Paradise

Write her a note telling her how you feel. Be light - not heavy or deep, but you also have to establish a time to communicate other then while you both are working. She won't be ready to commit yet since she just ended a long relationship, so don't expect more than friendship or dating at this point. Good luck

Flirting can be harmless, and a girls low self-esteem will be the cause. If she is just looking for attention without 'cheating' then it may not be that bad of a thing. However, I would not want to get involved with someone with low self-esteem. Other relationship problems will arise in the long term. I am a girl, and have flirted in the absense of my boyfriend, but I have have learned since then to be confident and my self-esteem is not low anymore. I think this is a warning sign. Some girls grow out of it and realize they are special and unique and loving without the constant attention of a guy. Your guy friends that have not flirted in the absense of thier girlfriend are well balanced - good for you for picking your friends. But there are guys out there that would do the same as these two girls. I don't think it's a gender specific thing - just a self-esteem and balanced thing. John Gray's book, "How to get what you want and want what you have" is a good read for this type of issue. I love it - it talks about filling your needs appropriately too. All my best

As soon as you end a relationship one of the best things you can do for yourself is date other people... not sleep with other people - but date. Go out, meet new guys, enjoy yourself. If your ex calls you one day out of the blue and says he would like to see you, go! Explore it! Waiting for someone else to 'make' you happy is the worst thing you can do. You are the only one responsible for your feelings. Just remember to be honest... tell those that you date (if they are starting to get serious) that you are still trying to let go, emotionally, of your ex. If they are nice guys, they will respect that and continue to enjoy your company until you tell them you are ready to commit to them. It's hard to let go, but you make it harder if you don't accept that perhaps it was never meant to be. Just don't close yourself off from the world... your heart will feel like it's breaking more and more.

Mustangdood - You sound sincere - so definitely explore it. You won't know if it's the challenge that attracts you, or if it's her, unless you spend more time with her. And the flirting thing on/off, it's just a cover to remind herself that she is not 'easy'. It's a crappy feeling to a girl if a relationship starts because she gave you enough hints. She wants to be wanted because of her - not because she lured you in. The cold shoulder is not necessarily a message to you that it's never going to happen, but you won't know for sure unless you check things out. Let me know how things go... and good luck

The replies are helpful... thank you Jamiegirl for confirming what I think was right. And I hope you don't lose hope with that 11 year old and Brie. My favorite line that helps children not personalize their anger towards you is to tell them "that behaviour is not acceptable" - instead of just telling them not to do something. How you word the instructions can help children look more clearly at the right and wrong of something, it can be more effective if we say it with a worldly perspective - then they don't blame the deliverer so much. I actually have told the 9 year old ahead of time what to expect, and reinforced that I will do everything I can to make him happy - and I also won't take unacceptable behaviour. Turns out he wants to go swimming today - so we are leaving soon to go to the public pool. I think he gets it... it's just a slow process. And thanks too Themegchan I appreciate your advise. I can only do what I know is right... All my best

My first thought was that she respects you. You must be a wonderful guy if she can still confide in you and seem to enjoy the times she can talk to you. Looks to me like she likes your friendship (which is a wonderful thing). Are you trying to get back together? I wouldn't. Don't get hung up - date other girls and enjoy yourself, and most of all enjoy the fact that you are the kind of person that this former girlfriend can still appreciate. If she wants to get back together with you, she will tell you, and then you decide what you want to do from there. Don't think too much about it until then - it may never happen. Hat's off to you for being a genuine caring guy!

I know it's not my responsibility to discipline someone else's son, but if I am house-sitting/babysitting for 5 days while they are travelling, is it ok for me to take away his video game if he throws a temper tamtrum? It feels so awkward and he hates me, but he is 9 years old and behaves the way his parents allow him to. Am I really helping the situation or just hurting my relationship with him? It feels like such a tight spot to be in. I have my own children too, so I feel I know what I am doing, it just feels confusing when it's not your own. Any advise?

Confidence is something you feel when faced with a challenge. The challenge could be anything you desire. If you desire a good job, first understand what you are good at and go after it without doubting your abilities. If you desire to have a certain girl as a girlfriend, don't doubt your personal qualities. Always remind yourself of your good characteristics and personality traits. The best way to have and maintain confidence is to know yourself - and talk positively to yourself about your mistakes. No one ever achieved big things without major screw-ups along the way. Others will notice this about you when you offer advise, solve problems, make jokes and pick yourself up when you fall. Just be careful not to be sarcastic or overly arogant, always be kind. Kindness and confidence go hand in hand.

This is a tricky situation in deed... I can understand how you can be confused one way or the other. But you have to remember that respecting her is the best way to handle things. It will be very easy to do or say things you may regret later if you don't remember to respect her wishes. If she still enjoys your company - and it seems like she does if she danced in the rain with you - then enjoy that and respect that she has her reasons for saying it's over. The best you can do is be the best you can be. Don't look for a miracle thing to say or do - just remember that if this 'Alex' dude doesn't keep her happy, she will always remember how you treated her - with respect. Respect means not forcing her to give you closure. Closure is over-rated. It's 'closed' when two people decide to move on. If you want to keep the doors open, then be her friend. No love can last without that anyway. It will be hard, I can tell you that, but occupy your time by dating other girls (not sleeping with them - just dating) - have fun, because you never know if this break up happened because there is someone better suited for you out there. And I suggest that you don't fall into the trap of depending on just her to make you happy. No one can do that but you. Sure you can let her know that you still love her, but finish off the sentence with "and I always will no matter what you choose to do". This will show her the maturity of your love, and will enable opportunities to spend wonderful times with her - even if it's just on a friendly level. Don't be doormat, just wait, love, be free and keep on looking. All my best... T.

Hi - that's a good question... and easily answered... a woman can get wet and slimy (not so much sticky) down there when she is turned on.. not necessarily only when she 'comes'. You will know when you come because of the intense feeling that comes with it - you get very sensitive down there and the lips are much larger. If you don't know if you did - then you didn't. But don't be discouraged, the good feelings that men have with an orgasm is not so necessary for a woman in order to enjoy herself. Don't get me wrong, and orgasm is awesome, but it's just less frequent for a girl, unless he really knows what he is doing. You will understand how it works better if you masterbate. It's healthy, so experiment alone before you make your boyfriend feel responsibile for something you don't quite understand yourself. Good luck

Well my immediate thoughts were that you are a noble man, otherwise you would not have the courage and innitiative to look at, and inside yourself in this way. First of all, do not be hard on yourself. That get's you no where. Making mistakes is the best part of life.... because when we stop learning we stop living. Enjoy your errors as a reminder that you are alive and growing. If you try to avoid mistakes, you might as well visit a graveyard and hang out there. Jump in life with both feet and welcome new experiences. Secondly, do not discourage yourself by thinking you set false or superficial standards. Everyone has their likes and dislikes. And if you force yourself to be with someone who serves a purpose in proving to yourself that you are balanced and not superficial, than you may end up resenting that person for swaying you away from your true desire or dream girl. That being said, keep in mind that every girl out there is different, do not try to categorize them. Your 'special' person is growing and learning too, and a cosmetolegist this year may not be a cosmetologist in 5 years. What you fall in love with is not her occupation, it's her heart. Once you get to know her better you will be in a better position to decide if she is peaceful, joyful, loving and inspirational. If you are driven professionally, you may need a girl who supports that without necessarily being the same. The best support can come from someone who doesn't require the same from you, but rather a different kind of energy. The give and take from both sides need not be the same type. Actually, most successful relationships I have witnessed are those that have different professional drives. Business-like ambitions may require an emotional-driven mate. They balance eachother out. Enjoy your date tonight as a gift from above (or whatever you believe to be the higher-power). Because even if you decide not to date her again, you have experienced something that teaches you about yourself. Knowing yourself is the key to personal success and professional success. Learn, laugh and love without being afraid. You will have fun based on your attitude, but you will fall in love based on the unique qualities she has to offer. Listen to her and listen to yourself. Be true to you and continuously seek your hearts desire. All my best, T.

Hi there - I feel for you - I have been there. And what I have learned is that the guy who leaves you feeling confused will always leave you feeling confused. Even if he satisfies your emotional need today, tomorrow he may leave you confused again. Confusion is a good sign that he is not being honest - consistency is a good sign. If you feel good about it and then bad about it... it probably won't change. If you remain in this relationship the roller coaster of emotions will most likely continue. A good match leaves you feeling peaceful. If you have a hard time letting go, just start dating other men. You learn about yourself when you date around (not sleeping around). The peacefullness will come when it is right. He's not the only fish in the sea - go fishing - have fun!

When you ever feel as though you are not getting what you need, you are ALWAYS looking in the wrong direction. Everything you need in life and love are available to you, you just have to have the courage to clarity to go get it. Understand your souls desire and maintain a balance of support, from friends, to family, to peers, to dependants, to spirituality, to fun, to relationships and to yourself. If you are not taking time to honor each of these areas of support, you will always find yourself 'needy'. All my best, T.

Hi there, First of all - let start with what stood out the most for me when I read your post. When a girl is labelled a 'tease' it doesn't necessarily mean she is a cold difficult girl or someone who just wants attention. Most of time (and I am a girl who has been called a tease before so I know what I am saying) she is looking to have her ego boosted just as you were when you went out with the girl you didn't really like too much. She could very possibly be shy and doesn't know how to let you know she is interested without words. She smiles a lot, and hopes you keep noticing her because it is not our place (typically) to make the first move. These little things she does to get your attention are ways for her to feel attractive for her own self-esteem too. So - that being said, let's consider your situation. I don't think getting involved with someone at work is a good idea, but so have I, and I understand how much safer it feels than meeting someone at a bar or something. You know them better, and so like them more. But if you must continue a pursuit at work, be honorable first! Don't make your work environment uncomfortable. You must talk to the girl you slept with and appologize for sleeping with her when you weren't yet sure if this was going to be a lasting relationship. Rumors can kill you - so be a man, and tell her she is wonderful and special and it was nice, but that you don't feel enough of a kind of 'soulmate' connection to be more than friends. I know it sounds typical, but girls like to hear that you would like to be her friend because she is cool, funny, nice, sweet, yada yada yada. Her ego is just as sensitive as yours, or even more so. Do your best to maintain a nice friendship with her, or you won't get any closer to the girl that you really like. Girls talk, and more importantly, you don't need to be snubbed when you are trying to feel good about this other girl. It will affect your confidence. So this other girl that you really like...if she seems to be playing a game, she is most likely waiting to see if you are in this for the game or if you really think she is special. What she needs right now is to know that you are different from other guys. My favorite thing to get is a message from a guy in a written note with song lyrics. Pick a song that expresses something about a girl being breathtaking and angelic or something. Write it down and start the note by saying this song was playing and you were thinking of her. Write the lyrics and express how she makes you want to be a better man or something. She needs to know you see her as above and beyond any other girl. Tell her you think about her before you go to sleep - add in something about taking things slow because you are nervous to mess it up with her. A girl likes humility, sincerity (and I am just helping you express it - because you must already be sincere if you care enough to post this) and uniqueness. When you get another date, ask her about herself a lot. Her family, her friends, her hobbies, what she likes to do on her free time, her fears.... the more she expresses about herself, the more she will feel a connetion with you. Be a good listener. Anyway, I hope things work out for you. Don't ever beat yourself up for mistakes. We all make them, and beating yourself up is not productive. You will always remain feeling negative if you don't stop beating yourself up. Say to yourself... 'ok I have learned and I will not do that again and so now I am smarter'. Keep moving forward and be happy about what you learn on the way. Ask for forgiveness and then forgive yourself. Don't try to be perfect. All my best, Tammie