@DancingFoolWhile writing out those things, I began to see that perspective-the mimicing of abusive partner excuses. I appricate you responding with it in writing.
@DarkCh0c0 I am uninterested in marriage for several reasons, so it's never on the table. That's a whole other thread, though. He does things for me, cooks all the time and cleans up afterwards, gives me gifts, etc. I'm not very traditional when it comes to romantic pampering, so I'm not quite sure what that looks like. Little suprizes, yes. No grand gestures, though, and I'm okay with that. My self-esteem is difficult to navigate. I spend a lot of time at my work helping others and it's been rough through the pandemic, as it has been for so many. I often have to shelve my own feelings in order to do my job. If I could measure it, I would say that it's lower. I have done things for myself, though, and still do. Clearly he is not an "ideal partner". No one adds "mental illness" to their ideal partner list, but I feel as if everyone has issues.