UGH1607307217

I have to admit, Im being a little selfish tonight...I usually read the posts and try to give my own advice when I can, but tonight I just have to ask my own question... Why is it that the ex...in my case the ex that cheated and found himself in another relationship (after telling me and I believed that he didnt want a relationship with anyone, but couldnt end ours before starting a new one with her)...only remembers the bad times of the relationship? While I only remember the good times?

Hi so sorry to hear your situation, once again the question comes to mind, have you spoken with her, maybe the best way is to tell her just what you told us. You say you dont want to leave her to pick up the pieces...talk with her, help her get out on her own. Give her a little time to figure things out...living arrangements, belongings, etc. Its not as though you hate each other and you are fighting all the time, thats not the impression Im getting anyway. Be her best friend and maybe you guys can help each other through this. If you truly feel that she is your best friend, let her know you arent abandoning her. hope that helped a little

to all of you that have read my woes... I gave my keys back tonight I guess it really is over. He asked "are you sure you dont want to keep these?" I told him I really didnt think there was any reason for me to have them Anyway, Im hangin in there, and to everyone else who ends up at this site, you hang in there too...It will get easier

This is just a general question that I wanted to put out there. I wanted to see how many people believe...any experiences you'd like to share? wasnt sure where I should put this post, MIND, BODY and SPIRIT seemed appropriate. Have a great day!

[but in any event, it is not what is important for you right now. Your job is to get over him so that you can find Mr. Evenmorewonderful. The more you are not in contact with your ex the faster you will be able to do that. I really am trying and I know Im doing better than I was just two months ago (i think ), definitely better than 6-8 months ago. Thanks Paula

Hi DN, you know I always forget about reasons like that...but I dont think about him feeling guilty, because he just seems to be having a fabulous time with her. Why would he even be giving me a second thought? Thats just how I feel. I see him as cold and uncaring...

Hi everyone, I posted this earlier as a reply to the replies I received from yesterday (i think). Wasnt really looking for any guidance at the time, as the day has gone on I am feeling worse... For anyone who isnt familiar with me now, Im here for the same reasons, broken relationship, broken heart, need to vent, I dont want to keep boring everyone with this link... , but theres my story. For everyone who is giving me advice and a "hang in there"...thanx If anyone is curious about how my posts got to this point since my long story, feel free to search my posts. Anyway, here is my earlier post... Why does he have to IM me about upcoming concerts? That was something we always used to have a great time together doing. Last night he sent me a link via IM for Ticketmaster and the Crossfade concert, WHY? We briefly chatted about upcoming shows, and of course he had to tell me he bought tix for a show out of town... He has already told me she isnt as fun at a concert as I am, but why torture me...its like hes saying nana...Im going to see Good Charlotte with her in Jacksonville, and btw yes we will be going out of town together AGAIN! What the *&^% ? WHY? Is it fun for him to do things that he knows will make me sad? Do they get a good laugh from it together? let me rephrase that last statement...Is it fun for him to tell me these things only to know they will hurt me? Anyway, we are supposed to meet Friday to separate our cell bill and take our numbers and go on our way...I told him to remind me and I would give him the house key back...I wont forget. I guess like Hope75 said Im feeling empty because all of the little details of breaking off a long term relationship (bills, possesions, pets etc.) are finally getting done and now its really over. Eight months after the cheating and breaking up its over. I thought I felt alone before...Now I really feel alone. Its one thing to accept what has happened and move on, but its a totally different feeling knowing that there is no longer a chance to go back (I had never given up hope that he would realize he made a mistake and realize he really does love me) I just feel like he was the love of my life... I dont know...I just needed to vent. Thanks for listening AGAIN! Have a great night everyone! Paula ( aka UGH! ) [/b][/u]

Believe me you are not alone...Its been 8 months since my ex left me for someone else. Im really sorry about your grandmother, but I feel in my heart she is looking down on you as proud as she can be. Everyone says hang out with friends, find a hobby, go out, etc, etc. Yes its good advice after a break up, (we were together 5+ years) but dont force it. Just this past weekend I knew my ex was out of town with the woman he cheated on me with and I made myself go out, just to the grocery store and I stopped at a restuarant for a glass of wine and some take out. But this time it was forced, but I knew if I stayed home another minute I would lose it. Take your time, it will get easier. Im not a great example but I know that eventually I will be 100%. Do I still cry? yes Am I still hurt and angry? yes But dont lose hope for yourself. Be strong. Write to us...vent... Have a great day!

let me rephrase that last statement...Is it fun for him to tell me these things only to know they will hurt me?

Why does he have to IM me about upcoming concerts? That was something we always used to have a great time together doing. Last night he sent me a link for Ticketmaster and the Crossfade concert, WHY? He has already told me she isnt as fun at a concert as I am, but why torture me...its like hes saying nana...Im going to see Good Charlotte with her in Jacksonville, and btw yes we will be going out of town together AGAIN! What the *&^% ? WHY? Is it fun for him to do things that he knows will make me sad? Do they get a good laugh from it together?

Thanks guys...I just have to get over the anxiety Im having. *deeeep breath* and just start enjoying my own company and know that I will be OK, because I truly believe that. Im just so sick and tired of being sick and tired about all this. Have a great night everyone!

Hi everyone, to anyone who wants to read my story so you know what Im updating on... link removed or feel free to find my other posts and ventings Anyway, I am finally at the last few details of having NC, I have brought one of our dogs to live with me, as of right now...I no longer have to go to "the house" to take care of the other two everyday. I just made it through a hard weekend of knowing he was out of town with her...but I didnt talk to him, I really didnt cry . But as of now we only have a couple of very minor details (bills) to split up and I really wont HAVE to talk with him again... I guess Im writing because I now have a different kind of strange emptiness inside, Im sad because I know there will be NC, but at the same time I feel a relief, Im not sure exactly how Im supposed to be feeling right now...Ive been fighting for NC while he has been fighting to stay friends...I feel like I want to sob but the tears wont come.

Well, my ex of 5 yrs left me for someone else (August)...I moved out of our house in October, I found out from him that by January he had been trying to break it off with her, so 5 months later he was unhappy. He did go thru a period of breaking up with her(about 2-3 weeks in March-April)...he was breaking up with her but she turned the tables and broke up with him, he ended up devistated...and during this break up period he was convincing himself of all the reasons he was going to break up with her to begin with, long story short...he is back with her again. Is he happy with all of the things that used to bother him about her, I dont know...Is it going to last? I dont know. Would I take him back? Right now...no. I told him while he was broken up with her, that I would have to see the headline "Florida Man Moves Heaven and Earth" on link removed before I would consider being with him again. (Or he would have to do something so awesome to show me that I really am the one he loves) Even then it would take a lot of time and a LOT of trust would have to be rebuilt. I dont know if you were looking for such a reply...hope that helps with your survey some

well, you are not alone girl, I really didnt think anyone had the exact same story as I did, down to he started seeing someone he worked with... (if you wish to read) Hang in there, Im still not 100% and yes I still have some REALLY bad days, its been 8 months (after 5+ years)...I know that doesnt sound hopeful but I have had ALL the same thoughts as you (everything you said in your first post), still do somedays. But other days are really good. Youre only 3weeks into breaking up maybe you are a stronger person than me and you will be over him in another two days, two weeks or two months. Just dont be hard on yourself, you love him, its not that easy to just shut off feelings. Try and keep busy, rely on your friends, focus on you right now. Easier said than done right?, and its the same advice that everyone else gives, but its true and I am TRYING to follow that same advice myself. Hang in there, send me a msg if you need to vent.

Hmmm, never thought of that of course I have, I can have pets now, but I just can't have three! If you check out the post I mentioned above you will see somewhat of an update on the situation in the "dealing with break up/divorce" forum. Thanks for posting. Have a nice day!

Thanks, there is another thank you post with kind of an update in the "dealing with break up/divorce forum" it kind of tells more of the story if you want a quick read. Thanks for taking the time to reply, I know my situation might sound kind of petty but my dogs (the bubbas ) are an important part of me being happy...and I dont want them to forget me either Have a great evening!

Thanks guys, I know what I need to do...youve told me all the things that I know. The bad thing is...just last Thurs or Friday, WE decided that I needed a break from visiting the dogs @ the house and thereforeeee giving myself two full weeks to a month of NC to I dont know, clear my head. Well then here comes the guilt trip..."Im here with them every night" which he knows is BS, or something happens...two of the dogs got in a fight the other night, one got a pretty nasty boo boo Im a nurse of course I have to make sure my dog is ok. He takes advantage of me and I am well aware of this, we are talking about splitting them up and one will come live with me, I just have to be firm and set the ground rules that I will take care of the bubba that I have and he will have to figure out something with his schedule to be home for the other two at an acceptable hour...I just dont want them to be neglected or to suffer for anything. That would break my heart to know that they are suffering in their own home, rather than to find good homes for them myself. Have a great night everyone!

Thanks...Alot , it puts things in a different perspective even though friends have said the same things to me...the hard part is and you are right, is figuring out where to start after x amount of months/years. Im only now after 8 months (after 5+ years) trying to figure out what it is that I might be interested in trying...at least once

Hi there, I posted a msg last night to kind of vent....but here is the whole story. My ex fiance and I broke up about eight months ago. We were together for a little over five years. He said he hadn't been happy for a while, and ended up cheating on me. Sure we had some issues earlier in the relationship but they were things he couldn't ever move past. At the time that he cheated I thought things were looking up for us, a chance at life to be better together. I had graduated from school and was about a year into my new career, we had bought a house (that was my engagement ring...) I was looking forward to things finally being REALLY good. Didn't happen. When the whole affair started I knew, he denied. It came to a point that he would just leave me at home to go be with her. We live in FL and if you remember we had three hurricanes in a row. Well the day after the first one, no power, trees down, hot weather etc. Just a really bad day...he leaves me at the house to go spend the night with her "because she has AC and power" didn't invite me though. I knew then. It got to a point that he was so obsessed with her that I finally told him about a month later to just go sleep with her and get it out of his system because at this point I was being led to believe that it was just an infatuation. Well he did and come to find out later he had already slept with her. Boy was I stupid! Anyway, eight months later I still find myself crying over him. This relationship he has with this woman is soooo wrong. She is 12 years older than him, she has an 11 year old daughter and she is an alcoholic "a functional alcoholic" he calls her. They went through a period of breaking up and I was there for him. He even posted to this site and I read his post, he briefly mentioned the break up of us but the purpose of his post was his heartbreak over the woman he cheated on me with. That hurt, and it really made me feel worthless. I can't do NC with him because we have three dogs together, they live at his house (our house) they have their own room, doggy door, invisible fence etc. I had to move to a one bedroom apartment and I can't bring three dogs with me. We work different schedules so I stop by and let them out and walk them etc. But it is so hard to get over him when I have all of these constant reminders of what has happened. He says I'm lying when I tell him it would be different if he was with someone else. I'm not lying and I'm certainly not saying it wouldn't be difficult at first, but at least if he found someone new that new person wouldn't be a reminder of everything I have lost to this woman. I tell him that "she has taken everything that was mine" he tells me "she didn't take it, I gave it to her" how am I supposed to feel about that? How can he be so heartless and nonchalant about this? I know he doesn't love me anymore, I know he doesn't want to be with me anymore, but I just can't get over him. I can't focus on anything, I try to hang out with friends, go do things...but he is always on my mind. At this point I don't even know if I want him anymore but I just know that I want to be happy and be able to get over this with some mental sanity intact. Sorry this was so long, I'm sure there is a lot more that I could have said...but I just wanted to put this out there and see if anyone has had this situation. Thanks a lot.

Well, I guess we are all posting here for the same reasons, I have been broken up with my ex fiance for about eight months now, we were together for a little over five years. The reasons that we broke up are kind of irrelevant at this point, but we still have to communicate pretty much on a daily basis, the thing is...we have three dogs together. And another thing is...he is still with the woman that he cheated on me with. That hurts, she is a constant reminder to me of all the pain that Ive had to endure over the months. He has tried for months to keep me as a "friend" Ive fought against it for months. I try to tell him things would be different if he wasnt with her. He says Im lying when I say it would be better if he was with someone else. Im not saying it wouldnt be a little difficult at first, but to me it would be better. Geez, I cant even keep a straight thought and havent been able to for months, and this message may get a little confusing...but what do you do when you cant cut off contact completely? We work different schedules and the dogs live with him, so I try to spend time with them in the afternoons before he gets home, I go by and let them out and walk them, etc. But the house is also a constant reminder of everything that I lost, everything that "he gave to her" thats what he says when I say "she took everything from me" At this point I dont know if I still love him, but I do know that I dont want him to be with her...and the thing of it is...he has no problem asking me to come "dog sit" for the weekend so he can go away with her...its like he doesnt care if he hurts me. And he will go through phases of making me feel like I just chose to get up one day and move out...leaving him with the responsibility of EVERYTHING, like his actions werent the cause of my leaving. I love my dogs and I wish I could just bring all three of them to live with me but it isnt possible, I moved into a one bedroom apartment, they have a big house with a fenced in yard and their own room... All I know is that if I cant do NC with him, I am NEVER going to get over him and move on with my life, when I ask him to give me a break of a week to just not have to deal with him or the dogs and just focus on myself he ends up making me feel bad, guilty for not helping him with them. I hope all of this made some sort of sense to someone, I think I just needed to vent some feelings to someone other than friends who give advice like get rid of the dogs, hes an ass, blah blah blah. None of that is helping. Thanks a bunch!