poorlittlefish

You were likely Plan B. She reached out because she was feeling lonely or someone had done something sh*tty to her and wanted some attention from you to feel better about herself. She's now got what she wanted (someone local) and has no need for you. Users like this are not people to be friends with.

This whole story sounds too bizarre and now the story is becoming unbelievable. Either this is trolling or there are some serious mental health problems that are either clouding your reality, or your ability to see that you need to leave the situation immediately.

So you had a great guy, but you weren't happy with major aspects of what you had with him, so you broke it off. Now you want all the bits you liked about him, without the parts you didn't. That's quite selfish and sounds like you would be using him for your own gain, so no wonder he's not keen. He's been hurt by you, he realises that the relationship he thought you had together was one-sided and doesn't want to know you anymore. That's normal, so accept that friendship between exes often doesn't happen and move on.

One of my colleagues has re-entered the dating game in her mid 50s. She's told me that as long as they have two eyes, she'll date them and she's not kidding! To her, being able to write proper messages, being intelligent and being able to make her laugh are far more important than what the guy looks like. The result is that she goes on lots of dates. Also, attraction isn't necessarily instantaneous. I've had partners that I wasn't particularly attracted to on the first date, but I grew to find them super attractive. Be kind to yourself. Just because you think yourself unattractive, it doesn't mean that everyone else must share your view.

He won't contact you because he has likely already moved on. He's making it obvious that he doesn't care about you and doesn't care whether you care about him. At best he's being polite by responding to you, but actually he's just prolonging you being unable to accept that he's not interested.

I spent 4 years with someone who shared many of the traits your girlfriend has. He too blamed it on anxiety, but wouldn't do anything about it. I ended up a wreck, walking on eggshells, trying to think of how to say everything in a way that wouldn't lead to him taking offence, avoiding situations that might set him off and effectively cancelling my life, because we could only do things that he wanted to do or he'd kick off and ruin everything. I went for counselling and soon realised that it wasn't my job to tolerate such behaviour. I put in very firm boundaries that I stuck to, so he came to realise there were consequences to behaving badly. If he started moaning about everything, I would say that I had to leave and I'd leave. He could and would suddenly stop acting out, but by me leaving, he knew to behave nicely from the start. It was an improvement, but eventually I decided I didn't want to live my life like that and would prefer to be by myself rather than with someone who needed all that work. He eventually admitted that he was on the Autistic spectrum, but it was too late and meant he was unlikely to ever behave better. Don't go through all this. In a normal relationship you can be yourself and enjoy your time with your partner. What you are experiencing isn't normal and is not going to do you any good at all.

I agree. He may have gone for a test when he got home, but I doubt it was for Covid.

I think he might have been having doubts about you and this was the final straw. You told him because you wanted a reaction. You cried after having previously overreacted to a simple text. He probably saw these behaviours as signs that you were going to be high maintenance or too much drama for him.

This is me too. The consideration I show towards others is rarely reciprocated and people only want to know when they are getting something from me. As soon as there's a better option, I'm dropped like a stone. I feel your pain.

If this guy had been truly sorry and remorseful for having previously cheated on you, he wouldn't be hiding ANYTHING. He'd want to be open and transparent in order to show you he's on the level. He definitely wouldn't be actively seeking out other women "friends" and trying to gaslight you when you ask who they are. You shouldn't be taking a single minute more of this crap. Grab what's left of your self esteem and get out of the door.

For me, this has happened a lot. Also, I've been turned off by someone's personal hygiene, their voice, their values or lifestyle being very different to mine... all after having exchanged very promising messages before meeting. If you have a simple coffee date with someone and know almost from the start that it's not going to go anywhere, you can get out quickly. Being expected to spend 3 or 4 days with someone you've found out isn't your type must be excruciating. That's probably why she acted the way she did and you weren't happy about it. You'll likely have to meet a number of women before you find one where there's a mutual attraction and connection. This particular woman wasn't it. Unfortunately you just have to suck it up and move on. Stick to finding women in your local area, where a date can be shorter and less expensive.

I'd get irritated by guys repeatedly viewing my profile and never getting in touch, or not responding if I made the first move. My response was to save myself the aggravation by blocking them. You got a lot further, but the guy is still a flake, so I'd suggest blocking him too.

This entitled and unreasonable behaviour will continue because a) she knows from past experience that it works and b) you allow it. Sit her down and tell her that, in order for the relationship to work, she will have to take responsibility for her own needs because that's the way things are done in your country. Tell her how her behaviour makes you feel. If she cannot see the error of her ways or doesn't care how it impacts on you, then you know what to do.

I would be concerned that by saying there are "other people" he's more attracted to, he actually has someone specific in mind. He could well be trying to get you to make his life easier by getting you to break up with him. That way he's free to carry on messing about with this other person/people and the decision was on you.

After 9 months together, if he has any thoughts about his "first choice" at all, it's probably that he would have been with the wrong person and regretted not having asked you.

I find it disrespectful and unnecessary. He can find other women attractive, but he doesn't need to vocalise it. I have managed to get through life without telling any partner that I think other guys are handsome, so just tell him you'd rather he keep comments like that to himself; it's not hard and it's not unreasonable.

100% this. You were only with the guy for two months, you didn't even see him very often, yet you say, "Every time I cried"? Being so emotional so often, right from the start, would put most people off. His lack of emotion probably meant he wasn't equipped with how to deal with your other extreme. You and he were a bad fit.

If he really loved you and cared about your welfare, he'd take responsibility for himself. He'd proactively get a job (if your country is like the UK there are lots available), he'd proactively get help for his anxiety and he'd be desperate to take some of the financial burden off you. He's happy to sit around, sponging off you while you work yourself into the ground. What does that tell you? He's managed it for the best part of 5 years already. Is this what you want for the rest of your life?

He's told you he loves you and has now used it against you, all within only a month of dating?!

OP, what you've said now makes the situation sound even more horrendous than it already did. I reiterate that she's entitled and manipulative, but I'd add narcissistic into the mix. She wants acts of sacrifice? Her happiness depends on you buying her things and noticing she needs things she could easily get herself? No, no, no. What about YOUR happiness? If a friend said their partner had done everything you've described, would you advise them to stay in the relationship? I very much doubt it.

Your partner's reaction to such a miniscule issue is way off the chart. It's manipulative and childish. If she absolutely must have new glasses of a particular type, then why can't she get online and source a pair herself? She sounds very entitled and demanding and you are paying the price because you are allowing this behaviour. Instead of giving in to unreasonableness, stand up to it and call it out for what it is. She won't like it, but if it doesn't bring her to her senses then it's time to get out.

At six months in, the honeymoon period was starting to wane and things she didn't like were starting to bother her. It happens a lot. Personally I would never date someone who's not divorced, because of some of the issues you describe. She's not over her marriage and is likely feeling bitter. She needs to get her divorced finalised and get her head together before dating again.

Nobody is ever so busy that they can't send a few words on a text message. I mean, you can do that while sitting on the toilet. "Being busy" is not an excuse, because if you are interested then you will make the time. Secondly, it's poor show to simply not respond and hope you'll go away. He could have chosen to let you know (kindly) that he didn't want to pursue anything, but he took the easy way out. He wasn't as bothered as you thought he was, so it's good you don't have to waste any more time on him and are free to look for someone better suited to you.

If you're in the UK you won't get an annulment. Here, pre-nups are not legally binding but they carry influence. I'm guessing you didn't get one? I'm guessing you didn't safeguard your home and finances?

I've lived alone for 10 years since my divorce. I love the peace and freedom and don't know that I'd ever want to live with someone again.