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rchubn

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rchubn last won the day on August 4 2019

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  1. Leave him. He shouldn't be bringing up stuff like that with his current girlfriend. It's weird. He probably wouldn't like it if you did that to him.
  2. After a weekend of feeling awful I did finally respond to his text where he apologized. I told him I'm blocking him and he's doing the "I will always love you" and other stuff like that. I just feel so guilty that I'm setting boundaries and now my brother is doing the "he's not going to live forever" stuff. This father wound I have has been a thorn in my life. I just wanted to mend some of that for myself and I just wanted to heal it by reconcilation. I just thought if I could just heal that I would stop getting into abusive relationships and stop letting men walk all over me. And now it feels worse. I thought if I verbalized how I was feeling without shutting down like I always do, we could slow things down and work it out. I was open and forgiving, I just wanted grace and time and I'm not understanding why I was not able to mend this for myself and why I had to walk away with MORE hurt
  3. I NEED advice... Here's what's going on: - My dad was a deabeat majority of my life. I havent seen him in over 15 years. He recently tried to come back to my life with his new daughter and its been traumatic for me. It's caused me a lot more pain and stress so I ultimately decided maybe I was not ready for reconcilation. If the reconcilation is more traumatic than the actual abandonment, maybe I'm not ready. - I told him that and a huge argument happened. Lots of cursing and him saying mean things to me. Which was even more traumatic for me. He said things to me that I will now need to work through mentally. I walked outta this situation with more trauma than I had walking into the idea of reconcilation. - Now he's trying to guilt me. He realized his reaction was inappropriate and he apologized and he's using guilt tactics like "i will always love you, know your father loves you" and this confuses me because he does not even know me. It makes me feel guilty because I feel like I'm denying a parent a relationship with their daughter (me) but 1. This man does not even know me, how can he love me in any valuable way when he was absent. It feels like manipulation. When he says stuff like "I love you" he is viewing me as a concept and not a person, he does not know me well enough to love me as a person. 2. When I verbalized that I was struggling with everything and needed to take everything slowly, he completely went off on me. I dont even want to repeat the things said to me and he did apologize but everything he said to me validated every negative thought I had growing up about the reasons why my father wasn't around. I'm learning that he is immature and underdeveloped as an adult but I feel GUILTY that I'm done with this relationship. My older brother told me my father is a complicated person and that I need to set boundaries but should still try but I'm someone who has already been through enough. I can't have people I hold highly saying mean things to me when I'm honest about my feelings and then apologizing afterwards. Any advice?
  4. I feel so insignificant. I feel like I entered this world with no one. I can't describe the pain I felt when I saw those photos on Facebook.
  5. No one in this world loves me. I'm not close to my moms family and I live my life alone with no family around me. I got in contact with my estranged father after 20 years of no contact and found out that he has a 10 year old daughter. I made a mistake and looked him up on Facebook and his daughter is extremely beautiful. There are so many pictures of them out and about doing things and I developed this toxic jealousy against her and I feel terrible about it. I'm realizing he will never love me as much as he loves her. She's his little girl. Not me. He doesn't even know me. He attempts to message me almost every day but its normally just small talk. I want this relationship to work out but I struggle with the fact that he is very capable of living life without me. He did it for 20 years. What should I do about this?
  6. And if he had TOO MUCH dating experience one might get intimidated. 1. It sounds like he is work oriented. I'm not sure why you're giving him a hard time or insinuating something is wrong with him because he's not dating. Ever think that's why he's on the dating sites? He's actively looking to date and I'm sure you're not the only woman he's chatted with online. Dating is hard when you're older. Just because none of his past experiences led to a relationship doesn't mean theres something wrong with him. 2. He most likely DID NOT tell his family he was official with you, he probably told them he was "seeing" someone or hanging out with someone special. It's exciting when you first meet people, he probably wants to share that with his family. 3. He is the marrying type. He doesn't have messy exs. He doesn't have children from abother relationship. Sounds like he's successful. Clearly, even during his bachelor years he clearly wasn't into hooking up with just anyone and anything. Idk, if i met a guy like that I would think he was made specifically for me. You could have a man that has loved only one woman: you
  7. He could have social anxiety. Given everything your family is dealing with I would be uncomfortable too. - Are you putting him in low stress situations? Ex: are you talking behind his back with family? Are you putting him in a room where he's already been discussed. People can sense energy and the vibe. If there's preconceived emotions about him he'll definitely be able to sense it and will definitely feel uncomfortable. Are you discussing all your relationship issues with the same people he's supposed to like/feel comfortable around? Vice versa ... Are you venting about how horrible your family is WITH him? Have you told him stories about a painful traumatic childhood? - Are you meeting in neutral spaces/low stress outings? Ex: if you guys went to lunch with your family and met up at the restaurant in your own vehicles, the interaction would be neutral. He could seek comfort in the fact that he's in control and can remove himself if things get too uncomfortable. - Are you forcing him to meet them in THEIR home? Ex; imagine being uncomfortable or nervous and having to meet the person in their own personal space. Not only does he have to worry about them liking him, he's also in an uncomfortable environment. He has to convince them while he's standing in their home.
  8. I'm not proud of this so please dont judge me but the anonymous person could be telling the truth. I've made anonymous accounts to message "the other woman" before. My ex was talking to her while talking to me and we both didn't know he was doing this/didn't even know each other even existed. When I first found out I made a fake account and dropped a bomb that he was playing her. My reasoning? - I knew she didn't even know I existed. - I was petty and hurt. I got annoyed that he did what he did with zero consequences and jumped right into another relationship as if it didn't happen. - I knew that she was the one actually nearing a relationship with him and that it would be ethical to tell her the circumstances - I knew this particular man has never been caught and would freeze up if he were questioned by her. I wanted to plant a seed of doubt because I knew once she confronted him, his reaction would immediately tell on himself. - I knew if I messaged from my own account I would be seen as a threat and she would immediately write me off as "the scorned woman" Her reaction? She didn't take it seriously because it came from an anonymous account. A few weeks went by and she was online discussing how she was cheated on which leads me to believe that she found ANOTHER woman he was playing. Moral of the story? If someone is anonymously messaging you with stuff like this, you should always do your research.
  9. Unless you're married to him or in a long term relationship the idea that you'll personally know/meet ALL of his friends is unrealistic and kind of unreasonable. You're making it seem like you're trying to meet everyone important in his life when in reality you're just being nosy. It sounds like you're suspicious over the fact that he's close to another individual (close enough to move to the same spot) and you want to size up this other individual you're boyfriend is spending time with because you want to determine if he's worthy of all the attention he's taking from you. I understand your best friends got together and it became a triad friendship but not everyone WANTS that kind of friendship. Some people prefer to have their own friends outside of their partner. If you become best friends with his friend, where will he go when he needs advice or emotional support when it comes to you guy's relationship?
  10. You're better off. Matter of fact, he sounds like he has someone psychotic ego disorder. He doesn't come off as someone who cares about the pedestal or your expectations. This is someone who did all the rigorous steps to become a doctor (gets doctor praise) but lives a completely different life outside of work. He has somehow mastered keeping his rigorous job AND spiraling out of control, if he does not want to change there is nothing and no one that could FORCE him to change? Why? Because his professional path surpasses anyone in his life that could hold him accountable for his behavior. This is a red flag. At his age. With his professional success, he should not be experimenting with drugs and spiraling like an angsty teenager.
  11. This happened to me except it wasn't abroad, we just had a long distance thing going on (1-2 hours away). He broke it off with me very unexpectedly. I was devastated. What did I do? I was in shock and denial for a while. I kept calling him and even begged which didn't help my case at all because he lost respect for me. Its a messed up thing to do to a person. If you find yourself getting uninterested you NEED to express this immediately. Instead, my ex healed himself to make sure HE was okay with the relationship ending and then blindsided me and dumped me and then a month later went to someone else. I suspect that him and this girl were "talking" during our relationship and once he determined he could effortlessly dump me and walk into a relationship with her, he did just that. He claimed he didn't cheat but I find it hard to believe. However months later he realized she wasn't what he thought she was and that he was better off with me so he attempted to contact me multiple times. First time: to rub it in. He attempted to give me closure I did not ask for and out of the blue messages me listing off all the reasons why he broke up with me/didnt pick me. It was traumatizing Second time: he had blocked me weeks before but unblocked me. Once I saw him in my fb recommendations I immediately blocked him and he texted me about how sorry he was and that I was the only one who cared for him. Third time: I had ghosted him and he decided to send a "How are you?" Text but I sent him away and didn't speak to him again.
  12. A little alarming tbh. Him using P*rnhub would be different because then he's looking at actual entertainers (women that he will never meet or touch because she's doing it for entertainment only and she's being backed by a large production and legally has limits to how she can interact with those who watch her content) With Onlyfans is different. He's interacting with a woman that most likely has a normal job outside of onlyfans and she's probably normal making her way more approachable and an eligible person he could have some kind of emotional-sexual affair with. With any other porn site he would do surface level browsing until he finds something he likes. With Onlyfans he's literally saying "I find this SPECIFIC woman attractive and I'm okay with going out of my way to have access to her exclusive content"
  13. Also... Im around your age and people in that age group will literally have full on relationships without having the formal boyfriend/girlfriend "what are we" talk. People will literally have a sexual relationship or have children in a relationship that was never formally confirmed by both parties and once things go south there's always someone that crosses basic monogamous boundaries and using the fact that they weren't official as their excuse
  14. Be straight up and ask. Your age range is a little too neutral...You guys are both at an age where things could be SUPER casual or SUPER serious with a potential future. He could be enjoying his 20s/he could just be enjoying your company or he could super serious. (If a long term partner is what you're looking for) Asking will keep you from wasting your time and feelings.
  15. 1. He is ashamed for people to know I was married? - He's most likely ashamed that you're publicly displaying THE PERSON you married. You're allowed to have a past but that doesn't mean everyone visiting your page has to see it. 2. If you would take the photos down based on his request? - Yes. Because its reasonable and there's no logical explanation as to why you need to keep them in a public place like that. You could simply private them on social media (so you're the only one that can see them) and go on with life. 3. If you think taking pics down is a slippery slope and can lead to things being controlling later on? - No. Controlling would be someone going behind your back trying to get them removed. It clearly bothers him and he's asking you directly. Why do you want to keep these photos?
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