herewegoagain

Thanks to all for responding. To clarify - I had a big talk with her about all of this a few days ago. She knows how I feel. She cried a little and seemed to really open up about how she is falling in love with me, etc. But the next day, she goes back to her old ways - indifferent, acting like she could care less, etc

Honey Pumpkin - she said basically the same as you - that since she works full time, she only has Saturdays to do her errands. I agree, but we don't see each other until 7:00 or 8:00 at night. As far as sundays, we only spend a couple of hours in the evening together, hardly ever the afternoon, and not every Sunday, just maybe every other Sunday.

Well, been in relationship for six months. We are in our mid thirties. Things are going fine. I had some concerns over the past few months (which I posted about), but things are going well now, except... I just have this feeling in my gut that she is not into me as I am into her. I just feel like she doesn't care for me as much as I would like to believe. She seems so indifferent about things. For example, I complained to her the other day that sometimes I feel like I'm single because even though we go out every Friday and Saturday night, we have only spent 2 Saturday afternoons together since we have been dating in these 6 months. She says she is busy doing errands, etc. Also, I feel in my gut that if we broke up I don't even think she would care, or only care slightly. My gut tells me that I should walk away, but it's hard because I really care for her, we have a great time together, etc. But my gut tells me that I make her the number one priority in my life, while I feel like I am second or third on her list. Also, since I had t to bring it up my concerns first, now any changes that she makes will make me feel like she is doing things only because I mentiioned it first. For example, she said yesterday how she has something special planned for me this weekend. And that she already had it planned before I expressed my concerns to her. I'm not sure if I believe her. I can't sleep at night because this whole realtionship is driving me crazy. She says how much she cares about me, but my gut tells me she doesn't, even though she is good to me, etc. Should I go with my gut, or is there more to it? I'm so confused. Help!!

Man, I hate to be harsh but you need to quit thinking about when you are going to contact her. You are very obsessive with all this. I know it is hard, but you have to leave her alone. I was dumped a couple of years ago, and I always wanted to contact her, but I realized that it is NOT a good idea. Please, Please, Please - leave her alone. Do not contact her EVER!!! Only communicate with her if SHE initiates. You must listen to us here on this forum. But you seem to ignore us. Quit obsessing about when you are going to contact her. Leave her alone!!!!!!!!! She does not want to be with you. Accept it and move on.

Strict Nc!!!!

Well, I know it is going to be very hard to do, but do not bug him about where things are going or about putting a label on your "relationship." Just let it happen, and eventually he may come around. It's only been a month - give it time. The worst thing you can do right now is to keep on bringing it up. He sounds like a guy who doesn't want to be pushed.

Well, I've been reading all over the net about how kegels will help men last longer, have a harder erection, etc. But in all the articles I have read, none of them tell you how and when to use the kegel (hold the pc muscle during sex). Am I supposed to squeeze the pc muscle during sex while I am still thrusting in her? Or should I stop and pull out and then squeeze the pc muscle? Do I sueeze it occasionally during intercourse, like once every minute? Quick squeezes? Long squeezes? Anyone know? Please help.

That's OK about breaking NC. Start over. Of course it hurts now, and you will just have to take it one day at a time. I'm telling you - work out, and get in great shape. It will do wonders for you. It really helped me - it gave me something to do. It was hard to do but I made it a daily routine to go to the gym. I met a lot of woman, and my confidence went up.

But I'm telling you - if you thought objectively, I think you would realize she was not meeting your needs. And if you were not happy deep down, then you might be better off. It's hard now because it just happened, and your whole world has been messed up; you have a whole different routine now, and a different life. Which in my opinion, your new life will be better. Better without her, and beter with someone who really cares about you.

Well, you are definitely doing the right thing by doing NC. Stay strong!! Do not give in to him - Do not let him string you along anymore.

Trust me - you WILL get over it. I wish I was 25 again, LOL. You will find someone better who will want to be with you, and make you a priority in her life. Your ex did not care much about spending time with you - keep that in mind. Could you really be with someone who doesn't want to be with you and spend time with you? I couldn't. And deep down, you know you wouldn't want to either. I know it's hard to think objectively right now, but try!!

So how old are you? How long have you been dating him? why the break up?

Hey man. I felt like you do a couple of years ago. I felt awful, couldn't eat, sleep, etc. It is the worst feeling in the world to get dumped. I know many guys who are tough and macho, but who have dwindled down to crying, losing weight, missing work, etc. My point is - all this is normal what you are going through. You MUST MUST MUST stick to NC. Nothing you say or do to her will help - NOTHING. IT DOES GET BETTER - I PROMISE. How old are you? I'm sure you have plenty of time to find new love. And to be honest, you may get your heart broken again, but that's part of life. I've had my heart broken many times (I am in my 30's), but I have learned from things. So you too should learn from this. Time will heal you. And stick with the gym and workout the best you can. That's what I did. I FORCED myself to join the gym and I got in great shape, and had plenty of other woman interested in me. Then I didn't give a crap about my ex. Get in shape, get your confidence back, and you will be back in the saddle - it just takes time.

Good Luck - Hope to be of help. A lot of us have been through all these hard times before, so hopefully, we can be here for you.

shes2smart - good points!! Thanks. So maybe she isn't really into me. Which is my whole concern on my other posts from yesterday.

Well, I 'm just saying that I think the toy is affecting the INTIMACY part of our relationship.

cordelia - I can just sense when she has just used it. For example, she was in the bath the other night when i callled, and it took her a while to call me back. To make it clear - she doesn't mention how she uses it. She only mentioned it once when she actually told me how her old one is worn out so she had to get a new one. She also said that she still uses a toy, but not as much as she used to (which I don't believe) BTW - we only talked about the whole toy thing once. She does not bring it up anymore, neither do I. It just bothers me because we don't get intimate much, and I think her toy is the reason.

I agree with Dawn. Get the test done, and then dump her; no matter what the test result is.

Yes, I do feel her toy is affecting our intimacy. She is relying on that more than with me. We only get intimate once during the weekend, and never on weeknight. And I feel it is because she is using her toy too much. BTW - I always make sure she is pleased when we do it.

That sure is a tough situation that you are in. If that was me, I would leave her. Will you ever be able to fully trust her again? NO. Will you ever forget this? NO It's hard, but she is not worth staying for. Move on. You will find someone else who will always be faithful to you. How old are you?

Ilse - good point again, and thanks. I know how I am though. I will not put up with this forever. Something has got to give. I was thinking about talking to her tonight, but not sure if I'm ready yet.

Ilse - excellent point about the other problems about my realtionship. Thanks for making me realize that. There are other concerns in my relationship that I should focus on. Thanks for remembering my previous posts. Much appreciated.

Well, my gf's use of her "toy" is really bothering me lately, as I have posted about it a couple of days ago. Well what really bothers me is this: I think my gf uses it way too much. And I'm worried because I heard from another post that if a woman uses it too much, they get so used to it, that it's the only way they can get satisfied. Is that true? Will this hurt our sex life? Also, I think she uses the toy way more than she uses me. We only get "close" about once a week (and I see her 3-4 days a week). And NEVER on weeknights. I think (am pretty sure) she uses the "toy" almost every weeknight, and even more. Should I be concerned?

Momene - I only live a half hour from her. But even when I do see her on a weeknight, we barely kiss. And when I go home, she uses her toy. I just know she does that. That's what is messed up - she waits til I leave then does it to herself. Also, sometimes when I am with her, i feel like she just wants me to leave so she can get on with her business. Well, the more you all respond and the more I post, the more I think I should walk away.

Just to be clear to all - I think it is perfectly fine for woman to use "toys", especuially when not in a relationship, or in a dry spell, as Cordelia stated. But when in a realtionship, it is selfish and ridiculous to use a toy ALOT MORE than your significant other. And that is why I have a problem with it - How would she like it if I had a toy and used it WAY MORE than being with her. Selfish and Ridiculous Cordelia - -I did mention to her that I wanted to join in on the fun with her toy, but she just laughed and shrugged it off. that figures.