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Lansing

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Everything posted by Lansing

  1. Lansing
    I have been still thinking about you but realizing now, as hard as it is to realize, that we were not communicating well at all. I wish we had communicated better from the early stages but this was something very different for me based on how things started between us and I think I based a lot of my actions out of fear. I am starting to understand better the reasons why you acted the way you did, and some of the struggles you are facing dealing with ADD. I wish I had found these things out earlier. I don't think it would have been a magical solution but it would have helped me better understand you and would have given us a better chance at "working". It has been over a month and at this point I feel like I am committed to not initiating contact with you again. I feel that you need to feel comfortable enough to be able to contact me again before we can communicate as friends again. I hope that together we can try communicating better and re-build the friendship that we had before.
  2. Lansing
    when you say "came home with him" I imagine you meant the ex-bf? Or did you mean the guy she went to the club with? I guess the BF got jealous?
  3. Lansing
    I am starting to realize that I was not as open as you would have liked but I was waiting for some feedback/interest from you to open up. I needed to feel like you genuinely cared and that you wanted to get to know me vs. just having fun and enjoying my company. You never communicated what you wanted until we broke up. I assumed that you wanted things the way they were. I know I should have had a more indepth conversation with you about things but I felt like every time I brought up issues that you kind of were scared to talk about things.
  4. Lansing
    ok.. Definitely offer to pay and mean it.. Just be like "how much should I chip in" or whatever.. just say something.. First date, maybe not as much as an issue but at least take out your wallet and then the guy can be like "oh, don't worry about it"... But, have money in the wallet in case he does want you to pay!! I am seriously considering stopping to date a girl who has not made an effort to pay once in 4 dates... I think she has some messed up notions of the guy should always pay. I have tried bringing it up twice in a light hearted way....I am giving her one final chance... she is a student and her previous job wasn't a big "money maker", but, still.... I find it really rude and it is really starting to outweigh all of her positive aspects...
  5. Lansing
    What he is thinking is "she wasn't interested in me"
  6. Lansing
    Maybe she thinks you just want a girl for the benefits, and that you don't want to be BF/GF.. Maybe she is tired of the "friends with benefits" thing and actually wants to be your GF but figures you are not up for that (because of your talk before)
  7. Lansing
    What I am saying is I am not going to jump to conclusions about whether I date her or not based on this one thing. I will give her another chance and see how she acts on a second date.... I am not saying she has to pay....Just her reaction when the bill came out made it feel weird for me. Maybe because it was teh first time it happened to me. I think my lesson learned is that I am going to stick to more of a casual first date.. I.e. just a drink, or coffee in the future... As for her not saying thank you.... Yeah, that is what bugs me more... But, I have had situations where I have forgotten to thank a friend even for taking me out to dinner only to realize in our conversation,etc I didn't formally thank him....
  8. Lansing
    See.. the thing is... every other part of her personality would lead me to believe that she is not materialistic and would have offered to pay. Like I said, I don't mind paying... but, I feel much better about paying if the girl "offers" to pay and I have to say "no, I got this one" or whatever... My point was, if I a girl doesn't offer to pay... and I pay..... I don't feel as "good" about having paid.. if that makes sense...
  9. Lansing
    I went out on a first date with this girl last week.... Yes, I invited her, so I guess my default I am "expected" to pay. Normally I would not go out for dinner on a first date but because of circumstances instead of just a "drink" (as I normally would do it) we got together for dinner... Well, we have dinner, bill comes, she makes NO effort to even pay her half or anything. I was thinking , "hmm, that is unusual" (I have never had a girl not offer before). Then, we go out for a drink after. I am surprised she doesn't offer to pick up the cost of the drinks (or her half either) and it just feels like an akward moment..... As a guy, I feel much better when the girl offers and I can say "no, no, I got this one" instead of the girl just letting me pay without offering (first time this has happened so I didn't have anything to compare it to before!). She wasnt' even very thankfull (I don't recall her being overly thankfull or if she even said "thank you for the dinner" at the end of the date or anything... It makes me hesitant to want to call her back... in all honesty! So, for girls who wonder if they should offer to pay, etc,etc.. yes, you should.. and yes, you should mean it! (I.e. if he agrees to take half payment or partial payment don't get annoyed by that!). I am curious to hear from a women's perspective.
  10. Lansing
    Do NOT call him.... You can get a guitar yourself. The staff in the store will be helpfull I am sure or research it on the net first.... Despite what you say, it is an excuse to contact him (or, you are trying to use it as a reason to). He didn't call you back, he might still call you back but if you call again it will send the wrong message to him. Just step back from the situation and let things develop at a more "normal" pace...
  11. Lansing
    I think it is better for the girl to be upfront....... Say that she isn't interested or whatever. I think many times it isn't because they want to be "nice" to the guy (since when is lying to someone nice?) I think it is because confrontation (or an explanation) makes them feel uncomfortable.
  12. Lansing
    One of my biggest frustrations (i.e. pet peeve ) is girls that say for example "I will be in touch soon"... or "I will call you on Saturday night" or "I will let you know" or "I will call you tonight", etc,etc and they don't.... Why do people do this? I am curious to hear from girls that do this in particular..... Like.... Why do you say you will do something and then not follow up... Did you have no plans of following through when you said "I'll call you later" or do you really just forget?? I find it odd behaviour. If girls do it to show they are interested, I think they are better off making it clear they lack interest instead of pretending that they will call,etc... I am sure guys do it also, I just don't understand it....
  13. Lansing
    Avoid contacting her... Not a good idea.... You left it open for her to contact you as a friend. If you contact her now it will look like you are making excuses to contact her...
  14. Lansing
    Yeah, seriously, I wish more girls would just be upfront about things...
  15. Lansing
    Well, you didn't really ask her out.. You were like "let me know if you want to go out next week" which is different than "hey, how about lunch on Tuesday".... I wouldn't sweat it... Make it casual.. and say "hey, you free for lunch today" one morning when you run into her...
  16. Lansing
    Man, Sorry, I started reading that but I could not follow with all of the spelling and grammar mistakes... It all seems very highschoolish (or even grade school!).. I will try to read it if you fix it up into paragraphs and spell things so I can understand it! I think you will get more feedback from others too
  17. Lansing
    wow... So, did you get more physical with him after he agreed to starting a real relationship with you??? sounds like he used you..... Hopefully next time you will resist a guys pressuring until you feel right about things... I feel bad for you though..... I hate people that aren't upfront and just hide behind no contact/ignoring someone without explaining that things have changed....
  18. Lansing
    Maybe he think you are more "experienced" then him or something. Maybe that is making him hesitant.... I went out with a girl a few years older than me and she didn't know she was older than me. But, when she found out, I think she started second guessing things....
  19. Lansing
    For someone who is moving on you sure like talking about this situation still If you REALLY want to move on from this guy I suggest you stop talking about him. That is why I will stop posting in this thread about this guy. I look forward to reading new threads about new guys soon enough though. If you decide you don't want to move on and you STILL want this guy then just say that instead of saying you are moving on, and "next" but then still talking/obsessing about him...
  20. Lansing
    Umm... some players will stick around to get what they want..... I think he told you he isn't interested in a long term relationship. Take that at face value and move on to someone else. Are you focussing on this guy because he is the only one in the picture right now? DO you feel a need to focus on a particular guy? I find sometimes I am "seeking" to have a girl to pursue... and that has caused problems in the past. I am learning to be happy with no girls in the picture from time to time though...
  21. Lansing
    My advice..... You need to get past your "analyzing" of everything in terms of a relationship. Do you think so much about other aspects of your relationship? I know it is hard because I do it a lot to (adn probably the reason why I am here) but I think you are taking every little thing the guy does and looking for "clues" in it. Step back from this situation for a bit. Try not to think about him. I think one of the reasons why you like him is it gives you mind something to do. However, all of this thinking isn't healthy. Try to focus your thoughts on other things....
  22. Lansing
    hey.... Well.. It sounds like you want to put this past you... but.... sometimes when something is taken away from you (i.e. him not calling you) you start to realize what was given to you (attention) that you liked... And you start to wonder "what happened"... If I were in his situation and a girl called me and e-mailed me multiple times I would think she seemed "clingy"..> Like.. give me a day or two to respond at least.... I think you felt like he was abandoning you by not calling you back right away. I also would feel uncomfortable in that situation (not if you called, texted or e-mailed once... just if you did them multiple times without giving me time to respond).. Christmas time is a busy time for everyone... so, I think you could have given him a bit more slack... I feel like you were trying to protect yourself by breaking up with him. You want to say "don't contact me again" so you don't feel bad if you never hear from him again. Like, you want to feel in control of the situation.... Just for the future, thing is it from the guys perspective also...
  23. Lansing
    I agree with others.. Focus on school, etc.... I think you are in a good frame of mind that you are going on "dates" but aren't loooking for sex at this age. Sex can have a huge impact on you and let you get emotionally involved with someone you shouldn't be. I think you should do as you are doing and wait until the right time (and if you are in doubt, then it is probably the wrong time!)....
  24. Lansing
    Why do you need to break up with her? You left her two voice messages I assume and she hasn't called you back?? If you don't hear back from her, consider yourself broken up.
  25. Lansing
    weird.. the original post says september 2005!!!
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