kickedin

exactly i needed to get my self diginity back after losing it when i called and talked to her.....so i just took the level of importance out and i wont call at all i dont think she is goint to blow my phone up on tuesday saying can we meet so i can say goodbye.....plus let her wonder why i changed it up...she should have left me alone on christmas eve....i didnt do anything to her

i just called her and left a voice mail " hey xxxxx just calling to apologize because i dont want to inconvience your brother, I wont be around until next tuesday....well tell your mom i said happy new year...alright....." i am not gonna let her feellike queen while she reiterates how wring i was when all i did was love her....now what

guys i am so confused 1. because i still care for her 2. because ithink in time once she gets unscrewed up things will be ok 3. i dont like how she is still blaming me 4. i want to walk away like the good guy 5. maybe saying nothing at all "like no need to meet it is over" i mean we have been broken up for a month...what does it matter its like using your last bullet only to miss or slightly graze the person caus eyou dont want to hit them but just right enough to say i give up but not f off why is this so hard? i feel like just not answering and saying crap but then she will think i am immature and playing games you guys must think i am looney

think ill just wait for her to call friday and just tell her ...it is over and us saying it in person wont help......gosh i am confised

is it too mushy i am a nice and honest guy.... xxxxx I read your email and I have come to the conclusion that yes i did do some things that may have caused you to lose trust in me or doubt me, BUT my intentions were always good and my love was always pure, MY FEAR OF LOSING YOU CREATED THIS FEAR OF BEING HONEST WITH YOU BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO GET OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP, I THINK THAT IF WE MET AFTER YOUR DIVORCE I COULD HAVE BEEN LESS SCARED OF LOSING SOMEONE THAT I CHERISHED BECAUSE SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN IN THE RELATIONSHIP 50/50 AND I COULD HAVE BEEN ME LIKE I AM WITH EVERYONE ELSE I AM SORRY I WAS JUST SCARED! The things I did may have hurt but I never cheated,beat your, or wasnt loyal to you I tried to save you more pain at all costs considering your situation and the fact that my focus was always on us I would never do anything to harm us or you YOU WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BETOLD ONE MINUTE " I LOVE YOU LIKE NO OTHER AND A SHORT WHILE LATER I DONT WANT TO BE WITH YOU" thats the rollercoaster that killed my heart and made me act accordingly I was constantly on eggshells with you and never wanted to screw anything up........you know that I wanted the best for us I always did I dont think its a good idea that we meet up I just think it would be hard on both of us,if you have stuff for me give it to your bro and vice versa at least at this point because your cover email today basically said all you needed to say ....IT IS OVER....although I think that these issues now that they are in the open could have been resolved if the true love was there...thats not whats happening I ACCEPT THAT you feel you need to move on and that is your right maybe one day our paths will cross again maybe they wont as i said earlier "it is what it is and it will be what it will be" I truly believe God is working on both of us.....thats good enough for me at this point although I will miss all of the fun we had and all of our little quirks we shared and laughed about.....{and of course how close we were } if you need me you know how to get in touch and maybe someday we can have that coffee...with whippy of course but I just dont think now is not the time.......I dont hate you we will never be enemies you touched my life and I hope I did the same p.s. maybe sometime you cant text or call if you are feel like you need to talk...as you stated in your email you wrote on christmas eve...I wanted to extend that same courtesy

well if i cheated on her i would expect her to be like this.....but why cant she see that i didnt and say lets take it slow and rebuild trust

we talked it was ok and not ok we agreed to talk and i agreed to read her email......this was her cover letter......man after stepping back i feel really humbled....ad now want to do something about it but i know time will heal.....I FEEL LIKE AFTER READING THIS I MATURED OVER THE TWO YEARS AND NOW ITS TOO LATE.....ANYTHING I KEPT FROM HER WASNT DECEITFUL I JUST WANTED TO PROTECT HER AND NOT ADD TO HER FRAGIEL SITUATION OF DIVORCE MY INTENTIONS WERE GOOD You can read this now; it took hours to write on Christmas Eve- I want you to understand MY PAIN so that you will be able to let me go without hating me and thinking I'm someone I'm not. I talked to my brother about our phone call this morning. He agrees that he deserves to listen to us talk since he has been placed in the middle so many times before. (Not what I wanted but it's a reality now.) He wants us to move past this amicably so that you two may still be friends irregardless of the status of you and me. A good friend deserves true loyalty. I will call you Friday morning. We will work out a time and place to meet w/ him. You two figure out a time and place and I'll work around that. Until then, look up and pray; pray for courage, pray for peace; pray for integrity and selfless understanding; pray to be unselfish. We will talk openly-we will clear the air- and say our goodbyes. I'm sure we can be friends at a later time....after our hearts have moved past emotional ties. Until then, I wish you a pleasant week. You are in my prayers. Let's respect one another. : ) heres the email xxxxxx, I hope all is well with you. I want to return some things to you soon and give you something. It’s a scrap book of us I began making not long ago. You may do with it as you wish; I want to give it to you so that you will know & see that what happened between us was not something that was easy for me to accept OR planned behind your back; that would make me a liar as you called me : ( On the contrary, in spite of my gut feeling of doubts, worries, and fears I was TRYING to stay in this. I really did try to stay with you even though I couldn’t overshadow my pain. I don’t even know if you know how bad it was. xxxxxxx, I admit that I was very nasty on the phone and in my last email. I was feeling so badly and soooo let down. It turned to an anger I couldn’t fight or deny. I couldn’t talk to you b/c I just couldn’t allow you to make any attempts to try to change my heart or talk me out of this despair….not this time. Believe me I wish one of us could have snapped our fingers to make the pain go away…but it couldn’t. I know you know how it feels when you are trying to drive something home and the person on the other side is arguing with you and more concerned with talking their way out of the reality that affected you so badly! You told me once that you had a gift of a razor-sharped tongue! (Did you forget?) That was a different xxxxxxx…one that doesn’t exist ever anymore I suppose? I did get a taste of that, however in your last email. If you want a reaction here it is…..IT HURT! You need to know a few things…. I never lied about loving you. Amazingly…..I loved you during a time that I was HURTING and bitter about love; with an unstable recently DAMAGED heart. (Yes, your classifying me as “unstable” was accurate as much as I hate to recognize that 2 years later….I’m still not HEALED. Surely you can’t forget that I didn’t have a normal process of healing….I was denied that and TALKED OUT OF THAT by the one who loved me so much.) Anyway, loving someone in this condition is a harder thing to do than you gave me credit for. You and I were fragile from the beginning. I was the one, however…that was more concerned with doing things right, preserving things for a marriage, healing properly and normally, improving ourselves so that we could give THE BEST OF OURSELVES TO EACH OTHER, etc. Now the layer of disappointments from you (the one who claimed to love me most) are even more damaging to my already insecure, numb, and broken heart. : ( I wonder if I can ever trust anyone again and give my heart away. I’m sooo let down. All I wanted from you (and begged you for!)was 2 things….and this is why I could’t go on another day w/ you after the final blow. 1. I needed you to take care of me during a fragile time by making responsible decisions while considering my DIFFICULT situation – 2. I needed HONESTY (in the form of being open and forthright with you or your situation!) Surely you know that the secrets kept from me by my ex were the most damaging blows resulting in our break up. I lost trust, then respect as a result. There are just too many things that robbed me of that faith in you. From the carelessness and selfishness you displayed from the very beginning when I was being HONEST TO YOU….to the many stories I’ve heard from people who know you and told me things to beware of. You need to know something that I tried to forget, but cannot even now 2 years later….. I remember early in our relationship when I asked you for a little space (because I felt like my heart wasn’t growing in love as yours was) I discovered 2 outgoing calls made to 2 girls that you probably called for whatever reason (it’s not that you called them that hurt most)- It was how you tried to hide this from me while making me believe you would never do that. And that was one of the first incidents that made me feel a layer of doubt in you. ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS TELL ME. Like the night I was living w/ my parents coming home from a bible study and you were in AC with Beyonce- I wonder if you would have told me if I didn’t FIND out from what’s-his’name. Again, I got the blow….because I was trying to heal and do things RIGHT. But, You see….I forgave, but unfortunately all these incidents built layers of fear in my heart. And you wonder why I felt NUMB sometimes. : ( You see…you can ARGUE incidents all you want. But they were damaging to me. And my disappointments, doubts, and lack of trust in you were too great for my unstable heart to conquer. I wish you could understand this….I knew how I loved you so I was hoping and praying for you to change! I wanted you to grow up and act responsible, I wanted you to show CARE for me…unselfishly & truly look out for and CONSIDER my reputation, situation, process of healing, health, etc. I WANTED YOU TO SUPPORT AND RESPECT MY NEED FOR SPACE, CLARITY, HEALING, ETC. I am left with one certainty…you neglected all that was good for me during a critical time. It hurts to reflect back…I know you didn’t mean it, xxxxxx. But it still happened. Do you realize you wanted me pregnant while still married? Did you ever think or care how that would have made me so unhappy w/ feelings of embarrassment. That would have damaged me soooo badly. : ‘( Do you realize that my reputation was on the line? It hurt me badly. Do you know that mistakes we made kept us from receiving God’s blessings? That tore me up inside. Do you realize that this summer when you came down the shore instead of working (because you needed to get things together) put us way behind in terms of getting financially settled so that we could have settled down and been together in THE RIGHT WAY INSTEAD OF THE WRONG WAY? Do you know that if I truly KNEW how behind you were I would have stood by you???? I CAN’T MOVE FORWARD WITH SOMEONE WHO DOES NOT SHOW RESPONSIBILITY, CARE, AND HONESTY. And it’s breaking my heart b/c I wanted to feel secure in you. It was getting harder to wait for you b/c I didn’t want to compromise my morals and the road ahead looked far away and too impossible for me to remain strong. xxxxxxx, you will summarize our break up how you want and I won’t argue that. But please know that from my perspective you were the one who showed less care and kept things from me….more than once and disrespected my needs and cries for a more Christ-like normal process of healing. I lost faith in US and it’s not my fault, xxxxxxx: ( I always found things out with you before you told me honestly. I don’t want to bring up the countless discoveries that were made. The sad thing is… You never came to me w/ bad news or reality…I found out. YOU JUST DIDN’T CARE OR RESPECT ME ENOUGH TO ALLOW ME TO KNOW THE TRUTH. xxxxxxx…I warned you that this would cause permanent damage to my unstable half-healed heart! You seem to forget…you never allowed wounds to heal…so all of these discovered incidents felt like salt on an opened wound. I was constantly fighting disappointments in my mind with you! : ( I know you can’t figure out why I was unhappy, * * * * *y, and frustrated with you and more the one who could walk away from this!!!!??? Michael I couldn’t sleep soundly in your arms : ( I was sooooo scared and disappointed. I was soooo petrified that you were then next (ex husband)in my life. Why was this happening…I never could keep things from you or ignore your needs with things that were easy to give. I did have so much to give…..more than you’ll ever know. I just couldn’t under these terms. And I really know now that it’s too late to gain trust back. For the record…the cruise hurt me more than you will ever know. I know I came off like the cold-hearted * * * * *. But I needed something that you weren’t giving me. You didn’t trust me. And after having to give up b/c you weren’t SEEING ME….I got hurt badly. I’ll never forget the feeling of hearing such stories from strangers. Why couldn’t you tell me the next day that you behaved unfaithfully or stupid or SOMETHING, anything? Why did you make me feel like I deserved your behaviors on the trip that was supposed to be a step of HEALING FOR ME….FOR US? Why couldn’t you respect my need for space just a short month before an extremely stressful and critical divorce hearing : ( I know we could go on forever with my version vs. yours. You don’t have to accept anything I say here. I just hope you read this and pray for understanding. I can’t live with knowing that you could ever think I wanted to hurt you. I really wanted for us to end up together. I wanted to heal, do things right, and get the Lord’s blessings. Why don’t you recognize that : ( xxxxxxx, I AM EXTREMELY SORRY THAT I WENT OFF ON YOU SO BITTERLY IN NY AND VIA EMAIL. I just couldn’t allow you to once again to overtalk me and ignore the blow to my heart. It was VERY MUCH A DONE DEAL. You can choose to see this how you want- I am a player, I am a * * * * *, I was all about money….but if you are still hurting, maybe it’s b/c deep down inside you know I was a considerate person who put others before myself and just couldn’t deal with another person that I let in….to let me down. Maybe someday you’ll remember that I was SOMEONE WHO TRULY CARED ABOUT YOUR NEEDS, SPIRITUAL WALK, HEALTH, FAMILY, ETC.) I wanted what was best for you and I was honest and straight forward with you. I told you things from day one that I didn’t have to! (You would have kept from me if you could get away with it.) I revealed myself to at my worst…I didn’t show you my best b/c I WASN’T AT MY BEST AT THE TIME….I knew I was at my worst point so I was gonna show you the real deal! But you better believe that inside I knew that I could have knocked your socks off if you made an honest woman of me and truly made me feel SECURE, adored and protected. I know you loved me xxxxxxx. My god…that’s all you EVER SAID…. “I love you so much xxxxxx.” Well, I am not getting mean this time in the email…but I will speak from the heart….Your love HURT BADLY : ( It didn’t make me feel better about my spiritual standing, my health was in jeopardy, my reputation, my future financial situation, etc. You were so UN careful and irresponsible. And worst of all…you kept me from the truth. I am not trying to make you feel any worse. I know you’re still hurting. I just want you to know I would never hurt you intentionally-I just couldn’t fake my disappointments. I could have done less with the I love you statements. Showing it selflessly would have stood for more. You would have won my heart FOREVER and I would have stood by you for richer, poorer, sickness, and in health! Like you said in your email; I agree! When you love, honor, and respect someone it’s easy to stand by mistakes. We all make mistakes. But to avoid telling someone the real deal is hard to swallow. Well, I had to get this off my chest. Because I don’t want you to misinterpret the truth. It will only make the process of moving on harder for you and I don’t want that for you. Now that I am in a better place (the anger has worn off)….I don’t feel that sharp pain inside that made me turn into that monster! I don’t have to go through the frustration anymore of getting you to see me and regard my needs! I had no choice but to let it go : ( I flipped once again last week b/c I was alone that entire week dealing w/ such disappointment. I was extremely sad and feeling alone in this. I didn’t cry out to my family b/c I wanted to spare them of some of the things you did that really hurt me the most. Then to find out that you were talking to my mom and saying things like I don’t get it. I’m sorry but that’s not fair to me. I never talked to your mom when we were fighting I persued a relationship with her out of respect for you b/c what man doesn’t want his future wife close with his mom. I don’t really remember you having such an interest in my parents when we were doing well. Not to mention, I was waiting for you to listen; to let me cry tell you off GET IT OUT- You wanted to overtalk me and get something to go away that felt very bitter. Ok….maybe now you can see my frustration. That’s what it was xxxxx- that’s why it was easier to walk away I stayed in this for 2 years with the doubts, the fears, the insecurities, the trust-issues, the surprises that came out regularly, etc. You don’t see that all you look at is the times I gave up b/c I couldn’t take the disappointments anymore b/c they were damaging my heart. You say it was hell for you? Well, I couldn’t sleep well at night-my heart and mind were constantly at battle : ‘ ( I’m gonna stop rambling. I hope you read this….I just don’t want you to believe things that may make you hate me and make things easier now. I’ve been there-that’s when you end up making mistakes you’ll regret. Deal with the truth-it’s the first step in the process of healing. Trust me-I know what it takes and what it’s like when you ignore it. xxxxxx, I hope you are doing ok. It hurts me more to know that you are hurt when I realize YOU DID LOVE ME…. It hurts to know that 2 people in love just couldn’t get to a level of respect and trust and peace. Maybe now w/out being together God has better plans for our futures and we will have learned from our mistakes. One thing is for sure though-my mistakes were a result of pain- I never lied or kept things from you- I was honest, loyal, and caring of your needs. I never over-stepped your boundaries or foced anything on you. I respected your family, work, space, etc. I cared for you the way I wanted you to look out and care for me. I am still praying for you. Please enjoy this holiday with your family. I hope it’s somewhat like your Thanksgiving. Please pray that you will find it in your heart to see the real deal and forgive me for my harsh words over the past few weeks. God can soften your heart…I don’t want you to suffer with that feeling of anger. I had it and it hurts you more than others! Please take care. I wish you well. I really do. I am healing, slowly, but surely I guess. I am praying that God is helping you heal, too. : ) Merry Christmas - xxxxxx PS Feel free to text me if you want to express something or if you want to do it in person let me know and as long as I know you can handle it I will meet you for coffee. We will exchange our things and talk amicably – like 2 mature Christians who once were very close. : ‘ )

after a rough weekend of her contacting me and me not knowing what to do for fear of getting hurt i woke up wanting to set up a meeting to talk because we havent seen eachother in a month and it seems like she was reaching out at first it sounded bad but then it sounded like she needed to talk but wasnt clear...... what should i do? how should i apprach? i feel like if i do she will just rip me and say no because i didnt respond to her

i think when she does i will respond but i wont enter a ring of fire when she is takin shots

i just wish she would get to the point

class my son....i t took me so much to not respond last night.....she owes me more and i have class

i would talk to herbut she needs to come clean and sit down not write emails or texts thats horse crap

i am a wuss and i have been here before where i give in and she rocks me and leaves me hangin

shouldnt she be more clear.....i hate this i am so afraid to contact her.....i figure if she contacts me again i will tell her "if you love me truly then work it out or levae me alone there is no in between"

i would proceed lightly and calmly

what if i text her " if you truly loved me you would make this work for good, if you dont truly love me the leave me completely alone....its that simple" what do you think?

i think she wants me to hear her sugar coated reasons for breaking up.......if she wanted to reconcile why not say it? right

got a text at 1030 "thanks for responding today and thanks for causing division in my family you turned my own brother against me after all i did to support your relationships with your family i got set up today and wasted hours to be wrecked wasnt your email enough to hurt me back now you have to come between my family they are all i got i am not with them on this night DONT TELL MY BROTHER they think i am sick i m really just a wreck bc my brother talked down to me today why couldnt you regard my request not to talk to him about me i dont talk to him about you i hope you are happy i am the only one in my family not there with them i am pretty torn apart wish you could help i cant stop crying!" (the only thing i ever said to her bro who was my friend first was that i didnt understand how she could hut me and that it sucked being alone on the holidays) i didnt respond.......her brother calls me and says have you talked to my sister she said she wasnt coming because she was sick and throwing up and he said he felt something was up...i told him i was home laone and didnt hear from her she then calls i didnt answe she left no voicemail 1/2 hour later she texts me again "sorry for bothering you! now you will never know what was in my email like i said i was crying out for a FINAL ATTEMPT FOR YOU TO HEAR ME AND UNDERSTAND ME boy this was a mistake on my part i wanted to make your holiday easier because my brother implied you were not doing that well-this turned out to hurt me for my good intentions lesson leanred one FINAL TIME this was a horrible night but i needed it i guess! sorry for making attempts merry christmas i wish you the best in the next year i will move on now and leave you be take care xxxxxx i am so confused because she was wanting to email me earlier in the day to tell me in a nicer way about how she feels...(well we are over why reiterate it) i didnt respond so now she claims she was trying to make it easier......what the heck i wanted to respond and answer her call so bad but i know she woul have just probably rocked me and leave me hanging why is she doing this ? what should i do ?i miss her so bad and wanted to talk to her but i was so scared

closure to an already month long of not seeingher...she feels guilty and wants to get it off her chest what a way to ruin an already ruined christmas eve........heartless she may think it would help if i knew all er oured out feelings but i cant bear to hear her tell me how we dont work since its been over already why bother right

u can fly to nj lol

funny looking for the same thing

i know like after thinking about it........please let me unblock my email so you can tell me in a nice way how we arent for eachother!!!!! whot the heck does that!!!!!! pour more salt inmy wound......maybe i dont understand why we broke up but we have been apart for a month does it matter at this point or is she just relieving guilt?

it said hi would you consider unblocking your email i wrote you a letter pouring out all my feelings without the anger its not a positive all is well email but i just thought you could appreciate my honesty over just getting what you want, i read your email, if not have a merry christmas anyway i didnt respond but i want to say I LOST THE LOVE OF MY LIFE AND YOU EXPLAINING WHY IN A NICER WAY WONT HELP ME MOVE ON I WISH YOU A MERRY CHRISTMAS or shove your email up your butt is christmas eve do you need to make it any worse.....your hearltess .....b@#$TC GUYS? HELP !!!

if we could both work on this she is capable of being great more then i can imagine but her fears are ruining it all if she was 26 and never married it would be smooth sailing.....just seems like fear has won over love here

i realize that .......but heres the but wehave been down this road we broke up in jan and came back in may....and things were great we just didnt see eye to eye she came out of a divorce and went through it while being together so her mental state is up and down it seems like if things arent 110% perfect she wasnt happy which is a typical trait of fresh divorcees i just got the brunt of it twice if i saw her i could work this out she knows i know ,would it last who knows and that is why she runs all the time