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Melvin

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  1. I met one of the most special and interesting girls, we had a pretty much the perfect day and we overall seemed to fit together really well, but in the last moment she sounded like she didn't want to meet again. As a disclaimer, I haven't had a girlfriend or any dates yet. I just haven't felt like knowing the right one. But luckily I met someone very special recently. She isn't only extremely interesting for me and I think we would work together very well, but she also had quite healthy impacts on me, so I feel like there is a lot of potential. The reason why I am writing to this forum is that there were some little things that got me very confused about how she thinks of me, so I hope to get some help with understanding the situation and further advice on how I should approach her. Now that I finished this post, I realized that it got a bit longer than expected. I hope there will still be people taking their time to read my story. It's with all the situations that feel important to me, so you can just see it as reading a tiny 12-page book between a boy and a girl. I'd say it's a pretty special story. If this is too long for you, I guess you can start at the chapter "THE DAY WHERE WE FINALLY MEET!!!", which is a bit more than half way down. The part before is how we got to know each other and I think there are important aspects for telling what persons we are. I explained my situation as best as I could, so in turn you should be able to give more helpful feedback, if you are willing to. This is about a girl I met during a one-week-long holiday Camp three weeks ago. Let's call her Sophy. There were about 30 people. Most were at a younger age than me. But there was one of the few girls at my age who caught my eye during the first times I saw her. The first thing was her appearance of course. She is quite beautiful. But I also sensed her special character pretty soon. So I got interested in her just after the first small interactions. Sophy is 19 years old, while I am 18 years old. Another thing I noticed soon was that she often was alone and didn't have someone standing next to her, while most people were in their groups. Maybe because she is older than most others. But she also does have a more gentle and silent character. Anyways, I didn't want her to feel left out, so I cared for having casual interactions whenever there was an opportunity. Since she was alone, I could have also just got to know her by always being with her, but I didn't want to seem pushy and just respected her for maybe being someone who likes to have some alone time. It wasn't like we had an hour-long conversation from the first moment on. We didn't have the perfect talking chemistry. But neither did she have big conversations with the other people at the camp, so I think she is just a gentle and more silent character. Neither am I a person who could talk for hours and Sophy also seems more reserved. That's okay for me anyways. I like to get to know people through momentary interactions and whenever I was around her, it did feel special. And I think I developed a crush on first sight. Sometimes there were some awkward silences when we talked. I was just kind of mesmerized of her and what she had to say whenever she stood in front of me and then I couldn't come up with anything to say. So there were some moments where it felt like we couldn't talk to each other. But from both sides there were attempts to start conversations. For example she stood at the table where I had lunch and when I came back from the toilet she brought up that she had the same lunch box as me and we talked a few sentences about it. Unfortunately I went away and just continued with what I was doing, instead of staying in the conversation that SHE had started. I regretted that right after. Over the time there were bigger interactions though. For example there was a rope swing at the lake, where Sophy wasn't only the most active of the girls to try and get the right swing technique, but she also was with me a lot and asked how to do it. Isn't it really cool how she was the mowt active girl at the swing? Means she has a sense for fun and adventure, which is more than welcome to me. She once swam out far into the lake, which shows me that she likes swimming as much as I do. I should mention that our conversations, although there weren't too many, had an overall good feeling. For example we were smiling and often had eye contact. You have to think of it like this: With most things we did at the camp, Sophy was kind of on her own. So she wasn't only approachable, but I also found her interesting in every aspect. I really wanted to get to know her more. That's why I talked to her whenever there was a good opportunity. I feel like I was the only person showing as much interest in her as I did. I would guess she appreciated that. I once asked her about her music taste, which she answered with some pre-2000s genres. I love it! Not the crap kids are blasting through the streets, but some actual music. No offense to anyone, I'm just trying to say that I'm a fan of the music she listens to. I don't directly listen to Boogie Woogie, but I'd defenitely be down to getting to know that genre better. And then on Wednesday, there was the drive to a bird watching hike, where we had to drive for an hour. I took the opportunity to sit right next to her in the car, before any random person who doesn't know how to appreciate Sophy would. And we actually talked during the entire drive. Made fun of the pretty wild drivestyle of the driver and most importantly learned that we currently are in pretty similar situations of live: We both want to do our driving license very soon, we just finished school at almost the same degree here in Germany, where we got a summerpass that gives us free entry to all kinds of attractions around our area. And we both want to do a voluntary ecological year abroad in one of the next years, on top of that both of us would love to do it in Sweden. Something I noticed is that Sophy really played a lot with her hair while we were talking, which I heard is a good sign of attraction. The excursion was about hiking up a mountain and from there looking at bearded vultures, which is a very rare bird species here. Sophy told us that she is obsessed with bird watching since she was little. And I must say, during the camp I actually also started having an interest in getting to know about birds. I'd actually be interested in Sophy's hobby. When we started hiking up the mountain, we also talked a lot, but it started getting a bit exhausting to hike up and always talk, so we just concentrated on hiking and talked less. After some intermediate stops I thought I'd stop always walking next to her, because she wasn't focused too much on me anyways and again I didn't want to seem pushy. One characteristic about Sophy, that she proved multiple times during that excursion, is how attentive she is. The birds were soaring around the mountain tops, so they were often behind a cliff and came out somewhere else. They were extremely far away and hard to spot. But Sophy was always the first one to call out where they were. She was faster than even our professional bird watching guide. Sophy has some laser focus and I love that. In todays age, most girls I know often stare at their phone, at themselves, whatever, and they have their mind all over the place. Being as attentive as Sophy is very rare and I find that characteristic so important and inspiring. Which also leads me to the fact that she never stares at her phone. She only sometimes takes pictures with it. It might sound self-entitling, but I feel like I am very similar. I find it direspectful to look at the phone for entertainment purposes while I am in a group of other people, so it is one of my number one rules to not do that. I have some friends who literally look at their phone because there was one second of silence or even during a conversation, which just makes me want to leave them alone with their phone. Sophy is a rare find in todays age and feels someone I've been looking for for a long time. But then there were moments where I got confused about how she feels about me. In the Wednesday evening, there was a torchlight walk. I was with one friend, walking along the way, holding our torches. And right at the beginning, Sophy actually came walking from the back and then went along with us. Of course I was really happy, that she decided to join us. I thought about how we would walk through the night together, and how that would be really nice. Unfortunately just after like half a minute, Sophy went on, which disappointed me. She didn't come back during the entire walk. I thought that the situation maybe felt like awkward silence to her, since noone started talking. And that she maybe wanted to avoid more of that silence. I don't know for sure, but that's what I thought in that moment. Man I really hated myself for being so bad at talking. The strongest example of such a confusion moment was on Thursday, when I was on sitting on the swing. From there I saw Sophy standing like 10 Meters in front of me while she was trying to learn juggling. Noone was juggling with her. So me swinging while she stood in front of me practicing juggling went on for a while. At some point I thought "Well, I would also like to learn juggling. Why don't I join her." So I stopped the swing, got off, turned around to pick my towel up, turned back to her and then Sophy was gone. I looked around a bit and saw her standing at the trees at the end of the area where she continued her practises. So after a while of us being at the same spots, she decided to switch her spot right when I was about to get to her. That felt very weird, like she went out of my way for some reason. It confused me. I didn't want to go after her, because if it was her intention to not be with me right now, then I want to respect that. But I was still so confused and didn't understand why she would avoid me that consciously, so I wanted to know what was going on. I went to one of the girls Sophy had most contact with and asked her if she could think of Sophy going out of my way or if she just likes to have her time alone. Such a conversation was an extremely unusual thing to do for me, because I would have never been brave enough to ask someone I just knew for a few days such a personal question. But in that moment I really just wanted to know what was going on with Sophy, so it was like I forgot about all social anxieties. The girl answered that she could imagine Sophy wanting to have some time alone. That cleared things up a bit. Although it still hurt a little to think of Sophy avoiding me. Another thing that was weird and confused me a bit was that Sophy sometimes didn't really respond when I talked to her. For example on the second last day I found it sad that we would only have two days left, and then I realized this would finally be a topic to talk about with her. I could even expand on it, since I have some feelings to talk about when thinking about being back home in my everyday life. So I thought this was a good opportunity to talk, because, you know, I struggled a bit with knowing what to talk about in some of our conversations. So I went to her, while she was glueing stickers onto a box, and I said: "Oh man, I find it kind of sad that it's already Thursday. I kinda don't want to go home." Then I waited for an answer. But I don't think she even showed any reaction. I mean she was busy, but it wasn't a too demanding task. She could've answered me. So that's that. I thought I had an interesting topic to talk about, but Sophy didn't even answer. On the last day, there was a special evening with gender clothes swap, a sort of talent show from each group, party and campfire. First we prepared the clothes swap, where the guys asked the girls for outfits and girls asked guys for outfits. And well, during lunch I asked Sophy if she had some clothes for me, which she confirmed right away. I was pleasantly surprised and obviously offered her some of my clothes in return. The fact that I was the only guy Sophy shared clothes with made it even more special. So she gave me shorts and a top, while I gave her my favourite T-Shirt. We tried them on, and I have to say, when I pulled that top over my head, it was an incredibly beautiful scent. I hope that doesn't sound creepy. I mean I didn't smell the clothes like a creep, I was just casually pulling it over my head, ok? It's just that I didn't know a human could smell that good. And those clothes were even really comfortable. Like, why are women even complaining about having smaller pockets? Those shorts had more pocketspace than my jeans! Anyways, she specifically requested for me to take care of her clothes, because they are a good pair. I planned to take that very seriously, so I took a shower with lots of shampoo right before the evening. And then there was the party. Man was it a great party. Probably because it was one of the only real parties I was at. And because it was all just great people at the camp who all kind of knew each other at that point, so everyone really just danced without insecurities. Man that felt great. I didn't even know I could dance like that. Honestly, I may be kind of good at dancing. We could give recommendations for songs to play. I thought of one sad song, that kind of expressed my feelings when thinking about how the camp would end soon and I'd possibly never meet those people again, espacially Sophy. I was hoping for them to play it, so that instead of only happy songs there would also be room for something more thoughtful. It was a slower song for possibly two people dancing together. Maybe I would've asked Sophy for a dance to that. After all it was our last evening together. You are welcome to have a listen at the song as a mood setter: Hamilton Leithauser - In A Black Out During the party, Sophy still wasn't really in a group. She only sometimes was with one or two girls from her tent. But she also actually came dancing to my/our group circle and danced with us. Also often next to me. But it wasn't songs that we could dance together with. If my song came on, I imagine I would've asked her for the dance. I was just waiting for it. But the party ended sooner than any of us would've hoped. I didn't get the right opportunity to dance with her like I wanted. Should I talk about the beer situation? Ok, I guess it is a pretty wild story. So during this week, I and my friends occasionally had one or two beer at the campfire. I didn't see Sophy drinking any beer at all, so I thought she doesn't really like drinking. I can totally sympathize with that. Neither do I drink much or regularly. It was just at the camp, because my group liked to get us a few bottles and drinking one in the evening with friends is alright with me. But at the last evening party I was surprised to see Sophy actually having a beer. Apparently she does drink just very rarely when there is a good enough party. Anyways, at some point she was done with her bottle and so was I. So after some more time I thought I'd get us two bottles and invite her to one. So I went and got two beer, got back to the party tent, positioned myself at an off-center spot where I could look for Sophy. So I was standing there, with her beer in my left hand and mine in the right hand, and when I found her, I tried to imagine how I should give it to her. But all of a sudden, right in that moment, there came someone out of nowhere and did this trick where they hammer their beer onto yours, so it foams like crazy and pushes a foam fountain out of the top, so the victim holding their beer has to take it at the mouth to not make a mess. They did that stupid trick right on my fresh beer in the left hand, that I was just about to give to Sophy. On top of that, some of the foam splattered onto Sophys shorts that I promised her to care for. I just thought "Why me? Why did they have to do this stupid trick on me right in this moment. And why was the foam pressure like ten times higher than on other victims, so that I couldn't keep up with drinking it away? AND WHY NOT MY RIGHT HAND BEER??". The moment of me just trying to invite Sophy to a beer was ruined. First thing I did was I ran to the bathroom to possibly wash some of it away. I had been wanting to give her clothes back with possibly a little scent of me and my shampoo, just like she gave me clothes with her pleasing scent. But now they stinked with the stupid beer smell. Unfortunately I couldn't really get it off. So I went back to the party and just instantly went to Sophy. I apologized about her clothes, tried to explain what happened and asked if she would take the slightly less fresh beer before anything else could happen to it. I thought it would be a little funny story to see what I went through just to give her a beer. But guess what she said: "I don't drink beer, I only drink Radler." So the bottle she had in her hand before wasn't a beer. It was a similar looking Radler. Well, so all that trouble I went through was for nothing or possibly embarassing myself even more. I didn't know what to answer and wished I could wind back 5 minutes. Should I go get a Radler then? Or did she maybe just say that because she actually didn't want any alcohol anymore? I didn't bother with it anymore, because if I had gotten her a Radler and she would then have to tell me that she originally didn't want any more to drink, then that would've gotten her into an uncomfortable situation. So I just stopped thinking about it and enjoyed the rest of the party, which as I said wasn't too much longer, as the party ended soon. They started the campfire though, which everyone went to after the party. Oh, just a quick mention: Guess even more what Sophy did before she joined the campfire. She bought herself a Radler. Yeah, let's just say that beer situation thing could've gone better, but man, now that I am writing this it sounds like a weird movie. Sophy sat down with enough room next to her, so I asked if I could sit next to her which she answered with an unmotivated sounding "yeah" (another little confusion moment for me), but I just didn't make more of it and sat down. And soon we began singing, where everyone shared songbooks. At first, Sophy was holding both the book and a flashlight, while I and the two girls next to her were looking at the notes. Soon the other two girls kind of lost interest in singing, so I offered to hold the songbook and it became the two of us sharing the songbook. We both really got into it more and more with every song. I sang at a lower octave and Sophy sang higher, and we worked really well together. Sometimes we both made the same mistakes, but sometimes we also helped find the other one the right tone. Sometimes even all 20 people around the campfire didn't know how a song went on and went quiet, but only me and Sophy kept up until the others found their way back in. And her voice... my gosh is her voice beautiful. She sings incredible. At one point I tried to sing at her high pitch, but she instantly rebuked me and said "No no, you have to sing at the low pitch" but in a nice way, as if she viewed us as this functioning harmonic duo where I sing low and she sings high. I hadn't even known I could sing anymore. The last time I really sang was in music class four years ago. Since then I had thought I lost my voice to my voice break, but as I said the people there were just so nice that I could ignore all my little social anxieties and could just freely explore my voice and dancing capabilities. I found out that I am actually not bad at singing. At some point too many people went sleeping, so we stopped singing. Me, Sophy, and 5 other people were up until 5 in the morning. Since this evening mostly went really well and we had so much fun at dancing and singing, I sometimes thought this would be a great time for stuff to get closer between me and Sophy, before tomorrow came. I felt like she still didn't know me enough for her to decide if it would be worth it to meet after the camp. So this last evening should've been the time for some moves. Unfortunately not much more happened. In the end there was the last day. I was really sad, because the time to get to know Sophy came to an end. Well it wasn't really a day where we could do stuff together. It was just half a day where we had to pack our stuff, disassemble the tents and clean all the gear. Sophy was wiping a tarpaulin on the grass, while I was called to help carry the raft from the lake. Basically we couldn't even be together while packing stuff. Well and at some point we had lunch. Oh right, something special happened after lunch. Everyone got paper and a pen to answer some feedback questions. You know, feedback for the camp. So while everyone wrote down what they thought, I took a glance at Sophys paper as she was sitting in front of me with a bit of offset. And my god, even her handwriting is special and I love it. It's... not "beautiful". But that's what makes it beautiful to me. Ok, I'm kind of getting myself to laugh when I read that, because of how cheesy it sounds. But it's really just what I thought in that moment. So let me keep going. Her handwriting basically reminded me of elementary school handwriting, you know like big, very curvy and every character written at a different angle. And I found that sympathetic. I am just kind of bored of all these perfect cursive handwritings that basically every girl had in any of my last classes. Or even any girl I ever knew. I guess Sophy has better stuff to worry about than "perfect" handwriting. People were hanging around at the tables, chilling out a bit. I was at the toilet and when I came back, I didn't want to believe my eyes. Out of nowhere, Sophy stood there wearing her backpack and all her bags. She was about to leave. Until that moment I was hoping that we would take the same train, because we actually found out that our homes were just 1 hour apart by train, and we would take the same route for this camp. Since the people came from all over the place, it was of course very good news, that Sophy was close enough to me for meeting up. But I wasn't sure if she would want to. Anyways, her tickets were scheduled and she had to go now. A few hours before, I actually asked my group if we could take the train at 1 pm, but they insisted on the 2 pm train. So yeah, I already knew that Sophy would go at 1 pm, but that time came faster than I thought and when all of a sudden Sophy stood there I was shocked. I stood there, didn't know what to say, didn't know what to do. I was just overwhelmed. One girl came to her and said goodbye and they hugged each other and I was still standing next to her and didn't know what to do. Something I didn't expect was that Sophy came to me and wanted to hug me aswell. She looked at me and then started a hug. It was only one girl and me who she hugged, or said goodbye to at all. And it was big leap, because we hadn't even really had contact until that point. We didn't have our legs or arms brushing against each other when we sat together. No such light touches. But in the last moment Sophy decided to hug me. That's why the hug meant quite a lot. And it probably decided for me, that she did not loose interst in me, but that I actually meant something for her aswell. That hug in the last possible moment revealed that there were feelings that we hadn't had the chance to express yet. We barely got to know each other. I was still so overwhelmed and unprepared that I had my mug and bottle in my hand and unfortunately hugged her like that, with both my hands filled and she had her backpack on, so I couldn't touch her back. The entire farewell happend in less than a Minute. Then she went to the parking area. I just sat down and looked after her. I was crestfallen. But then, instantly, when the thought came through my head of this actually having been our last moment, there came so many things to my mind that I wanted to tell her. "WHAT?! This was our last moment? This was the last impression she would have of me? Not even showing the decency to free up my hands for giving her a proper hug." And I realized that I wanted to wish her something nice, like "Good luck on your way!" and of course I also wanted to meet her again, so I should've told her that I hope to meet her again. This dare not be the actual last moment. I wanted to give her a better impression. All that flashed me and I just stood up again while everyone was sitting at the table and I ran after Sophy. At the parking area there were some people standing. I asked them "Where is Sophy? I couldn't properly say goodbye." and they pointed to the side "There she goes." It was a car driving by that just left the parking area. Sophy was gone. They already brought her to the train station. I was even more down after that. "How would Sophy ever agree to meeting me again after such an unenthusiastic goodbye was the last thing she got from me?" I was really not in a good mood after that. Well, I was sad. An hour later, me and my group also went on our way to the train station. We were together, but all I had in mind was how I could meet Sophy again. I felt like Sophy and I couldn't even really get to know each other. I didn't even know if we maybe were a perfect match or if there maybe was something severe we didn't know about each other. All I can say is that it felt really good, like we would function so well together, like we did when we were singing together. Then there were some last hopes coming up, like now that we actually had our last moment she maybe also got some realizations and maybe she is waiting at the train station. But she wasn't. There was no Sophy at the train station. So then I just didn't want to hear anything from the people I was with, put in my earphones and listened to the music I wanted to dance with Sophy to. I almost had tears running down. Then I was home. Being home was bad news. Because I tend to fall into a hole, where I just sit on the computer all day and bombard myself with random YouTube videos. I experienced how bad that is for me, but it's hard to get out. Going to the camp was a measure I decided on myself, to help me get out. And it worked perfectly! I didn't miss the internet access at all, totally enjoyed the people and activities there and met an extremely interesting girl. But now I was back home in my room, all those people were somewhere else, and the items I associate with my bad habits stood around me. Computer, 3D printer etc., just things that I got to feel like are wasting my time. So I was sad and thought that this one exciting week is now over and I'd drift off back to the monotonous everyday life at some point. I needed to find something else to do, as long as I was in this strong openminded mood that I got from living at the camp with great people. Fortunately I started getting ideas right on the first evening. I wanted to start drawing again. Because there is a person that I can't stop thinking of, so I might aswell bring those thoughts to paper. I haven't really drawn since art class from three years ago, even though I really always enjoyed it. So this was a great opportunity to learn drawing a face that I couldn't get to know too well, but that I neither want to forget. Luckily we got provided with some good pictures soon. One picture was of her. I started drawing immediately. I was in my bed a lot and wrote diary about that week. I also went outside, drove my bike and when I found a good spot in the wild, I played music and explored my singing capabilities further. Sleeping longer was great. I was finally fit. I really felt a difference in how my brain was thinking, and instead of thinking about nothing or resting, it got tons of ideas for what I would have liked to talk about with Sophy. I really felt a difference, and am quite sure that one of the reasons why I couldn't think of what to talk about with Sophy during the camp was that I didn't sleep a lot there. And then I had a plan for how I could get in contact with Sophy. Luckily we got the numbers from everyone at the camp. But I didn't want to start small talking / texting, because I don't think that leads anywhere. Instead I wanted to text her with an unbeatable plan for how we could spend a day together. I wanted to base it off the summerpass, that we both got for finishing school, because she told me she would want to make use of it after the camp. So one proposal was to go to her city, get free entry into one of the museums there and then go to the park. The other one was taking a ship over a lake that was between us, visiting a museum there and having a look at an area where there might be rare bird species. Or the third option, which was in my local area, so I got a ton of ideas for what we could do. We could take a steamboat over the lake, have picknick in a swamp where there might be some rare bird species occuring (since she likes bird watching and I would like her to introduce me to it) and then we could go swimming. So I wrote Sophy one big text message with all of these suggestions, since she doesn't seem like the social media type of girl that would like small talking back and forth. I straight away offered her my ideas. It took a few hours until I got an answer, since she isn't online a lot. But guess what: she said yes!!! She even took the biggest offer, the one in my local area. So she was willing to drive one hour to meet me and spend that day with me! I don't think I ever experienced myself so happy as I was the rest of the day after getting her answer. Part of why I was so motivated to plan all of that is because Sophy (19) is one year older than me (18). So I don't know if she had more experiences with relationships, but I want her to know that my interest is real. We unfortunately had to wait one and a half weeks for good weather, but that also gave me lot's of time for mental and physical preparations. One major part was thinking about our conversations. As I said, as soon as we had our last moment at the camp there were so many things coming to my mind that I would want to talk about with Sophy. Because I was afraid of meeting her and magically unavoidably not knowing what to say, I really played through all kinds of moments and conversations in my head. I also kept pracising singing, in case we would get to that during our day. Additionally there came many specific ideas to my mind of how our future may look like, if we get together more often. We could help each other with our drivers license preparations, our plans for the voluntary ecological years, she could tell me more about birds while we go bird-watching, we could sing together, I want to help her with her dyscalculia since I actually am really good at maths, and she could help me with my seminar paper as she has already written hers since she is one year in advance in school. So overall a ton of things we could do together and we could talk about came to my mind. And I could continue the drawing. I must say, with every part of her face I drew off of the reference, I became even more aware of how beautiful she is. I started doubting that such a beautiful girl would want to spend a whole day with me. But then I reminded myself that she already said yes. Oh by the way, did I mention she doesn't wear makeup? My impression was proven when I asked her for makeup for my gender swap outfit at the camp, but she said she does't even have any. So she is that beautiful without wearing makeup. That is amazing. One thing about Sophy that might play a role is that she doesn't have "the perfect bikini body". She's just a bit bigger. Not that it affects me, no, I really couldn't care less. That's how I got to know her and I really like her just in the way she is. But maybe she could have some insecurities because of that. She is so beautiful after all, that I wonder why she isn't the girls group leader kind of person, but instead has that gentle character and was often on her own in the camp. Some changes about me that I felt during these two weeks of getting excited for Sophy: I haven't lost myself in front of my computer since camp. I get disgusted at just the thought of wasting my time like that. That also happened when I got inspired by the Valspire and Yes Theory lifestyle, because it opens my eyes so much, that I develop a natural sense of resisting against bad habits. That was in the very beginning of 2021. Since then I guess I started finding myself and I overall want to shift my lifestyle from spending my lifetime in my room to experiencing the world. School unfortunately forced me back into the everyday life over the months. But now, thinking about a future with Sophy made me resist against bad habits again. But not in a forced way, where I try to conciously tell myself to resist against the habits, because Sophy might get intimidated once she finds out about them. That's not how it is. It's pure motivation from my inner will, that came with my interest in Sophy. It's like my subconcious automatically wants to become healthier because there is hope in an exciting future. Further examples are how I also managed to lower my amount of fingernail biting and fixed my messed up sleep schedule that had gotten worse and worse with home schooling. But I didn't only curb or quit my bad habits. I even got motivated for good habits. I cleaned up my room that was extremely messy for a long time. I renewed my bed sheets since a longer time. I planned out a whole day of fun activities for me and Sophy. I started drawing after it's been a few years, to draw a portrait of Sophy. On Friday, the day it is all about, the day we finally meet, I even cooked a rice pudding for us. I usually don't cook. But at that morning it was really fun. I can imagine cooking with someone I like would be even more fun. So those are the things I spent my time with while waiting for the day that we would finally meet. I came sooner than expected and on that morning, I could not believe Sophy would be standing in front of me in just two hours. My excitement was immeasurable. Friday, 03.09.2021: THE DAY WE FINALLY MEET UP!!! Now I can tell you what I planned for that day and how it worked. So after getting up, I cooked rice pudding, because at the camp I noticed Sophy's positive reaction when they once had rice pudding as a dessert. I had followed a well-rated recipe and that rice pudding turned out to be the best one I have ever tasted! The day went extremely well from start to finish. Right at the greeting I showed how excited I was by spotting her from afar and then calling her by name. I parked my bike, ran to her and properly hugged her and greeted her. She asked how I was, which I answered "I am VERY good!". And I told her that I was already afraid we would never meet again after the camp, but that we luckily are about to spend this day together. Thus there were no unpleasant first moments, where one is not at all sure how to deal with each other. So yeah, I think it was this great greeting that managed to break some ice, because after that we really talked most of the time, even while biking. It was the perfect start of a great day! And then we did everything possible that one can do here in the area. Riding a steamboat, swimming in the lake, eating ice cream, picnicing in the swamp, cycling a lot on the field roads and swimming in the river. And I planned all that based on stuff she liked or said she likes at the camp. She likes watching birds, so at the lake we watched a large flock of swallows that we coincidentally found, with binoculars that we both brought. And while riding across the fields, there were two storks on the field next to us, where she told me she had never experienced them that closely. Originally I wanted us to experience rare bird species in the swamp, but unfortunatly we didn't see any there. She (and I also) like to swim, so we swam far out in the lake and in the evening we swam in the river with a strong water flow, which was also really fun. We had a picnic in the swamp, where we ate rice pudding with fruit, which she appreciated. So I cooked for her, invited her to an ice cream, and overall invited her on a tour with lots of activities we both like. She often said how beautiful she found the environment and thanked me for organizing it all. We talked a lot and realized that we actually have pretty similar interests in life. Both of us played an intrument, but paused since the pandemic lockdown. We both find people walking down the streets with beer and german gangster music unappealing. We both like to be active and don't want to waste time in our rooms. Neither of us looked at our smartphones for a second, except for taking pictures. There was lots of good-feeling eye contact. I always automatically listened to her very well and proved it often enough in conversation or even with actions and in general the whole planned day. Sometimes there were a few moments when we didn't talk and I felt like it was a bit awkward silence. But these moments were not frequent and they were short. Another thing that may reveal something, is that I spontaneously asked her in the evening if she would want to go stargazing on a hill, but she said she wouldn't want to drive home at night. To me that is a respectable reason, but maybe it could show something. Overall, if I compare the day with today's standards, I would say that it was the perfect day for a promising future in which we would meet up more often. Because I feel like this was really very special. When friends tell me about how they invite girls, it's usually something more simple like a movie theatre visit. Not something so eventful. I have the feeling that we have spent a very special day. Which I planned just like that. I could not even have put more effort into it. So it all sounds pretty great. Unfortunately there is a big BUT. It was in the end of the day, when we were at the train station, waiting for her train. While we were talking and she thanked me for planning and inviting her to this day, I asked "Well would you be down for us meeting again?", which she answered in a really unmotivated tone along the lines of "Uhh yeah, gotta see." When the train came and she had to go, she still went for a hug though. But her answer to whether we would meet again got me wondering until today. In that moment it suprised me and scared me a bit, because it wasn't what I was hoping for. I didn't know what I was hoping for in that moment, but it wasn't that. After thinking about it, I can tell you what I think I was expecting. After such a great day, with so many activities we both like and so much talking, happiness and eye contact, well I mean EVERYTHING just worked so well. After such a day, should she not have been enticipating the question whether we would do more? Shouldn't she have answered that question with something like: "What a question! OF COURSE I want to do more with you!" ?? I'm really confused by this. I don't understand what Sophy thinks of me at all. It seems like I would have to totally not be her type for her to not want to meet me again after such a day. But then again, how could I be totally not her type, after the signs she gave me with hair playing, eye contact, mirroring etc. and after she was willing to drive to me for spending this day. And after I totally felt like we would function so well together. Or does she just not know how to answer in certain moments? Or has she never done anything like today and was so overwhelmed that she didn't know exactly how to handle it? Does she need time to think? Heck, she didn't even tell me if she had a boyfriend or not. Although I really doubt that, because with the honest character she has, she would not have spent that day with me. And she probably wouldn't have went to the camp I've often noticed that she doesn't like to be around other people, for example when we were bathing. But does that mean she wants to be even more alone and not have many friends or partners? Or is an hour's drive there and another hour's drive back too much for her? But I told her that I would also like to spend time in the city she lives in. Is this the reason why men say they don't understand women? I really am so confused. Anyways, I noticed that I was happier than ever when I was with her the whole day and as soon as she was gone, I was immediately less happy. And talking with ther felt as natural as it usually only does with very good friends. Or even better. Well, just different, but in such a good way. It feels like if we just spend a few more days together, I could be talking about anything with her, things that I don't feel like my friends would even talk about. After she was gone, I immediately wanted to record all of the stuff that went through my mind, so I did a voice record for TWO HOURS. Never experienced myself being able to talk forever while it feels like nothing. So I became like a different person. But I love the person I was. Sophy really has a very positive impact on me. I hope she wants to do more with me and just needs a little time to tell me that or even realize that. She also thanked me at the farewell and several times during the day for this day. Only in the last moment it was all mixed up by her sounding as if she didn't want to meet me anymore. So the overall experience between Sophy and me on the camp and on our day was us seeming to fit and function together really well, because we have similar interests. But we are both characters that don't take further steps too fast, because we are rather reserved. And then there sometimes were these weird moments where she seemed like she didn't want anymore from me, which were the moments that cause lots of confusion inside me about what she thinks of me. The confusion that made me reach out to this forum. I started watching some videos from psych2go, where they talk about little signs that tell you if someone may like you, because I want to find out what Sophy thinks of me. And well, there are quite a bunch of things that happened like they say in the videos. I was so happy this day, so basically all interactions and conversations were really positive. Whenever Sophy talks about herself I listen carfully. We had mirroring going on, where I switched position on my towel and Sophy did the same. I call her by her name a lot (btw she barely mentions my name, but it doesn't feel like a big deal to me). According to the videos, people will be more attracted when they see you aren't perfect and although I planned this pretty much perfect day and coocked for her, I also for example screeched like a girl when there was a spider on my arm. I haven't heard from her for almost a week. With all the positive impacts she had on me, I don't want to just let our connection fade to nothing. If she isn't ready for a relationship then that would be okay for me. A friendship would be great too. I just want to be with her more often, because she makes me happy. Update: She asked in the camp group chat for a link to the photos. I asked her in private chat if she would want my Google Drive link. She said "Oh yeah, would be nice". I sent her the link. She answered "Thanks". And that was it. No more. WHY did she not say more than that?! Come on Sophy, please just ask me to meet up again. I don't understand why she doesn't seem excited. We share so many unique interests. Why wouldn't she be as excited as I am, to spend more time with each other?! Why would she aggree to spending a day with me and after that day worked out better than I could've imagined, she doesn't want any more? Is it because of the little age difference of her being 19 and me being 18? Since then I still haven't heard anything from her. For the first time I took a girl this seriously. I haven't really had experiences with relationships, so if I view it from myself then it's to be expected that stuff doesn't work out the first time. I don't have any references by experience. But when I view it from what friends say, what YouTube dating videos say, what I saw in movies, what stories I read, then the interactions between me and Sophy seems like something very special and promising. I don't know anyone putting that much effort into a girl as I do with Sophy. From a third person perspective I must say that the guy I was during DAY S seems like the guy who takes all my girls, if I had any. Or at least all the Sophys. Cuz dang did he spend an exciting day with her. Since our day together until now, I have spent my time mostly with trying to write this post. For that, I took my laptop and drove my bike to some bench at the woods, where I sat down, put my laptop on the top of my lap and went through everything. When I needed a break, I played some music, practiced dancing and singing, or at home I would continue the drawing of Sophy. I haven't spent a single minute wasting my time at the computer, which is an incredible achievement to me. I want to show the drawing: Although it's not even done yet, I think it is the best drawing I have ever done, but I also already spent like 30 hours on it. I really can't stop thinking of her. One day I and a friend drove to the city Sophy is living in, to make some purchases. The city is huge, with 1.5 Million inhabitants. But every once in a while I had this thought coming up of how grateful I would be if we coincidentally met Sophy on the street. And I am not kidding, I seriously dream about her almost every night. Those dreams are about us at a point where we both know each other well enough to not have any doubts about what the other thinks. There are no signs of us being in a relationship or not, but we are just totally enjoying our time together and it feels really special. I just actually cried since a long time. I am afraid of not meeting Sophy again. And I just don't get why she wouldn't want to, after we spent such a good time together. But that's what it feels like, because she hasn't contacted me since our day and because she didn't show excitement when I asked if we would meet up again. So I would like to understand why Sophy acts the way she does. It seems like we fit together really well and we had a very good time together. I think I recognized her as a person. And I think I let her know that. And I treated her respectfully and openly. So the main questions are: What is going on? And what should I do now? Just write her, invite her to meet again? Or rather call? Explain how I think of her? To what degree or level of detail would I explain that? I could send this text I spent the last days writing. Or the 10k words of diary I wrote about how she impacts me. Or should I show her my drawing? Heck, I'd even write her a poem or sing her a song. Write her a song?? That could take a bit of time. I really like Sophy a lot and I just hope we get to spend more time with each other. My dear, after writing all of this I feel like I went all over the place. There is just so much confusion and thoughts going on in my head, so I am just glad I managed to write them down somehow. So excuse me if some parts are hard to read or sound weird. I am German and don't yet know how to perfectly express myself in English. But overall I think I got to write my thoughts and feelings down pretty accurately.
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