Butterflyalwaysx

I completely agree, I will start to contact local therapists in my area this month. My parents do not pay for my phone, I do. No I do not smoke nor take drugs, nor have I ever drank alcohol. As stated previously, my parents have trust issues because they have both cheated on each other in the past, and the distrust has transferred onto us. And yes I do have sex with my boyfriend. I think the issue regarding therapy is because they would laugh at me and take the piss out of me if they knew I was having therapy. They would think I’m weak-willed and a snowflake and they wouldn’t take me seriously.

Hi DarkCh0c0, thanks for the reply. The tracking the phone situation stems from the fact my mum cheated on my dad when we were toddlers and I guess the whole family are wary of each other. They have find my iPhone on. I have managed to turn mine off, but if I were to go out the house without an explanation or they thought I was lying they’d question and question and question me, making out I’m some sort of cheat and liar until I told them where I was. I am in my last year of my masters programme at the moment, and my plan is to move out from my house and my hometown next year. I would have needed to anyway because there aren’t any jobs in the field in my hometown. I think it’ll be then when we break up. When I do end up breaking up with him, would you suggest doing it over the phone or in person? I don’t think it would do my mental health any good if I were to break up with him whilst I’m still living at home etc. I want a good and solid plan in place first. My family are not supportive, they are toxic, manipulative and suffocating.

It was butterflyxx

Hi Catfeeder, thank you for the reply! I would definitely tell him about Rose, however Emily does have photographic and voice recording proof of me expressing interest in Rose in a more-than-friendly manner. I fear that if I were to bring Rose up in discussion with my boyfriend, if it does all come out that I used to have a crush on her, he wouldn't take it well. I guess I want to try and distance myself from Rose as well and try and forget and move on from everything.

Yes the plan is to live together and one day get married. We have a substantial amount of money saved for a house, and we have a plan to buy somewhere together in the next year or two. I think he doesn't trust men around me, I think that is his issue as opposed to not trusting my choices. I guess I haven't really thought of anything different. My parents have been together since they were teenagers. They have had a very unhealthy relationship with physical, emotional abuse as well as cheating involved from my mother. They are of the impression, and so are my siblings, that if the relationship isn't that bad, then I have no reason to complain or reason to look elsewhere. I cannot justify leaving my boyfriend just because he doesn't trust other men, or because we have been together young. I'm not afraid of being alone I don't think, rather afraid of hurting my boyfriend and our family. As stated previously, he is very insecure and if we were to break up, I fear it would destroy his mental health and he may do something stupid like harm himself. Additionally, my family and siblings are very much involved in our relationship, and they would make my life a misery if I was to end things, I would never hear the end of it. My boyfriend isn't abusive, horrible to me etc, and for the most part we get along extremely well. He is my best friend, and from that, I see no reason to end the relationship.

Hi Lost, Me and my partner have been together since we were 16. Back then I had a different account on here and I would post regularly about my misery and anxiety because it was a very unhealthy relationship. He would cheat on me and speak to other girls, and we would break up and get back together a lot. About four years ago we ended breaking up and I had enough so I moved on and spoke to another guy, and my partner got very mad and jealous and from that we ended up getting back together and have been together since. From that day on he completely changed and did a 180, he is a very caring, considerate and loving person, who continually supports me. I am not 100% sure of my sexuality that's correct, but it's not necessarily something I want to explore at the cost of breaking up with my boyfriend. As for Emily, I am in the process of distancing myself from her and not seeing her in person. I will definitely start a new thread regarding my relationship.

Hi Greendots, thanks for the response! I am reluctant to block and remove Emily from my social media because at the moment things between us are okay and I don't want to rock the boat because that might mean she will tell people about Rose, and she has proof. This is definitely a lesson learnt to not share secrets with anyone whom I don't know well. I am thinking about seeing a therapist in the coming months so they can help me through everything.

No I haven't seen anyone for any help. I still live with my parents and siblings who are extremely nosey about my whereabouts to the point if I were to visit a therapist they would want to know etc. I cannot lie and pretend I am elsewhere because they would probably track my phone.

I’ve been with him 7 years, we are saving up to buy a house next year and move away. He has been my only boyfriend and I worry to death that if we did break up for whatever reason that he would hate me and be disgusted and his mental health would plummet. I don’t see a good reason why we would break up however just because it’s our first relationship, or why I would maybe need to rethink it. Please can you elaborate?

Hi Smackie9, thanks for the reply. I am worried to death what his reaction would be if he found out. I don’t want to hurt him, and I know he would be very confused and freaked out by it all. He doesn’t seem very accepting and even if I did explain I don’t have feelings for Rose, the mere thought I would even question it would freak him out. He is insecure already, so this on top of it would really ruin his self-esteem. I am petrified of him viewing me as a freak or different. When I was a teenager my family found out about me having a crush on a girl and they said so many disgusting and rude things to me that I became suicidal. I can’t bare the thought of him looking at me with disgust like my family did. We’ve been together 7 years, he is the sweetest, most caring person ever and I don’t want him to look at me differently. I worry he could end up suicidal if I ever did choose to leave him and I feel incredibly guilty.

Hi Rose, thanks for the reply! It is her word against mine, however if needed, she does have text conversations between myself and her, and she also has video message proof of me talking about Rose. His insecurity does bug me a bit. He is sometimes a bit controlling of what I wear when I am near my sisters boyfriend, he has a weird view that he is looking at me. For example he doesn’t like me wearing shorts because he thinks he will look at me. When I was younger I was bicurious, and I’ve been with my partner for 7 years, so I guess I haven’t had the opportunity to ever have a sexual experience or relationship with a female to know for sure if I’m heterosexual.

Hi DancingFool, thank you for replying. I am in the process of distancing myself from her currently. It took me a while to know because she presents herself as very outgoing, confident and a cocky person, and she can make friends extremely easily. She slowly revealed herself to me over time. She has been careful who she’s told about her infidelity and mental health issues for attention, and i highly doubt people would believe me. I completely agree. I have been brought up in a dysfunctional and abusive family, and I always look up to those who I want to be like. I was envious of Rose and she has so many qualities I want, and I confused my emotions for potential romantic feelings. I guess I get fixated on people who I admire, and I want with all my power to be more like them as an escape from my low self-esteem and abusive family. Rose made me feel safe and confident and is a genuinely nice friend, and that’s where the confusion lay. I have definitely learnt my lesson, and I will be extra careful in the future as to who I confide in and communicate with.

Hi Lost, thank you for your reply. In retrospect, I don’t believe I ever had any romantic or sexual feelings towards Rose. I was mixed up and confused because I admire(d) her a lot and I guess wrongly thought it was attraction I was feeling for her. I never told my boyfriend because I was confused and I wanted to figure it out before telling him anything. Now I know I definitely do not see Rose in a romantic way.

Hi Lambert, thank you for responding. No that’s correct, no one has outright threatened anything, but the other week there was a work party and I always get paranoid that Emily will get drunk and tell everyone about it. When I told my colleagues about the crush on Rose, I was drunk and I really shouldn’t have said anything. It was incredibly foolish and attention seeking on my part, and something I do regret. On the same vein, the other colleagues were also partaking in the conversation and they discussed who they found attractive too. I think my plan is to not tell him at the moment, I feel like I would be telling him for no good reason and it would look odd. If however in the future Emily does tell people and it does get back to my boyfriend, I will brush it off as best I can. Lastly, I do completely agree that I need to grow up. I have lived a sheltered life, and this was my first full time job after college, and I have learnt how to handle colleague friendships and my personal life in a more professional way.

Hi Seraphim, thanks for the reply! The issue is, no one really knows about Emily’s infidelity or her attempts to get other colleagues attention by faking mental illnesses, I have told my boyfriend this information however in the past so he is aware of her.