boiler55126

Does anyone one here know much about thyroid disorders? The reason I ask is because I'd like to know peoples personal experiences rather than what's on the internet as far as symptoms. From what I know, thyroid disorders are very much hereditary. It's run in my family. My dad has it pretty bad as well as my grandfather, great grandfather, great aunt etc. I know it would be so easy to just get a blood test run but I have my reasons why I don't want to go. To make a long story short, I've just lost pretty much all trust in doctors. I have many reasons for my lack of trust but I'll state my most recent reason. I went to the doctor back in December because I couldn't sleep. I had no idea why I couldn't sleep either. Well, the doctor asked what had been going on in my life and I told him and he diagnosed me with depression. I disagreed. I told him I simply couldn't sleep. This sleep problem started back in May 2005 and by December I had enough and finally went to the doctor. Anyway, he insisted it was depression and told me he would prescribe me Effexor XR and Ambien. I didn't know much about either drug at the time. He said that the Effexor would calm me down and help me sleep and when I couldn't sleep I should take the Ambien. So I started taking 37.5 mg of Effexor and after 2 weeks he bumped me up to 75mg. I took the Ambien when I couldn't sleep and it got me to sleep but I'd wake up after about 2 or 3 hours and couldn't get back to sleep. Pretty much what I had been dealing with for the past 7 months anyway. So I went back to the doctor and told him the Ambien didn't work too good and he gave me Trazodone. That has seemed to work but it has some side effects I don't like. It gives me a horribly stuffy nose and little white dots on the inside of my cheeks. Since it gives me a stuffy nose, to the point of not being able to breathe out of my nose at all, I sleep with my mouth open which give me a terribly dry mouth as well as dark eyes from the constant nasal congestion. So now I'm weaning myself off the Effexor the only way I can. I'm not going to get into the horror stories of that but I will say that if you go to the doctor and he prescribes you Effexor, DON'T TAKE IT. Your depression will go away much easier and with less problems than it will if you take this stuff and then try to get off it. To get back to the hyperthyroid issue. I've done a lot of reading about hyperthyroid and I have almost every symptom of it. I believe I was misdiagnosed as having depression and anxiety due to my personal life when it has really been due to hyperthyroidism. Insomnia, fatigue, anxiety, depression, increased allergies (which I've noticed a lot this year) excessive bowel movements, restlessness, you name it, I have it, which are all associated with thyroid disorders. So all the while, I'm starting to think I may be suffering from a thyroid disorder and not what these misleading doctors have told me. I'd just like to know if anyone else has gone through these symptoms and then been diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. Thanks.

I can understand she may love this guy but I cannot for the life of me understand why she would put herself and more importantly her kids in a situation such as this with all the potential for serious problems. Maybe being I come from a stable background I have a hard time understanding it and for her it might just be learned behavior and a way of life.

So I was in a relationship with this woman for 6 months. She moved to minnesota from Florida. She has 4 kids. The father of 3 who is her ex-husband moved here after the divorce. She remarried about 4 years later and has a kid with him. Things weren't working out after 2 years of marriage and she moved up here so the kids could be with their dad. She was upfront about her situation. Told me she was married but going to get a divorce but wanted to wait until she was a resident here which takes 6 months that way she wouldn't have to go to Florida to file divorce and could do it here. Anyway, our relationship was very good. We got along great and had a lot of fun and her kids all really liked me. We only seen each other about once a week because we lived a little bit of a distance from each other. I also wanted to keep my distance to a certain point until she was divorced. I didn't want to get too terribly involved and have her up and move back to Florida. She always swore up and down that she wasn't going to move back to Florida and she wouldn't ever get back together with her husband and that I just needed to trust her on that. So I never really brought it up and waited patiently. This is where it gets weird. When she told me she was married, which was pretty much in the beginning of things, she told me why she left her husband. First of all he's a chronic alcoholic and would get drunk every night and have temper tantrums to the point of tipping furniture over and yelling and hollaring, in front of her kids too. On top of that, he's a registered sex offender and he's on the state of Floridas website. He was 28 and had a year long relationship with a 15 year old girl and her mom eventually turned him in. He's now 35. One of her reasons of leaving him is because she couldn't live with someone that's labeled in that way for fear that she, as well as her kids might be the brunt of harassment from the community they resided in. She wasn't aware of the fact that he has to register once a year and that he also has to register any time he moves. So they were going to move to a small town and he told her he had to register and she didn't want to take the chance. So she moved here. So about 6 weeks ago this loser got his 2nd DWI and is in a lot of trouble. They seemed to talk an awful lot ever since then. They always talked a lot but even more after his DWI. So over the holidays she got depressed over not being with her family which is all pretty much in Florida, totally understandable. So her mom bought her a plane ticket for a week over New Years and while she was there she sent me an email saying she's moving back to Florida. Oh well, understandable that she wants to be with her family. But now she tells me she's back together with her husband. * * *? This is really bothersome to me. I have a feeling she was planning on getting back together with him for a while. All she ever did is complain about him. Alcoholic, don't have his s**t together, complete loser, can't take care of himself, no money and irresponsible with it when he does, no food in the house but spends $100 on a tattoo, 2 DWI's, clinical depression, suicidal, registered sex offender, the list goes on and on. This guy actually tried to kill himself about 10 weeks ago over her leaving him and was in the hospital for drug overdose and now she's back with him and putting her kids in this situation. Is it just me or is she nuts? I guess my problem with this is that it don't feel one bit good to be dumped for a guy like that. I don't have any of these problems and have an awful lot going for me. I'm starting to think she's co-dependant. Her dad is an alcoholic and has been for her whole life and her mother has enabled him. I'm thinking she's following in the same footsteps and it's a way of life for her. Can anyone make any sense of this? Why on earth would she go back to a guy like that and put her kids in that situation?

First of all I'm posting this for a friend, not myself. I met this woman about 1 month ago and she moved to Wisconsin from Florida about 2 months ago. She has 4 kids. 3 of them from a previous marriage and 1 with her current separated husband which she is in the process of getting a divorce. There are 2 major reasons she moved to Wisconsin. First reason being because her ex-husband lives in Wisconsin and she felt it was best to move there so 3 of her 4 kids could be with their biological father. Second reason being that she found out that her current separated husband is a registered sex offender in Florida. She is getting a divorce because he's an alcoholic as well as the fact that he is a registered sex offender and she don't want her kids around him. They still talk and she is making arrangements to fly to Florida on occasion so that he can see his daughter. She's afraid that when they go to court that they will make her move back to Florida because of the kid she has with this guy. Is this possible? Or will the court side with her being that he is a registered sex offender? Was it illegal for her to move out of state with her kids since one of them is from this guy in Florida whom she is still legally married to?

It's nothing more than a smokescreen. Nobody enjoys hurting other peoples feelings and thus they come up with pathetic break up lines. Myself, I'd rather hear the truth. Like "I don't love you anymore", or something similar. That's the hardest part, not truly knowing what it was. Leaves you to assume things. My ex told me "I need to find myself". What the hell is that supposed to mean? It's not like she's 16, she's 41 and she doesn't even know who she is. What a crock. People should just be honest and spare others the trouble of wondering til their sick in the head.

She's dictating everyting. She's controlling you right now. Deciding when and where you talk, or if you talk. I wouldn't put up with it. Stand up for yourself. It's a little thing called human dignity. If I were you, I would tell her not to come over unless she is willing to reason with you and finally come clean. Otherwise tell her not to waste your time. She's taking advantage of the fact that you're hurt and vulnerable and figures she can get anything out of you and get you to do anything she wants you to. Just remember, she chose this, not you. Don't be a heel.

I'm glad to hear that you have gained your composure. I told you earlier that she would eventually break down. She don't know what she wants, let her figure that out. If she calls anymore and starts crying and weeping I'd tell her 1 thing. "Your pain is self chosen". It's easy to be blinded by love. Some people are very undecided and confused as to what they want out of life. Unfortunately it always seems to be the good guys that get wrapped up with these sort of people. I'm to the point now where I have set higher standards, much higher. If I don't find the one I'm looking for at least I won't get hurt like this and like you have. I have a story I'd like to share with you. Not just you but anyone who has read and responded to this post. This is from a movie so some of you may have heard this, but it makes sense. There's a frog and a scorpion sitting on the side of a river and the scorpion asks the frog if he will give him a ride accross the river. The frog tells him NO. The scorpion asks why and the frog says "because you'll sting me". The scorpion replies "why would I do that? we'd both drown" After some more talking and the scorpion convincing the frog that he won't sting him he agrees to give him a ride on his back accross the river. They get about halfway accross and the scorpion stings the frog. As they're both going down the frog looks at the scorpion and asks "Why did you sting me? You promised you wouldn't". The scorpion replies "Because it's my nature". So you see, it all comes down to trust. Trust someone until they give you a reason not to. Sometimes it's a valuable lesson to better yourself for your future so that you're more careful about situations. Learn from all this. Hopefully you won't make the mistakes I have and keep taking her back over and over again only to do nothing more than put yourself in a very vulnerable situation to be hurt all over again. Love will do crazy things to people. That's for sure.

You're definitely doing the right thing. Don't show her you are having such a hard time with it. Reverse psychology is rather childish but in a situation like this it's best to not talk to her about your marriage and future together or not together. From what you said about the phone calls it seems as though she is starting to feel remorseful. She wants to talk to you but don't know how. She will eventually give you some answers if she has any conscious at all. If she don't, well then you'll be like me, just eternally wondering. Hopefully she don't do that to you. I think she owes you at least an honest explanation. She's just too guilt ridden and confused right now to do that. It gets better though. It's been 2.5 months for me now and I'm starting to come to grips with things. You will too. Things will get better, not so easy, but better. Pass the shotgun?????? C'mon, you have to stop thinking that way. Have I thought about suicide? Yes....every day. You know what stops me? I've had 3 very close friends and 1 college budy commit suicide. I seen what it did to me and what it did to their families. It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Bottom line. You have more going for you than you think. I know it's hard to keep your chin up and keep your head above water at a time like this but you will eventually look back on things and realize that you only live once. Make the best of it. Hang in there mate. It will get better.

Unfortunately people change for better or for worse. It appears she has changed for the worse. Her going out and having the time of her life or making up for lost time is only her trying to cover up and suffocate her own guilt of this whole situation. Too bad for her that it probably won't work but only compound things and make any problems she may have even worse. At least you're still young enough and you can start over. If she has changed this much it's best to let time run its course. You can't say enough things, buy enough things or do enough nice things to get her to come back to you. If she ever did it would have to be her to decide that. I wouldn't be 1 bit surprised if after a few months she comes to her senses and apologizes to you. That's how it usually happens. I've not only had it happen to me many times but have seen it several times as well. Don't let her know your feelings anymore, it won't do any good. I know you tried to help her and be there for her and do all sorts of nice things, but some people you just can't reach. You need to find someone who cares about you and your feelings and wants the best for you. Not just for herself. It's a 2 way street and it takes both parties for it to work and both parties for it not to work. Your kid should be the only thing on your mind. Make that your priority. Not her, she's already gone. Take it EZ.

Going out getting drunk. Coming home late. Not being responsible. Denying everything (denial is the first sign of alcoholism) repeated arguing and quarelling, especially when she's been drinking. Let me guess, she's always right too. Can't admit to anything. It's like deja vu for me. My ex did that too. I do know she wasn't cheating on me. She worked at a bar part time and would get off early and sit there and drink with her co-workers and I've been there with her so I do know that's what was going on. Problem was she couldn't just have a few drinks. She had to drink as much as she could before the bar closed, and then drive home. I'm pretty much done with all the partying and since she's always been in relationships she wanted to experience the party life. She said she wanted to re-live her youth. I told her she was nuts. Then I told her she's not 21, and that she's a 41 year old mother of 2 and needs to start acting like it. Sounds to me like your wife may have a drinking problem. Probably a way to escape her feeling of guilt. Or just thinks it's the fun thing to do and may have never experienced that before. This happens to a lot of women. More so to women than to men. Reason being that a lot of women have a hard time being alone and spend most of their life in relationships and then 1 day decide they don't want it anymore and need to "find themselves" or whatever other smokescreen excuse they may have. She doesn't want to be the responsible type person anymore. At this point she is not trustworthy at all. Sounds like she needs help. You can try to explain that too her but I'm sure she would only get angry. My ex would come home drunk as hell and then I would get upset at her for at least not calling for a ride. It didn't matter what I tried to do or what I said, she was too drunk to comprehend it anyway. I was too normal for her and going out and partying and being completely irresponsible was more normal to her. She tried to bring me down with her and did to some degree. I was a much happier and much better person before I met her. Her problems wore off on me. I believe I was also trying to be more of a father to her than a boyfriend. Sounds to me that you might be in the same boat. It is very rude and disrespectful for anyone to treat someone this way after they stuck their neck out for them. Sounds to me like she is digging her own grave. Don't be surprised when she wakes up and realizes where all her FUN is leading her that she comes crying back to you. Don't trust her if she does, it would only happen again. Not trying to discourage you but it's a cycle that would repeat itself. It's not worth putting yourself through. Take it from me. I put myself through it 3 times in 2.5 years with my ex and at this point I'm surprised it hasn't killed me.

I agree with fIIsion on the fact that men are more settled in a relationship than the majority of women. It's sad but it seems like I too see it more and more that the woman seems confused and doesn't know what she really wants but hides it from her mate. All the while we as men are led on believing everything is OK. Whenever there's problems they tend to bottle up and not make an effort to resolve things. The minute you think things are going good she comes out and says she doesn't love you anymore. Why? Because they bottle things up inside and run away from their problems rather than confronting them. Then when they've changed their feelings for you without communicating their feelings with you it's far too late. I also agree with fIIsion about how a lot of magazines and books are geared in a false sense toward women, basically brainwashing them about how relationships should be. My ex was the same way. Thought relationships should come together and you shouldn't have any problems or differences. That never happens, and if it does it's destined to fail as both the man and woman wouldn't know how to handle any problems if it arose. You have to be able to communicate and compromise for a relationship to have any chance of working. My ex used to read all kinds of love story books and I think that's how she got to thinking that way. I told her maybe she should stop reading so many fiction books. I'm very sorry to hear what happened to you. Believe me, I can totally relate. Seems like 1 day things are fine and the next she's running away like she seen a ghost. For her it was gradual, she was slowly falling out of love with you, but probably didn't explain that too you very well, if she even did at all. For you it's been all too sudden, and I'm sure you're probably in shock. I too suffer from depression, but I didn't develop it on my own or get this way overnight. I developed this at the hands of my ex. Your wife should have been there to help you, especially if you asked her. That's very selfish and thoughtless on her part. I think the best thing here is to not talk to her about your marriage. If you talk to her only discuss your kid, that's it. She sounds like a bad communicator and if she is then it will take her a while to really tell you what happened. I'm not saying there's another man involved and from what I've read I don't believe there is. I'm sure at this point, any time you 2 talk you're trying to get things out of her and she isn't saying much which probably causes you to assume things. She then clams up because no matter what she says, right now you're too upset and shocked and you don't believe her. So in her mind it's pointless for her to explain things thoroughly to you. Believe me, I went through this 3 times with my ex. Every time she left she never said much and it drove me nuts. Sounds like it's going to take her a while to sort things out and be able to put her feelings into words in a way you can understand. It's unfortunate but it's true, most women don't communicate their feelings, wants and needs very clearly with the man their with. We're not mind readers. Can I ask you how old she is? Has she ever had any other serious relationships other than you. Did she come from a stable background? Has she ever been on her own and gained that feeling of being able to be independent and an established woman? I'd like to know, as maybe myself or some others on here can help make sense of things a little more for you. I'm sure you have a million unanswered questions at this point. I'm also concerned what contributed to your depression. Just remember, things may not be able to be fixed between you 2 but you can control what happens with your kid. Focus your energy and time on that. Your kid is what needs to matter the most to you now. I know 6 years is a long time but it appears that it wasn't you and it was out of your hands. She should have been there to help you and support you through the tough times you were going through. It's not your fault you had some problems and we all need help at times. If she loved you enough and cared about people other than just herself and cared about the marriage enough she would have did anything she possible could to help you and help resolve any issues in your marriage. Sounds to me like she can be a rather selfish person. Hang in there and try not to think into things too much. It will drive you crazy.

My ex-g/f left me a little over 2 months ago. 3rd time she left in 2.5 years. We kept trying to build our relationship but it never worked. You should never go back to her. It just won't work, you tried enough. I know 6 years is a long time, but you're still young and you'll eventually find what you're looking for. My ex said the same thing. She thought we were more friends than lovers, and maybe so. I don't need a lot of affection and attention but she did, an awful lot. It sounds to me like she is the same way and demands a lot of attention and if it's not you to give her that then it's best to move on. No point in being fake about it either, you can hug her and kiss her all you want but eventually that would slow down and she'd want to break up again. Believe me, I tried to do all that with my ex but it came down to me giving her all the attention but not receiving any from her. Most relationships do get a bit stagnant, not totally dead but things just seem to slow down a bit. Some people can handle it and some can't. Men have a way of being able to be happy in a relationship without a lot of affection and are a lot of times just happy to be with someone but women often times need to feel loved by constant attention and affection. If you weren't being this way with her then it's best to find the one that you can be that way with. I don't a lot of times understand a womans thinking. My ex said I don't know what love is. She asked if I have ever been with someone where you can't keep your hands off that person and vice versa. Well I have, and it didn't work either. She said that is love. I call it lust, not love. There's a big difference. Sure the attention and affection is nice but anybody can get that if they really want it. You have to love the person, not just what they do for you physically, but really love that person. I know it's tough but you have to start getting along with yourself. Start doing the things that you liked to do before you met her. Keep your mind occupied if you can. That seems to be the hardest part because any little thing probably reminds you of her and then becomes a distraction. Talking to her will only make things worse. Being friends with an ex is a very hard thing to do for most people. I've talked to my ex many times since she left and it always hurt more than it did me good. I have now decided that it has only hurt me so I have cut off any contact with her. If you talk to her it probably won't be what you want to hear. I'm sure you have a lot of questions and not having any real answers is what hurts the most but you're not going to hear what you want. I wouldn't talk to her. I learned from my experience very well. I wouldn't be so messed up right now if I hadn't talked to her.

Well it's been 2 months since my girlfriend left. I haven't felt 1 bit better, only worse. Seems like I've gotten myself into a real tailspin. I've tried everything to get over her. I tried sleeping a lot, getting angry at her, getting drunk, going out with friends, exercising, talking to friends and family, went out on a few dates, went to the doctor and got put on anti-depressants. Nothing has worked, not 1 bit. Sleeping a lot didn't work, I can't hardly sleep anyway. Getting angry has only made me say and do things that I later regret. Everytime I go out with friends I end up leaving early because these personal demons of mine always have a way of getting to me at any given moment, no matter what I'm doing. Getting exercise helped but after the paxil kicked in I lost all motivation, Going on dates really sucked. The one time I actually started feeling sick and pretty much ended things early. At this point I don't want to be with any other women. My ex is still in my heart too much. The anti-depressants haven't helped, and I think it may be making me worse. He put me on paxil and after about 1 month of that I told him it wasn't working so he switched me to lexapro. That stuff made me sick as hell. I took it for about 1 week and I thought I was on LSD. I would have uncontrollable tremors, nightmares, slurred speach, no energy, panic attacks, major mood swings, you name it. All the while trying to do my job, which hasn't been easy to begin with. I quit taking the lexatrol about 3 days ago and now I feel like I have arthritis of the head, if that's possible. So now I'm going to try to stop taking any of it and see what happens. I'd rather suffer from depression than feel like I'm on cloud 9 all the time. So now I'm to the point that I've pretty much secluded myself from society. I don't like being around people at all anymore. I think it's because I'm afraid I'll break down in front of a bunch of people. I can't seem to quit crying over this. It's an everyday thing. It comes just out of the blue, I never know when something will get to me or remind me of her. I got written up at work a few days ago for job performance. I do maintenance and I don't feel like coming out of my office unless they really need something. Problem I have with being out in the plant is that everyone has a radio and I'll be working on something and a song will come on that reminds me of her and I just up and walk away right in the middle of doing something so that I don't break down in front of them. People keep wondering what the hell is wrong with me and why I just up and leave and where I go. I don't want to tell anyone because word gets around at this place. So I just leave for a bit until I'm settled down and then return to finish what I was doing. I hate being at work. My ex works right next door so I'm constantly reminded of her. I don't see her but I see the building she works in several times a day and it's hard for me to not think of her when I know she's right there. I can't seem to get her out of my heart. I know in my heart and in my mind that I've never loved someone as much. This is the 3rd time she left in 2.5 years and this is without a doubt the last time. Things got kinda ugly between us. I only ever took her back the other 2 times because I was insanely in love with her. This time has been the hardest for me. I know this is the last time and I really feel like I'm running on empty with no hope at all of ever getting back together with her. I can't seem to move on and put any closure to this. She never really gives me much to move on with. She's just not a very good communictor and I'm always left to assume things and it slowly drives me crazy. So whenever I've talked to her I always bring things up to try to at least get some sort of closure but instead she gets upset and usually hangs up. She wanted to be friends but she never called me. It was always me calling her. Then when we would talk I would try to get her to give me some sort of reasons and she always says it was because of the problems between me and her kids. I don't see that as a reason to run away from someone and not even be friends. I hate feeling like I'm being lied to. I'm not sure what else to try. I even setup an appointment to see a counselor but nothing else has worked so I don't figure that will either. Have I had suicidal thoughts? Yes, everyday. The only thing that stops me is that I've had 3 good friends and 1 somewhat of a friend commit suicide and I seen what it did to me and their families. I look at it as a permanent solution to a temporary problem. The thing about is that in the cases I seen of suicide they didn't plan it for days. They pretty much just snapped and had enough. That's what I'm afraid of most. I feel like I've lost my mind. Does anybody have any ideas or some advice to move on in any other ways than the ones I've already tried? It's been 2 months and I've only gotten worse, much worse. I need a way to get out of this rut.

It's been about 2 months now since my ex-girlfriend left. I've posted a few times before so some of you may know my situation. Well it's been 2 weeks since I last talked to her and the silence is killing me. I keep wanting to call her just to say hi and see how things are going, but I'm afraid to. She'd probably only yell at me. We tried to be friends but I think that was a hard thing to do right after we broke up, things got ugly between us. A lot of finger pointing and quarreling. The last time we spoke she called real late at night and very drunk, seems like that's the only time she has called is when she is drunk. She said she lost her kids and started blaming me. Someone called social services on her. I think she has them back now, otherwise I'm sure she'd still be calling. I didn't do this but I know who did. I didn't know she was going to report her. This woman that reported her is a child abuse therapist or counselor. She used to work for the state as a social worker of some kind. Little to my knowledge she is for some reason required to report any type of of abuse or dangerous situations involving children. So now I look like a jerk. I opened my mouth in a situation that I shouldn't have. She also found out about me posting on here from her daughter and read them. She said she printed a lot of them out and was showing it to people. Says I'm nuts, and maybe I am. After being dumped 3 times in 2.5 years by the one I thought was right for me (for some weird reason) it's hard for me to keep my chin up and keep my head above water. It's been 2 months and I haven't felt the least bit better. I went to the doctor and did all that but even that hasn't seemed to help. I know we will never be together again and I would never take her back. I just can't seem to pull myself through this. I have accepted the fact that it is over but I'm having a very hard time getting her out of my heart and off my mind. I just can't seem to move on. We work right next door so that could be a big reason I can't. How do you forget about someone when every day you see the building they work in? It seems impossible not to think of her when I see the building she works in, and there's no avoiding it. I'm also afraid of losing my job for poor performance. I'm trying to transfer to one of the other plants within the company but I'm not sure that's going to happen. I have no motivation to do much of anything. Not just at work but at home too. I'd like to call her and keep thinking about it but I can't push myself to. Is this normal to still feel this lousy after 2 months?

I've been to this bar probably 3 times in the last 2 weeks and a bartender seems to be interested. Not totally sure so I'll explain. The last 2 times I've been there we've talked most of the time she isn't serving anyone. She's pretty much hung out where ever I've been sitting. She's been asking personal questions like "do you have any kids?" "have you ever been married?" "how old are you?" "what do you do for work?" as well as telling me an awful lot about herself. If she's not interested then why would she care at all if I have any kids and so on. Is she just trying to be a friendly bartender? She makes eye contact with me an awful lot, smiles at me all the time. The last time I was there I was with a friend of mine. We stopped there on our way to a different place and she was working. When we got up to leave she was at the very far end of the bar from us. She seen we were leaving and almost ran to the end where we were to say bye to us. I told her I might stop back up later and she said she'd be there til 1am, almost like an invitation. So after we left I told my friend that I believe she's interested in me and he said that when I got up to use the restroom that she was checking me out pretty hard and that it was very obvious. Well we went and partied at this other place and I decided to go back up there and talk to her some more. Seems like we have a lot in common. I'm just not totally sure she is interested, she does seem overly friendly. I'm not sure if she's waiting for me to make a move or not. Maybe I'm just being stupid and jaded about a break-up about a month ago. I just don't know how to break the ice, I'm kinda shy that way. Any ideas?

I woke up thursday morning and felt that all too familiar feeling again. Severe Depression. Yep, it happened again. I made a doctors appointment for Friday and talked to my supervisor and he told me to take the day off. I feel that I was a safety hazard to myself and everyone around me, and I was. Not thinking clearly at all, can't concentrate on anything, been throwing up in the morning frequently, not sleeping very much, not eating right. I have to do something. This has affected me not only mentally but physically as well. I thought I was tougher than this. This is the second time I've got this way over this woman, never had it happen before and I've had several serious long term relationships. I think the problem is that everytime she has left she just closes up like a clam on me and won't discuss much of anything with me, so I'm left to assume things and it just slowly eats away at me. That's all I need, something to better understand things and some closure so that I can move on. She's just not a very good communicator and so I sit here going over things in my mind until it gets the best of me. It's been 1 month now and I think there has been days that I've felt good but really it was just building up inside me. I didn't want to fall back on my friends or family this time because I've done that the other 2 times she left and I didn't feel like it was fair to them to keep pushing my problems onto them. I feel like I've been hit by a train. No energy, no motivation, no concentration, forgetful, you name it. I don't like being like this at all. I've never felt so rotten, rejected and utterly worthless in my life. I wish a plane would just crash into my house. Well I hope the doctor gives me the sleeping pills like he did the last time, those helped more than the anti-depressants. Hopefully I will only be on this for a month.

My ex-girlfriend left me about a month ago and I don't understand a few things. I realize we lived together and I had an awful lot of problems with her kids and according to her that's ultimately why she left. She said it just wasn't going to work. That I'm too hard on her kids. She also said she needs to find herself, needs to find out who she really is. What is this supposed to mean? She also said it took her a long time to realize that she didn't love me in a relationship way but more in a friendship way. She says she does want to be friends. What I'm wondering is: Does she really want to be friends? Or is this just her way of letting me down easy? She left after a problem I had with one of her kids. So did she really leave that quickly because her kids come first? She left without showing any emotion at all, like a stone, and seems to have her head held high like nothing happened and I meant absolutely nothing. So did she leave because of the situation I had with one of her kids that night? Or was this just an easy excuse for her to leave because she's interested in someone else or has feelings for someone else? Or does she maybe not want to be in a relationship because she can't concentrate on a relationship and her kids at the same time? Maybe some of you divorced women with kids, or single women with kids that have had relationship problems because of your kids could help explain some of this.

I just want to say a few things here. First of all, I know exactally how Dan feels. Why? Well because I'm dealing with a very similar situation. EXTREMELY SIMILAR. I'm at wits end over it, feel like I'm losing my mind. The only reason I think I'm still here is because I've had 4 of my friends commit suicide and I don't want to take the easy way out. It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Not saying that you Dan have concidered anything like that and I sure as hell hope not. The fact of the matter is this. I've read every post on this here topic and what I've gathered is that some of you are here to help and some of you simply want to over analyze everything he has said thusfar. Have any of you ever thought that every one of us has our own way of dealing with things and our own way of escaping things that have hurt us the most? Maybe this is his way of letting it out, getting beyond the miserable feelings he has about this. I found this chat forum because of a situation I have been having a very hard time dealing with. I have had a lot of good replies that were very informational and helpful. I only did go to this because I didn't know how else to deal with it. I didn't want to fall back on my friends or family again as I had done several times in the past. Maybe this is his way of dealing with it. Some use alcohol, some use drugs, some use chat forums like this, or whatever it may be, we all have our own way of dealing with our problems and our own way of escaping. I'd like to ask all of you to please, either support him or not say a thing. That's what it's all about...SUPPORT. It's not hard to make someone feel lousy about themselves, it's not hard to make someone feel rotten about themselves, it's not hard to make someone feel like they're a broken toilet of a human being, unless you have no conscious. What's hard is making someone feel good about themselves. That's the hard part. Like I said, he is on this forum just like the rest of us. Not to be picked on, called crazy, called insecure or anything like that, but for support. I don't think he, or any of us are on here because we have nothing else to do. We're all in this together, it's 1 for all and all for 1.

I have a poem for Dan....It's called: I Miss Her Sometimes I ran into my ex-girlfriend today Then I backed up and ran into her again I MISS her sometimes! [/b][/u]

I just can't hold this back. I'm currently struggling with a situation almost identical to Dans. My ex-girlfriend left me about a month ago for the 3rd time in a 2.5 year relationship. I too tried to help her and her kids. I did everyting for her. I'm not so sure I'm hurt by the relationship ending but more over the wasted effort I gave. I gave 200% to this woman and she took me for granted. I was nothing but good to her. I feel like I was her puppet and she had free reign to pull my strings to make me choke. Our biggest problem was her kids, 95% of our problems were over her brats as they are not very well behaved. There was no level of respect at all. Her and those brats walked all over me and I finally started sticking up for myself and she couldn't deal with it. They all lived in my house and she only ever paid me any rent the last time we were together, about 10 months. The problem is that she is a complete narcissist. Just like your ex Dan. She only cares about how SHE feels and only cares about HERSELF having fun and feeling good, not about the emotionally struggling sobbing man she has done everything to but kill, even though she has swept you under the rug like the dirt beneath her feet, she still feels good. You were a manipulatory toy for her to step on simply to get her own self gratification about her pathetic pitiful life at your expense. I learned a lot about it and I hope you learn from this too Dan, it will only make you stronger in the end. My ex is the same way, no conscious at all. It don't bother her 1 bit if you feel like you've been hit by a bus. She's a selfish self centered person and she will never change that about herself until something happens to her to wake her up and enlighten her. My ex is digging her own grave and someday she's going to fall flat on her face. I hope I'm there to see it because I will tell her "your pain is self chosen....mine isn't....mine is a head full of lies that is tied to my waist". Believe me, I feel for you Dan and I can totally understand your pain and frustration. My ex and I were going to try to be friends as we didn't end things on too sour of a note. It just wasn't going to work, not with her kids problems. Yet I'm very bitter and disgusted with her not appreciating the effort I gave. Well, I caught her 1 morning last week passed out drunk in her car at her ex-boyfriends. He wasn't there. She got drunk at a bar nearby and couldn't drive herself home so she pulled into his driveway to sleep. I do believe this but I also believe she slept there hoping he would come home and feel sorry for her and invite her in and then she could crawl into bed with him. I lost a lot of respect for her after this and haven't talked to her since. After we split up we agreed we would try to be friends and I told her that if she plans on running back to here ex to just be truthful about it so at least this way I could make my own honest decision wether to be friends with her or not. Something just told me she was there that morning. She went running to him the 2nd time she left me so I know she still isn't over him. Too bad for her that he didn't want her back. The way I look at it, I'd rather it be him than me. If she wants to unload herself and her boatload of baggage on him that's fine by me. That way she's his problem, not mine. That's the way you need to feel about your ex Dan. I've posted a few messages here in the last few weeks as I have had a terrible time with my situation. I have gotten a lot of replies and I thank every one of you for that. One reply that I got that really opened my eyes is someone said that it sounded like I was being more of a father than a boyfriend to my ex. That is so true. It sounds to me Dan that maybe you were doing the same things, not necessarily intentionally. You tried your best to help her and to give her a better life. Unfortunately, some people you just can't reach. I have given up all hope on my ex. All I can say is that I tried, at least I did that, and so did you Dan. You sound an awful lot like me. You wouldn't hurt anyone this way, you're an honest man, not a liar, not a cheater. Maybe you were just too normal for her. You should feel good about yourself if this is the case. She's not cut out as a worthy relationship quality woman. All the good you've done trying to be there and be helpful to this woman will payoff ten fold later in your life. I'm a firm believer in the whole karma theory. I'm going to say this without trying to offend any women that may read this. More times than not, when a relationship ends the woman usually has someone there to fall back on, to help cushion her fall. It might be a friend, kids, family members etc. In mine and your cases it was an ex-boyfriend, which happens an awful lot. It's a fact that the vast majority of women can't stand to be alone. The problem with being this way is that they never really get over it. It still lingers inside them, for years in some cases. You may not think she feels any guilt or any emotion about what she did to you but believe me she does and by being this way it will eat away at her for a long time to come. My ex is the same way. Everytime she left me she never showed any emotion at all, just like a stone and it drove me nuts thinking I must have meant absolutely nothing to her because it seemed so easy for her to just walk away with her head held high. Yet I know from the times she left before and having talked to her later on after she had left me it started to show, it started to come out. She would cry to me and tell me how lonely and scared she was and that she was so sorry for leaving me, and then stupid me would still be hurting and take her back. This was months after she had left. It's been almost a month this time and this is the 4th day in a row that I haven't cried (I'm on a roll). You see, you have to let your emotions and pain out, can't just hold it in and act as if nothing is wrong. It will eat you alive. She'll eventually break down, and don't be surprised if she calls you. Don't even give her the satisfaction of talking to her. It will only make you stronger if you don't. Let her deal with her sorrow just the way she left you to, by herself. You need to find someone that wants to be with you. Not someone that's just completely flattered with herself but actually cares about your life and wants the best for you. This woman didn't. It was all about and all for her. I was very jaded by my ex, but I tell you this, it won't happen again. I'm going to set higher standards and not get any lonliness or any desperate feelings get the better of me. Hope you can do the same Dan. You deserve way better, so be patient and it will eventually happen. You're not at all alone with this Dan. I'm in the same boat as you.

My girlfriend left me 3 weeks ago. 3rd time she's left me in a 2 and a half year relationship. She lived in my house and her kids were there 2 weekends a month and every Wednesday. She doesn't have custody of her kids, just visitation rights. She was married for 14 years and divorced her husband and left her kids. She had to fight it in court just to have them as much as she does. She comes from a very dysfunctional family and I come from a very stable family. I've never been married and have no kids. Her kids are 11 and 14, both girls. In my eyes they're not very well behaved. My girlfriend only paid me any rent this last time she moved back in. In the 2 and a half years I've known her she has moved 8 times. The times she left me she moved a few times in between breaks in our relationship. Well seems that everytime she has left me it was over her kids, especially this last time. She said it just isn't going to work and that I don't understand kids. I'll explain here what the problems were I had with her kids. They wouldn't pick up after themselves. They would shove empty pop cans, dinner plates, cereal bowls etc. under their beds. My ex would pick up after them and never tell them to. They didn't know how to do much of anything. I would tell them something like "could you two pick up your room" and they would look at me like they didn't know what I was talking about. They didn't know how to do laundry. They didn't know how to fold their own laundry and put it in the dresser or hang it on hangers and put it in the closet. I couldn't figure out why we were doing their laundry twice over the course of a weekend when they were at my house. I looked into it and found out that they would try on clothes and 2 minutes later they would decide they didn't want to wear it so instead of putting it back on a hanger or in a drawer they would throw it in the dirty clothes basket, or usually on the floor. They had a garbage can in their room but pretty much threw everything on the floor. They were slamming the front door of the house so hard that it has cracked the sheetrock above the door. I told them not to do that at least a dozen times and it didn't matter, and that goes for everything that I asked them to either do or not to do. All they ever wanted to do is watch TV. The 14 year old would get up at about 8, watch cartoons til noon, then play on the computer til about 3, then maybe make lunch and not pick up the kitchen after the mess she made, then maybe take a shower, and then lock herself in her room and watch TV the rest of the evening. I kept telling here to go outside and do something. She would say she didn't have any friends. I told her she didn't have any friends because nobody knew she existed, since she would sit on her butt all day and hardly ever go outside. The whole time my ex would never discipline them. She wouldn't teach them anything, she would do everything for them, no responsibility. I'm not so sure the 11 year old even knew how to tie her own shoes. They live primarily with their dad and he doesn't spend any time with them. His wife tries to discipline them but they don't seem to listen to her either. So they come to my house and I'm expected to be a father figure to them, yet they won't listen to a thing I said. If my girlfriend told them something they would listen to her but she never backed me up on anything when I would scold them for something. She would get mad at me instead. She would agree with me about their problems but when it came to me trying to correct them she wouldn't back me up, instead she would defend her kids. Well she left me for the 3rd time about 3 weeks ago and this appears to be the last time. I yelled at the 14 year old about sitting on her lazy butt watching TV all the time and she started crying and wanted to go back to her dads instead of being with her mom at my house for the weekend. Seemed like a good acting job on her part to get her moms attention. She always semmed to do the "feel sorry for me" routine to get her way with her mom, both of them pretty much did. My girlfriend got all upset and thus left me saying that I'm too hard on her kids and that when I say something to them I don't stop and that I keep drilling them. I said I have to because telling them 1 or 2 times doesn't work, it's more like about 12 times, and most of the time that isn't enough. She said that's just how kids are and you have to tell them over and over. I said if you have to tell them over and over and they don't listen then why even tell them at all. There just seemed to be no level of respect, even though they were living in my house. I tried to enforce the rules but I felt like I had to tip toe around my girlfriend because she would get mad. She was never willing to compromise on things and wanted to do it all her way. I think she feels bad about leaving her kids and she's trying to make amends now and felt that making her kids responsible was making her kids unhappy and seen that's where I was going with it, and I believe her kids are both about 4 years behind in their behavior and mentality. So here are my questions: I do love my ex-girlfriend an awful lot. We got along pretty well and I don't understand why she completely ended our relationship. Our arguments were 95% of the time about her kids. I felt we could have continued it but just not living together. Is that wrong? Or was it really best to end it all? I really miss her a lot, not so much her kids, if we're never going to get back together, what's the best way to get over it or could we be good friends? Is it a good idea or a bad idea? We're trying to be friends, we have talked several times and met up a few times and seem to get along better with each time we talk. So if she wants to be friends is that her way of saying she isn't ready for a commited family type relationship but she doesn't want to put me out of her life and possibly continue our relationship after a break but just needs her space? Do I just not understand kids? Was I caught in the middle of a divorced family where the parents are trying to out-do each other to make the kids the happiest? Was I wrong to try to discipline her kids and teach them responsibility? Should of I just stayed out of it and let her raise her kids the way she wanted to?

I guess I really don't know what to think. I really do miss her but I don't want her back. I can't keep putting myself through this with her. She's done way too much emotional damage for me to even think of putting myself through it again. I'd like to be friends with her. Is this a good idea? It seems like too much to put her out of my life completely. After all, how do I up and forget about her when she works right next door. Every time I walk out the door to go to lunch, pick up parts etc. the first thing I see is the building she works in and then I think about her. The second time she left me I completely lost it. After a few weeks of her leaving I was so depressed that I was laid up in bed for a week. Then I ended up on anti-depressants for a couple months, and depression like that has never happened to me before. I'm trying my hardest to fight it and keep my self occupied but I really don't have the motivation. I am worried about her. I do care an awful lot about her, but only as a friend. I don't want a relationship with her anymore. She seems to be digging her own grave. She don't really have any good friends. She used to work at a bar part time as a waitress and bartender and she calls the people there her friends. None of them call her, they see her at the bar and they're her buddy, nothing but fair weather friends. I'm just afraid after she falls flat on her face that she will realize what she left and try to get back together with me. Knowing myself and how I feel about her I'm not so sure I could turn her down. This happened the 1st time she left me. She hung out in that stupid bar and after about a month she opened her eyes. So anyway, is it possible to be friends with her? and is it a good idea or a bad idea?

My girlfriend and I split up about 3 weeks ago. It was her decision to leave. We were together for 2 and a half years, but on and off. I'll start here with some history. We started dating right after she dumped her ex-boyfriend that she was with for 6 years. I hadn't dated anyone for about a year. I am 32 and she is 41. I've never been married and have no kids, she was married for 14 years and has 2 girls, 11 years old and 14. She moved into my house only a few months after dating and almost right away I had problems with her kids. Her and I never really fought much, mostly over her kids. She moved out after about 4 months and it appeared our relationship was over. We talked a lot and decided to give it another try after being apart for about a month. Things went good but her kids were still a problem and she still had a lot of feelings for her ex-boyfriend, who was cheating on her, which is why they split up. Well she then decided to leave me again after about 6 months of being back together. This time she left and tried to go back to her ex-boyfriend and he didn't want her back. So again it appeared our relationship was over. Wrong. We started talking again and in only a few months of being apart again we got back together and she moved back in. Things once again went well between us but the kids were still a major problem. There was no level of respect. She let her kids do anything they wanted and wouldn't scold them for anything they did wrong. She really let her kids walk all over me and she agreed with me about their problems but wouldn't back me up on anything when there was a problem, even though they were living in my house she felt she didn't have to enforce any rules with her kids. We lasted this time about 10 months. I yelled at one of her kids, she cried, my girlfriend got mad and thus moved out. Her reason was she felt that it just wasn't going to work. Also included is that she wants to re-live her youth since she was married at a young age and didn't do much partying, which is what she likes to do an awful lot. She also said she needs to concentrate on her kids and being in a relationship it's too hard for her to do that. I thought it would have worked but we couldn't live together. I feel like our relationship could have continued, just not living together. We lived together way too soon in our relationship and never let the relationship between her kids and I develop enough. Well to be honest, I love her very much, more than any woman I've ever been with and I miss her more than anything. She said she loved me earlier in our relationship but she started to love me more as a friend as time went by. It's been 3 weeks and we have talked frequently and have met up a few times, but only as friends. There has been no sex or anything like that. I really would like to be with her and I think that's the only reason I talk to her, yet at the same time I do want to be friends with her and try to accept that it just wasn't going to work. The biggest problem is we work right next door to each other and I'm constantly reminded of her, so even if I wanted to forget about her it's too difficult. So my questions are: Should I even be friends with her? Should I have feelings of wanting to get back together with her, or just be done with her? Did yelling at her kids push her away from me? Or does she have feelings for someone else and used the incident when I yelled at one of her kids as an easy excuse to leave?