poorlittlefish

I've tried dating guys with young children and even though they haven't been the primary caregiver, they were rarely available. They'd often cancel due to something or other happening with one of the kids or they had things they had to take them to, go watch etc. If you've got all this stuff going on, it makes it very difficult for someone else to slot into your life. He's probably putting the onus on you to make arrangements because his time isn't restricted like yours is and he figures it's easier than suggesting something and you saying you're busy. For me, asking someone to make plans that you know you likely won't be able to make is unfair. Can you not get someone to mind the kids at a regular time so he's assured that any plans he makes will go ahead? Definitely talk to him, but don't expect him to do all the compromising.

Or listen to the podcast - both are brilliant. It is a very scary but TRUE story. You may have "accidentally" picked up his phone, but you didn't accidentally scroll through his photos or read his messages. Instinct told you something wasn't right about this guy and you were right. Your answer to him is simple: "No".

His kid is only with you 50% of the time. Your kid and the one you have with this guy are with you 100% of the time, so common sense would dictate that their needs must be prioritised. My impression of your partner is that he is unwilling to compromise or be fully committed to your relationship. I'm in the UK and property everywhere has been selling like hot cakes. Maybe he's declining reasonable offers so he can keep on at you until he gets everything his own way?

It doesn't sound like anyone was out of line. You inadvertently said something that could be interpreted sexually, you stopped yourself, those involved took it with good humour and your supervisor started over in order to return the situation to a professional footing. Either you are reading too much into this or what you said wasn't as accidental as you claim.

You must have some transferrable skills, right? If so, highlight them on your CV and tailor it so that prospective employers understand that, while you do not have experience in their particular field, you have the skills and aptitude that would easily move across. This is what I've always done and it's served me well. If you just have a generic CV that you send to everyone, they will pass you by in favour of someone whose CV appears more relevant. I used to work in social housing and now I work in a veterinary hospital (I changed at the age of 42). Someone I've just hired has spent a career in hotels. I've done it, she's done it and so can you.

Making one ill-judged, off the cuff remark doesn't render someone abusive. Your dad's comment was thoughtless, but you said he meant it as a joke and it came out wrong. There are lots of kids who grow up with parents who won't allow them to date, especially people from certain religions or cultures. It often means that kids find a way to date behind their parents' backs (I speak from experience). If you choose not to accept your dad's apology and feel that your parents are exerting too much control over you then, as an adult, you should choose to leave home. It will mean having to live in the real world by paying your own expenses, but you will also be making your own decisions.

Make sure you have recorded dates, times, witnesses and details of each event. You have already gone down the informal route by speaking to the woman in person. I don't know which country you're in, but in the UK you should raise a grievance against this employee so that the matter can now be formally investigated.

If this friend is so bothered about the expense of catering for one person who can't stay the whole evening, then you could offer to reimburse her. I think that by attending until you have to go to your job you've been quite reasonable. It's not like you're the only one going to the party, so it's unlikely your departure is going to make any difference to her enjoyment.

This guy may have told you he no longer has a crush on the girl, but he was lying to you, to himself or both. He was wooing her with the meal and whatever else you don't know about. He was keeping you as a back-up plan and when you called him out he decided you were too much of an inconvenience. The fact he refused to have you share their cosy dinner confirms that his intentions were not innocent. You are well rid of him.

Whether consciously or subconsciously, I wonder if you went to him to get your boyfriend back. You could have talked to a female friend or someone you've never slept with, but you went to him and surprise, surprise, something happened. Now he's in the position of having cheated on his girlfriend, or least behaved very inappropriately. How do you think she would feel if she knew he is friends with someone he's had sex with and that her boyfriend sneaks off for intimate chats/kissing sessions? Fix things with your boyfriend if you want, or leave him. Keep this other man well out of the mess, particularly his girlfriend who's done nothing to deserve it.

It's normally to feel really awful when a relationship ends, but with time you feel better. You have had lots of times in your life when you've felt extremely anxious etc and you got over them, right? This is no different. As for you "can't" be with anyone else, you know that's not true. You can be with whomever you wish, but it's a choice whether or not you do. Having been in a relationship with someone who regularly made me feel anxious and depressed, it was only by leaving him that I realised how much better I felt without him. You will too.

Other than at the start of a relationship I've never been interested in sex once or twice a week (I'm female). If I met someone like you, I'd be perfectly happy because our libidos would match. There's nothing wrong with you. Not everybody has to want sex often; everyone is different.

I never get naked photos in my Twitter feed, so your boyfriend is presumably making a choice to follow women who post these photos. It's also your boyfriend's choice to look at them while you're around, but that doesn't make it right. If he has to do it at all, then he can make do it when you're not in his company so as not to be so disrespectful and upset you. At the same time, you can decide that this is not the sort of behaviour you want from someone who's supposed to be in a relationship with you and you can make the choice to end it. Just because you're boyfriend is doing something you're uncomfortable with, it doesn't mean you have to put up with it.

This guy was keeping you around for when he didn't have anything else to do. The plane ticket was BS. It's good you've broken up with him; I doubt he was too bothered because you were just convenient for him and little more.

Does this guy have a job? If he is able to carry out the tasks that keep him in employment, then he is able to carry out tasks that keep his relationship intact. I don't see there can be any more anxiety involved in picking clothes up from the floor than there is in getting to work on time, attending meetings or calling clients etc. The more you enable the behaviour, the more it will continue. If you say to him that he will need to do his own laundry if he doesn't pick his clothes up, then you need to mean it and follow through without exception. I say all this from my experience of being with someone who had ASD and anxiety.

Unfortunately I got that abuse for not having replied at all! This is happening on Match, a paid-for site, but I've had it on PoF too. I think that blocking those I'm not interested in might be the safest way to go.

When I got messages from men I wasn't attracted to, I used to send a polite reply. They usually live too far away, so it'd be something like "Thanks for your message (and kind words, if they'd given me a compliment). Unfortunately I'm looking for someone more local, so I wish you all the best with finding someone nice." Sometimes I'd get abusive replies or they'd start pleading with me, so I stopped sending replies. Now I get abusive messages for not replying. Last night's one was full of personal insults and said it's no wonder I'm single when I have no common decency. I know it's kinda their problem if they can't take rejection, but I just thought I'd ask what everyone else does - thanks!

Poor girl. You want to keep things casual, but she has developed feelings for you. She wants to go on proper dates and have a normal relationship where both parties care for each other. You just want someone for sex and takeaways. Maybe she just assumes that you are in an exclusive relationship, given that you've been dating for several months. I think it's time to stop "trying" to keep things casual or "indicating" you aren't exclusive and actually TELL her, in a nice way. You two are obviously on very different pages and she is completely oblivious that you don't feel the same about her that she does about you. If you make her aware that you are seeing/sleeping with other women and have no plans to stop while she's away, that will likely be enough for her to break things off anyway.

How about if you were to move in with him? Would you think it reasonable if he expected you to pay 50% of the bills? Why would it be any different? You're after an easier life where you benefit from someone else's income. I don't think many men these days are going to be interested in that. Even if you get what you want, you put yourself in a very vulnerable position.

I'm amazed you are making out with so many women on a first date. I don't even need one hand to count the number of times I've snogged someone on a first date, let alone gone further. Do these dates involve alcohol? If so, keep first dates to coffee shops in the daytime and see how that pans out instead. There has to be something about the women you're choosing or where you're going with them that's causing them to get physical then discard you.

Being kept a secret for 5 years and was being given ultimatums about what you must do if you want to get married etc isn't nice. I was kept a secret from my first boyfriend's family because I wasn't Sikh, but after 2 1/2 years I finally met them and they were perfectly nice to me. My sister-in-law's family gave my brother hell because he wasn't Hindu, but these days they love him. In both cases, the families came around, but your boyfriend won't even give them the opportunity. Your boyfriend and his family either need to accept you as you are or you need to leave him and find someone who will. You are both grown adults and if he won't even risk you meeting his family because you do not share their religion then I don't know why you're accepting it. How would he feel if you did that to him?

I find it slightly odd and disrespectful to you that he would keep a notebook of love letters from his ex in a shared drawer where you'd likely see it. If he wants to keep mementos from another woman, can't he keep them in a box in his wardrobe or something?

This guy sounds so much like my ex it's uncanny. I endured a lot of the same behaviours from him, but he admitted he likely had ASD, so I made a lot of excuses and sacrifices for the way he treated me. Now I realise he was just damn cruel and am glad I am no longer am in the relationship. He gives you apparent choices to make it look like he's a reasonable guy, but in his head there's only one right answer and if you don't choose it then you need to be punished. That's how it was for me, at least. I too was compared to an ex and I suspect it was because that relationship ending was not his choice, so he was looking for a replacement, not someone new. To him, if he liked the way one girlfriend was, then the next should be the same and that's never going to happen. He would never admit he'd done anything wrong, say sorry or want to deal with any problems. Again, in his mind, if he felt fine then everyone else must feel the same. There was no understanding about consequences or the impact upon others. Sound familiar? Don't be like me. Rather than wasting years of your life on someone who won't change and will ruin your self-worth, get out now. Being alone is far better to being with someone whose behaviour is cruel and nasty.

You've met this woman only once and you're upset you weren't invited to her shower?! I would never dream of inviting someone who is basically a stranger to me.

This happens all the time. You have to remember that you're not the only person they're chatting with and they're likely still actively searching. It feels like a conveyor belt, where lots of things come along and although one looks great, further down the line there's another that looks even better. Unfortunately it's a numbers game.