UGH1607307217

Would YOU like to join my cult Annie? LMAO! Just Kidding! Have a great night guys!

Ive already deleted him from my buddy list, taken him out of my search pages on the site, and removed his phone number from my phone. Who knows...Im ok , See womens intuition, it does exist, otherwise I wouldnt have posted yesterday Have a great night! Thanks everyone for being here! Paula

Alright, I know it was a stupid question and there are hundreds of answers, Im just a closure type girl and I just wanted to put that out there. And for everyone who keeps saying...maybe he didnt like what he saw, Hes seen a recent pic of me and he contacted me first! Dont think the thought didnt cross my mind though lol. Im ok, of course I did wallow in a bit of self pity this morning, my dog convinced me to get up and take him to the park. Bottom Line...NEXT! (thanks Annie) Sorry if this question annoyed anyone. Paula

Im in Florida, we can meet halfway Im ok with it, it just sucks. Hope you have a great day! Paula

I was stood up last night by someone I met online, what I want to know is why instead of leaving me sitting there like a fool, couldnt he just call or IM or SMS or SOMETHING, that he wasnt gonna show? What is the big deal? Isnt it better to just be honest...whatever the reason? I just dont get it...

Hi Eva, Just stay strong and find something to keep yourself busy that day, you seem to be doing a little better and we want you to stay headed in that direction. Just remember that seeing him is going to bring up all of the old feelings that you had, and its going to rip open the the wounds again. Dont put yourself through that. Im not much good at giving advice today, I was stood up last night. The guy who was supposed to meet me is from Belgium, I had always heard that European men are so much different than Americans...He ended up just being another JERK! and since he lives here in the states now, he is just another American Jerk! Have a great day Eva! Paula

Im not letting it discourage me, I have a lot to offer someone and I just consider it his loss. He missed out on what could have been a great night! Have a great day everyone! Paula

HE NO SHOWED!

Oh, Im so sorry! I definitely think NC is the key, It took me a while but I eventually got there. I actually got the book "Hes Just Not that Into You" for my birthday, its a great read, and somewhat helpful now that Ive joined the "dating scene" again. Believe me and everyone else who says NC works, by keeping in contact with him and allowing him to play with your emotions is not healthy...it trashes your spirit and soul. I know after four years it may seem like you need to have him in your life, and the fact that youve known each other since you were 11(?) doesnt help any. My ex of five years wanted to stay friends after he broke off our engagement (cheated actually, my story is out there as well) I fought against it for months and finally won, I am so much better spiritually. Dont feel like you are being a pain with all of your posts, thats what this site is all about, we are here to try to help each other through these tough times. Hang in there and BE GOOD TO YOURSELF! Have a great day all! Paula

Thanks Mtastic, Im sorry about your experience. Hopefully youve met someone else with manners yeah, he was the one that initially contacted me with the first email...I kind of brought up the subject of meeting about a week later, but it was on AOL IM and I asked "so have you thought about if you would like to meet me?" he replied "yes I do want to meet you" I smiled to myself and didnt reply right away...so he sent again..."did you get that? I said yes I want to meet you" so with that I told him great and he could choose where to go and the time and he did. Anyway, I just have this weird feeling, I guess because I havent heard from him for two days (not really anyway, very short brief IMs and maybe a phone call) Im so new to this after being in a relationship for over five years, and my trust level is kind of low (feel free to find my "other" story posted somewhere in here if you want) but anyway, I also thought that well, maybe hes nervous himself, and since I hadnt heard from him regarding our meeting (not sure that Im ready to call it a date ) other than the initial confirmation of time and place on Monday I think, I did leave him a voice mail, short and sweet, "just making sure we are still on for tonight, looking forward to seeing you". *deep breath* thanks for listening to my rantings! Im sorry if I started to babble a little...nerves Paula

Thanks Annie! Im trying to stay positive and make the most out of this dating thing again until I find...as another poster told me Mr Evenmorewonderful! Paula

OK, Im confused... After all of my recent heartache and my 8 month long healing period, Ive started meeting new guys through a couple of popular sites. Here is what Im so confused about and I could probably use a guys opinion... I got an email through one of the sites that I am a member of from what seems like a very nice guy, sweet, sincere, European (its my understanding that the Europeans have a different outlook on dating, how to treat a woman etc.) anyway, thats beside the point. So I get an email oh about 10 days 2 weeks ago and this guy and I start chatting on AOL after 1 or 2 emails, we progressed to talking on the phone starting this past weekend and we made plans to meet tonight...I told him to pick where and he picked a BEAUTIFUL restaurant, told me what time. Now here is the thing...up until Thursday, we chatted everyday, talked on the phone everyday since the first call, I thought we were hitting it off. Now since Thursday Ive barely talked to him. I havent gotten a confirmation of our meeting, I have tried to call him but he hasnt answered. For the guys, any insight into a mans brain as to what happened? Im an attractive woman, I have a great sense of humor, Im sweet and kind... I guess at this point Im going to hope to hear from him today, if I dont Im thinking about just getting dressed up as planned and going to the restaurant as planned. If he doesnt show then Ive had a glass of great wine and consider it his loss. UGH! And I know, I know, dont develop feelings for someone until youve met them, I know all of that and thats not my problem today, I just want to know why the actions of men confuse us women...I dont think I said anything to offend him, the one worst case scenario I can think of is we both met on a dating site and hey...theres always someone better out there, but if thats the case...Why cant they just say something, sure Id feel a little disappointed but at least Im not wondering. Thanks Guys! Paula

Hi sweetie, I read through the conversation, it was very long lol, its ok, you felt the need to share that and its ok Im glad youve finally gotten the truth from him, now maybe you can heal your heart a little more everyday. Dont give up on love and Im not saying go out and find it today either, but just like I am finding out...ALL MEN ARE NOT LIKE OUR EXES! When you are ready (I hope soon , youve been in pain for too long), you will find that there are some men out there that really do want to talk to us for who we are, we are both beautiful, kind women and we are both going to find someone who deserves us and who will treat us the way we deserve. In a sense we have both been going through our days the same way for pretty much the same exact amount of time, even the length of our relationships that we are trying to get over are the same. I want you to be where I have recently gotten myself...I feel happy most days, yes thoughts of my ex come to mind (a few times a week) but now when I think of him, I no longer want to go die somewhere, I can think of him and really not feel that pain anymore, yes I still feel anger that he is still with the woman that he cheated on me with, but at the same time, I remember all of the reasons that he wanted to break up with her at one point and I kind of laugh to myself and think, "well...if all of these reasons that he kept telling me of why he didnt want to be with her are still things that bother him...then he is stupid for staying in a relationship that doesnt make him happy" who knows, maybe hes learned to live with all of her faults that he couldnt stand two months ago in order to just not be alone. and in the same sense, maybe thats what he did with me (of course he told me he hadnt been happy for a while (he told me AFTER he cheated) but we were at a point in our relationship that things could have started to be really good, yes we had our issues too, but I thought we had moved past them) and I know now that he was trying to sabotage our relationship by being with a coworker, because that was the only way he had the balls to end it! Oh well, let him deal with her drinking EVERYDAY!, let him deal with her almost teenage daughter, let him live with the fact that if he ever wanted to have his own children, she cant give them to him (and i dont think she wants to give them to him, nevermind the fact that I dont think she could sober up for nine months to bring a healthy baby into this world)...Shes 42...12 years older than him, do I hope hes happy? well....lol. Cant answer that right now... Alright Ive been going on long enough, but it felt good to vent a little today, Im so glad you have gotten a little closure, now it is time to lock that door from the outside and never go back in! I hope you have a GREAT day Eva, remember I am here anytime Paula

[Don't hold your breath awaiting them missing you....] (can someone tell me how to get a quote from another poster to post in in my posts in the white box? sorry, been wondering that for a while) I agree, its best to move on with your life as best as you can, any pain and heartache you have will soon fade ( although maybe never completely )but at least you know that you havent depleted your soul and spirit waiting for something that may never be again. Its better to get on with your life and if that other person finally realizes that they do miss you, then you will be the one to ultimately make the decision of whether or not to allow them to come back into your life, your new and improved life that you have allowed yourself to have without that person.

I waited 8 months for the dumper to miss me, granted I didnt do strict NC, it really wasnt an option at the time. Feel free to find my posts, I found out that NC is an option. Ive had really good NC for about the last month and a half, and Ive started dating and meeting new guys. Now is the time that I wonder, is he starting to miss me now that Im doing REALLY GOOD and now that Im VERY SLOWLY starting to open up my heart a little and taking MY turn to go have fun with other guys, while throughout this whole past 8 months hes had his turn, it even started before we broke up. I probably really didnt answer your question, but in my opinion whoever is on the recieving end of NC has to truly want in their heart to miss the one that is shutting them out. Have a great night!

Hi Eva, How are you doing? Hope youre feeling better, be strong girl! we are all still here for you! And the same goes for everyone else! Have a great day! Paula aka UGH!

Hey there, youre right, she doesnt deserve your heart or your body. Breaking up with someone and then having them say "oh well I still want to be friends" or worse yet "I still want to have sex" isnt right. Feel free to find my posts...but I have just finally realized that after a relationship of 5+ years and 8 months of being heartbroken over our breakup (back in August/September) that its not worth the pain that you feel "trying" to be friends or having that one night stand with them. I am better than that, and Im sure you are better than that. Ive had a good solid month of NC...I used to go to "our" house everyday before a month ago to help with our dogs, even though we werent together and I knew he was still with the woman he left me for. It was draining my spirit. Since Ive stopped, Ive been the best Ive ever been throughout this whole breakup. Its not easy to maintain NC ask anyone thats posted here...but believe me and everyone else who says it does work! Move on, at least try the best you can right now, you will get through this!

Yeah, I agree. If the things you have at his house are replaceable...forget about them. As far as the childish emails go, dont read them, delete them. If you have a spam blocker, add his email address to it and dont worry about them. I dont understand why ex's have to do the things they do (ie. nasty emails, phone calls, etc.) in my situation, one example is...I get a phone call because there was still junk mail for me going to our (my) old address, and because he happened to be in the car with the woman he cheated on me with...he decided to call me about this...and be NASTY about it, like it was the end of the world because a freakin Pottery Barn catalog came to the house LOL! I dont know, my theory on that particular incident is that he had to "be a man" in front of her and embarrass me. It sounds like you are ok with what has happened, that you have accepted the situation, so if the things he has arent really that important to you, let them go and accept that loss as well. Of course if he has your grandmothers heirloom ring...then send a friend to get your stuff Im sorry that is the only advice I have to give you, you seem like a strong person. Im sure you will get these loose ends tied up one way or another. Good Luck! UGH!

Hey NO PROBLEM Eva! Glad to listen anytime, and Ilse is right, I fought for months too! and youve put up a good fight baby! Hang up the gloves...Its taking too much out of you. And believe me when you take all that energy away from him and focus it on yourself, you will start feeling soooo much better. Have a great night! Paula

Hey Nix! Yeah, I myself spent countless hrs, wondering whether he was sad because of the choices he made. But you know what...that takes energy, energy that I ran out of...feel free to find my posts, my story is out there, but long story short...up until a month ago (pretty much a solid month of NC) I was still going to his (our) house (the house was supposedly my engagement ring) to let our dogs out EVERYDAY, hell, I was even still dumping chlorine in the pool. And when I would go there and see all the new pool "floaties" and the grill moved back outside for the summer...I would wonder, did he ever once look around over the weekend hanging out by our pool with her and think, wow this just doesnt seem right without her? I dont know what they think...all I know is at this point (youll be here too ) I think, you know what...if youre regretting your decision at this point, its TOO late! Im now realizing Im better than that. Yes I still have sad days, but let me tell you what, I am NOT the same person that I was August thru probably January. One of our three dogs has come to live with me, that has helped And he takes care of the other two AND the pool, by himself. That was really making it difficult for NC. If you still have any issues, possessions, bills...details that need to be worked out, get it done. Not having to worry about having ties really helps. Hang in there...i know i know... shut up with the hang in there! UGH!

please dont say youre stupid, youre not. I felt the same way..."why did i talk to him?" Ive felt like dying over him before too, please dont feel that way, its not really what you want, you only want to be happy, I know this. You may be feeling like youve wasted all of this time of your life with him and it seems he gave it all away, but dont think of it as a waste. Think of it as a learning experience, its better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all. Im beginning to accept that, and I know you will too Go take a nice long bubble bath, take a walk and enjoy the beauty outside, try and get to a point again where you are comfortable (as you can be) with NC. remember to take calming deep breaths, and know that we are here if you need us. As far as your family and money...I know that that can put a stress on your life, an unneeded stress. Its good that youve gotten out of that situation, you will always be there for your family but right now you need to focus on you. Try to not be alone right now, if that helps you. I myself preferred to be alone (I am an only child anyway) but just focus on you, make sure you eat and get rest and heal yourself. Hang in there. Paula

oh sweetie, whatever you do, dont be hard on yourself because of breaking NC. Just once again move forward. Its ok and hey it will happen. You are still a strong person, and this may feel like a step backwards but dont let it break your spirit. can I ask what happened? was it one time, and have you gotten back to NC again? Im doing good thanks, actually did something I didnt think I would be able to do, went out on a date. It wasnt the best date Ive ever had, and I probably wont go out with him again, but just know...if Im gettting there...SO WILL YOU Hang in there, PM me if you just want to rant. Paula

oh my, how do you cope. Im so sorry youre hurting, I really did have the same thoughts and feelings. "she is in our home", "our bed", etc. Its been nine months for me after 5+ years. It WILL get better, It WILL get easier. Just continue to live your life, cry at night if you have to. You are going to be just fine. I actually went out on a date this past weekend...wasnt the best date Ive ever had and I probably wont go out with him again...but the thing is, I NEVER thought I would be able to do that, with someone other than my ex. Your thoughts of him will fade over time, although you will probably never completely forget him. Its only been five months, did you mention how long you were together (I dont recall and I know that it really doesnt matter, you were still in love with this man whether it was six months or six years) so hang in there. You arent alone here, we all know how you are feeling and we are here to help you get through this. Have a great day!

Its another week since your last post and I am just seeing how you are doing? Have a great day! Paula aka UGH!

Hey there, Its going on 9 months for me as well, and just REALLY starting NC myself about 2-3 weeks ago. Things arent perfect but they arent horrible either. I still find myself thinking about him, missing him, crying over him. But time does help, and youve got to let yourself have that time, dont feel like there is anything wrong with you because "you havent gotten over him yet" there isnt any stated amount of time you have to get over a relationship. Just keep focusing on all the good things in your life, work, the gym, friends, your dog (i just recently brought one of our three to live with me ). My heart still feels like it has a hole as well, actually my heart hurts...physically. But hang in there...you will find that you have more good days than bad. Sundays are especially hard for me, not sure why Have a great night!