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whitesand3

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  1. Hi, So I'm not sure if this is the right place to ask (if not please delete), but I've been watching some videos on some strong male perspectives on monogamy, and I'm intrigued to hear some opinions on here. To name a few of the opinions on the videos (completely paraphrasing here): 1) Women's body counts are meant to be low but a man's doesn't matter, as biologically men are supposed to "spread their seeds". 2) If a man cheats it's no where near as bad as a woman cheating, because a woman cheats with emotions being involved but a man doesn't. 3) A man is supposed to be the provider, so as long as he provides for the woman and their children, it shouldn't be frowned upon if maybe once in a blue moon he decides to give in to his desire of having sex with another woman. The comments under these videos, to my complete surprise, all agreed with these guys and their opinions. It just really got me thinking, as I thought this was quite a backward way of thinking, and didn't realise so many, actually the majority it seems, still hold these strong views. I just wanted to come on here and ask some of your opinions, in particular any male opinions, as these views seemed quite shocking to me.
  2. Thank you everyone for your responses. I just wanted to clarify that we normally speak on the phone at night, he doesn't in general go on to speak to his friends while I'm on call, it just happened to be that night, cause he only recently (about a few days ago) started playing online again, something he used to be quite addicted to. I have a social life outside of my boyfriend, and so does he outside of me. I in no way want to listen in on his every conversation or continue to be on call why he's speaking to his guy mates. It's just something that recently helped us feel closer, cause at night is when we tend to connect since being at work and busy with other things throughout the day. Instead of cutting the call after speaking for a while we just got into the habit of leaving it on while we watch something before we end up sleeping, just felt like we had eachother's presence, as we don't live together yet. I thought this was quite normal amongst couples? :/ The quality time I said we spend is together when we meet up, I didn't mean us staying on call is quality time. Anyways, since that day, he's been playing at night so I speak to him and cut the call once done. I was able to speak about this situation to him face to face yesterday. I never heard what his friend said on the phone as I could only hear my boyfriend. He said his friend was talking about how good looking she was and that she wanted to get her number, and then my boyfriend made a comment about her bum. He kind of made it seem like his friend made a comment about it first and my boyfriend agreed. Anyways, I've decided to let it go. He apologised and seemed sincere, but I'm glad I was able to let him know how I felt about it, instead of keeping quiet and letting him think I'm okay with him making these comments, cause he told me he would've not been okay if tables were turned and I said something of the sort about another man. I appreciate all your replies and giving me your views and opinions, it really helped me.
  3. I do understand that people notice other people's looks, I mean I do too. The problem I have is him actually speaking on it with his guy mates that know me and know he's in a relationship. I just found it disrespectful.
  4. Just responded about why I was on call under MissCanuck's comment but in terms of seeing eachother, we see eachother a couple times a week usually, and we have been spending quality time together. The locker room talk is something I'm trying to understand and get my head around... it doesn't seem to sit right with me that men in relationships discuss other females bodies with their guy friends like that. I'd feel weird if it was the other way around and I was speaking about other men like that to my girls. Finding other people attractive and stating they are good looking is one thing, but speaking about them in a sexual manner seems disrespectful to our relationship. I don't want to over react or get on to him for something that may seem normal to others, I just don't really understand the guy's perspective here, and I want to.
  5. We normally call eachother every night, we speak for a while and end up falling asleep on the phone. Normally he ends up watching something and I do too, But he just recently started playing online again. So he just started playing while I was on call. I really don't know if this is a deal breaker or how I feel. I'm going back and forth from feeling hurt and sad to thinking maybe I'm just overthinking it and every or most guys are like this when speaking to their friends.
  6. Okay.. this is weird, I'm really unsure how I feel and wanted some other perspectives. I was on the phone to my boyfriend while he started playing online with some of his guy friends. They started talking about some girl from his work place. I could only hear what my boyfriend was saying but he started talking about how nice her bum is. I felt this weird feeling go through my entire body in the moment. I cut the call and called him back, cause I thought he had forgotten I was on the phone. I was clearly upset, and asked him who this girl was and why he was speaking about her like that. He said he was just trying to fit in with the guys, and that he knew I was on the phone but that he shouldn't have spoken about another woman like that. And that all the guys talk about other women's body and looks like that even if they have a girlfriend. But then he said he's sorry and that he shouldn't speak about girl's like that when he's got a girlfriend. But that I shouldn't worry and that he doesn't actually check her out like that or anything.. 😕 I feel frozen. Just really unsure how to take this. I'm hurt but I don't want to overthink and start thinking he checks this girl's bum out while he's at work, meaning I should worry about him with other girls now too. I don't know, I can't speak about this to anyone else at the moment, and was just hoping someone could give me their opinion on this..TIA.
  7. You say he doesn't know that you know of his existence, this is probably why he is reaching out multiple times? He also has no way of confirming you're getting his messages, since you've not said anything. It's totally up to you, but I agree with Cherylyn. It would be wise just to send a message confirming receipt and stating that you don't want to be in communication. At least if he continues after this and you decide to block him, he is aware as to why.
  8. Hmmm, I think I have a good relationship with my family. They care for me a lot, and would do just about anything for me. I feel they love me unconditionally but I guess they give me the cold shoulder when I don't reach up to their expectations, in terms of education and career, or if I don't live my life the way they want me to. By that I mean, they weren't okay with me dating my boyfriend from when I was a teenager, they don't approve of the whole dating concept. So over the years I've felt the need to hide things, and have felt a lot of pressure to succeed. I'm not sure if this answers your question.
  9. His sister was speaking to me today and she said that maybe he's not speaking to me because of me cheating on him. As I only told him a few weeks ago, and he handled it way better than I thought, but he had said a week ago that it hadn't sunk in properly yet. Maybe this is why? 😕
  10. You are right. I tend to give in to my feelings a lot and it only makes it worse. I am going to try diverting my energy, and maybe not thinking about this situation constantly.
  11. I'm 26, I've always told him I want a child by the age of 30, and so would want to get married within the next couple years, ideally. Of course, given everything going on right now, this doesn't seem to be likely. I don't know what's wrong with me honestly.. I keep feeling like I'll never be able to get over him. And even if there's other men that could treat me better, they just won't be him. I don't know how to explain how I feel about him. He feels irreplaceable and is family to me. I can't imagine my life without him. I dated someone 2 years ago, that treated me great, while me and him had broken up for a few months, but even still I went back to him. I don't know how to explain it.. I've always felt he is the one. And now can't get myself to think differently.
  12. I'm honestly not sure of the motivation. I just felt I didn't want to make things worse between me and him. I want things to be spoken about, I hate feeling like we're giving eachother the silent treatment. And I feel sufficient time has passed where emotions of anger and all aren't as heightened. Silence is not how I want to navigate disagreements in a relationship, I guess that's why I reached out? With the comment, I don't really agree that that was my intention behind the comment. Me commenting a fire emoji, is honestly like any other girl that comments on his photo. If someone were to see that, they would not think me and him are in a relationship, because other girls comment the same way? I didn't think he would delete it this time, so it took me by surprise.
  13. You're not wrong in what you're saying.. When speaking to him and hearing his justifications for things, even if I don't believe it deep down, I seem to give him the benefit of the doubt. And question my own thoughts. Like, what if everything he is saying is true, and he's actually being loyal now. Although I know it sounds stupid given everything else, but I can't help but feel like I'll regret everything if what he is saying is in fact true. I don't know if I'm making any sense..
  14. Ahh😣 I gave in and messaged him a couple hours ago.. he's not responded. I feel like an idiot. I feel he think he has one up on me because of me confessing to him cheating.. although I am certain he was cheating himself, and possibly still is. He refuses to show me his phone. And tells me I should just trust him. Difference is, I'm willing to be transparent with him. But from when I had cheated to now, I don't trust myself while I think he is cheating, and can't seem to prove it by being transparent with his phone. It's not fair that I should be loyal to him while it seems obvious he isn't to me. Sorry I'm ranting. I've been overthinking for hours today and can't seem to stop. He protects it with his life.. but he still expects me to trust him, and me asking to see his phone is controlling. I've tried to leave multiple times, but for some reason feel worse when I do, and start feeling extremely anxious and suicidal. Which is what I keep trying to avoid feeling. It scares me. I don't know why, but I keep feeling like I can't be with anyone else, even if I try to, it's always him I want in the end.
  15. Yes it's the same man. I'll try my best to keep it short- I commented on a photo of his on Instagram, with an fire emoji (he looked really good and I just felt like commenting). In the past couple months, he had deleted one of my comments before of me saying "my love ❤" underneath it, telling me he wanted to keep the relationship private. But that I could comment anything else, as long as it wasn't obvious we are in a relationship. I know how this sounds to anyone reading this, there's a lot more to it, and reasons why he doesn't want people on social media to know. But with him having cheated in the past it's hard not to think that's what's going on. I cheated on him earlier this year and confessed to him a few weeks ago, a whole *** show I know, but I just want advice on this specific thing and not our relationship as a whole, because there's a lot more going on that I haven't expressed here. Anyways, a couple days ago he restricted my Instagram account. So it seemed to me like my comment was still there, but in fact only him and I could see it. I noticed this because I have another fitness account. So I switched at him. Because I didn't comment in a way that made it obvious we were in a relationship, like he said. But he still deleted my comment. And I feel he is hiding me from someone, but I don't know who. Should I still wait for him to reach out? I don't want to make things worse by continuing this silence between us.
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