kickedin

about the email i sent her because it isnt like me to hurt someone......even though what i said was right on and not really harsh I felt she pushed me to the limit like a tiger in a cage getting poked.....although she texted me and apologized i never responded because the text didnt read that way its christmas eve i am missing her and in talking with her brother and the fact that for the oast seven years i always went to his familys house and the last two with her as a couple its just dredging up missing her i feel so frustrated that she just walked out of my life....(see my other threads) i miss her so much havent seen her since thanksgiving what do i do i dont think i will get a contatct from her tonight or tomorrow and i wasnt planning on doing any myself since shes the one who hurt.......as of now i feel like doing something but i know that will backfire and i will be left hanging as i left her last sunday when she texted me....ididnt want to but i was hurt and if i contatc her now to say i am sorry or that yes my email was harsh and wriiten as a result of constant pain........ ok i am confused hurting and lonely

why would you say that

i dont think we do soon....its a process and no one like to be rejected

its christmas and i am alone for the first time in 7 years if things went as planned when we got back together in may we shoul dhave been married and her pregnant by now......what a shocker

well i am painting a floor in my shop tonight.....

I AM HAVING AN OVERWHELMING FEELING TO REPLY BACK TO THESE TEXTS SAYING THAT I FORGIVE HER AND I AM SORRY IF I HURT HER AND THAT ALTHOUGH WE ARENT SEEING EYE TO EYE FOR WHATEVER REASON THIS IS WHERE WE ARE.......DO I LIKE IT NO DO I MISS HER YES I WISH THINGS WERE DIFFERENT i i guess it does seem we have a push pull.......i am hurting so bad just want to hug her

no one is....she has the emotions and chemistry when she sees me...but then she gets goofy after we are together like somrthing aint right....cant put my finger on it.....oh how i wish my wish would be answered taht she coming knocking on christmas eve

Last night i called her(my # was blocked )when she picked up i heard music and i didnt even wait for her to say hello...i hung up and my mind went racing.....was she in the car? was she at a bar? it was 930pm.......she always would keep her phone in her purse......i know i am analyzing and we are broken up but i miss her soooooooooooooo much its christmas and if you guys read my threads you would see that i got cut off....rigth after thanksgiving i hate this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i almost called her back and told her " well i am glad you are out enjoying yourself" but i at least had that much self control... why cant i let go and not care what shes doing?

i did send my email....i could not let it go.....2 years of getting trampled on i needed a backbone she sent me 2 texts kinda blaming me but still saying she is messed up and is seeking peace and stability you will see her texts in the "i got a text" thread thanks guys

oh yeah we broke up alright my heart is missing..............

dont keep givning accepting crumbsis hard to resist but they are crumbs

am hurting so bad......my brother is going to ny for christmas...my dad is spending it with his gf and my mom i can only spend so much time with.....she is sick and all my friends have SO's so i am alone....i miss her so much i may just go to the casinos and hang out alone.... they are open plus a friend works there this isnt fair

i am hurting so bad......my brother is going to ny for christmas...my dad is spending it with his gf and my mom i can only spend so much time with.....she is sick and all my friends have SO's so i am alone....i miss her so much i may just go to the casinos and hang out alone.... they are open plus a friend works there this isnt fair

so after the weekend of emails texts yadda yadda i am feeling better although her lasts texts are eating at me saying that she didnt trust or i didnt care. .....blah blah blah.....i miss her like crazy thoughts of her maybe with some guy are killing me but i guess thats why it is a break up.....i did so much for her i am wondering what christmas eve and day will bring.....

was out last night.....talked to a bunch of girls got 3 numbers......from really cute seemed to be intelligent girls.......fresh off a break up and low self esteem i managed to get some attention.....lol now what i feel like when in a loud club its hard to converse so i just hang out and have fun i am confused if i should wait to call or should i text heck i forget what to even say anymore in the beginning and i am nervous that these girls werent interested......but i did get their #'s

true.......i am letting go no matter how much i love her and yes fear and hurt causes these actions.... thanks guys

i agree with you to a point......"when she says i know you didnt mean it anyway" in her text about my email.....isnt that her twisting what i said......like i said before i never stood up to her for fear of losing her and i dont care (in one sense) because i couldnt live like this thanks for your posts i have been confused about this for awile

just done with it all

bipolar! she is

jackpot she still is attacking me in a suttle way shes a mess and she needs this time...i am done giving her security

AFTER MY LONG EMAIL SHE SENT TWO TEXTS..... i am sorry for all i said your email hurt pretty bad but i know mine hurt you too just hope you can forgive me as a christian and see beneath my words i am very let down about alot of things and i m just trying to get to a place of stability and peace i am praying that we will one day forgive and move on believe me if i believed that you would understand i would have talked to you face to face but you shut out my needs from the beginning and i know you didnt mean it, anyway i dont want us to be enemies i have so much pain and dissappointment i always longed for someone to see me you couldnt and we have to accept please pray for me i need it i am not a bad person xxxxxx all i ever wanted was sincerity and understanding i lost that in you i am truly seeking victory over this if i could only believe that you cared i would have talked to you well i just want to get this off my chest i am sorry i m damaged for now and need to move on to a solid place friday night was a bad night now i am regretting crying out guess it was wrong all i want is for you to read this i then get a second text 6 minutes later my intention was for you to hear the pain dep inside that i am wrestling not to hurt you but you are right i know not to feel sorry god will bless obediance and i am being good i was just worn out friday and sick and angry that you acted confused to my mom but i have to accept it all and let you feelyour own way and move on XXXXX I HAVE BEEN LONGING FOR PEACE AND SOMEONE I COULDTRUST LIKE I CAN BE TRUSTED I AM REAL AND HONEST i deserve that in the one who loves me well sorry again please take care i didnt respond and i wont but i guess she was baiting me saying i didnt care or understand

thats just it....it should be over...but the history with us is always flipping 180 i felt like i needed to stop the vicious cyce for my own sanity but i now fear that her feeling like she lost me(cuse i never said anything this to her like i never wanted her) will tail spin her and i am afraid that i wont be able to resist her if i do see her but you know dam well i will try

no its just that i have never ever told her how i felt about things......and if i posted all the harsh and long emails she sent me....you would see how warranted this is....i am not trying to convince anything

my girl sent me this email after pretty much nc for 3 weeks(just a couple texts) so i responded with the one below.....i feel so much better because i always took so much crap from a girl i loved so much!!!! ugggghhhhh xxxxx, First I would like to say your email doesn’t even warrant a response, however, I know that for the past 2 years, I have always let things go, not this time. It’s convenient for you how you walk out of my life cut me off and never have a face to face with me and only immaturely communicate only through emails…..and then telling me not to respond.. As far as me talking to your family, if someone speaks to me and asks me a question, I am going to be honest about it. Your mother asked a simple question, I gave a simple answer, which was the truth. (how many times did you call my mother….L) For the record, I was dropping your father’s truck off and your mother asked me what was going on with our situation. I only told her what I knew, because you left me in such a state of confusion from 3 weeks ago that I really did not have much to talk about, stated how I felt and what I thought was going on, I asked her to leave you be because I was already doing that and letting nature take it’s course and I politefully declined her invitation to Christmas Eve because I didn’t want to add any more stress to either one of us which again you will never see how gracious I was being by giving the space you requested because of how you view me. You however seem to hide the truth and cannot handle the truth. It has always been about you from day one. This time it is not about you, it is about me. As far as the harsh words you said to me from NY, my last physical conversation with you was kissing you goodbye the night before and you telling me you wanted to plan a June wedding, so you can imagine my confusion when you asked me about my finances, (which I was HONEST about) right after you said, “I do love you and I want to spend all day with you on Sunday.” And, then proceeded to flip out because you thought that I lied to you which I did not! When in reality I was only trying to make the best decisions with what I had to work with in getting my business running quicker so I could meet that June deadline that I promised and we both agreed on. So me over talking you was me trying to calm you down because I knew I had everything covered and we would be fine come June and you would not be upset. However, that doesn’t matter at this point. If we are going to be honest, which I know now what honesty is, the main reason we are not together is because YOU were not honest with yourself. Also, I NEVER FORCED YOU TO and I will not take the blame for you staying with me or being in this so-called relationship. It takes two, however you seem to never want to take any of the blame. As far as losing trust you knew you could trust me with your life….and you keep bringing up the cruise….funny, keep thinking what you want you were so cruel and cold to me then I should have never spoke to you after that….your bro was with me he knows the truth…..and if it was that bad you should have never came back, stop with the excuses…YOU KNEW I COULD NEVER HURT YOU AND YOU TOOK ADVANTAGE OF IT!!!!!! If you knew I wasn’t going to be what you needed in your life, you should have never come back in May. You should have left well enough alone. You make it like you added so much to my life when in reality after all this time, It was a ride from Hell. I always took two steps back and always put you first. I will not continue to do that with you or anyone else in the near future. I do work hard for my money and I know what I can do and not do in life and also realize that I am in a position to have a wonderful life with a woman who truly appreciates a good man with a good heart and who is LOYAL & HONEST! To think you could say, “I brought shame to your life” made me realize that I would never be able to spend the rest of my life with a woman who had the CAPABILITY of even making that type of statement and causing immense hurt. It actually really helped me to realize the type of person you are. If anyone is paying for anything, it is those around you that must put up with all of the drama about YOU! It is not my fault that you are 34, divorced, and with no kids. You need to take responsibility for your own actions and stop shifting the blame on me or everyone else around you. People go through what you have been through everyday and some even worse. You should be thanking God that you wake up everyday and see, unlike someone we both know that is unable to see, yet is very happy after all she has been through. Your right, if you never remarry or have children, it is because of the choices you have made, not what others would have done for you. I gave you every opportunity to have all of this. As far as being drained, I know that feeling. A relationship that is right in the beginning does not take this much effort. You are more work than what love is all about. I know this now. You need to realize you are not the only one that works long hours in life. Try being a divorced mother who is working night and day to make ends meet. You have it very good and should thank God for that. Your life is hard right now because YOU make it hard, not because of me or anyone else. God gives you choices in life, God does not intentionally hurt people, it is called the path of life. You need to realize that. You are no different than everyone else. If you’re working too hard, that is your choice. If you’re supposed to rest, then rest. If you think that when you have children your going to come home to a home-cooked meal and have someone put you to sleep, then don’t have children. Unless, you would rather it just be you and your husband, then that could definitely be a reality. If you had pressure with me, then you should have done something about it instead of going on with your charade. You will complain no matter whom you are with because that is the type of woman you are. xxxxx, I don’t believe you will ever be happy in life until your happy with YOU. You could have the world(or my heart in this case) handed to you on a silver platter and you will still find something to complain about. You are never content with where you are and probably never will be. I also don’t miss the . I put up with it, but don’t miss it. Your actions made it all about the money. If it were about strength and character xxxxxxx, you would have been history a long time ago because you are not one of the strongest people that I have come to know because all you do is complain. Character is also shown by people’s actions. Some of the statements you have made to about me are so out of character and so far from the truth. You need to take a good look at yourself. When you talk about honesty, xxxxxx, look in the mirror, nothing you stated to me was the truth. Your life tells others what your about, no matter what I say or what you have told me in the past, it doesn’t change who you are. As far as my character not giving you security, love is all the security that is needed when two people love(you can never dispute my love for you). That is why you are where you are. You are always looking for something BIGGER AND BETTER. You will grow old very lonely with that thinking. It is always about xxxxxx, woe is me, well this time around, it’s not. You need to put other peoples feelings before your own sometimes. You are very self absorbed. Also very unappreciative and I realize that now. My hopes have gone out the door a while ago, but I was holding onto what I felt in my heart. xxxxxxx, you don’t know the meaning of respect and one aspect of that is the email that you sent to me. Anyone that has a kind heart would never make the statement you have. That is when I realized; I would not want a woman like you. You like to point the finger to make yourself feel better about your bad choices. Grow up and take responsibility for where you are and don’t blame God either. No one is more disappointed than me. I am so disappointed in myself to think that I actually thought you really cared about me and “loved me like no other” and all you were doing is looking at what I COULD DO FOR YOU! YOU, YOU, YOU. It has always been about YOU! You are right, I am not good for you because you don’t deserve someone that will love you unconditionally and accept YOU for all of your FAULTS TOO! You are one sided xxxxxxx and always have been. I realize that now. There is not one perfect Christian. There never will be and God knows that. God does not give people the desires of their heart because there what you call a good Christian. You should want to live as Christ whether you are getting WHAT YOU want out of life or not and just be thankful for what you have. We may want things in life, but that doesn’t mean God will give it to us. Especially if he feels it’s not what we need. Sometimes God puts a good thing right in front of us and we don’t see it or we are always looking for MORE. I believe that you are always looking for more xxxxxxx, so thereforeeee will never be content. Whether girls are living with their boyfriends or not, they have to answer for that. We all have so many things we will have to answer for in life xxxxxxx. Sin is a sin is a sin, no matter what in God’s eyes. One is not bigger than the other. God has already blessed you with the life he has given you and his son Jesus Christ. Really in reality that is all we need, we are just passing through this life. Hopefully while passing through we can all find someone to share our time with and whatever it is your looking for, good luck. The only thing I have gained from this relationship xxxxxxx, is getting to know God more on a personal level and that is the best thing that came out of this. I know that now. I pray I meet a Christian girl. Someone who will look at me, my heart, not my circumstances at the time. My heart may be broken, but it will heal. As far as your so-called childbearing days, you need to stop playing that record, last time I checked you didn’t have a time clock that said zero on your belly. Women are having children well into their 40’s. You’re not pregnant xxxxxxx because you’re not stable! If you’re like this, you’ll never be able to handle being a mother. You could be, but won’t as long as you think life is a walk in the park. First of all xxxxxxxx, when I do get married it will be for better or worse(something you couldn’t appreciate) Most people forget that part, the worse part and as soon as a wall comes crumbling down, they are ready to run. That is why you are where you are. You don’t address situations, you run from them. How can you ever be in a marriage and truly love someone. YOU CAN’T. LIKE YOU SAID YOU SETTLED FOR YOUR EX HUBBY God forbid if they come home and tell you they lost their job, etc. A Godly love works together. As far as my Christian walk xxxxxxx, I know one thing, YOU need to learn quite a bit. Someone who has the love of God in their heart would never be so cruel with the words you have stated to me. They would also choose humility over pride and do what is right and not always be concerned about WHO is right. YOU always want to be right xxxxxx and that will hurt you in the end. Sometimes it is better just to walk away or not say anything at all. Words can take years to heal.(I still hear “you are worth more dead then alive” The tongue is mightier than the sword. You also seem to point out faults in others constantly…remember; remove the plank from your own eye before trying to remove specs from others. I can honestly say that I know I was good to you and that is a good feeling. I can lie down at night and sleep very well. I am moving on xxxxxxx. I work hard everyday just like millions of other Americans. I have accepted your apology for the pain that YOU HAVE CAUSED the both of us. I will be a parent one day and if you feel you have lost out on that, then obviously you really don’t want children to begin with. Being with me or anyone else when you were still married doesn’t determine whether you’ll have children or not. Maybe you’re not to be a mother? Maybe you really don’t want to be a mother. When children come along you would have to put yourself on the back burner because at that point it would be all about the children. I don’t see you giving that sacrifice because up until now it has always been about YOU! You were always seeking attention from any angle and that is someone who always wants to be put first. But that is not reality. I wish you all the luck in the world with whoever comes into your life. But please if you know you don’t want what they want, be honest with them and yourself(don’t tell them how much you love them if you really don’t). You can never argue with honesty. I’ll keep you in prayer, always and wish you only the best that life has to offer. What the most confusing thing is the email you sent to me before Thanksgiving…..and the fact that I have done nothing to you since then except try to love you and you fire this email at me confirms how unstable you are its like I am dealing with TWO DIFFERENT xxxxxx…..and please don’t try to blame that on me too it’s a pattern you obviously have had for years As far as “GUT FEEELINGS” that you always had…..well here’s my gut(same one I had back in January, same I had with my ex and same I had about your bros ex)I wouldn’t be surprised if you are already on the prowl doing your “THING” again as you were back in January which (I know you hide it well to everyone) makes me realize that you are a player and always need some kind of male attention. You played me very well. I admit that I was blind, but now I see. When you look at someone’s track record and THEIR CAPABILITIES, it is easy to see the type of person your dealing with no matter how hard they try to disguise it. But personally at this point it doesn’t matter and I surely feel sorry for the next guy! I know you love to tell people how “I always loved you for years” maybe I did but I guess I fell in love with a dream vicariously through my friendship with your bro and a mirage of how you were and would’ve been had you appreciated the way I loved you….boy was I wrong! I was blind to this because of how much I loved you. But now know if you had these problems before, why would I be any different especially the way you have treated me with NO RESPECT. I would always question your love and ability to be faithful because of how you treated me and how you run away from everything. No matter how you justify those actions, it still shows your CHARACTER. Everyone around me including your family knows my heart(I was never afraid to share my feelings about how I felt about you to the world!) and that all I ever wanted was to love you and make you happy even at the expense of myself, sadly the only one who didn’t see it was you. You always claimed to love me more than anyone else, even your husband. If this is what you call love, then you can have it! I loved you blind,broke,crippled, and even if you were unable to bear children it didn’t matter I loved you that much! You or anyone can never accuse me of anything less!!! I never responded to these kinds of emails because I never wanted to make matters worse by keeping the battle going and the fear of losing you so I just let them go, at this point I don’t want you anymore…. PEOPLE SAY THIRD TIME IS A CHARM! TRUST ME THERE WILL BE NO THIRD TIME WITH me AND you NO MATTER HOW MUCH CHARM YOU HAVE!!! ME GETTING OVER SOMEONE WHO DIDN’T TREAT ME WELL IS EASIER THEN YOU GETTING OVER SOMEONE WHO LOVED YOU UNCONDITIONALLY………..maybe someday you will realize how much I truly loved you, like you said at the diner……”our love is one you never get over in a lifetime” well enjoy your lifetime getting over the love you just lost L Love doesn’t leave and you left!! (As you always did)

trust me NC will be in efect after this