frackledJJ

Hi oneboardus. This sounds exactly like what I have been in 3 years ago. He said it was over, and the next day we were having sex again. That went on for about 8 months. We were not officially together, but we saw each other almost every day and still had sex. Than we got back together. The only problem was that he had had sex with two other girls, claiming (when I found out)that he hadn't been cheating on me because we hadn't officially been together back than. I forgave him and was once more his girlfriend. After another year of being together he started to get really jealus whenever he couldn't be with me, and I started to pay closer attention to my feelings while being or not being with him and found out I hadn't been able to trust him at all in our "second" relationship. I coulnd't bear to be the one who had to explain her actions all the time when he was the one who had chaeted on me and ended the relationship. It hurt a lot, but I didn't want him to have that much power and control over me when I couldn't trust him anymore. So, don't let this guy treat you this way. Talk to him about how you feel and explain that you eitehr want a relationship or no relationship. If that means he can't come over and hang out because you might fall for him, than don't let him come over. It was his decision, he has to live with the consequences. And sex can be even more exciting with a new guy.

Hi bleeder. I think that's what I'll do. Wait for him to come and want to talk. I don't know if you read my other post (I want my boyfriend back...), but I wrote him a letter telling him about the things he said on new years eve and told him how I felt (and still feel). He hasn't answered the letter in any way, but I'm sure he read it and is thinking about it, too. I won't call anyone and wait what happens back in College. But I am sooooooo sad. He is such a great guy. It would be a shame to loose him. Even though he seems not to know what exactly he wants. Thank you for your help!

Hi bleeder. Thanks for the advice. Though I have to say I do not really agree with you. I mean, we have been together for some time, and actually he was the "Let's go slow!"-one in the beginning. This whole "marry" and "house" and "children" thing started in the last almost half year. So I am quite confused about his whole attitude, if I come to think about it. The last five month he was coming closer and closer, emotionally speaking. Planning vacation all of a sudden, correcting me when I said "IF we should marry..." to "when we will marry..." and stuff. I mean, if he didn't want that, why did he start doing it in the first place? And to your suggestion: Sex wasn't the most important part in our relationship. We were being fine watching a movie while cuddling closer under a cover and dozing of while watching. See, the problem is: I feel as if I have been together with someone else. During our relationship he also was my best friend. And I don't recognize him anymore. And he is not using any drugs. I am sure of that. I don't want to call to ask for an explanation. A friend of mine was in a similar situation and called her ex all the time, what only drove him further away, but... I don't want to call his buddy, either, because I know they are very close and he wouldn't hide somethinglike that from him. But right now I am staying with my parents, so I can't accidentally "run" into someone who knows him better or longer or anything. I mean, I don't have to think about it all the time anymore, but I would like to have some idea of what is going on in his head before I have to meet him again. College starts in 3 weeks.

Hi there! Now, about my boyfriend (or ex-bf). We had a wonderful relationship (or I thought so) until about 4 weeks ago. We are both studying and it is a lot of work and stress, so that we both sad we would work through the weeks and see each other only on weekends and occasionally for a short coffee-break during the week. Sometimes I had lessons on saturday, too, so we didn't exacly spend a lot of time with each other. Still we grew very serious the last semester (october - basically january). His roomates even called us husband and wife and he very often started comunications like: "When we will have graduated, wouldn't it be nice if you could work for that company and I could work for this company? Than we could build a house close to my parents place." or "I want our son named Tim. I like short names!" even though we are both 2 and a half years from graduating and I am not even as much as late in my curses. He grew very jealus when I went to the christmas fare with one of his roommates one afternoon. (all weekend long I had to listen to: We could have gone there and there, but I couldn't ask you if you wanted. YOU had gone to the christmas fare with Chris.) We (my bf and me) went to a very romantic christmas fare some 2 hours away the next weekend, just to get into the christmas mood and so on and so on. One weekend we were invited to a party at one of my friends. While waiting for the bus, he asked me if I knew what this was between the two of us. I thought for a while and told him I thought it was love. He grinned, gave me a short kiss and said Well, I don't know. I guess it's something like love-hate. We can't do with each other and we can't do without.". That was about the only hint that his feelings might not be what they seemed or might have changed that he ever gave. He invited me over for New Years eve and I spent three nights at his paretns house, getting to know all his family (uncles, aunts, his older siblings with spouses and kids and his two younger siblings) and he seemed to be very proud and told me he was happy they all seemed to like me so much. The first night, after walking home from a winter barbeque at his friends, he sang love songs to me in bed before we had sex. The second night (new years eve), we were both really drunk. When we walked home he told me he would follow me everywhere. OK, the next morning he admitted that he couldn't even remember if he had thrown up or not, but that is only one more reason for me to think that he is not really sure about what he is doing. The third evening we were at a party again. One of his friends had her birthday and announced that she was going to marry her boyfriend, so he had to drink to her and her boyfriend. On our way home he appologized for being so drunk again and that he would love to have sex with me but that he was to drunk. The next day I had to drive home again and he told me that he was sorry for all that stess (his mom had her birthday and he had been very busy helping her in between sleeping and going out, always insisting that I should simply sit and do nothing, I was a guest) and that he hadn't been able to care for me properly. When school started again we both had a cold and agreed that we wouldn't want to see each other until the cold was over, in case it wasn't the same cold. Our tests were coming up and we both couln'd afford to have another cold. Than we both had to study and write our tests and we only called each other now and than. Than, on wednesday, he called to ask when my test would be the next day and told me he wanted to come over after his test (which was a lie. His test was in the morning, not in the afternoon, as he told me). Well, he came over - and quitted. With the following reason: He likes me more than just a damn lot, but his feelings are not deep enough for a relationship anymore. He wouldn't want to playact anymore, and he wanted to still be able to look into my eyes. I told him that I thought I had to accapt this. But what I don't get: I know how he acts when he is drunk. He is always very honest than. For example, he would never tell me that he was jealous while being sober, but he always told me that when he was drunk. In a very nice way, not angry or anything, he just told me so. So now, on all these nights around new years he told me the nicest things. Told me when we would marry, he'd like to marry in his home town, because the church is so much nicer and stuff. Told me that all his former girlfriends (we saw a few at the party on new years eve) were not equal to me, and so on and so on. I know I want him back, because I know I really love him, but that's another post. But can anyone give me a clue as to what he thinks or what the hell he's going through? Any guy perhaps who's been in a similar situation? I would be very happy if anyone could help me understand his actions. Thank you!

Hi Joanne. Well, I guess your situation is pretty frustrating for you. What I would do, though... Well, try to behave normally towards him and keep meeting/dating with him. You mentioned that he hints to you that he wants more than just a friendship with you. when he does hint again, ask for an explanation / what exactly he means. Or ask him how he thinks the other girl would act if she had heard what he just said to you. You know him best, you know best how to ask him. And than watch his reaction. Is he embarrassed? Can he look into your eyes while answering "Oh, nothing, just a joke!" or can't he? Act on the feelings his behaviour just than created and... good luck! I hope this helps you a bit! A hug from one confused to the next! FrackledJJ

Hi! My boyfriend quitted after 10 months of a wonderful relationdship. We were very close (knew were we wanted to build our house when being done with college, talking about the names of our would-be children...). We had a wonderful new years eve and he was very romantic (while being drunk, ok! But he had difficulties expressing his feelings while sober. He isn't that outgoing). The next three weeks we couldn't see each other. And than he quitted, saying he liked me more than a damn lot, but his feelings are not deep enough for a relationship anymore and he doesn't want to playact anymore. I am totally confused, since in december he started all these discussions about having kids and where to live and stuff. I was ok with it, because I know he is the right guy for that, but I thought it very fast. I didn't tell him that, of course. Still, I would be able to understand that. But I know him very well, and I know how he acts when he is drunk. He always tells the truth, than. I have heard things that were far less nice than what he told me new years eve. I wrote him a letter telling him what he did and how I feel. He didn't answer until now (three weeks since he got the letter, five since he quitted) and I don't think he will. In three weeks we both are back in school and I want to know how to behave towards him in order to get him back and make it last, because he is a real great guy. I just think he was growing scared of his own feelings. What do you think? And what should I do? Thanks for any help in the matter!