Lansing

Good question on that! Maybe she is a "rules" type of girl.... I also ran into a situation where a girl seemed excited every time we met, or when I called her... but, a few times now she has told me she will call on a certain day and she hasn't..... What would happen if you don't call her at all? How do you think she will react?

Ok... Since I am so confused why after a few dates girls seem to "vanish" I am curious if people tend to pretend they are having a good time/enjoying the date even when they are not? It seems like I am getting all the vibes that things are going well. Sometimes things have gotten physical by date two and three... But, usually, something seems to change and the girl starts distancing herself! I don't know what I am doing wrong but... I am curious if people will just go along with the date and "pretend" everything is cool and laugh at jokes they don't even think are funny, ask you about your life, etc, even if they have no intentions of ever talking to you again??

What?? No details!! You can't do that to us... haha... I want to hear how things developed.. Did you "talk about your feelings" or did you go for a kiss or what?? Come on.. share! Maybe us others can learn

ok. I didn't read the whole e-mail .. but... "No" don't send it... No need to insult her regardless of the way she treated you. No need to tell her she has issues for example. I think you should just cut contact...

I think you are playing games by keeping your e-mail responses short. Why don't you interact with him like you would if everything was okay.... I think he was hurt by the way you were acting before. If you want to make it up to him and be with him still then you need to stop playing games also and open up more with him. Take the risk if he is worth it.

I truly think you are better off not seeing him again. If he can't even arrange to make the drive over the next 2 weeks, how often do you think you will see him if you get into a "Relationship"

hmm... When girls use the guys name in conversation is it meant to be a "sign" of interest?? Oh, if you name is hard to pronounce (i.e. not Daisy), I could see that. I have a friend who has a french name, and, I can hardly pronounce it!! So, I usually don't say it to her when I see her in person or talk to her on the phone/msn... haha...

Yeah, I only called her once a few days ago and I left her a message. I feel like I am taking the "no call" too seriously at this point so I need to re-frame it.. but, at the same time, it is one of the few things I have to judge her level of interest also...

OK.. I think I will give it a few more days before I try calling back in guess she was away for the weekend or something.... The problem is, stuff like this kind of shatters my confidence. Things usually go well at the start but then when I start doubting their attraction it will mess me up! So, I know I need to be confident when I call and probably act like nothing was wrong. I guess I should not even make mention of the other phone call and just go right into conversation about other stuff with her... Part of me is hesitant because I don't want to come accross as not taking the "hint"... but, I think girls that are not interested should be a bit more vocal about it instead of pulling the "ignore the guy and hope he goes away" game..

So, I know a lot of guys have the attitude if they leave one message and the girl doesn't call back they will move on to the next girl.... In general, I am not one to chase a girl but I have recently met a girl that I really like and up to now she has been really respectfull, and generally does what she says she will do. I hadn't talked to her since last weekend but I called her the other day and left a message. I haven't heard back from her but I am curious what is going on! (maybe she read my last post about her hear and laughed at me ... Normally I wouldn't care so much and would just figure she was being flakey... but, there is something about this one that is interesting. So, I am curious from girls experiences here. Do you ever wait a few days to call back a guy you like... or secretly hope he will call you again (i.e. to test his interest level)..... I am thinking I will step back for a bit, but, I might give her one more chance... and I guess when I call I shouldn't even mention anything about my message?? or maybe tease her about it a bit??

I can totally relate to what you are saying where you don't want to loose her friendship because you really value it.... I think you are at a good point where you say you don't care if things develop further.... But, if you really DO want them to develop further, I don't see anything wrong with just escalating bit by bit and see what happens/how she reacts!

Umm... from a guy's perspective, I don't think the GUY has to call the GIRL everyday... If you call him does he hang up on you?? Or do you even try to call him? Maybe you have expectations of jumping right into a relationship. Maybe all he wants is to "date" right now and see where things go.

No.. I don't think you should tell him you find him attractive! I don't even tell girls I date that I find them attractive! I think his comment about "interoffice" dating is the reason why he is hesistant... But, it is possible he just enjoys your friendship also. If you want to see where things are going and take the lead, you should mention going out for a drink or something... I think it is high expectations to think he would invite you on a trip to NYC! (Unless you live like an hour away and it would be a day trip!)

Maybe I am cynical.... but.... maybe now that he has had "relations" with you he doesn't see a future with you..... Maybe that is what he was looking for. You probably already feel "bonded" with him because of the relations, but I think you are better off finding someone that shares your same goals in life and probably someone that lives closer to you. It might turn into a thing where you "Want him because you can't have him" ...

cool.. yeah, I think it is good that you aren't "overthinking" things anymore because that will go a long way to bring out the real you and make things more comfortable for both of you. I find that usually on the 3rd or 4th date, I sometimes forget what got me to that point to start with and I start analyzing too much I say, just have fun.... The whole worry about "friendzoned", etc I think is over rated.. If a girl is attracted to you, she won't write you off that easy!

I think for the girl, everything is "new and adventurous" with you, so, that is part of your appeal to her. She is probably realizing she is 20 years old and up to a few weeks ago had only kissed one guy. She is probably thinking she needs to explore other guys to see what is out there. If I were advising you, I would tell her to decide but that you aren't sticking around while she is dating both of you.... If I were giving her advice, I would tell her, decide but don't date both!

Ok, I ended up going out last night with that girl.... I met her a while back and we just recently started "dating" because she moved to my city about a month ago. Last night night was only the third time we went out, and, well, this is kind of embarrasing to post, because, I am sort of afraid she might eventually read this.... But, I figure, I am so confused now, I will post anyway! So, I was feeling better after getting home and taking a bath and a quick nap so I went out anyway. When I got to her place, she came out to meet me and she kind of stopped outside of her door area and was standing there and I went and gave her a hug....(first hug) We had fun, we went out for dinner... She showed me her place before we left. She ended up paying for dinner (I had paid the other times and she wanted to pay, I let her)... After dinner, we went for a walk, we were chatting and joking around. It seemed to go well, but, I have a hard time distinguishing between "Friendly" and "Romantic" I guess.. It seemed to be flirty, but, maybe she was just being friendly! So, we got back to her place, and without any discussion, we ended up back in her apartment. We chatted on the sofa, had something to drink, she showed me some pictures.... At one point I ended up with my hand on her knee... she didn't react much.. like,... even when I removed it she didn't move her knee (she was kind of cross legged looking at me and I was sitting beside her).... She played with her hair. When I was talking, she maintained good eye contact but when she talked, at times she seemed shy and would look away... A couple of times I would touch her arm (elbow, whatever) or her leg just to see how she would react... and, she didn't really react positvely or negatively!! So, it was getting later and I figured it was time to leave so I said I would let her get to sleep... we went to her door and she passed me my jacket and she sort of stepped back (it was a small little hallway) while I put on my shoes... well.. she kind of stood where she was stepped back so, I decided not to go in for a hug/kiss whatever because it almost seemed like she had stepped back on purpose... but, I don't know!! Anyway, I am confused by it all... During the night, things seemed to go well and I enjoyed her company a lot... I could tell she enjoyed the evening too as it just flowed well, but, she wasn't really reactive to escalating things it seemed! So, I don't know if I am making expecting too much or what(she seems a little conservative.. which I actually like... the last two girls I dated seemed too aggresive)... Background info... we are both in our later 20s... I don't know what I should do... I was thinking of inviting her out this weekend just to see if she says yes or not (I figured if she was interested, she would want to go out again).... But, part of me is thinking I should just back off for a while Any suggestions or insight?

ok.... well, I was feeling better after I got home and took a short nap (I had a really rough weekend with little sleep, so, I think that was part of it...).... I still had a headache so I took a few advil and I went anyway..... Well, I had a lot of fun, but, now I am confused by other things on whether or not this is going to move beyond "friendly'''........ arg..... I just need to sit on it for a while but I might post a new thread about it eventually.... Oh, and, I think she was a bit "sick" too ..haha... I didn't say anything to her about being sick, and she didn't say anything to me....

Maybe I should clarify... I am not coughing, sneezing nor do I have a running noise. It feels like I am coming down with a cold though (headache, a bit sore muscles)... .... Arg, it is just frustrating because we have tried to schedule meeting up a few times already and something comes up!!!!!! I just want to see her!! haha

Ok.... What would you do if you had a cold and had a date planned??? I don't think I will get better before the date. It isn't horribly bad, but, I don't feel all that great! I am really excited to see her since it has been a little while since we last got together....... I am thinking of cancelling, but, I REALLY want to see her! Arg... We have only been out a few times and even though nothing physical happened there was plenty of flirting. I was thinking on this date, if the moment arose, I would sort of stet things up a bit (i.e. a kiss)... but... now that I am feeling sick.. well, doesn't seem like such a great idea! And then she might just think I am not interested in more than friends..... crappy... why did this have to happen now!

Um.. the last post by the original poster was back in March!! Actually, now that you bumped this up, I am curious on what happened

I would just try to sense her reactions to things during the night.. You can still flirt with her and see how she reacts..Tease her, touch her slightly, see how she reacts when you too get back to her place (where your car is)., See if she is quick to say "goodnight" or if your converation lingers..... Just don't think that the "kiss" is the be all and end all of signals/events.... You can still be flirty and be a person that she is attracted to without you "having" to kiss her tonight... You will only fall into the friendzone if she doesn't like you (or, if she sends you REALLY clear signals and you don't react to them)

My honest opinion...... if you both said you are "looking for friends" I think she is thinking of you as a friend.. .Now, she may have become attracted to you, but, she is probably assuming you are just looking for "Friends" even if she did become attracted to you. The other possibility is she doesn't want to date, and she is really just looking for a "Friend". If you start trying to kiss her, that is REALLY going to offend her. So, I suggest you be clear on signals before you start kissing her... Just don't kiss her out of the blue unless you don't care if you never see her again.... I figrue someone who is responding to an ad for a "Friend" is likely looking for just that... but, then, maybe people hide behind looking for 'friends" so they don't look desperate

I wouldn't send her a card... At the "max" I would send her an e-mail or a text and say "hey, happy birthday"... Something seems "odd" with her, so, if I were you, I would try to forget about her and move on... she is either playing agmes, or , she just isn't all that interested.

ok.. Do NOT take things so seriously in terms on planning. The reality is, if the chemistry is there, it doesn't matter where you go, you will both have fun and enjoy each others company. Also, do not plan WHEN you will kiss her.. Do not plan to kiss her on a certain park bench or in your car, or whatever... Just let things develop naturally. If you don't know how to let things develop, that is when reading up on the stuff posted above could help you...