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  1. Thank you. Yes, I may have misinterpreted your post indeed. I can certainly imagine being a parent during a pandemic isn't easy. It's already a tough job under normal circumstances. I really admire all parents trying to juggle all sorts of hats. I understand what you're saying about investing in your future. It's my current mindset as well, even though I'm probably not making near as much as you were. I think that's also where the difference lies. You loved your career and job. I used to absolutely love my career up until a certain point (before I joined this company), to the point of obsession. It's probably why I was willing to put up with all the craziness, intense workload and various demands. My love for the job kept growing as I kept performing and saw rewards and stakeholder appreciation coming my way. It's just a motivating cycle. This company certainly isn't a fit unfortunately as it's a lot of demands, but nothing in return. Every interaction is very transactional and no real path towards progression as a human being or from a title standpoint. To put it simply, it's a flat line. Hence, the fact my tolerance for this environment is getting slimmer and slimmer by the day. Toxicity can take several forms, not just through abuse or harassment. As a matter of fact, before I joined, I have two acquaintances who used to work for this company (both left after a year or less) and they warned me about how this company operates. Well, I know now. I actually had a list describing the type of role & environment I'd like to work in. I thought this company would be it, despite the warnings I received, but turns out it's simply a bad apple. You can make lists and they're a great guidance, but you won't know a company's way of operating and weaknesses until you actually work for them. Or at least, that's what I think.
  2. Thank you. I worked for equally large companies before joining this one and absolutely loved it there. I don't think the issue comes down to it being a large company. I like working in large companies for a bunch of reasons beyond the "prestigious" name. I worked in a severely understaffed global investment bank and a Big4 prior to joining this other global bank and it's a sharp contrast. It's definitely a company culture issue, not a company size. Not every large company will be void of people management or human touch, but this one is particularly impacted. In the same fashion, some smaller companies can be equally toxic. My previous two companies were probably a little too "human" focused. People were personable, networking was encouraged and there was a sense of belonging even in larger teams. As I said before, I'm used to working long hours since I've basically been conditioned to do so since I started working, but I was appreciated and even if the pay was low, I had other perks and possible opportunities for progression. The people were great to work with as well. I'm not afraid of working long hours with ridiculous demands (been there countless times before), but no overtime or time in lieu with unrealistic deadlines that are simply physically not manageable, no appreciation, a severe lack of boundaries and no people management, is not something I came across before. Again, you may enjoy it because you probably have a senior title and the pay that goes with it, I don't. I'm still a junior after 6 years expected to work the same hours as a director - simply not fair salary wise. I'm not going to quit without a job lined up for sure. This situation has created enough of a mess health-wise, let's just keep it at that.
  3. That's a good one haha! True, I really need to curtail my expectations (as in, neutralize them altogether) between now and the day I resign. Pointless!
  4. Thank you for all for the contributions! I made it to my doctor's appointment and they suspect it was either a very atypical migraine (which they said is almost unlikely given the symptoms) or a seizure (which they would deem as "atypical" as well). They referred me to a neurologist to confirm what happened. I doubt it was a migraine. I've had migraines my entire life and never have I experienced vision impairment. We'll see what the neurologist says. It's the first time it's ever happened and I wouldn't be surprised if it was linked to these past stressful months. I told the managers about two months ago that the workload was not manageable, yet they had no issues allowing my entire team to take one week off (all at the same time) when I was drowning under work. Worse, they hit me with another project with an "urgent" deadline (which of course, turned out to be not so urgent as the person managing it moved departments and it suddenly fell through the cracks for a while). I was pushed to my limit even after claiming the deadlines were unreasonable. I went back to work yesterday and responded to the person who was chasing me/looking for me when I was on sick leave on Monday. I apologized for the delayed response and advised I had to unexpectedly be OOO. Whilst in other companies, people would put in a polite line "hope all is OK" in their response (even if I had barely interacted with them prior to that). Here I got a dry "thanks" , that's all. There's a fine line between not wanting to intrude and lack of courtesy. None of the managers reached out to ask if I was OK after I came back when I had specifically told them I spent the night at the ER. Logged back in and that was it. Again, that's not how my previous managers in my previous companies operated. I disliked some aspects of them, but they had humanity. These people are downright dry and void of any good interpersonal skills. Or maybe I have too much empathy and shouldn't feel sorry for myself.
  5. Madhouse indeed! It's a battle of egos most times. As on any other platform, it's no longer about connecting or growing your network in a specific field of expertise. I'd say about 95% of people you connect with will never help you land a job. It's more about the "likes" and the accolades than anything else. I feel more exhausted & frustrated after 10 minutes on LinkedIn than I do in a week without this thing. It's definitely gotten worse since the pandemic as everything has now turned virtual and people are far too much time on their hands clearly! Some have started posting personal pictures of weddings, Easter eggs and their children. Not the right platform at all.
  6. Definitely, persistence is key. I can take months to find the right fit. The current job market isn't great and it doesn't help that I left my last job after a year and a half due to a significant change in responsibilities (for the worst). Loved the company though. Most recruiters would see me as a "job" hopper if I were to leave my current role after a bit more than a year, but then again, I stayed at some jobs 3+ years, so it's not a commitment issue. I hope this will give me a ray of sunshine as I haven't felt this low in a long time and I can't help but feel frustrated that I feel low because I know it can also impact my capabilities to interview. I guess I needed to hit a wall to finally realize there is no point in holding on to this company. I will have a look at Jibralta's post - I saw it around a few weeks back, but didn't get to read it.
  7. I agree! It's definitely turned into FB for professionals. That's why I hibernated my account as I got sick of it. It's a "look at me" type of platform, except this has been "legitimized" because it's a career-related platform. It's gotten as toxic as FB, Instagram or Twitter.
  8. Thank you. I definitely agree with the last point. I've never suffered bad health as much as I have since joining this company. I'm used to working long hours, but the environments were simply more pleasant and I had a connection with the companies. I've been working with recruiters, but they all ghost me after I say I'm interested or I don't get to the interview stage even with the support of a recruiter. I haven't had much luck lately to be honest. I even hibernated my LinkedIn over the flakiness of recruiters and brag mentality, but that was when I was contemplating staying in the company. However, this health scare made me realize I don't want to stay as I'm already seen the results of this negative environment. I'm definitely reducing my pool of chances without LinkedIn, I recognize. I appreciate the kind words and advice.
  9. Thank you. Yes, I took the job for both career progression and salary increase (not a lot, truthfully). I wholeheartedly agree. I'm pretty much offsetting my paid hours with unpaid hours, so I'm almost working for free at this stage. I think the reason why they don't paid overtime is because everyone seems to be doing overtime. The fact that they deem it OK to intrude on my free time (e.g: after work hours) to ask me to log in for calls or ping me on a Sunday for a non-urgent issue clearly shows they boundaries are screwed and believe you are a corporate slave. Those intruding on my free time are directors/MDs, so of course, they're going to work more - their pay follows! I only earn a fraction of what they earned, yet they expect me to work the same amount of hours. This is by far the worst work environment I've ever worked in and the least people-oriented. There might indeed be a correlation between that incident and the return to work on Monday.
  10. Thank you. Yes, he did contact me. I replied. Never heard from him again.
  11. Thank you for your kind help, as always, La Hermes. My stress levels have indeed gone through the roof. It seems there is a rampant lack of boundaries in this company. People feel as though you are at their beck and call 24/7. Sending me an email at 8pm on a Friday and already chasing me at 9am on Monday to ask me if I've checked it is utterly unreasonable. I don't mind bending over and backwards if I'm getting proactive good or constructive feedbacks, if I sense my managers support me and if I see opportunities for progression. There is nothing in this job at all since there is no people management. I'm just killing myself for no apparent reason. Every since I had this incident, my perspective on my relationship with this job has changed. I'm suddenly more detached. I think it was certainly a wake up call. I used to work long hours in my previous jobs, but there were rewards and I sensed my network's appreciation. Not even getting a "thank you" email on anything just sets the tone of what to expect.
  12. Joined this company about a year ago, was working in Big4 prior to that. The role is junior, far more junior than anticipated for someone with 6.5 years experience (analyst level) with no sign of progression in sight. I thought the role would be interesting, but it turns out I'm either not connecting with the company or they're downright dysfunctional. Here are a few examples: No 1-1 in one year since I joined. Never got a single feedback or been told I've done a good job by anyone. I used to be a high achiever in my previous roles, here nobody seems to care. I'm lucky if I get a "Thank you" for anything. Every interaction is very transactional. I used to have great mentors in both the Big4 and prior companies. There was always that one senior stakeholder who put their trust in me. It was great, I had strong relationships with directors etc.. Here, none because no one even seems to care about my existence. Processes are so ridiculous that you sometimes need to finish financial analyses under tight deadlines which are virtually impossible to meet, unless you want to kill your health (which happened). Besides, you are literally forced to stay late to publish certain reports on the same day, otherwise, it's a red flag that goes all the way up to senior management. Of course, overtime is not paid and no time in lieu. I find myself offsetting my paid hours with unpaid hours on a weekly basis, with nothing in return. Worse, I had the audacity to log in on a Sunday and got pestered by an MD on Skype all afternoon as she wanted me to download files for her. I also have days when I suddenly get an email at 8pm asking me to hop onto a call "right now" about an topic that "we'll look into next week". Why? My working hours have basically been 8am to 10/11pm every single day including weekends for the last 4-5 months. The team is a catastrophe. No collaboration and people are quite dry. One person who was supporting me on a project (they offered) told me they forgot to do their analysis and another one dropped me at the last minute after incorrectly analyzing a file and didn't want to finish it, claiming they were too busy. Management is non-existent. Nobody cares and whenever good projects come up, they're handed over to the person I mentioned above (the one who dropped me at the last minute). Now, I'm being told I don't know how to calculate a percentage with Excel (mind you, I cross checked everything on various apps). Some senior stakeholder who doesn't have an understanding of how these are calculated basically said: "I just want to point out an incorrect calculation" in front of about 20 other senior stakeholders. I was mortified. The calculation was not incorrect, it was a case of one client's values being affected by several issues and given the percentage was based on the number of clients being affected, not the number of issues, it made sense not to duplicate. Then, I was told I took the incorrect figure to calculate one percentage as the default approach is to take Group level figures, but I was told I should have taken the subsidiary's (OK, but if there is an exception, I need to be told). Then a whole bunch of criticism over how I took the incorrect denominator for a calculation when the guidance and title on said section clearly specified "as % of total project scope". I was told I should have used as denominator the specific region value instead of the total project scope across the globe for all calculations (well, that's not what the title indicates). I forgot to mention. We are consistently tracked and live under the treat of Internal Audit. We receive "grades" on a quarterly basis in the form of "reports" that basically state whether your performance is "satisfactory", "needs improvement" etc.. and these are sent with all the names in them and everyone in your team can basically see your rating. It's shocking. Last but not least, I had a health incident on Sunday evening (suddenly progressively got flashes in my left eye, which then impacted both my eyes and couldn't see properly - at all from my left eye and arms uncontrollably shaking up and down - this last for about 5 minutes and a headache followed after this. I was completely disoriented. Called two nurses who directed me to the ER). I'm OK now, but it was scary - I all night at the ER and got home on Monday at 9am to put an OOO, yet despite the OOO, some senior manager started asking people where I was and chased me via email to cross-check a deck he sent me on Friday at 8pm. I was OOO, it should have been self-explanatory. I still don't know what happened on Sunday as I'm getting tests done, but it was definitely an awakening moment for sure. Should I consider leaving this company or perhaps look internally? Thanks.
  13. Thank you. Yes, that's what I said and attached my CV. No response thus far, not a big deal really.
  14. Thank you everyone. Really appreciate all the help, kind words and share stories. It is true that my situation is more common than I think. I have to start with my own family. Both my parents are estranged from their own families and haven't spoken to anyone in decades. I don't know my extended family, so I can't tell whether they are good or bad. It seems to be a recurring pattern in my family. I think if it weren't for people's judgmental comments, I probably wouldn't feel as inadequate. Someone once asked me about whether I'd be going "home" for Christmas and I said "home" is where I currently live and that I wasn't too keen on visiting. I sensed their discomfort from their reaction and from that point on decided to just keep it short and sweet. It's even more painful in the current circumstances as everyone is suddenly overly vocal about the importance of family (especially on social media). I agree that family is important, but family can take various shapes. I'm my own family for now and although it can sometimes feel lonely and a bit sad to not have someone to turn to if you're having a bad day, I think it made me stronger. At least I know I don't need anyone's validation and I choose the type of energy I want in my life. In all fairness, I wasn't a mischievous kid at all. I wasn't allowed to go out have friends, so I spent my days studying, drawing or playing computer games. I wasn't the kid of who went to parties, took drugs, smoked, skipped school or stole. On the contrary, I was a straight A quiet student as studying was my only escape. They on the other hand, always accused me of skipping school to hang out with boys (even when I actually was at school). I would go to school even when I was very sick, that's how much I liked it. It's anecdotal at this point. I actually deleted my social media the day following that birthday incident I described. My sister gave my Instagram handle to my brother, allowing him to send me that rude message. No one in my family knew I had Instagram except her, so she sure was the cause of the leakage. Instagram caused me issues at the time as I should have kept the whole thing private and I didn't. To be honest, I didn't think it would trigger that specific situation, but it did. I now deleted all my social media. I was never into it in the first place anyway. I was vilified for not helping out, but my brother owns two luxury cars (God knows how he got them) and has now issues plastering them all over Instagram. So in the end, it was crystal clear they only saw me as a cash cow. I'm still afraid of ever having children or getting married to be honest. I'm a quiet and level headed individual, but I'm actually afraid of having one of their negative traits suddenly surface in front of my future kid or partner. I certainly don't want to create the same negative cycle. I'd rather be on my own if that could turn out to be the case.
  15. Hi all, I received an email from a recruiter I know pretty well for a role in a Big4 I left about a year ago now. I currently in industry and would eventually like to return to this Big4 at some point. The requirements in the job description don't 100% align with my current skill-set as they require someone working towards a corporate finance qualification (ACCA, ACA, CPA etc...), which I am, but they also require this individual to have 3 years PQE (I have 6 years professional experience, but obviously not PQE as I haven't finished my exams yet). A bit confusing. The recruiter basically bragged about how great this Big4 would look on a CV etc... (perhaps he forgot I worked at this very same company last year) and finished his email saying "he may appreciate this role might not be for me, but if I know someone in my network etc...". I assume he already assessed that my CV does not fully align with the role. The thing is I'd like to let him know I'm open to new roles and potentially re-joining my former Big4 if a suitable opportunity arises (without saying "I think I'm not qualified enough for the role you just presented"). How do I approach this? Thanks!
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