frackledJJ

Dear Ashland Yes, what you say is true. It is just that his whole behaviour of the last 2 months suddenly made sense after that talk at the party. His one time running out of the caffeteria when I came in and than two days later he came to my table all by his self. His smiling and greeting, winking at me and the next day not even greeting me normally. And I wouldn't argue on that fact, that his feelings are gone, hadn't he said so more than once. Even at the last view minutes, after we danced, he still stood by his words that he could imagine building a house and having children. If he would have said so only once, ok. But he said so everytime I asked him (five or six times during our "session" which lasted three hours os more), and he said he wants to kiss me everytime he sees me about 5 to 10 times during our talk. Without me asking him. I know I am projekting my behaviour on him, because I certanly wouldn't say something like that if I don't mean it. So what you say can be right. But than I still want an explanation, because what he is doing is not fair to me at all. Imagine I wouldn't have talked to V. ! I would sit here and get my hopes up because he said this and he can't remember a thing and wonders why I still have feelings for him! The summary of this party talk to me was : I know you are the one person for me, but you are too early. Who wouldn't get ones hopes up with that?

Hello everyone. We talked today. Me and him. When our mutual friend left us, I asked him if he was angry at me for talking about that party with her. He said, yes, kind of, but not bad, it's ok. Than I asked him if what he told her was true, and he said, yes. Than I asked him if what he had said to her about our talk at the party was true, too. That he hadn't said what I had heard and he said yes again. I than told him that he did say it, but allright, and he just shrugged his shoulders and said yes. I was so angry that I called him like 15 minutes later and told him, I didn't want to put pressure on him, but he did say, what he said and that I am neiter crazy nor do I have anything on my ears. He said, that he remembered that we talked outside and that we danced, but he doesn't remember what we talked about in particular. I told him I wouldn't remember that many details myself, but that he could have told me anything. "I wouldn't have been surprised if you would have told me you had turned gay. But when you said you loved me it was a total shock to me. That's why I remember it so well." "Well, but I don't remember saying it." "And you don't remember telling me for at least 5 times that your first thought, when you see me, is: "Just go over there and kiss her!" ?" "No." "How drunk were you!" "I thought not that much!" Than I asked him if we could meet up somewhere on neutral ground and just simply talk about this, not putting pressure up and simply staying with the facts. Yes, he'd like to do that, too, but not now since he has a paper to write over the weekend and he doesn't know if he has time next week, because he has to work. Next weekend he's home with his parents, so it's gona be like two more weeks until that talk. "We see each other in college, we can figure something out!" was his sentence. But he also said that it's over and it's gonna stay thet way. I told him I accept this and that's not why I want to talk to him, but that he has to understand that everything that happened because of that party talk has hurt me much. I also told him that it would never work out between us now, if we would get back together because I couldn't trust him anymore. Than I asked him to really think about why he thinks something like that happened, when he was slightly drunk, and when he's sober, he just turns for 180 degrees. I stressed the point that he did say it and that I want him to think about how something like that can happen (because I want him to realize that he has those feelings and is just burrying them away, but I didn't tell him that). And than I asked him to be totally honest in that talk to me and not hide something because he thinks his situation will get easier that way or because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings. I also told him this talk is going to be very difficult for both of us, but that the only thing we are now good at is misunderstanding the other one, and that what we need is total clearity. In my phone call I stressed the point that I respect his point of view and his decision, in order to get him to talk to me on neutral ground, being off campus, where both of us have friends that come and go and both of us have lessons. I think these things can only be cleared in a talk like this. My plan for that talk is to tell him everything of the talk that I remember, and how it all developed, so that he can understand my point of view and think about what he said. But I don't know what to do than. I so wish for him to say I said those things, because that is exactly what I feel. But I can't right now." Because that is what he told me at the party. And I mean, these words and these feelings have to be there in him, because why would he have said so otherwise? I mean, three people only saw us dacing and asked if we are back together. His feelings can't be that negative towards a relationship with me, right? God, I am so confused over all of this!!! Please, could you write me how to do handle this talk? I have to know what I want and what I want to know from him before I go in there, and right now all I wnat is to be together with him! Please help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Get some space between you and your ex, but please don't use this other friend for making her jealus. I bet it's really hard for her to get over the death of her boyfriend, and if you get her hopes up through your actions and she mind think of ... well, committing is a strong word for that, but imagine she starts really getting interested in you, which would be a huge step for her, and she tahn finds out you have just been using her as a kind of "rebound", that would hurt your friend a lot. Since she has such a high opinion of you, I don't think you could do such a thing on purpose, but be very very careful with your actions please. Feelings and trust are hard to earn and to built up, but so damn easy to destroy and break. And a broken heart is about the slowest thing to heal in the whole wide world.

Hey deedee! Well, he started talking about all those things. I didn't start taling about who will take over child care when we are going to have children! I didn't start discussing the name of our would be first bron son! I didn't always say: "Let's hurry up studying! We need to have a lot of money for that sofa to put into our living room!" and I didn't start with: " Such a little gnome wouldn't be bad right now!" He said that so often and I always told him to wait until after we are done with school. And after two days he started again with the same thing. It went that far that I once asked him if I should keep on taking the pill. He didn't answer anything to that, but at least he stopped talking about it. And on Sylvester I said: "...if we should marry, and he was the one answering: When we will marry. So I don't see myself as persuing this whole thing as much as he did. I did put pressure on him on that party, but only because he said he loved my.... etc. etc. etc. If he wouldn't have said that (as he claims!), I would most certainly not have talked to him for two hours at the party, and I would have done anything but dancing with him!

Hi telling! Thank you for your mail and all teh nice words. I know that there is something going on with him, and I am really sad that he can't tell me what it is. Probably because he doesn't trust me that far or he thinks I will put pressure on him again. It sucks, but there seems nothing for me todo. I constantly hold myself back from calling him, because I want to know what is happening in his brain.! D... it! As I said (and I saw him again today), there is no sign that he wants to talk to me. No, I think he's running away from that, for whatever reason. Maybe because he really doesn't remember saying what he did,or maybe because I am the only person he could tell about it and he doesn't want to talk about it. Whatever the reason, I'm not gonna find out either way. I know that calling or taling to him would be the worst thing I could do, but I fear that when he doesn't talk about it, and he doesn't, I know that much, that it's gonna be easier for him to move on and go find someone else, even though he loves me but doesn't want to go through all this mess. You know what I mean? Hard to explain, isn't it? I hope he can find the courage to stand up to me. But it's not my turn to help him anymore. Now it's his job.

Dear telling it like it is, have you read the "update" of the whole thing? The "Is he just confused or what is this?" post? If not... where did he act as if he loves me? Because what he did that friday night was a total shock to me. That's why I remember it so well. And, if he loves me, but it is simply over, as you say, why did he still say he can imagine building a house and having children with me? Even after I told him he was a coward? Should I honour that he spoke up to me about all those things or should I cringe with emberassment because he is fooling me? When I met him today, all my heart cried out to go and run my hand through his wondful hair, and when he left, all I wanted was for him to talk to me the way he did that friday night. And if he really considers having children with me, even after three months of being solo, why in hell doesn't he come back? And why in heaven does he insist on not having said those things? I mean, honestly, when I love someone, and say those things to that person, do I not have to stand by those things I say? Do I not have to stand up and say: "Yes, I love that person, and I did say those things!" Or can't he do this, because everyone would say: "Why aren't you together with her than?" and he can't answer that because he doesn't know where he is in live? As I wrote in one of the replies to the "update", I would really like to have a look at his brains. Or to talk to him in a normal tone about this, not putting pressure to him. But the whole experience this morning told me he doesn't want to talk to me alone. He must have realized that I didn't have lessons anymore for today, and he didn't either, and still he packed up his stuff and ran. Can I do anything at all or do I just silently wreck my brain and go crazy?

Of course I ran into him today and we even managed to talk normally. We sat next to each other in the caffeteria, but V. was also present and had actually called him to help her figuring out a computer problem. I had to go for a minute and when I returned, the whole athmosphere on the table had changed. We didn't sit there for a long time after because they had figured out what the problem was and they couldn't solve it there and than. When V. said she was leaving to go to work, he immediately packed his stuff and followed. I waited for a minute or two before I left, too (there was noone else there that I knew, anyway). I didn't see them anywhere walking away, and I walked by V.s car when I went to my own. God, I hate analizing everything he does, everywhere he looks and everything he says! Why can't he come out and say what he feels, really feeling what he says? I worry about what he really thinks. I have the impression he really meant what he said, but does he really remember saying it? Or is he just saying he doesn't remember? I get my hopes up because he said so to me, but what if he really can't remember? Than there is no problem for him, but for me there is (again). God, I am so confused by all this. I'd love to have a look into his brains, just to see what is really going on in there! And if I call him, he sure is going to feel "pressured" again. God in heaven, this is so unfair!

Call him, tell him you need the money now, insist on him coming over and when he does come, take the money from him and throw him out. When he asks why, than you can really call him off. But I tell you what: I don't think he's woth it. I know this is hard to read, but he is treating you like the last possible thing to consider. When he was asked if he would go to the movies, couldn't he say: No, I already have a date? Couldn't he have left a message asking you to come to the movies with him? And why the hell does this guy go to the movies anyway, if he borrows the money he needs for doing so from you? Throw him out when he arrivesd and tell him to go and use someone elses trust! Sorry, but I am angry at him. How can he treat you like that?

Thank you for your replies! Finally two guys who tell me waht they think! I honestly believe him when he sais that he loves me. All my (female) friends have declared me 100% crazy.He has pulled some sh... in the last three months, but always left kind of like a backdoor open for my hopes to get up. I was in seventh heaven when he told me he loved me and of course thought about it all weekend long. When I heard what he had told V. I was really thinking I had gone crazy and heard voices. I have meanwhile deceided not to do anything, because what can I do after telling him to go and have fun having his freedom. But it's great that there is your support out there. Not so great is that I will run into him for sure tomorrow. I hate seeing him right now, because all my body and heart wants to run to him and kiss him down to the floor. Only my brain says stop! @swingfox: I do feel honoured that your reply to me was your 800th post! Greetings from Germany, Europe. And thank you for your advice!

Hi everyone. Something new has happened and I since you know what happened before and have read my previous posts, I'd like to know what you think of this. Please have a look at my new post! Thanks!

Hi! For everyone who knows the "foreplay": I didn't greet by former boyfriend anymore and waited for him to do the first move everytime we saw each other in college. He sometimes greeted me, sometimes he didn't, but sat down on a table in my view, as far as this was possble. Once he came over to my table and actually sat down there, talking to me like normal. The morning before a party we saw each other in the caffeteria and he started to come over, when a friend of mine appeared and he sat back down. I went over to ask for T., his budyy, who wants to move and I knew of a room that was going to be available. Later that same day we sat outside together with friends ( a friend had told me he was sitting outside with friend, would I not join them and when I came out, my ex was sitting there). Both times we talked normally and he always looked into my eyes. It was a funny situation, I can't really describe it. I had the feeling there was something underneath that he wanted me to know, but nobody else should know. That same evening at a party we were both invited. Some half hour after he arrived we were by chance both standing at the bar and he made eye contact. I told him I had met an old (male) friend of mine and that we now phoned a lot and wrote mails, but that, since that guy lives some 3 hours drive away, it would be difficult seeing each other. I was wondering what he would say to that (That sounds good for you. or something along that line), but he went: "I don't know, I have so many things in my head. There's so much I'm thinking about right now..." I asked him to explain that to me. "I don't know if i can explain it. It's so much! There was no reason (for breaking up), it's just so much..." I told him to go outside with me so we wouldn't have to yell, and he agreed. While going outside I wondered what he would say. I knew that the party was probably gonna be over for me after that talk, but I wanted to know what he had to say. I honestly wouldn't have been shocked if he would have told me he had turned gay or something, but when we were outside and I asked him what was going on he looked into my eyes and said I love you. You are the most wonderful woman I know. Everytime I see you my first thought is: "Just go over there and kiss her!"." I asked him why he doesn't just do it and he said he can't, he doesn't know why. I tried to kiss him than, but he turned his head and I didn't try again. We talked for about two hours, and I asked him if he was serious, talking (in december) about building a house and having children, and he answered yes, he was and he can still imagine doing this with me. During our talk he repeated "Everytime I see you my first thought is "Just go over and kiss her!" at least five times and he took my hand,he embraced me, he started giving me small innocent kisses on the lips (no tongue). After the talk, we went down to dance and it went on and on. I tried to convince him to trust in me and have a relationship with me, but he always repeated that he couldn't he doesn't know why, but he is sorry. After an hour of dancing we talked some more and finally he left the party kind of pissed, because I had told him that being a coward was easy, but live isn't always easy. Two weeks before this party, one of his former fellow students, a girl (Lets call her V.), came to me and asked if she could talk to me about her boyfriend, since they were in a similar situation and she knew I would understand her. In this two weeks we had gotten to know each other pretty well and the day after the party we met and I told her everything because I was totally confused. So she met with him on Monday (the party had been on friday) and talked to him about what happened. The only thing is: He does not remember saying he loved me and all of the other things he said. He says I towed him out of the party, forever tried to kiss him and held him back from going down to the party again, even though he said he would never get back together with me, ever in his live, which is simply not true. Had he said such a thing, I would never have talked to him the way I did, and we would never have been dancing for sure. Three of my friend even asked me if we were back together (they only saw us dancing). When I told them what he said, they were all very confused and told me it definitely didn't look as if he didn't want to be together with me when we danced. They saw what they saw, and they are also very confused by this. V. also says she believes me that he said what he did at the party. I called him and told him I understand that he needs his freedom and he should go out and have it and have fun and hung up before he could say something. But the thing is that I still love him and that I was so happy when he said he loved me. What can I do to get him back? I have the impression, that he knows what he said and that he feels that way, too, but that he really is in a crisis and can't have a relationship right now. How can I help him without being a nuisance to him and making a fool of myself in front of all my/his/our friends?

In that context, I really have a question: After our break up I went to him to have a talk. In this talk he said He panicked with the thought about making "Nails with heads" and I asked back if he was afraid of the commitment. He answered yes. I later sent him a message asking him to think about why he broke up, because he was afraid of the commitment or because of his feelings. No reply. Three weeks later we ran into each other and I asked him about it. He said I had gotten it all wrong and he had simply realized that he had to do something because otherwise the bond would grow stronger still. I am leaving none of his words and adding none. These where the actual words he said. What would you think? Is he just holding me on a long line or what does he mean? Especially since now he suddenly starts realizing me again and seating himself next to me, making conversation and stuff. Is it all lies? Is it just the truth and he can't really express his feelings properly, one way or the other? P.S.: I do believe in the true love, and I still think I found it in him, but since the breakup he is a book with seven locks!

Hi there! Does she know your point of view on this? From your perspective, you have not been angry with her, you simply switched off your mobile because you didn't want to be disturbed and when you turned it on again you found a number of phone calls and confusing messages, and than you prabybla act now as if nothing at all had happened. From her point of view, you went out of the house angry and when she tried to call you to say she was sorry, you didn't take up the phone. She maybe thought you a coward or thought you didn't want to talk to her at all, whioch only got worse and worse the more she tried to reach you, and it is still going on. She tries to keep you (wants you to move in with her, want to still have a relationship) but does not know how to behave around you now, because she doesn't know what you are thinking or how you feel, and she might be emberrassed about her actions now (God knows how often I have been emberrassed about what I did!). You say you have two kids. Wouldn't it be a great idea to let them have a weekend at grandmas and have a weekend all for yourself, just the two of you? When you could get back to that day and remember everyxthing that happened and how that made you feel and how it changed your relationship? You absolutely have to TALK to each other, and the longer the time you have for that and the more quiet it is around you, the better. It won't be an easy thing to do, but hang on in there and find out what happened before you turn around and just leave her again without a word of explanation (that#'s how she will look at it, anyway). I guess tehre will be some very hard words spoken, but stay calm and ask her to do the same, and with a lot of comunication and patience, you will solve it and sort it all out and forget about it. And if not forget, than at least be together in 20 years and have a great lough about how stupid it all was! Wish you the best of luck!

Well, since this is something important for you: wear what you feel comfortable in. If this means just a pair of sport pants, think again. You should look well, but feel yourself in the clothes. If your collar is too tight or the pants are a bit too small, you'll concentrate on those things all night long and not really pay all the attention you should. I wouldn't suggest bringing a gift. Instead while going out get her something she'd really like. One of my boyfriends once stole daffodils from a traffic refuge while we were on our way home. They were wilted by noon of the next day, but I always have to smile passing that traffic refuge. In general: don't plan the whole night and expect her to know what she should do next. I guess you'll be nervous, but instead of acting on that and constantly analysing what she's saying just let the evening flow. Like a first date, you know what I mean. With that single triumph that you already know what she likes or dislikes. Use it! Good luck!

Hi! I have heard of some of my friends getting back together. The roommate of my former boyfriend (with whom I hope to get back together) split and never talked a word with each other again for almost a year. They both had other partners in that year, until she wrote a real bad mail to him, telling him to rot in hell. He was angry at her for a month, before he send her a mail. Subject: Greetings out of hell!. They are now together again for over a year and both now say they are going to marry each other. Since you are all guys, I have a question regarding my former boyfriend: He broke up 8 weeks ago, and last week I went to him to "clear the coast", since we both study at the same college and are in constant danger of running into each other. I still love him, and I told him so, together with some things I learned about him that he has to change about hinself (not only because of me. For instance, he often says things without thinking about them, never realizing how happy or sad he makes people with this and than flipping on their reaction) and I also told him that I don't think he can have a relationship right now. I was very hurt after the break up because I didn't have any explanation for 6 weeks. Than I met his friend, who told me he would have thought about breaking up since sometime in November. So I had told myself: this guy playacted for more than two months, its over. I still love him, but it's over. And than he confessed to me that he grew scarred about "making nails with heads" and "making something long out of the relationship".(that was after New years, where I got to know all his family, and their (positive) reactions must have been quite a shock, or so he said) I was totally confused by that, but later wrote him a mail asking him to think about why he broke up, because of being scarred or because his feelings weren't strong enough for a relationship anymore. No reply until now. We said he should think about everything and when he's done thinking, he should contact me, and he hasn't until now. Only spreads into huge smiles whenever we see each other in College, waving, making sure I realize he is there. All my frieds say, he's eather a huge asshole because of lying to me and behaving like he does, or "someone's going to marry real soon". We are both invited to a party on saturday, and I want to now what's going on until than, but I want to give him time to think things over, too! What can I do? What do you think about his behaviour?

Hi there! Since I just had that same situation last week: If you find out she wants to talk about the relationship, the breakup, how to go on and (maybe) getting back together, tell her what you want is honesty, a lot of consideration and thought before she's saying anything at all. The more careful she thinks about what she feels and how to express it, the less chance for you to missunderstand and maybe get you hopes up. Don't drink any alcohol that evening, and if she does: don't take anything she said after her second glass of wine seriously! Good luck!

Hi AB. The thing that worked really well with me was the following diet: During the day, and especially at breakfast time, she should eat very well and what ever she likes. She needs all the vitamins and stuff to go on eating healthy. Try to convince her to eat a warm meal at lunchtime and leave out on warm dinners. Instead, she should only eat fresh fruit and veggies after 4 o'clock in the afternoon. Especially things like cucumbers and peppers, which contain a lot of water, which is needed to get all the rubbish that is implanted in the - now burned - fat out of her body and help her liver and kidneys. What also works good is fresh, cut up pineapple. It starts up the fat-burning process. Grapefruit, eaten like an orange (simply peeled, with all the little papery skins and stuff, no added sugar) needs more energy to be digested than you get from it. Plus it tastes great and it really fills you up. Oat meal is very good for her stomach, in case all the friuty acids should not agree with her. The thing is, all the food you eat is instantly turned into energy in your blood. So, if she eats normally during the day, she will have the energy she needs and does not need to cut down on a brownie or a pice of chocolat. So she will not get frustrated. But if she eats a lot in the evening, before getting to bed, the energy is not needed. So her body will put it "on hold", because it still thinks we are living in caves and the next food might be days to go. She has to trick her body. At the same time she's going to change her eating habits. And she can leave out for one night of the week. Thats ok. But with this diet, I loose over two pund a week, and I feel great while doing it! I miss nothing, but soon I will need another new belt for my fabvourite pair of pants! Good grief!!!

How big is she right now? I am at 200 pounds right now, and - thank god- loosing more of my weight every day. Not only was I uncomfortable with my weight, but it also is a very huge danger for my health. My boyfirend - or former boyfriend- was one of the same great souls you belong to, too. He never put presure on me and always told me I was perfect the way I am. But all that weight is a lot of work for the heart, the inner organs, the skin, ... Tell her you don't care about her changeing, but that you are worried about her health. Tell her that you love her for the person she is and the soul she has, but that if she continues to grow like that, it will be dangerous for her, and so she is cutting down her time on earth (and maybe, if you feel like that for her, even her time with you), and the wonderful person she is is badly needed on this planet. She will definitely think about that. And when she does, offer to help her. Maybe taking her to the gym is a good idea. Or show her some things she can do at home to get a better figure again.

If she isn't inteerested in you just because of your metabolism, than forget her. If she's one of those girls seeing you eat a lot and not thinking about why in hell you eat that much and stay that scinny, she's got the brains of an old piece of toast. Leave out on her and look for someone who tries to get behind your facade. That is where real happiness lies!

I'm with the rest, I have to say. Even though it will be tough for you. But you don't know her side of the story. She might fear the same things you fear. Or almost the same things. She can't be sure that you will not fire her if she doesn't want to get emotionally involved. She might feel guilty towards her former or former to be boyfriend, even though he wants to dump her. She might fear what people in town are going to say about her if she gets more and more involved with you. The only tip I can give you is: be there for her, listen to her and be patient. Try to be the patient, fair, friendly and caring boss, and from there go on to beeing a patient, fair firendly and caring friend of hers. If she doesn't act on it, both of you will still be able to work with each other. Don't wear your heart on your tongue and think really hard about what you want her to know about your feelings and how to express them in order for her to understand them properly. And now I wish you good luck.

You know, I kind of understand that myself. The only real problem is that what I thought we had was not only a big love, but a huge understanding. I have told myself now that I am going to wait until he comes and talks about this with me, but until than I'm gonna grab my friends and have some fun. And maybe he isn't going to be that important to me with time.

Actually, we were together for 10 months before he broke up. The only problem is he never learned to talk about his feelings. I have heard that from a lot of his friends, before, while and especially now, after our relationship. And I told him so, on thuesday. He never said "I love you!" but he said he was sorry he couldn't do it, it just was something no one in his family ever did. I saw him today in the cafeteteria, and he just spread in a huge wide smile when he saw me, but since there where two other people around we didn't talk about us.

Hi WhyMe. First of all: You are a poet! Sorry to say it, but what you write is simply a little over what other fifteen-year-olds would write. Now, You are definitely a very emotional person. And - excuse me- you are 15! What the hell do you think should have happened in the last three years? The love of your live should have knocked on your doorstep and never ever leave you again? Wake up. If you talk the same way you write, the girls will giggle, roll their eyes, turn around, think to themselves: What a jerk! Cute, but definitely a jerk. Ok, and where is a cute guy who can drive a car? Teenage girls are not really into deep conversation and stuff. Be yourself and be someone. Have your own opinion and don't change it every five minutes. TZry out what the girls want to talk about. And did anyone ever tell you that girls might be shy as well? Go out and meet people or try to get a job where you meet a lot of people your age. Be open! Be happy and funny. Take a deep breath and think to yourself: There is going to be a girl who loves me the way I am. And that's it. Nothing more, nothing less. Who knows, might be you already are someones secret dream!

Hi. Eight weeks ago my boyfriend broke up, simply out of the blue. I was quite confused about it, since I had the impression that we were getting closer. When I met his best friend I asked him if they had talked about it, since I didn't want to call my former bf. He told me they had had a talk in November about him breaking up with me and stuff. Now on Thuesday I went to my former bf to tell him I want my stuff back and also so I could get rid of everything I thought of him right to his face. He then told me that what he had in November had been a "two hour flash", which he never thought about again and that he actually was very happy in the relationship , even afterwards. I was very confused by that. I mean, hey, I had thought this guy had been lying to me for at least two months, and now he told me, NO, he didn't play act anything at all, he also had a wonderful New Years celebration and so on and so on, but that he had a dream the night after I left his parents place, in which we had a verbal and physical fight (we never ever fought physically) and afterwards quitted. He said he woke from that dream and decided he had to do something about it. And the next sentence shocked me: He admitted that he grew scared about "Making nails with heads" and "make it something long" and that he fears the commitment. I was shocked. I had by now thought of him as a very mean lier who had claimed to want to built a house with me and stuff, and now he ...???? It doesn't make any sense. I told him in that talk that I don't think he can have a relationship now and he said he doesn't want to have one, but that was before he admitted this. I mean, I am not even sure what to think of him right now. In the beginning of our talk he had told me he actually had just worried about how we would treat each other now, but in the end of our talk he said he had to think about a lot now. I am a bit confused and a little anxious, too.

Thanks Aura seeker! Yes, I know you are right. It's just very confusing. I mean... Look, the guy is that closed up, he can't even say that he loves his godchild. He does, you can figure that out when you hear him talk about how it's treated by his sister in laws parents and stuff. He never even told me "I love you!" when people where with us. But the way he treated me was different. I know this sounds so stupid. I sound like a thirteen year old whos crying after a boy she's snogged at a party! But I am just very very confused. Because he couldn't even tell me he loved me while being with other people. And than he started talking about marrying and children. Sober, and in front of our friends. Even in front of his best friend on the first of january! Our last evening together before he quitted! It doesn't make any sense. As I said before, he only started with the whole marry talk about half a year ago, so... If he thought his feelings were changing, why did he even start talking about stuff like that? He hadn't said anything in that direction the whole time we were together. And i thought, you know, we were getting there. Slowly, of course. I told him that marrying was out of the question until we are both done with school and he still talked about it over and over again. That is what I don't get! If he started thinking about the relationship, why did he start talking so serious? He wouldn't have had to, because he never did before and that was ok. But if he really thought about asking me, well, than how can his feelings change so quickly? And why? As I wrote before, I don't know it. And I start thinking that even if he knows, he's not really gona sink to my feet and explain his self. I will wait until we have both cooled down enough to talk about it. Let's see what will happen when we run into each other. His has to be the first move. And I'm not gonna congratulate him on his birthday tomorrow. All that I want for him is to get his head clear. And eventually recognize that he misses me.