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jack1434

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  1. Thanks for your replies everyone I think I should have stated that in my original post I seem to have times that I find her more attractive than others. I am aware that some people have better angles and lighting can play a large factor. Sometimes the attraction is not a problem but at others it really does get to the point it gets me down and sends me into a spiral of doubt and shame... I think it is this that has confused me for all this time. If I did not find her attractive at any point I would have ended the relationship a long time ago. She has a large nose and quite a large jaw. She clearly had these features at the very start of the relationship therefore I can't work out if this is something I have fixated/overanalysed overtime n or is simply something I have noticed as the 'newness' of the dating process wore off. I have researched relationship OCD and wonder whether I have traits of this, yet there is always the chance that it simply is that this relationship is not a good fit in that respect. This is a really good point. Clearly she deserves someone who finds her truly attractive and desirable on the outside aswell as inside. As I say above, my conflict is that sometimes I can feel that way! (just not all the time)However, I am also full of worry that I could deprive her some of her best years with someone who truly values her in everyway, everyday, but I am desperate for that person to be me! I think some of my issue has been that in past relationships that I have been very attracted to my partner I have found them to be more selfish and less kind/loving. So perhaps have developed an unfortunate sense that these qualities are in fact mutually exclusive in a partner. This is the advice from everyone, loud and clear essentially. I would be so sad to leave her and I know it will devastate both of us. It is this fluctuating attraction being the only issue that makes me so anxious I will regret this decision. Can I try lots of gratitude or try and fixate on the positive aspects of her looks (beautiful eyes, nice body etc) Having said this, I'm also aware that after 2 years I am having to come on an Internet forum (talking to friends about this feels horrible) to mull over through this dilemma clearly something is not right and I will likely have to end things. It just feels like such a shame as she feels like my 'soul mate' in every single other way. Again all your help is much appreciated.
  2. Hi everyone, I (30M) am 2 years into a relationship with my (25 F) girlfriend. I'd really appreciate your advice. When I first met her I remember feeling that she was a very special person and this remains the case. She is loving, kind, funny, down to earth, loyal, intelligent, from similar backgrounds, great family... essentially everything you could ever wish for in a long term partner. We can talk all night and have fun all the time. I feel I could trust her with my life and that she would be a fantastic mother in the future. At the start of the relationship I recognised she was not necessarily the best looking girl I had been with, but clearly felt enough attraction to continue as I felt this may grow with time. I don't remember huge sparks and much of a honeymoon period as a result... and about 6 months into our relationship I noticed it becoming a real issue. Now unfortunately I feel I have over time, developed something of an obsession with my partners physical flaws and I am very focused on them. In particular I am finding it difficult to find her attractive due to her large facial features, and at times can feel somewhat repulsed by the idea of being intimate. I often feel angry and depressed when I see other women I find truly attractive and sometimes long for the desire and passion I have felt for other women in the past. My partner is aware that I am having issues with commitment but I obviously do not feel I can reveal my true reasoning behind this. I lack the courage to leave the relationship as I feel she is such a incredible person and by spending more time with her over the past 2 years I only see this more and more. I certainly love her but do not think I am 'in love' with her. I worry that by leaving her for such superficial reasons I will come to regret my decision when I perhaps inevitably end up in a relationship with someone I find more attractive but do not have the same connection to. I think because of my age, seeing lots of people settling down, having children and getting married is making me feel even more spooked about what seems like such a crucial fork in the road. I feel like this question mark about committing to the relationship or leaving has become a dominant thought pattern in my life and I am paralysed by indecision regarding it. Do you think this relationship can be salvaged and the issues worked through? and how do you think this could be achieved?
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