poorlittlefish

I too have those thoughts. I had therapy and was diagnosed with Childhood Emotional Neglect - it's something you may want to explore. My therapist told me to question the validity of the thoughts: my mother was neglectful and wrong to treat me the way that she did because she was the adult and I was a child who was relying on her for care and guidance. When that voice comes into my head I reject it and remind myself that it's just her opinion and not one that I have to accept. As an adult I determine whether I deserve something based on my qualities, not on what someone else told me when I was vulnerable and knew no better. You need to work on doing this sort of thing, but it's easier to do it with help from a professional.

She probably needs to concentrate and keep all the focus on what she's feeling in order to climax and she doesn't need the extra pressure of you insisting she "moan" and give you feedback. Not all women carry on like they're in porn film while they're trying to orgasm, so if she's silent then you need to accept that and get over yourself. When she says she can't climax during sex, does she mean through penetration only? She'll likely have more success if a hand from one party is involved.

I've said that I enjoyed meeting them but for me there wasn't a spark, so I wish them all the best with finding someone nice. It does the job for me.

She wouldn't want anything to do with you if she knew you were giving her a score. See her as a complete person and don't base your worth on such shallow qualities.

Me too. I would have found it frustrating to turn up for a date to find the other person tearful and unable to look at me. I suspect he cancelled the further dates because there were already red flags for him in terms of drama/emotional vulnerability. The fact he's admitted to having issues with drugs/alcohol may have been true or they may have been an excuse. Nonetheless, you two are clearly incompatible. If you are upset about something before a first date, rearrange it.

You made her aware that the decrease in contact was making you wonder if she was that bothered. Rather than her communicating more regularly, she's continued in the same vein. Just stop bothering with her and find someone local who's not got emotional issues arising from the relationship she's already in. I think she was using you for attention or to take her mind off her problems.

OP, the next time you're out in public, have a look at all the couples you see. Is EVERY man who's with a woman muscular and macho? I highly doubt it. Do you think every one of these women is just settling? Could you maybe conceive that everyone goes for different people and that looks/physical appearance is just one small part of what makes someone attractive and worth staying with? If a guy is muscular but an absolute *rsehole, so you still think that any woman is going to want to date him? If so, you're wrong. I've only ever been with one muscular partner, at the age of 17 (I'm 50 now). Does that mean I settled for everyone who came after him or could it possibly be that muscles aren't at all important? Flip it around and consider the influence of porn on what guys might find attractive. Do you think that EVERY man is settling unless their partner fits the porn stereotype? You seem to have developed a very black and white mindset that doesn't allow for anyone to hold different opinions to what is and isn't attractive to you. That is not real life and the evidence is literally in front of your face. I would strongly urge you to talk through your insecurities and distorted thinking patterns with a therapist.

If you don't respect that other people treat their pets differently to you, then don't visit your boyfriend's home. I don't dogs being dressed up etc, but I wouldn't get as fixated on it as you seem to be. If you have such different attitudes towards how pets should be treated, I wouldn't mind betting the same would apply with children. I'd rather someone love their pet to bits than refer to them as a "stupid dog". Pets are family to many people.

There are so many red flags in this situation and what's been said. Surely you can see this? She's only interested in staying in the country and she'll use whoever is gullible enough to get what she wants. I stupidly married a guy from overseas, but we'd been together for 5 years and he had no objection to signing a pre-nup. When I found out he was cheating 18 months later he got to stay in the country, but I got to keep every penny I owned. The fact she doesn't want one is very telling.

There's a guy who I've been chatting with online. We haven't met, but he's already put me off by saying he wants someone who'll be integrated into his kids' lives, can be a team with him, keep loyal through all the bad times... It's too much and it's put me right off. If you're making similarly intense statements or comments about what you want for the future then your dates may decide likewise.

I've had this happen to me a few times over the years with people who have been penpals. That's all you are with this woman and she probably doesn't feel that you owes you any kind of commitment. It is rude to simply stop replying without reason, but unfortunately it seems to be the way of the world to do what you like without giving any thought to others. You also have to bear in mind that penpal relationships often mirror real life ones, ie there's lots of intensity at the start, but it wanes and settles into something more mundane. With all the people I currently write to, it started out with almost daily messages. Nowadays one guy and I write once a week, but with the others it's every few weeks and in one case, only once or twice a year. I think you might need to adjust your expectations.

She's playing mind games and it isn't nice. She has failed to acknowledge that she played a massive part in the second date failing to happen and is punishing you for it. That also isn't nice. If someone can behave like this right at the start of a relationship, do you somehow think she is going to behave differently further down the line? You're setting yourself up for a whole world of misery. Stop replying to her breadcrumbs and get on with your life.

I take it as a sign of insufficient interest. There have been times when I've messaged back to say that as I've not heard from them I'm going to assume the interest isn't there and wish them all the best with finding someone more compatible. Funnily enough, that tends to make them reply, but by that point I've lost interest in bothering with someone who couldn't be bothered with me.

If you choose not to continue the relationship, it's irrelevant whether he accepts it or not. He doesn't get to override your decision just because he doesn't like it. You firmly state, if you need to, that you do not wish to remain in contact with him, you block/delete and you move on.

He probably didn't like the idea of someone in their 40s going to a nightclub. If that was the case, he could have told you that he'd decided you wouldn't be a good fit and wished you well for the future, but he took the childish route. If you started anything up with him you'd get blocked every time you said or did something he didn't approve of. Would you be willing to get ignored for days at a time until he decided you were worthy of him speaking to you again? Take his behaviour as a sign of what's to come if you let him off the hook this time.

This guy has zero respect for you. He cares so little about you that he's happy to pass you around to his friends so they can get free sex off you too. He's orgasming inside you when it appears you've asked him not to. He claims he can't help it? Nonsense. You're having unprotected sex with someone who sees you as nothing better than an unpaid prostitute. Stop sleeping with him.

Have one shared account which is set up to cover bills and all joint expenses, eg holidays. Pay into it via standing order so that neither "forgets" and proportion it according to your take-home pay, so you both end up with the same proportion of your earnings to spend as you wish. This is 100% fair to both parties. If he chooses to spend $1000 of his own money on booze, that's totally up to him, but it won't be your hard work that's paying for it. If it takes up too much of his money, then it's up to him to work more hours or get a better paid job.

That's what I ended up doing. I told my now ex that unless he was willing to get help for his issues then, in order to protect myself, I could not be in a relationship with him. He claimed he would seek help, but didn't, so I ended it. Don't give an ultimatum unless you're prepared to go through with it, otherwise he'll realise he can keep getting away with excuses.

I spent 5 years in a relationship with someone who had multiple mental health problems. It ended up affecting me in a big way - unable to be myself, censoring what I said, always trying to second guess how he would react. I got tired of his behaviour making me depressed and anxious. Although he was fantastic when he was in a good mood, he couldn't/wouldn't regulate his behaviour most of the time, nor would he seek help, so I ended it. Love isn't about sacrificing your own health and happiness. I have felt so much better on my own - you likely would too.

You both have personality disorders. You cannot get on with the behaviour that comes from narcissism and she cannot get on with yours. Stay out of each other's way as much as is physically possible and leave the minute you are able.

It's not just Tinder. It's happened to me multiple times on multiple sites. I guess they think they can do better, so I take it as their loss and my lucky escape.

Me too. The ones who show interest (and they're the ones who made the initial contact, after all) are the ones I meet. If someone can't be bothered, I move on.

If I'd done a favour for a friend that cost them a fair bit of money, I'd pay immediately. What happens to the package after they've posted it isn't their problem. I presume this friend knows how much you're out of pocket? Playing devil's advocate, have they ever treated you to something nice or spent money on you which they didn't get back - so see this as evening things out? If they've still not paid after a week or so, I'd say you need to pay some bills and are reliant on the money. Make a mental note not to do favours requiring money again.

I could have written your post myself. It's not just you!

I find going for dinner on a first date to be super awkward for all sorts of reasons - trying to have a conversation while you're eating is one of them, but so is the bill. I have always offered to split the bill or pay for myself. I'm having dinner with a complete stranger who owes me nothing! Most times the guy has declined and paid for us both, but I have never gone into it with the expectation that he should and I'm astonished in this day and age that I seem to be unusual.