have any worth. Outside of being able to do things like play sports, bet, compete, one-up people, make money, they feel they lack any intrinsic worth. Left to their own devices with no outlet many guys lose it. I've seen this with guys after a breakup, after losing a job, not making a team, it shakes their very existence because it is as if they have lost all value since they had none in themselves. As men age they start to realize this and become a bit deeper, thus the saying that women mature earlier than men. Its a fine line and we all walk it but if you are having trouble meeting intelligent guys, try the bookstores, coffee shops, anywhere, if you are just going to bars and clubs you have a chance but it is much slimmer.

Get her two cards and get her twin a card and a small gift as well. Give her a special present for her b-day like the necklace you gave her, then see if you can get her something at a spa, like a massage or a makeover type thing, girls love that. For a small gift for her twin, get her a blockbuster card or 25 bucks gift card to a restuarant for her and her bf to split. It will make you look like a gentlemen and you'll gain ton of respect from her and her family for it. I wouldn't spend total over $125 for all of it. May seem like a lot but your knocking out 3 gifts actually so it isn't bad.

I've been going on dates often lately (recently out of a ltr) and here are some of the things I have done that have worked out - Art Show/Museum with dinner/lunch Amusement Park Hike/walk through park with dinner/lunch Drinks/shoot pool, then out to a club or two Movie then food and drinks after to talk (I know, standard but it works) Bowling then out for drinks/live music Outdoor stuff (canoeing in my case) then food/drinks I fear I sound like an alcoholic, but usually on the first date at one point or another if you get something to eat you'll have something to drink or if you are at a bar/club you'll have a couple of drinks. It is funny, because they could be serving non-alcoholic drinks and I think people would still loosen up a great deal. Basically it invovles doing something together that won't terribly bore each other, provides some entertainment, and also provides time to talk. If you break it into two parts the time flies yet it makes the time seem longer than it was in your memory of it -and breaks up any monotony.

I don't think interracial should be an issue, especially if he is good friends with your brother. In my experience I had difficulty dating a black girl due to her family and friends, not mine (I am white). Racism exists in all facets on boths sides, it really depends on the person and the people they are surrounded by. There will always be difference, your gender, personality, likes/dislikes, etc.. Religion is important, but when you are first befriending someone with the intentions of maybe dating this person, it doesn't always have to be the first thing crossing your mind. Wondering whether or not he will want you to wear skirts is not really important since you haven't even found out you two would even date. Most guys I know don't see race, they see the person, and women are women, people are people. Some people find other people attractive, other people do not. Faith can be more difficult, but depending on how they feel about each other, they can come to a mutual respect that can strengthen one another. Good luck.

To answer your question about how to know what kind of relationship they are looking for, you find that out on your first date. Offer your number if someone seems like they enjoy talking to you, ask them to call you. When you go out, do something where you can talk, you can generally find out in a couple hours whether someone is one way or the other on what you may or may not prefer. For a first date, you can have him pick you up or you can agree to meet up somewhere (in case you want to bail). See it more of a social experiment than a slim shot at eternal love, you'll loosen up more and try to make the best of it, even if you aren't having the best time. When I go out on dates, even if I know I want to get out of there, I will still make it a point to try to enjoy myself and not get down about it. You'll be ok, you are attractive and have plenty going for you - being shy and thoughtful, introspective, these are things that many guys crave, what they wish they could find, consider yourself special, you are more of a catch than you realize.

I know what you mean when you say you have no friends. Being in a LTR like that can be damaging once it is over because you are so isolated. As a guy, and being shy myself earlier on (I still am to some degree), you'll find that if you pay attention, guys are checking you out all the time. That is what guys do, especially when they are single. Go to the library, go to the store, go to starbucks and take your time. If you see someone you think is single, check him out, if he looks at you and you smile back, which is totally harmless is shows him you are approachable. If you look away real fast, or down at your feet, he probably thinks you are in a relationship. Don't expect anything, and if someone says hi, or asks how you are doing, understand that it might have taken that person a lot of courage to talk to you also, so talk back. It might feel awkward, but it always does early on. If I were a girl, and I were you, I would go to a bookstore where they had a coffee shop and just read a book while keeping an eye out. If a guy sits by himself and you look over, you'll catch his glance more than once, if you smile or say hi, there is a good chance if he is looking to talk, he will approach you. It is difficult being in your situation, it must be painful at times, but saying you are fairskinned, freckled and red-haired is actually a big plus to many people. Being a red-head is ten times better than being a blonde. If you are insecure, maybe you should try a little makeup, I have known many people that swore against makeup, but when they used a little lipstick or eye makeup, it boosted their confidence immensely for some reason.

You get better by doing it. Get out, socalize, talk more, take risks even if you don't want to. Everyone is boring, the whole idea that someone else's life is exciting and packed full of goodness and good times is a bunch of bull. How about this, go skydiving, kayaking, white water rafting, play a game of baseball, soccer, shoot guns, paint a portrait, right a novel, travel the world, a week later sit around the house watching TV doing nothing and you'll feel like the most boring person ever. Try your best to not focus on yourself, but when you are talking to someone, focus on them. If you can't think of what to say in relation to what they are talking about, then just ask more questions, stay away from anything heavy early on.

It is never easy, I have done it in the past to no success at the train stations, but have had better luck other places. You have to gear yourself up that you really don't care one way or the other whether she responds positively to you or not. Think of something to say, try not to come accross as creepy. Ask what she is reading, talk about the weather, news, her outfit, whatever, anything can get a conversation flowing. You'll generally get the idea a little into it whether it is worth trying for her number. Remember that it is in the morning or evening when people can be most annoyed so maybe take your time with it, talk for a few times then ask for number or a date. Come accross as you aren't plying for a number and it makes it easier to get. The train or bus is tough because you see the same person again and again and if you come accross crazy, you'll have to deal with that for a few days till you forget about it.

Talk about anything. I know personally, which may sound odd, that hearing you talk about your day and stuff like that can be very relaxing. I like to hear a female's voice and their perspective on even the most common of topics, there are things that make women unique. If it is constantly negative, that can be bad, but even what you watched on TV and liked, what you did for lunch, anything.

I am curious how people met their significant other. Was it through the internet? If so, how? I have used online dating sites and see how that works, but to get to know someone so far away, enough so that you get enganged is intriguing. My one experinece with a LDR was in college with a girl that moved away, it lasted for more than a few months and met its end. Since then I haven't even bothered to maintain a relationship with someone who was more than an hour or so away. But here I see someone from France, Spain, UK, Philippines, all meeting people and falling in love halfway around the globe and it is really encouraging that this type of love exists. There seems to be so much pessimism about true love, marriage, and the like (at least here in the US -maybe just the northeast) that the fact that this happens makes it special and is heartwarming.

I have found from my experience that every girl I have been in a LTR with, even one engagement have been much less emotional than me. They have episodes where they are emotional, but compassion and apathy are lacking and it comes accross that they just don't feel things very deeply. I know I feel things very deeply, and long to be in a relationship with someone who can also feel the same, I see a girl cry during a sad movie and wish who I was with could get past the "its just a stupid movie" mindset. I think there are men and women that bury those feelings as child-like or useless, they see it as emotional maturity, but it is seems to me that it is very limiting. Yes emotions can run too deep, they can disrupt life, but sometimes it is good to let yourself feel it strongly, it is a part of life to me that should be experienced. I really do meet the wrong women, I have dated 2 in the last 2 months have no desire to ever get married and scoff at sappy romantic things.

It is hard when you are lonely and focus on it, it intensifies things. It is best not to focus on relationships as a source of happiness, do not focus on what you are missing. Find value in yourself, if you are depressed this is very hard to do. If this is the case then you need to seek help, because on your own it is very difficult to defeat, you have to start with small proactive steps. Find a therapist you can afford, consider anti-depressants to jump start yourself out of this feeling. You need to feel some sort of self worth, take up something to express your creative side, a writing class, an art class, pick up a musical instrument, check link removed and see if anything peaks your interest. Read self-esteem books, talk to your friends, family more often focusing more on them and less on your sadness. There is no cure-all, there is no easy solution, but being alone, meaning not in a relationship, doesn't mean you have to feel lonely. There are many people in relationships that feel very lonely, it comes down to how you feel about yourself, what worth and value you see in yourself. If you can see none, then you are depressed and should seek help, it will help you move forward.

I would definitely ask for numbers or a date if I were you. The problem is that you may be too busy, between work and school there isn't much time for anything else. Also dating people you work with is never really a good idea due to the potential problems that can happen. I would check online. You don't have to go online to meet the man of your dreams, I specifically look for girls that aren't looking to get serious, more friends sort of thing. I am just not ready for that right now, and honestly I feel that if we meet as friends something more could turn out, or I might meet new people that could develop into something, rather that than replying to a girl that states she wants to get married right away to this or that, etc... I have gone on 3 dates so far, 2 were nice and we have gone out some more and I still look because after meeting them and talking I realized that I didn't want to develop anything more with them -and I didn't feel bad. We enjoy each others company for now and it is pretty laid back. You don't have to put up your own ad, just respond to others, you might be surprised, you might regret it but either way you will be getting out there and opening up your horizons.