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  1. Im sorry, but you really are not helping at all here. Why bother commenting? I have done nothing but work on myself and I am fully committed to working on this relationship the best I can. You are saying that as if I am doing absolutely nothing and expecting everything. Clearly not the case
  2. Really think you are missing the point here. I have undergone an evaluation and I am working on myself, so I have no idea how you see this comment and being true or helpful in any way. I honestly do not care about money, I have my own money, I would not hang onto the house as if that is the only thing! I am fully aware that NO ONE can say and do the right things all the time, it is totally unrealistic ... so I am not sure where you have gotten this stupid idea from. Im not determined to demonize or praise him, I have simply come on this forum to see if anyone has been through something similar and can give some advice.
  3. Someone can still be nice but then give you mixed messages about the relationship. I wouldn't say that that this has all happened because I am insecure and jealous.
  4. Yes I am insecure in this relationship, one minute I feel like he loves me so much, then the next ... certain things can get said that make me believe otherwise. So I am obviously going to feel that way.
  5. Im not paying for it, I was referred from the NHS. I totally agree, relationships do not have extreme ups and downs like this. I have been in relationships in the past that have been completely different in that sense. Im just sick of doubting myself now.
  6. You are right, it does come within. It is a vicious cycle, I do agree that it could make me hang on, but I also believe that my self esteem would not be this bad if certain things weren't said to me throughout the relationship.
  7. I am undergoing CBT with a therapist at the moment, but in all honestly we have focused more on the relationship because she has realised that is what is effecting me the most. She has recommended I complete my course with her, potentially seek relationship therapy and then come back to her for another course of CBT. I am completely open and honest with her ..... I have told her all of the good and all of the bad. She thinks we certainly have issues but if we are willing to both work on it, then it could work. My partner is actually a really nice guy, he recently organised a big surprise party for my birthday and a trip abroad. We do have some really good times together, but this is just overshadowing everything at the moment.
  8. I really don't know. I feel like I need a few days to think about it. He keeps telling me I am expecting too much from the relationship and I live in a fantasy world where he will only be attracted to anyone but me, but it really is not the case. I just have a problem with how it is effecting our relationship and my self-esteem. I am actually a really confident person outside this relationship, so it makes me feel even worse.
  9. I don't think he is cheating on me because yeah I may sound like a weak person right now, but If I had any thought that it was the truth, then believe me - I would be gone! He has never given me a reason to think that he has. You are totally right though. I feel like the onus on me to rekindle things is like 100% and that is why he has said these things, he is relying on me to fix it.
  10. He says it is as in "I saw a very attractive woman on the street" but I find that hard to believe when he says he is also more mentally attracted to other people. I'm not sure if it is beyond repair.
  11. Yes I am seeing a therapist at the moment and it is really helping. He has suggested relationship therapy, so we have looked into that too. But surely that can't be the 'be all and end all', we should be able to sort this out between ourselves. I have no idea how to get over hurtful words or if that is even possible.
  12. He has called me a 'psycho' for trying to speak to him about it today. He says he is sick of hearing about it. Well if you say things like that you can't expect the other person to not want to question it or think about it. Im just exhausted.
  13. He is miserable with me, he has told me how miserable he is. The main reason is around this actual subject and talking about it.
  14. You are right ..... and the difference is here that this 'physical' and 'mental' attraction to other people is shaking the foundations of our relationship and brought up that regularly that it overshadows the whole thing. I do have a part to play in that. I am so insecure because of this, I often find myself searching for answers/reasons why or other indicators that prove this insecurity of mine. The smallest thing can trigger me. I don't know if it has gone to far for me now to be honest because I feel so low and resentful towards him that I don't even know If I can forget these feelings/words and move past them. He speaks about me so negatively that I don't understand why he hasn't packed his bags already. Its as if he is breaking me down that bad, that he is waiting for me to do just that.
  15. Yes it is unfortunately. It is my own fault. Problem is, he drops bombs on me like this, makes me upset, then says he has not explained it properly and changes words to make it not sound as bad. I honestly don't know how to cope anymore. I have since been diagnosed with depression and think this relationship has a great deal to play in that.
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