kickedin

i can see your point......i dont care what she feels anymore its about me getting this off my chest

i dont want her back i just want totell herall the stuff that i have kept in

thank you i just needto end this once and for all.....i never did cause i feared losing her for good.....how could i ever love someone like this

and mind you i havent seen her in three weeks or talked too her!!!!!

i am orry guys i will respond i have let her tell me how it is for way too long and yes she blames me for everything this time i am not letting it go she has been on her pedastal toooo long and i am tired of getting crapped on........i didnt treat her anything less then loving and i didnt deserve it...she has gone thru her whole life doing this to people and i am not going to let thisone go i have takin to much of crap without sticking up for myself and whats right and shes wrong!!!!

this is an email i got after i had a 30 minute convo that her mom intiated......i guess she just lashed out....what hurts the most is that i feel so jaded because i was so good to her and she accuses me like i was a scumbaf bf i could write to her and rebuke all of this but is it worth it....... xxxxxx, I feel like I have to write you....again. You've been talking to my family, and I guess I need to ONCE again TRY to get you to HEAR me. As I was trying to express...rather harshly from NY when you chose to overtalk me the entire time...(if you were smart....you would have listened, but you never did listen to me, all those times I tried to cry out to you!!) I went off on the last straw...but it was by no means the ONLY reason why we are not together! It is over between us. I cannot go on being in a relationship with you. I am sorry xxxxxxx. I know you were happy about moving forward, but I was unhappy. I think the only uninterrupted time of happiness with you was that week after Christmas 2 years ago when I shut everything else off in my mind, soul, marriage, life, etc. Since then...you have not been able to be what I need or add to my life. I kind of got wrapped up into adding to your life. I loved cooking for you, teaching you about God, encouraging you to work hard, SAVE money instead of SPEND MONEY, and be better to your family, etc ...but as time has passed, I realize that I want someone who can add to my life, too. You brought shame to my life...more harm than good, and I am paying for it badly! Who knows if God will ever grant me a husband or if I have to spend the rest of my days single and mother-less...it's what I have to accept now b/c of the choices I have made. I am physically drained, xxxxxx. I am now working 10 hour days, tutoring 2-3 hours a week, and preparing to teach classes at a college. I remember you telling me that you were "so beat" recently. I've been working harder, longer, etc. My life is extremely hard right now, but I believe it's partly the consequence of putting my faith in you when it should have been with God. He allowed me to get hurt...once again and fall harshly. I cry almost every night b/c I am working harder than I ever thought I would when doctors confirmed how I should be resting. I could only dream of coming home to a home-cooked meal and someone who could put me to sleep with NO WEIGHT OR PRESSURE on my heart. You have no idea how the pressure I had with you affected me...oh my God the PRESSURE I HAD : ( (why I was *** all the time I guess) It is something I really don't miss. So, Please stop saying it's about the money...it's about strength & character. YOU WEREN'T STRONG ENOUGH TO GIVE ME SECURITY AND I LOST TRUST IN YOU! I lost trust in you on the cruise, and I don't trust that you are an HONEST up-front person as I am. I just don't want to get into it...just stop trying to make anyone believe it's about money! You are offending me (and my family) when you bring up money. Your character did not give me security and that's that. And the way you neglected my needs from the beginning and thought of yourself over my feelings, reputation, situation, fragility, etc. You claim you LOVED ME, but you took LOUSY care of me : ( NOW....THE BEST YOU CAN DO IS SPARE ME AND MOVE ON FROM ME. LOOK....I AM WRITING THIS TO SPARE YOU FROM GETTING FALSE HOPES. My family will listen to you, but they KNOW ME! My family has so much respect for me....which I did not get from you. They want me to do what's right. You didn't care about that....you cared about yourself. When I think of the things you wanted it makes me get a lump in my throat! You were so careless in taking care of me and looking out for me! : ( I want you to move on with your life. I wish you the best. A part of me is very disappointed in you, but I am praying to let that go. I will always care for you, but this time apart has given me clarity in knowing that YOU WERE NOT GOOD FOR ME. It is not meant for us to be together. God will give me the desires of my heart because I can be a more obediant Christian...especially now. I am seeing more of God's blessings now b/c I am not sinning as much either and that guilt is finally off my chest too! You know....some girls give in and live w/ their boyfriends (as I know you would have loved) I'm glad I didn't compromise my morals NO MATTER WHAT! These girls may have houses and an easier life with these men that they are with but some day God will see what I am doing NOW and bless me in some way or other! I have to believe in that! xxxxxxxx, you gained A LOT from this relationsip. Your heart is broken now, but you did not LOSE OUT on anything. You are in a much better place now! I am not. I am the one who spent my final child-bearing days with you instead of with my God! I knew I should have taken that 6 months....I knew I should have resisted you from the beginning....oh how I am suffering for it all : ( Who knows what God would have done in my life if I didn't shut him out and put you in my life at such a WRONG TIME. I hope this never happens to you xxxxxxxxx one day if you're married and going through troubles/separation. If it does....don't try to find comfort in another...it will only bring you pain. Wait on God and He will make everything RIGHT....SOME HOW and you'll have no regrets to look back on. Please leave this alone, now. I am begging you to listen to me and respect me FOR ONCE : ( Don't ever come near me....or my house! Don't send anyone to follow me! Don't ask my brother about me or talk to him about me! I don't want you to write back, call, text, send a letter, etc. EVER AGAIN! NEVER EVER EVER AGAIN...PLEASE PLEASE I beg of you! FORGET ME! LEAVE ME BE! LET ME HEAL NOW. I HAVE TO HEAL NOW! Please move on, xxxxxxxx. Continue to work hard....as we all do. Sorry for the pain I caused... but I will always feel more pain that was caused by you. Maybe you can still be the one to be a parent one day b/c I think I lost out on that for good. I have to accept that b/c I was with you when I was still married. Farewell- xxxxxxx

ok....i wont.....but it is killingme especially with christmas...and the fact i had dinner with her bro last nite....he s upset too that we arent together.........he says she way confused.....i say its an excuse

i got a gut feeling that she is being preoccupied by someone else....its been 3 weeks.....she swore up and down there is no one else...but come on shes a beautiful CONFUSED girl......it just hurts that she hasnt contacted me the thoughts are killing me my text would read " i guess its safe to assume someone else has got your atttention since i dont, hope he's what your looking for" obviously an accusation and it wouldreally suck if she is doing nothing wrong except clearing her baggage from her divorce

i am going nuts!!!! i feel like she is talking to someone else hence why shes not even trying to contact me.....or maybe she knows how i am doing through her bro

true......and i have had amazing strength of nc......

i went out with her bro yesterday.....and i feel like it makes it worse.....him and i talked i said you know after you tell me some things here and there you make me feel like there is hope and when it comes down to t shes not contacting me at alll........when you love someone how do you cut them out of your life for 3 weeks......granted i know she thinks i bs'ed her when it came to getting some stuff done and from what his convos with her it sounds like well she just wait and see..........i said dude i will resent her if she comes back when i finish what i tilder i would do.......whether shes mad or dissappointed not talking to me is going to push us apart.......is she confused? who knows but i do know i dont like being treated this way i dreamt about her last nite.....this sucks christmas is coming up and new years i m pissed because i want to be with her

this is a great post!!! this is my situation i was very successful from 21-until 26 my business took a turn i am in debt got a bunch of toys......girl wants to get married have kids shes 34 bio clock is ticking!!! so she doesnt have faith in me that i make good decisions and that i will turn things around.....so now we are apart and most of it is because of this but this makes her look like a gold digger.......and i am trying as hard as i can but when i do get "SETTLED" i dont think i will look athe rthe same because what you cant stay with me during the bad times

so sorry i too have been dealing with a rollercoaster...she was divorced we wereplanning on getting married i even sold my house to buy us a ne one and then blam........shes not feeling it yadda yadda after 2-3 months of on and off it finally cam to an end after tgiving day and i havent really heard from her since(that night she wanted to plan a june wedding) the next night over!! so i haven't really contacted her.....only last week to get coffee to maybe talk to see where we were at she said it wasnt good for her....not now anyway i honestly think she is confused but i myself cant take it anymore and i dont think i could trust her if she came back to not do it again i would let him go asi am doing work on yourself you deserve someone who wants you as i do....even though we both want them its viscious plus it shows you are strong and respect yourself

after having a horrible evening i wake up feeling numb wondering how she can go from wanting to plan a june wedding on thanksgiving day then dropping me and we havent seen eachother or spoke since the day after.......almost three weeks...only communication over text that we are broken up and whatever i hear shes doing from her brother it is killing me!!!!!! i want to call her and say something mean or something to make her feel bad to spark her into realizing "us" shes the type of out of site out of mind girl well at least it feels that way............shes afraid to see me because of her emotions....isnt a relationship emaotions? guys is there anything i can do to contatc her without making my self diginty blown up......i mean she said this isnt good anymore when i asked her to coffee 10 days ago ...maybe some day not now........i feel like she hasnt skipped a beat in her life while i am so upset so not fair

great post.....yes making the best of what you are dealing with is key

maybe not......but i love her and i miss her and wish that would shut off

true....basically if she doesnt want to see me.....then i have to accept it as mucha s it hurts......

that was what i thought that she would be on the look out for some kind of action which i dont want to give her....and giving her her stuff back is just that the only thing i can do is keep NC which is hard for me because she isnt calling but i also find it hard to not call her to keep my self respect.....which i am doing

i guess i feel that i would opening aother wound for her to respond to which i may not want right now its a civil....i just dont want this kinda notion... i do still love herand i feel that our relationship isnt worth deep sixing forever but reality is setting in and maybe i am not ready to act on it

ready for what...for her to never come back......well she isnt in my life now and we broke up under horrible circumstances in january(she came back after 4 months) as of now we arent speaking and her words are "dont know what the future holds for me" that was a response to me asking her if i should move on......so she obviously is keeping me on a string.....i just dont know whether to push the envelope of giving her her stuff back or just letting go imean iys nothing to important.....i guess in the grand scheme of thing it doesnt matter buti just feel that she knows i am waiting and for one she doesnt care and two ooohhhh i dont know f this! fher! f it all!!!!!! i am so confused i guess if i sent her herstufff she would just think i am trying to get a manipulative reaction......maybe i am cause i am desperate i am trying to leave it be and just go about my life but then i get caught up i guess i feel that i want us to hate eachother so i can move on!!!!!!

as you guys all know my deal.....i am sitting here thinking tht she is putting herself out there.......to me we arent speaking and its basically over but in a nutshell it seems that she wont close that door and shes confident on how much i love her and maybe thats why shes not concerned with this....... to me its cold.......i am beginning to hate her i feel like telling her "hey it is evident tht this os over contrary to what you think that you are doing (i.e. waiting for me to get settled) because a woman who claims to love me so much would never alienate me, i refuse to carry this torch another day and i am bringing myselfto the realization that what i thought we had WE DONT i am sorry it didnt work out and i will not expect to hear from you thanks" part of me wants to pack her crap up send it back with a big note " I AM DONE WANTING YOU" but between my bad gut feelings about her chatting with other guys.....her thinking she always has me and me not being confident in any decision that i feel may backfire in my face.....i am mind f#$#ED! i hate this!!!!!!

i thought the same.....its like she doesnt have to wonder how i am doing because she can just ask him.....and if i dont hang out with him it looks like i am weak......

well i guess i just miss her and am devastated on how she can just cut me off........at least i have kept from contacting and doing anything stupid

hey guys.....this morning was rough....after hging out with her brother yesterday...(and the news he gave me) realizing that she is able to act normal about this in a social setting(he had people at his house sat nite) makes me wonder if she even gives a dam it has been since thanksgiving day since i saw her and i miss her so much and everyday that she doesnt contact me is hurting me and with the looming feeling that thisisnt over it hurts me to think that if and when she does come back that i will say to her "how could you cut me off if you loved me?" it just hurts so bad and i havent tried to contact her.....i dont think its the best idea to hang with my fiend(her bro) right now either because she will always know how i am doing (at least more then he will tell me) i just feel so lost because she just left me empty handed.......i am beginning to grow anxious and angry and i dont see any signs of it getting better christmas is coming up and i keep hoping that one day she will just call but i sometimes believe that is false hope even though i am getting the inclination that there is hope from what her bro says......... what do i do what do i do? uuugghhhhhhhh

true youare right...and i said to him......if that was good news....why isnt she here? it sucks and yesi should waste my time on someone whowants to waste it on me