Naddie101

@DarkCh0c0 @Wiseman2He doesn't "dissappear". I know where he is and it's not as if he takes off into the night to dark ends like in some kind of sex thriller film. He has social anxiety and needs space occasionally. So do I. Anyway, reflecting on my own needs is difficult. My therapist and I work on this.

@catfeeder Pressure is definitely not sexy. He does know that in order to make changes he will have to play around with his doses. He's been down this road before, but hesitant because he is feeling good now with the exception of this one, glaring side effect. I admit to feeling selfish at this point,but I also don't think k it's healthy for me to ignore this part of my life.

@catfeederHe's been back on since mid April.

Hi everyone. So...my current partner is back on medication after years of attempting to manage his BPD on his own. I started a thread on this issue under the relationships sub heading back in March. Now, of course, there is a NEW problem related to his meds. Our sexlife is practically nonexistant. I have discussed with him twice about this and how I feel. I asked him to talk with his doctor about it, as I know that this is a common problem. He is afraid of changing his meds and falling back into a depression. He told me that he would rather have penis problems than depression. I convinced him to talk to his doctor for me, but he is still convinced that there is nothing his doctor can do. Any advice from those who have gone through something similar would be appreciated.

Hello people of enotalone. I thought I'd make an update on this old thread. My bf did get back on medication shortly after I posted. He is also still in therapy. His mental health is much better and the meds came at a good time due to a death he had to process and grieve that happened suddenly in April. I did read the book suggested on emotionally abusive relationships, but the more I read, the less of a connection I personally felt with the content. At the time, the article shared resonated more, but the book itself lost me. None of the lengthy examples within the text resonated with me and my relationship, so I passed it on to other readers. I have a new issue that I will post under a different topic heading. Thank you again for your advice.

Hi everyone. Thank you for all of your responses. This community is a good one. @DarkCh0c0I read the article you sent and started reading the book. It is resonating with me and I think this is what is going on within my relationship. I have a therapy appointment tomorrow and I will speak on this. My work is now taking up a lot of my time, so I won't be able to check this thread frequently. All of you have helped me think through my feelings. I will update here sometime in the future.

@DancingFoolWhile writing out those things, I began to see that perspective-the mimicing of abusive partner excuses. I appricate you responding with it in writing. @DarkCh0c0 I am uninterested in marriage for several reasons, so it's never on the table. That's a whole other thread, though. He does things for me, cooks all the time and cleans up afterwards, gives me gifts, etc. I'm not very traditional when it comes to romantic pampering, so I'm not quite sure what that looks like. Little suprizes, yes. No grand gestures, though, and I'm okay with that. My self-esteem is difficult to navigate. I spend a lot of time at my work helping others and it's been rough through the pandemic, as it has been for so many. I often have to shelve my own feelings in order to do my job. If I could measure it, I would say that it's lower. I have done things for myself, though, and still do. Clearly he is not an "ideal partner". No one adds "mental illness" to their ideal partner list, but I feel as if everyone has issues.

@Blue_Skirt When he isn't moody, he can be great. He has supported me during rough times, mostly during deaths of people I loved. He can be a good listener and has made me laugh, think, ect. We have traveled together both in & out of the US. He always gets back to me when we text..dosen't leave me "on read".

@DarkCh0c0I have brought up my needs before. Example: he requies a lot of space, sometimes, and if he's feeling bad, he dosen't want it to affect me, so he's distant during these times. But sometimes I want to see him more often and I feel hurt when he tells me its "too soon" to see me due to how his mood is. He has told me that this request crosses a boundry for him (seeing him more).

@smackie9 He did say he was considering going back on meds in Januarry. I told him that I thought this was a good idea and was relieved that he brought it up. Nothing has come of it, though, so I might go this route.

Hi Bataya33. Thank you for your perspective. I've thought about this, the friend route, but I'm not sure how to proceed. I don't know how, honestly, and I fear that I will make him worse.

To answer some of your questions, Wiseman2: we are both in our 40s, I have an all-encompassing, stressful career that takes up much of my brainspace, and I am an active person. I'm not completely sure what my family thinks. They stay out of my personal life. I assume that they want whats best for me. My friends are supportive and want me to find happiness. I think that he believes that he's doing the best he can for himself. I am involved in my own mental health care and he's helped me in that reguard.

Hi rchubn. Thank you for your reply and I appriciate your perspective. I do not want to punish him, but I can see how it could be viewed that way. I love him and it's difficult for me to sort out my feelings.

Yeah, he said he struggled with finding the right meds. It's been so long that there might be something new that could help him. He also told me that he rarely experiences mania, or hypermaina. He really struggled with depressive bouts.

Hi Seraphim. Thanks for the reply. I thought that about bipolar dissorder (meds) too, so it confused me when he told me about meds not helping.