herewegoagain

Scout - well I'm not hung up on her toys, but it would be nice for at least once in a while on a weeknight to "do it". And no, she does not give me any mind blowing action yet. Also, whenever we do get intimate, I always make sure she "finishes" by other means than actual; intercourse. And no, she doesn't always mention how she uses her toy. this is just from one time when she said how much she uses it - very regularly. And that's what I'm worried about - she is so used to using the toy. I just know she does it almost everynight. I just know. In fact I know she was doing it last night, because she said she was in the bath for about 40 minutes, and I know that is where she does it. I think she is almost addicted to the darn thing, and that is why her older toy is worn out. that is fine if you are single, but when you are in a realationship, I think what she is doing is ridiculous. It seem to be all about her needs, not mine. AND IM SURE A LOT OF YOU LADIES WILL DISAGREE WITH THIS. i DON'T THINK IT IS RIGHT BECAUSE IT CAUSES OUR SEX LIFE TO SUFFER. THATS WHEN IT IS A PROBLEM!!! And you are right, if I was with her everyday (married) I will still probably feel distant from her. I'm really seeing what a selfish person she is. This is miserable and I can't stand it much longer. I'm so sick of acting like thihgs are OK with us, when deep down i think it sucks. I'm tired of forcing muself to put on my happy face.

Scout - thanks for your input. I was hoping you would chime in. Your opinions are always well grounded, and make a lot of sense. Yes, I am afraid to dump her because I will be 40 sonner than I think, and I don't want to be alone. I guess I'm hoping she will change, but i guess she will not. I also feel bad because I think the way she acts is normal to her. she doesn't even see the way she is. And honestly, I can really see why she is still single. I wish I had the guts to walk away now, but I just want to be sure about it first. And as far as being intimate, she uses her "toy" very regularly, probably everynight. that is fine, but it sure would be nice for her to call me and say, "come over, I want to be with you and get "busy" together." Instead, she plops the toy in her instead. Like I said before, we haven't been intimate on a weeknight yet. I think she would rather do it to herself, especially on a weeknight. what a mess!!!! This whole thing is really making me sick!!!

cordelia - When you said that she is aware of the fact about her past bf who said that she doesn't pay enough attention to him - Well, she said that she can't understand why they said that. So in other words, she is not aware that she may have been the problem in her past relationships - like she is now. And no, I really don't think she will change. And as far as saying "I love you," - if I said it, I'm not confident that she would say it back. I think she would just say thanks, but not really reply. Well, thanks for your support. I hope things will be good for you in the future.

KellBell - well actually, SHE was the one who brought up how we should spend more time together. She said this abouttwo months ago, but nothing has really changed. that's why I can't figure her out - she says something like that but doesn't act on it. And yes - you are so right - she cares the least, and she is the one in control. But eventually, I will get sick of it and will walk away, or just not care as much anymore - and just go with the flow and get some "action" now and then. Either way, something has got to give.

Cordelia - WOW - what you said in your last post is the same idea as with my gf. My gf is horrible at communicating things to me. She always seems very indifferent about things between us. Also, I told her the other night that there are a lot of things that I would love to tell her, good things, but I told her that I really don't think she would want to hear those things. She said she felt bad that I felt that way. Now if that was me, I would have cared enough to ask - "Well what do you want to say to me?" Of course, she didn't even hint at asking anything like that. Like I say - just so darn INDIFFERENT. No, she never said "I love you" and I haven't said it to her either. She has said how much she cares about me, etc, but not the L word. Also, I will not say the L word first because I'm so sick and tired of being the one who talks about how much I care for her, etc. In fact, I really sometimes become passive aggressive with her. I;m not giving compliments to her as much anymore, etc. The other night she said "I miss you" and Ididn't say it in return. I'm just so sick of acting like I am fine when I'm with her. I'm putting up a front like everything is OK, but it is not. Sooner or later, I will have to walk away if things don't change.

Cordelia - did you break up with him? Was it hard to do?

Thanks to all for your replies. I did mention to her that I think that she would rather be alone, but she said that is not true - that she wants to spend more time with me. But again, actions speak louder.... Also, I told her once that maybe she would rather just go back to dating me casually - just once on the weekend, not phone calls everynight, just occasional phone calls. She said no, that she wants to keep it as bf/gf and be serious. I don't know - it's like I just can't put my finger on it, but something is wrong!!! I am really miserable - I cried a lot this weekend. I feel so down about it. Ilse - YES - she did have some long term relationships - one she said the guy was very jealous and manipulative, and a couple other of her previous bf told her how she doesn't spend much with them, so they ended it. (Which I may do, even though I don't want to, but this is tearing my heart out.)

Dnozzle - i'm not sure what you are saying when you said that I don't have intimacy with her at all.. what do you mean? Also, I don't want to be too clingy or needy to her. That's why I don't want to really tell her how I feel. Should I just wait to see how it goes? Should I just go with the flow? Am I being too serious with her, considering it's only been 5 months? thanks for replying

Momene - you are so right - I am not the center of her life. But she is the center of mine. How can I cahange my attitude to not make her the center of my life? Also, should I maybe be more aloof, such as telliing her I can't see her because I have to do something else, etc. Or is this just stupid games? I just don't know what to do.

No she has had other realtionships. I do remember her telling me how her previous bf's always told her that she doesn't pay enough attention to him. When she told me that, I was thinking, "I can definitely see that because that's the way I feel." I didn't say it out loud though. Thing is, I don't even think she knows she is like this.

Well, i found out yesterday that she has one, and she was joking about how she had to get a new one because her old one is worn out. This concerns me because we only get to see each other once during the week, and on the weekends. BUT, we are only intimate about once in the weekend and that's it!!! We are never intimate when we see each other on the weeknight - never. This is not normal to me. Usually, when a couple is together for the first 5 months as we are, we should be "doing it" a lot more. In fact, she indirectly mentioned how she was in the bath for about a half hour last night, and that she was using the toy. And I told her I would like to watch her do that and be a part of her toy experience, but she just kind of laughed. But I told her I was serious, and still she just shrugged it off. Here's the problem - I will see her tomorrow night - and I know she will not be interested in getting intimate. That's why I'm concerned about this "toy" thing.

Want to delete now. thanks to all who replied.

MissyM - Of course I do, but it isn't with an object.

MissyM - yes, but your last post seemed to indicate how good the "Rabbit" is. I guess I'm kind of insecure about this issue, because I think my gf probably has one, and just a little insecure or freaked out about it.

Agent - Yes I do. But I was wondering because the girl toys are so sophisticated that it may be better than a real guy.

need2beme - see my above post i just edited

need2bme - that was a pretty sad question, wasn't it? LOL. Well, just worrying about my male ego. Oh well. In all seriousness though, I was wondering because mu gf and I are only intimate about once a week. And I figured she may be using something else all lthe time instead of me. Who knows.

Well I'm curious. For example, if my girlfriend had one (i'm not sure if she does), is the "toy" better than a guy's real thing? Now I'm kind of worried, lol.

Some woman friends of mine (in their mid 30's) were joking an talking about how most woman have sex toys. Is that true?

Well, just let her be. Remember, there is nothing you can say or do to change her mind. It's up to her. You can't make someone love you. Let her come around on her own time, if ever. Meanwhile, strict NC.

Syrix - this is pretty much all she talks about. she talks about people at work or even unecessary details about her friend's jobs and lives. UGH!! Usually, she is pretty silent if not talking about that stuff. For example, last night on the phone, she was pretty quiet, and all of a sudden, started talking about her friend's job and another friends's grandma, etc. And she went on and on.....

Annie - I can see that you understand my concerns. I really never tried to change the subject to something serious because I don't feel she wants to talk about anything serious. But you are right - she talks about nothing of substance between us. BUT, she does talk about important issues with OTHER peoples relationships. Like problems they are having with boyfriends, etc.

Syrix - your list is exactly what she talks about. BTw, we are both in our mid 30's.

Well - just for clarification - I don't bring "us" up hardly ever. Only a few times in five months. Just about different things - nothing too heavy. For example, I've never brought up marriage or anything like that. And I still haven't told her I love her or anything that serious. I guess what REALLY bothers me is that she talks about people I don't even know - I try to act interested, but it's hard sometimes.

dnozzle - good point - I will just let it go and have fun with her. Maybe she will bring "us" up on her own time.