Jump to content

deejay74

Gold Member
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    1,475

  • Joined

 Content Type 

Everything posted by deejay74

  1. deejay74
    i know exactly how you feel. i asked my ex if there was anything i could do to change her mind and she said no. it's been about a month and a half since my break up and it does get a little bit easier everyday. some days are going to be worse than others. i know this is not what you want to hear, but it's reality. there isn't anything you can do to speed up the process. i am still hurting. just don't do any stupid mistakes like i have. the last thing you want is your ex feeling good about the break up and actually losing respect for you - and don't do something in which you'll lose respect for yourself. it will only make you feel worse. there is one thing i can recommend. buy this book called "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing" by Susan Anderson. When you read it, you'll probably think the book was written specifically for you. It guides you through the healing process of breaking up. It has helped me a lot but it is not a cure. I don't read very often and i bought this book 3 days ago and finished it today. other than that, keep coming here and post as many times as you need to. I know the pain you're in, especially today. I feel for you.
  2. deejay74
    i think what i am going through is sexual withdrawal. and yes, part of me really misses that intimacy i shared with my ex and it's driving me crazy to think that she may be sharing her body with someone else tonight. as i get closer and closer to the time when all the "magic" happens, i am getting more and more anxious. luckily, i am hanging out with a buddy of mine and we're going to try and do something after work. so hopefully that'll help.
  3. deejay74
  4. deejay74
    i am going to be completely honest here, i hope i don't end up looking like a fool or something and i hope i don't offend anyone. sorry if i do... there is something that is really bothering me, and that is: my ex is the last person i had sex with. i am almost positive that i am not the last one she slept with, and if i am, i know i won't be after tonight, and for some reason, this really bothers me. is this normal? i have absolutely no one that i can even potentially get physical with, and it's been about 2 months since i was with my ex physically. lately, this is all i can think about (sex). it probably isn't a good idea to jump in the sack so soon, but i think it may actually help me get over this a lot quicker.
  5. deejay74
    hey rl, i feel you on the myspace/friendster thing. i deleted her from both my lists and i actually felt kind of guilty for it. i guess it's best cuz now i won't be able to see any updates she's made (on friendster it tells you who on your lists has made up dates). anyway, i got dumped the day before new year's eve and it was excruciating! i had plans for us to celebrate the new year together and i was looking forward to it so much but i spent it with a friend. even though i wasn't alone, it was the worst new years i've ever had. since then, i've had 2 major set backs and now i am trying to promise myself i won't make the same mistakes again (we'll see!). tomorrow will difficult for me too my friend. just know that we're all here to support each other. i am sure i'll be posting on here tomorrow. funny thing is, her birthday is on the 23rd and i am not gonna do anything! i really hope i can remain NC for life on this one, as hard as it may be.
  6. deejay74
    i'm very happy for you octopus. i hope i get there soon!
  7. deejay74
    hey thanks once again for your replies. i hear what you all are saying and i know what you mean, it's just that until i met my ex, all the women i had been with only had a few of those qualities. after i met my ex, i saw how much we had in common and that really meant a lot to me and made me realize what brought us together. i want to feel that again on as many levels, if not more. thanks again.
  8. deejay74
    i've been posting here a lot the past few days because i have been seriously strugging in my recovery. what happened between my ex and i last week was a serious set-back for me. i've hardly slept in the past 3 days and i am sick and not at work today. so i have plenty of time to dwell on things. plus this blizzard we had is keeping me inside. right now, i am feeling very inadequate and my self esteem seems to have been destroyed. i honestly think my ex left me for another guy, even though i cannot prove it. all the signs are there and i also feel it in my gut. i actually met the guy who i thought she left me for and i feel that he is better looking than me. i know what he does for a living because my ex started working for him (doing freelance stuff) and was talking about his profession before she broke up with me. he's some sort of record label exec and i am sure he's got money, probably more than me. he's probably more exciting than me and he's older. this feeling of being left for someone who she thinks is better than me feels so awful. the other thing is, i am speculating that she left me for him but again, aside from catching them "in the act", everything adds up and makes sense. i don't know what to do to raise my self-esteem again. being dumped was tragic enough and now to actually see the guy who i suspected with my ex at the art exhibit was too much. that's why i didn't handle myself well. so all last night, i tossed and turned with the thoughts of them together running around in my mind. tomorrow is valentine's day and i know my ex has plans because at the art exhibit, her friend asked her if she had plans and she said yes, but she said she is going out with "coworkers". her answer seemed to be forced and there was a delay as if she was trying to quickly think of something to say because i was right there when she was asked. this is such a horrible feeling.
  9. deejay74
    after what happened the other night, i am definitely not sending anything. you can find my post with regards to what happened here: no email, text message, phone call - NOTHING. apparently all she cares about is herself so why should i care about her. i've suspected there is another person she's involved with right now, and if so, i don't want to look like some lovesick puppydog sending her something, even if the card was completely neutral. and let him do something for her. if her feelings get hurt (which i am positive they won't) that i didn't acknowledge her birthday, then tough. it wouldn't hold a candle to the hurt she caused me.
  10. deejay74
    no. i guess i feel guilty because i feel like i got rid of a part of myself and now i have no way of looking at our relationship through a timeline of emails. this is probably a good thing, i think. for some reason too, deleting her from my friendster and myspace lists makes me wonder if she thinks i'm childish for doing so. she's got her other ex's on her list and vice versa. i guess i am worrying again about how she perceives me. i think i am also making a big deal out of nothing. i am sure if we become friends again, i can add her then. but leaving her on there now wouldn't have been a big deal either. i dunno. i think i decided to delete her from those lists so i can no longer see when she's online and what updates have been made to her profile and she won't be able to see my updates or any bulletin posts i make in the future.
  11. deejay74
    this snowstorm has left me inside so i apologize for all my posts today. there is something that i am having a hard time accepting or dealing with. everyone says that there is someone out there who is better than my ex. while i am trying really hard to see this, i am struggling with that thought. by nature, i am a picky person with just about everything. i generally know what i like. there are so many characteristics about my ex that i really like and that past women i have been with only had some of them. for instance: - almost identical tastes in music (which is rare because i like a lot of electronic dance music, specifically drum n bass and deep house - friscodj should know about these genres) and so far, i have met only a handful of girls who like 1 or both). - she and i both used to be involved in the rave scene back in the day in our respective hometowns (i listed this because those who never were involved in the scene don't understand the culture and the type of people who were involved. i've related much better with men and women who were). - she actually used to live in my hometown for about a year and we have mutual friends back home (well, this isn't so important) - she's artistic and creative and is going to have a career in the fashion industry (i've always been attracted to girls like this) - she's got great taste and style with regards to clothing (this relates to the above trait). - she's smart, easy-going, easy to talk to, positive (she taught me how to "turn those lemons into lemonade"). - she can cook - she's exposed me to alternative healing methods and opening up my mind to other ways of thinking. i know this sounds weird, i can't really explain it. (she worked at health spas for years and turned me on to these methods which NO ONE has ever done before). - and even down to her physical features (i liked EVERYTHING - such as body, hands, feet, lips, etc). i know that sounds slightly shallow, i am trying to make a point. - we were very compatible sexually and were very comfortable with each other - and she's got a lot of personality i honestly have never met anyone like her and i am very afraid that i won't. the things i've listed above are important to me. i am sure you all can agree that there has to be some things that you and your partner have in common and the more there is, the better it is. (with regards to the good things you both have in common). now, i know she has a lot of personality and character flaws that i don't like. yes, i've made lists about things i didn't like about her but the qualities i did like always end up being the bigger list. i know deep down she's not the one for me but again, how am i going to meet someone who will beat out that list i have above? If i haven't met someone this before, how can i convince myself i will again? the thing is, i would like to know if i have made an impact on her in a positive way too.
  12. deejay74
    i've deleted all the emails i've ever sent or received from my ex, i deleted her from my friendster and myspace lists, i've removed (but not deleted) all of the pics of her (by herself and with me) from iphoto on my computer, and i've thrown away some items that reminds me of her. but why do i feel guilty about it? this, too, makes me sad.
  13. deejay74
    well for me it's gonna be a difficult day b/c i know my ex is going out with "coworkers". there is some jealousy involved, not because she may be celebrating it with another man, but because i don't have anyone to spend it with.
  14. deejay74
    you're right, but i still feel humiliated for the way i acted the other night. it probably reinforced my ex's negative perception of me because i got jealous during the relationship and i did it again when i saw her the other night, and she's not my g/f anymore. i wish i could've handled myself better that night.
  15. deejay74
    1) Do you feel that you'd rather never see your ex again than be friends with him (and find out sooner or later he/she's happy with someone else)? hmm, i don't know. i would like to be friends, but i can't right now. i am DEFINITELY not in a place right now to see her with someone else. maybe once i can handle that, then i can be friends. 2) How bad was this break-up for you INITIALLY? 1 1 - I couldn't eat, sleep or live for a while; i thought i'd die. 3) Was this the 1st break-up as bad, or have you gone thru similar (more or less) ups/downs before? this one is as painful, if not more, than the last one, but i've handled myself pretty well with this break up even with that blunder i made the other night. 4) Do you feel you were so hurt and reacted so much to breaking up because (any and all that might apply) ii, iii, iv ii) you loved this ex so much, he/she was like no other iii) you weren't emotionally sound when you started that relationship iv) Other? - i didn't expect the break up and the reasons why she broke up with me i couldn't understand. 5) Do you feel that a majority of this pain is maybe rejection, and that you can move on and love others, but having a hard time with rejection? i think for me it is partly about rejection. but i feel we had so much in common and i've never met anyone like her so i have a lot of fear because i have never been with someone like her before. 6) Bonus rhetoric question: Do you also feel amazed how the person you were so in love with few months ago could be/seem/sound SOOOOO cold/cruel when he/she wants to break it off? she wan't cold or cruel when she wanted to break it off. she was actually very sincere and compassionate but when i saw her the other day, yes i was completely taken by surprise at how much she seemed like she couldn't care about anything regarding me.
  16. deejay74
    today i woke up with the realization that i am never going to have my ex in my life again. i think this is the first time that i've truly felt this and it's a very sad feeling. one of my fondest memories of her was when i had shoulder surgery back in september. she came to the hospital to help me get home. she was the first thing i saw when i woke up in the recovery room and she had a bouqet of flowers for me. she helped me get home and took care of me for a couple of days, even though she had school. this is why it's hard for me to think of my ex in a bad light even though she didn't treat me so well the other night. my ex IS capable of doing nice things that isn't so selfish. but lately, she has been extremely selfish and self-absorbed. anyway, i guess i am just trying to cope with my feelings of loss and a life without her. it's going to be tough getting used to this.
  17. deejay74
    oh i highly doubt she'll contact me. but is it possible to regain any respect if there was any lost?
  18. deejay74
    so, many of you know, i screwed up the other night when i saw my ex. now, i don't want to get back together with her, but i may be interested in being friends with her later down the road. i know she's not a person for me to be in a relationship with, but i can see her being a friend. what i want to know is, is it possible to regain any respect when you lost control and made a blunder with your ex after the break up? i don't think i made a terrible blunder - i think i made a fool out of myself more than anything. if so, how? when you reestablished contact, was it you who initiated it or the ex? if it was you, what did you say or do? i am probably not making any sense here as i haven't gotten any sleep in the past 2 days. i know what you all are probably thinking, why would i want to be friends with my ex after what she said and treated me the other night? i am a forgiving person and i know i probably pushed her into saying what she said but when i have healed completely and worked on myself, i would like to have a friendship with her because we got along great before we started dating.
  19. deejay74
    hey nathalie, you've read my post about me being an idiot, your situation is not as bad as mine!! don't feel stupid, alcohol warps judgement so just try to learn from this. as far as your friend, if that person is a real friend, they'll come back around. by the way, thanks for your replies to my posts.
  20. deejay74
    thanks again everyone, it means a lot to me that so many strangers i've never met care about me. i care about all of you as well. i don't know if this is helpful in the long run, but i've been imagining my ex with that guy holding hands, making out, having sex, going out to dinner just to get used to the idea. it's slowly making me accept that she might be doing that anyway but i hope this isn't a false sense of acceptance. i think that i am actually jealous of my ex and her progress and the fact that she can easily get laid if she wants to. i am trying very hard to just be concerned about myself but that's difficult most of the time. i am also trying not to beat myself up too much about how i handled myself the other night. i am trying not to be embarrassed - i let myself down and now any respect my ex had for me is probably gone. do you think that's the case? please be honest. thanks.
  21. deejay74
    today is really bad, i woke up thinking about my ex with this guy i am pretty sure she left me for. you can read my post further down if you're interested in what happened. i went out last night with a female friend and we had a good time but i kept on thinking about my ex. what's really frustrating is even after my ex treated me terribly when i saw her the other day, i still long for her. i can't believe how she acted b/c it's not what i know of her. my memories of her are completely different from the way she acted the other night and i am so confused because the last time we spoke, she wasn't like that and she told me she cared about me. now it seems like she could care less. why did she treat me this way? i know she's going out on valentine's day because when i saw her the other night, her friend asked her if she is busy that day and my ex said she's got plans with her "coworkers". of course i am thinking she's got plans with the guy i think she left me for so now i am going drive myself crazy that night. i want this pain to go away, i want her out of my mind, i want to stop reminiscing over the good things in our relationship. i want to stop thinking that i won't meet anyone else for a long time, i want to stop feeling so lonely and sorry for myself. i just can't seem to do this.
  22. deejay74
    wow, i got dumped the day before you and my relationship was exactly the same length. i know how you feel. i am hurting as well but please don't make the same mistakes i did. you can read my post in the "healing" section, it should be near the top - i said i was an idiot. anyway, it's going to hurt but please, please, please stick with NC. it's the best choice. feeling unworthy and rejected is normal, i still feel that way but again, learn from my mistakes and worry about yourself. i know, easier said than done when you're hurting. but try as hard as you can. he sounds like an insecure person and do you really want to be with an insecure person? you may have gotten tired of it after another few months or so, who knows. i am not in a position to give advice right now, especially since i didn't take any of it, so please take the advice of others on here. you won't be sorry.
  23. deejay74
    great post!!! very inspiring but i am having a hard time believing in myself right now. I have lost a lot of dignity for what i've done recently and i feel a little ashamed. it's hard for me to work on myself when i've been so out of touch with myself for many years. i am seeing a therapist and i am working hard on refocusing my attention on myself so i hope that i'll come around soon. thanks again for this post.
  24. deejay74
    i guess it matters because i wish it was me in some way. i guess i am kind of jealous because it's very easy for her to get laid. one major red flag that i overlooked when we first started going out was she told me how many people she's been with - she said over 40. that's why i am convinced she is sleeping with that guy. i thought she cheated on me with him and when i asked her about it (this was when we were still together) she denied it and said she did nothing for me to suspect that she was cheating on me. i reminded her about the amount of sexual partners she's had and she told me she was doing that at a time when she needed to fill a void in her life with sex. i still think she's filling that void.
  25. deejay74
    this is exactly what is happening to me. i cannot shake the good memories that my ex and i shared. just take a look at my latest post, she was treating me like s*** last night and i still think of her in a good light. i feel like i am temporarily insane or something. i keep thinking that somewhere in there is the person that i remember. it's very sad but i guess it's the truth and the truth often hurts.
×
×
  • Create New...