PersonalGrowth

>2 months ago, I was the happiest man on earth. >Just having her around made me so happy. >I've lost myself. I am sorry to hear that you are hurting so badly. I agree with you that you have lost yourself. I disagree that you were truly happy 2 months ago. The reason I say this is that true happiness comes from within and no other person can "make" you happy. It sounds to me as if you were looking to your ex to fill a void within yourself and as long as she kept filling it, you were unaware of how unhappy you were with yourself. Take the time to grieve the loss. Then embark on the difficult journey of looking within to discover what you are unhappy with about yourself. I would recommend a counselor or therapist to help give you perspective. It's a tough process, but one well worth it. Best of luck.

I'm not sure which one it is in your case, but there is a difference. As I sit here on the verge of ending a relationship which had seemed fantastic at one time, I am certain that I love the man and always will - but I do not love the relationship and I am 90% certain that it's not fixable. For me in this situation, the way I can tell is that I can look at all of his qualities independent of our relationship, warts and all and feel true love for him as a person. True in the sense that I want him to be be happy, to succeed in life and even to experience great love with a woman, even if it isn't me. However, some of his qualities make it such that I seriously doubt a healthy relationship is possible and I am not willing to settle for an unhealthy one. I love HIM, feel empathy and compassion for HIM, but I am unhappy with the relationship. Getting back to the way to tell is to look at the qualities of the person; for example, he has integrity, is caring, has a good sense of humor, is sincere, stubborn ... Then look at how those qualities played out in relation to your own qualities when the two were mixed together. Best of luck to you

Don't be so hard on yourself. To begin with, NC is easier said than done. It is especially difficult in your situation where you have to see her at work. You went for it - you lived, you loved. You deserve to have someone who mirrors back your feelings and excitement. Take what you can from this - some little lesson or tidbit. In time, probably lots of it, she will fade into the distance and you will wonder what you ever saw in her. In the grand scheme of life she will be but a blip on the screen or your motion-picture in the making. Congrats on Day 1.

I see some contradictions in the email and fear she may read it and feel she has power over you and can manipulate you. If what you really want is to move on nobly, I recommend either not sending any email at all or to make it more concise. Perhaps something like... Over the last few days I've decided that I am just as incapable of maintaining a relationship with someone else now, as I was over two years ago. I have always let myself believe that you would ultimately realize that I am the man for you. You are not at fault or to blame for this and I know that. No grudges. I do, however, realize that the only way I am going to be able to let go is for us to stop communicating with one another altogether. I know you understand and I trust that you will show respect for me by honoring my request. I wish you the best.

I'm the same way, but after a few minutes it's not so sensitive. Though this is not the case when I have a nipple orgasm. How many multiples? Enough to have lost count.

One of my favorite combos - what was your longest relationship (and/or when was your last one)? and why did it end? There is skads of valuable information to be gained here. Even more important to me than the content of the answers is the surrounding stuff. These are not the questions you asked, but unspoken questions that get answered in the process, like ... Does he accept any responsibility for the demise of the relationship and if it really was all her fault does he acknowledge he had problems which led him to choose someone like that? Ideally I would get an answer here where enough time has passed since his last relationship that I am not likely to be a rebound girl, he has reflected on why it ended and the part he played and has learned from the experience, he has let it go and moved on and the reason for the breakup wouldn't cause me concern. Some bad signs here - Does he bad mouth her or show that he still harbors anger/resentment? Does he talk like he really blew it and still seems to have feelings for her? Another informative question - what do you like in a girl/woman? Hopefully he will describe qualities you possess and consider important and this also gives him the opportunity to throw a compliment your way. Through his answer, you find out if he knows what he wants. You also find out where his priorities are. Is he focussing too much on superficial things? If he is a poor choice for a mate, he may talk about what he doesn't like rather than what he does like.

Having done the online dating thing myself, this is my take. Are you sure that they are getting all the information in your email? I met my bf on link removed and prior to joining, while I could receive an email for free, the service deleted any contact information that was sent in the email. You could test this out by creating a free dummy account for yourself as a woman and then send an email to your dummy account to see what you receive. Also, try to be a bit more mysterious. They know you are interested in getting to know them or you wouldn't be contacting them. Don't give them several ways of contacting you - give them no more than two. Personally, I got turned off when a guy emailed me with questions and/or tried to get an email conversation going. The majority of men emailed me with a nice comment or two about me/my profile, expressed interest in talking or meeting with me, gave me his personal email address and phone number, and offered to call me if I preferred, then signed with his name. I did not like it when they asked me for my name - of course I signed my first name to any email reply, but somehow the idea of the man asking for my name bothered me. I had limited time and if I was interested in the guy, I wanted to get to meeting him asap so I could determine if there was chemistry or not early on and not waste a lot of time in email with someone I might feel no chemistry for in person. I also was VERY picky about who I contacted - I received over 200 emails and only initiated/replied to 7 or 8 men. Of those, I nixed one who sent me two more emails even after I wrote that I wanted to talk to or meet him, I nixed 3 more after phone conversations, and met the rest in person. I say save all the additional information about yourself and questions about her for your first phone conversation or meeting. Leave them wanting to know more about you. In my case, I liked to keep my anonymity until after the first phone call. I signed my first name to my email and opted to call him rather than give him my number. If the phone call went well, I accepted his offer to meet for coffee and took it from there. Good luck.

You and your fiance can mold your relationship in whatever way works for the two of you - it need not be "conventional." Perhaps you can talk to him about your fear of losing yourself and explore what that means to you specifically. Then you can work together to come up with ways that you can move forward in your relationship without losing yourself completely in the process. Perhaps that will mean having a certain amount of time per day/week of alone time or time spent without him in a favorite hobby/activity. Perhaps it will be a bit more exaggerated and it will mean having separate rooms or a certain room or area of the house that is "your" space and another area that is "his" space. Maybe there are certain things in which there's no room for compromise and others in which he can call the shots. The idea is to work it out together so you both win - you get enough of the time/space/whatever you need for yourself and he gets enough of whatever it is he needs. So long as he gets that it's "time to yourself" that you want and not "time away from him," he may be very happy to accommodate you and may even find that he likes the level of independence he gains in the process. Good luck!

Assuming you're still early in the dating phase with the nearby girl and you've not had the "exclusive" talk, I think you should meet the faraway girl. I feel it's appropriate to date non-exclusively for the first 3-4 months or until you've made a commitment to one woman to see her exclusively. In fact, I met my boyfriend on an internet dating site. In the beginning, we were seeing each other about 2-3 times per month. About 2 months into it, I was out for the evening with a girlfriend and following a series of strange/unusual events, we ended up driving down a particular road on the way home - she was driving in her car. We had to stop at and intersection before turning right when who crosses the street directly in front of her car but my-now-boyfriend and another woman, walking with their arms around each other? I was not upset by it as I had no expectation of exclusivity nor had we become sexually intimate. I devised a great way to bring it up on our next date, just 2 nights later. When the time came that I had "chosen" him and wanted it to be exclusive, I explicitly brought exclusivity up but up until then, I had no expectation of it.

Joke around with her a bit, perhaps tease her about something and throw in a little physical contact (like a poke or a gentle push on the knee or shoulder). Close the "personal space" gap and sit or stand closer let your legs or shoulders touch if you are sitting together, let your arm brush against her as you are walking together, put your hand on her knee. Open your arms as she first approaches you when you meet and/or as you depart to invite a hug. Kiss her. These are the things that would work on me if I were receptive to you.

It's great that you are able to get that out of being on this site. I am one who has gone through Hell in my life before reaching this wonderful place I am in in my life today. I was determined to learn only from my own mistakes and learn I have. I marvel at the wisdom is some of the posts I see here by people much younger than me. I find that I gain an even greater appreciation of myself and my bf from this site as I read some of the stuff that posters' SO's do and say.

How about, "Don't knock it 'til you try it"

You did the right thing by standing your ground and leaving in the morning. If I were you, I would not see this guy again. This is not the kind of thing to give a person a second chance with.

That he is nice to everyone, even people who haven't been nice to him The way he makes me feel like the most special woman on Earth His confidence The way his eyes twinkle when he's with me His awkward dance moves that he's not embarrassed to do His broad shoulders The way he supports me in what I do, even when it is not something that benefits him How he asks me for advice about work How he lets me know what he loves about me How he shares the details of his life with me That he cries with me when he is down The crumpled look of his hair and clothes after we've been cuddling on the couch The way he focuses his full attention on me when we are together His attempts at making me feel better when I'm down How genuine his affection for my daughter is His spontaneity His patience When he holds me in his arms and pets my head His corny jokes that he thinks are so clever His abundance of hair His dedication How he shares his feelings with me That he has never stopped opening the door for me How he sits next to me rather than accross from me in restaurants How he shares the same values as I do That he has some hobbies and interests which he pursues on his own How he supports my hobbies and interests which I pursue on my own How good he is to his family, especially his mother The way he has trouble looking into my eyes when I'm wearing a low-cut top How he never comments about or seems to notice other attractive women That he calls ahead of time to let me know he is running late That he listens and responds when I ask more of him or tell him something that hurt me That he is comfortable telling me that something I did/said hurt him When he tells other people how great he thinks I am When he makes time for me even when he really has none to spare That I could continue writing this list all day and still not cover everything

> >how do you I answer this question corectly when asked, >Does my butt look to big in this pants??? > Beat her to the punch. Let her know you think she looks great before she has the chance to ask. I've never asked this of my bf. The first time I wore tight jeans with him, he said "Damn you look good in a pair of jeans." And he repeats variations of that often.