greendots

I'm sorry you're hurting, rchubn. I can't fathom what you must be going through, but I can assure you that you are not insignificant. You're worth it.

It's okay to not be okay. Sorry to hear you're going through a lot. Getting over your crush seems nearly impossible right now, but one day you'll have forgotten all about him. Step by step, day by day. I'm facing a situation kinda like yours, so I discovered that keeping your mind busy is the best thing that you can do. Usually your mind would focus on him. Well, refocus your thoughts: think of a celebrity crush, watch a funny movie, do some arts & crafts, go out with friends, etc. Be busy and avoid social media. Also, the way he behaved towards you is not your fault, has nothing to do with you, nor is it a reflection of who you are as a person. If anything, it speaks ill of him. Please know that you are wonderful and in due time, you will be okay. Step by step, day by day. 🙂

Then don't. Why reach out to a 'friend' who hasn't treated you or others with respect? If you didn't feel like drinking that much any more, he needed to respect that. There are other things friends can do that don't involve drinking or spending heaps of money.

Ah, ok. 🙂 I'd still sent her the minutes of whatever conversation you'll have on Monday just to be safe.

My two cents: Keep documenting everything. About that call you're going to have with your team lead's manager on Monday, after it's finished sent her an email detailing what was spoken about, what was established, who said what, etc. Have everything in writing (e.g. shooting her a quick email about a task she asked you to complete or modify) and make screenshots with a timestamp where necessary (e.g. If you uploaded a document at the requested time). That way whatever happens, you have documented proof.

❤️ Love to you, too!

There used to be a list where we could post stuff others have said that have impacted us on this forum, I can't find it, so I'll post it here. Absolutely love this! It's so evident, but when you're going through stuff (like I am right now) you forget this. So, this was a nice reminder Seraphim! Thank you for this wonderful revelation!! Whatever it is that we're going through right now, most likely it's not as bleak as it looks. Everything does really seem dramatic, we over exaggerate. Usually the easy and logical explanation is the correct one. What a beautiful day! ☀️

Congrats, j.man!

I'm sorry for what you are going through as well. As others have suggested, keep studying and consider whether moving to a stable country where polygamy is not accepted would interest you. That way you can plan on how to get there. I honestly wish for you to find the strength to keep moving forward. Your family is blessed to have you!

Don't play games. It doesn't work. If he was honest with you about being busy, he's definitely not going to like you behaving like that at all. I'd say give him the benefit of the doubt and see what happens in October. If he asks you out on a date, great. Did you end up studying with him this weekend?

I'll be blunt. 1. Not everyone is keen to text whenever. Maybe texting is not his thing. Does he text friends or family members often? 2. Someone can text you 24/7, tell you how incredibly awesome you are all day. Means nothing. What matters is whether you guys are moving forward; in other words, he asks you on more dates, keeps his word and treats you with respect. All the best!

I'm afraid that this isn't what I am saying. 🙂 He knew when he met her, how attractive she was and they have been together for quite a while. There must be some attraction. What's interesting is that he believes that what's bothering him is the fact that she isn't attractive enough. Again, he knew how physically attractive she was when they met and they are still together. So, I question that. Something is simply missing. Honestly, someone can be really incredible but your heart just isn't in it. Ergo, why I referenced Lorelai in my first comment. As I mentioned before, only your heart knows whether you can work on whatever is currently missing or whether it was never there to begin with. I hope his heart will give him the clarity he seeks before making any life altering decisions.

Honestly, are those physical features or the fact that she's not super attractive really what's bothering you that much? How do you feel being with someone less attractive like your girlfriend, when you know you can 'score' more attractive women? Is it really about her or what she/this represents? I have a hunch that what's really bothering you lies beneath the surface. I really feel you need to search within your heart to gain some clarity before you make any life altering decisions such as breaking up.

In what sense did you think attraction would grow over time with your current partner - physically, emotionally? And how have you felt with these other women? Like, what's that desire and passion you're talking about that seems to be missing right now? You know, your situation reminded me of Lorelai's from a TV show. I'm sharing this with you hoping that it helps you somehow. So, she's trying very hard to make it work with Chris, who's the father of their daughter. This is what she says: Basically, she wants to want him because of how wonderful he is and she's trying really hard. But her heart isn't in it. What I'm trying to convey is, there will always be someone who's more beautiful, with better features and so on. Still, it's your heart that speaks volumes and you need to look within it. Your heart knows whether you can work on whatever is currently missing or whether it was never there to begin with. All the best! ETA: Kwothe28, I did not know that! I hadn't heard of Robert J. Sternberg, so checking him out. Really interesting stuff.

I get that she's very attractive (not just physically), that she honestly might be nice and confused and therefore you're very drawn to her. However, she's stringing you along emotionally whilst in a relationship. It's not fair to you or her boyfriend. She's pulling this stuff now, she could do it again in the future. That's not okay. Whilst I believe in closure, e.g. telling someone privately how you feel if it will help you heal and move forward, I'm afraid that in this case it might make things even messier since she's in a relationship. As for the party, should you go, you might want to bring a trusted friend along for support.

That's great news! I think this will totally help you. Besides, you don't need to disclose every little detail about your whereabouts to friends and family. This is something you're doing for you.

Beautiful drawing! You're very talented. As others have suggested, ask her out again. I hope it goes well for you! 🙂

Why keep toxic people in your life out of fear? Remove, remove, remove. At most, only to be polite and keep the peace, you unfollow them on social media instead of deleting them. By the way, even the nicest and greatest of friends might not be able to keep confidential stuff, confidential. So, it's good to vet which one's spill the tea and which ones don't. Anyhow, as others have suggested, before you confess anything to anyone think about what you really want and you might want to consider seeing a psychologist / therapist so they help you deal with what you're going through. One step at a time. You've got this! 🙂

You had 3 dates. Did you ask her out again? Or did you guys kept texting? If you haven't asked her out again, then, most likely she got bored from chatting and things not getting anywhere. Ask her out. See what she says. Asking her out on another date shows her that you're interested. 🙂

Just throwing it out there, sometimes people distance themselves from pain, because seeing another being suffer hurts too much. I'm not justifying his lack of compassion and support. Anyhow, whatever his reasons for acting like this, he's got the answers. Have you voiced your concerns with him? Everyone deals with difficult and uncomfortable situations differently. Your boyfriend is showing you how he copes with those. Hope you recover soon!

You barely know each other and plus he's pretty busy at the moment, so at present you aren't a priority. Sure, generally when a guy is very interested in you there's no guesswork. But in this case, either he's not fully convinced about you or, as he mentioned, just very busy. For the time being, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and believe him. Show interest, but give him space as pushing him will drive him further away. You will know for sure how he feels about you if by the time his exams are finished he has set up another date or not. All the best. 🙂

Whether it's a cop out from being forthcoming with you or not, time will tell. Whatever her reasons for needing space, she's showing you how she handles difficult circumstances. It's a good opportunity for you to reflect back on if how she deals with uncomfortable situations works for you. Please do not contact her, I have learnt the hard way that contacting someone requesting space pushes them further away. She needs to come to you. I get that you're hurting and this situation utterly blows. But please exercise restraint, don't text her or do anything outrageous like blocking her. You have a life to live. You're not going to sit around and wait for her. All the best to you! 🙂

According to the sexual preferences you described he could potentially be bi / gay / or somewhere in between. May I ask you something? How open is he with you about his life in general? Does he discreetly check out other attractive men when out and about? Attractive, in the sense of what he finds attractive. That would be a giveaway that he's into men. Also, you mentioned he works long hours. What does he do for living? And how long ago did you move in together? I wasn't planning on bombarding you with questions, but the answers to those might give you a better insight on what's actually going on.

Most of us aren't questioning that your girlfriend could've handled this situation differently, or how her mother might have been overbearing. They have a certain family dynamic, you either learn to deal with it (trying to get along) or find someone who's more compatible with you. So, yeah as Wiseman stated

I am not familiar with Russian culture at all, but I honestly think this situation you're in happened because you went against her mother. Let's say that you are 100% right and have heaps of evidence. If your girlfriend's mom or dad say ABC is the way to go; then, ABC is the way to go. It's about trying to get along with them. Privately, you address your concerns with your girlfriend. I think, that's what happened.