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whitesand3

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  1. I guess I am really going to have to try, I'm just scared of the wave of emotions I am going to be hit with, as I have in the past multiple times. I have tried therapy, but I think I may need something more long-term. I cheated on him (guy2) with this man (guy1) 😞. Things were going well, Guy2 was aware that I was still in contact with Guy1, and was fine with it, because he knew I had made it clear I was with Guy2, and he asked me to meet for "closure", again Guy2, was okay with this too, as he trusted me. When I met Guy1 for closure, Guy2 had randomly stopped speaking to me for a few days, because he was going through a rough week, but did not tell me this, so I was very confused, as we had only made our relationship official that same week. When I met Guy1 for closure, he tried initiating a kiss multiple times, and I pulled back multiple times, until he went in for a kiss out of anger when I told him who guy2 was. I didn't see it coming and kissed him back, I messed up. I told Guy2 the same night, and a few weeks later he ended things with me. Since then he has tried to get me back, but I have told him about me being in a relationship. Sorry, this is probably more information than you wanted. I am just feeling very mentally unstable at the moment, and writing things down is helping me. Bottom line is, I was not ready to get into a relationship with guy2 at the time, as I was not over guy1. Better yet, I should not have agreed to meet guy1 for closure, and I should have known that was just an excuse.
  2. Unfortunately yes.. a lot has happened since this. I left the relationship 5 months last year, where I briefly was seeing another man. I ended up getting roped back into this relationship, with promise of changed behaviour etc.
  3. I (24F) am in a relationship with a 24M of which I am unsure where I stand at the moment. I'm sorry in advance if the following is a little all over the place, just in desperate need of advice/outside perspective. We kept breaking up briefly (few days) past couple months due to me being worried about other girls and him being worried about another guy. Last week I was unsure where I stood with him, I had seen him earlier that week, a couple days later he said he felt single and that he didn't want to be in a relationship. He said this multiple times in the past few weeks, only to come back to me saying he wants to be with me and marry me but that we need to sort through the insecurities in the relationship. He went out of town this past weekend, during which time I found a hotel reservation under his name from the day after he told me he felt single (my laptop was logged into his email). I had spoken to him that day over the phone, because I knew he did not want things to be over (2 days later he said he wanted to marry me). He told me he was on the way to meet a photographer. This was obviously a lie, I confronted him about it, he completely denied it for 2 days and then told me he would explain everything. Since he was out of town and had plans, he dragged out having this conversation until last night. Between me finding the reservation and finally being able to have a conversation with him about it, he went out for drinks with another girl ( a friend I know). This made me a little uneasy, because I was already on edge with everything going on and felt like I'm just not a priority to him at all, as long as he has other girls around him. I know if the tables were turned, I would priorities having this conversation with him first, so not to trigger his anxiety and keep him assuming and overthinking. Last night once I finally got a hold of him, he told me he went on a double date that evening he lied, and that it wasn't really a date but that him, his cousin and 2 girls went to get food and then he booked a hotel for all four of them to have drinks in the room. I feel betrayed, I had tried blocking him off of everything a couple days after he went to that hotel, before I knew anything, only for him to spam call me from another number telling me that it's me he wants and all the other girls that I am worried about mean nothing to him. When I spoke to him last night about this, he left the conversation unfinished and said that he would speak to me about it today, because he was drunk from having drinks with that other girl. Today, I had been trying to reach him for hours, as my anxiety keeps sky rocketing, not knowing what's going to happen between me and him. After trying for hours he finally picks up and tells me he's out having lunch with this girl he met through social media. I broke down. I've known about this girl, and he tells me they are just friends, but I still feel hurt. I feel like he keeps going on "dates" with girls he claims to just be friends. He did the same thing about 2 weeks ago now with another girl whom he met over social media, but they went out for drinks together, all in the name of "net-working". Maybe I have a very old fashioned way of thinking, but I have not felt comfortable going out for drinks or food with other guys I barely know, and I know for a fact he would be mad if I did the same, but he knows I wouldn't, because I feel uncomfortable doing that myself. I know my rational self tells me to just not be in this relationship but I have seriously struggled getting out of it, and my mental health is at a all time at the moment. I guess I am just wanting opinions about not only the whole situation but right now the thing that is bugging me the most is if I am overreacting by the way I feel when he goes out for drinks or food with girls he met through social media. Side note- because of everything going on between me and him, we haven't even gone out for drinks or food ourselves since COVID restrictions have been lifted, and I guess this makes me even more jealous that these girls are getting to spend time with him and I haven't been.
  4. I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. Although he may not have physically cheated, if this is something you both see as a form of betrayal, I do think he has cheated, at least emotionally. He is angry that he got caught. I am in a similar kind of situation, and I understand how easy it is for outsiders to give you advice, but having to actually deal with possibly losing someone you love regardless is incredibly hard. Realise, you love who you thought he was, not who he actually is.
  5. Hi :) I'm really struggling with a situation which I am hoping some of you can give me your opinions on. I (23F) have been in a relationship for a few years, he (23M) cheated on me a few years ago, we had broken up and got back together few months later. Trust had obviously been broken due to this. Recently, he broke up with me due to communication issues. About 3 weeks later, we started seeing eachother again "exclusively", but weren't in an official gf & bf relationship. I found out about a month ago that he had actually been flirting with girls online and in clubs the entire 3 months of us being exclusive, all while telling me he loved me and that he was thinking of making the relationship official once we had rebuilt a stronger foundation. He kept telling me he was being loyal, and he knew I was too, because we had agreed on being exclusive. This obviously broke my heart and brought the little trust I still had in him back to square one. After a heated conversation and a few days, (I know this is going to sound absurd to a lot of people), we made our relationship official. Few reasons why- he told me this was because he did not feel like this was cheating, even though he knew he betrayed me, and said he knew he would not have been flirting with other girls if we were in an official relationship. He insisted he knew he wanted me, and did not see any future with any of those girls, but that he just felt single. There are obviously plenty of reasons why I am choosing to stay in this relationship, that I am not discussing here. To help me move past this betrayal, I asked if he could get rid of all these girls on his social media platforms. After weeks of me breaking down multiple times, he finally got rid of them a few days ago. He, however, today followed a girl on twitter he had flirted with, during the brief time we had been broken up. She had just made a new account. He unfollowed her old account just a few days ago while he was getting rid of the other girls too. I felt instant anger and hurt when I saw this. I asked him why, and he said he did not want to be rude and not follow her back. She is a random girl on twitter that lives in another country. He has lots of mutuals with her, which is one of his excuses for keeping her on twitter. He said he would get rid of her later on today because he did not want her to notice straight away. Am I wrong for asking him to get rid of this girl? I am obviously struggling to trust him, I am not asking for opinions on whether I should end this relationship or not... I just want advice on this specific issue today, as I feel really controlling, but am unsure if my request is out of order, or if it is justified. I just want some opinions before I speak to him later. Thank you in advance :)
  6. Just looking for some advice, thank you in advance :) I recently got back with an ex whom I was in a serious relationship with, we have been dating exclusively for a few weeks, as he wanted to take the relationship slow and build a strong foundation. We spoke about how we will both not be speaking to anyone else. I came to realise he has however continued to speak to random girls online since we've been back together. I spoke about this to him yesterday, and explained how it made me feel uncomfortable, as even if he isn't flirting, guys online don't usually try to get to know you as friends, and that to these girls he's coming across as available. He explained that he is not speaking to them like that, and that it's usually friends of friends whom he knows of. I told him how I did not care if he spoke to his female friends, but that I didn't understand why he feels the need to get to know random girls online. Something about it doesn't sit right with me, even if there is no flirting involved. He tells me he has no intentions with them and that it would not effect him if he stopped talking to them, and that he would since it's making me uncomfortable. Fast forward to today, he is still talking to them and it's making me fume. I have been really off with him today, and am unsure how to handle the situation. I don't know whether I am over-reacting. I don't know if I should bring it up to him, or to shrug it off for now and see how things play out. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
  7. Me and my boyfriend have been disagreeing on a topic that I wanted to get an outside prospective on. Is is normal for people in a long term committed relationship to be interacting via twitter with random people of the opposite sex? My boyfriend keeps on commenting back and forth with random girls on twitter and retweeting their photos. I have been finding this uncomfortable and have expressed this to him. To which he responded, "I am not doing anything wrong, this is the whole purpose of twitter, to interact with random people". If these girls were his friends through university or work or elsewhere, I would not have a problem. I however, don't seem to comprehend why he believe it is okay to be interacting with random girls over social media like this. Please be as brutally honest as possible, if I just need a reality check. Thank you :)
  8. I believe the best way to get out there and meet people who you can feel yourself with, is to do activities you enjoy. By this I mean, since you are at university, you have so many different societies you could join. This would help you meet freshers who are like-minded as you! I feel like friendships should be natural, and if you feel you are forcing a conversation that means that you are surrounding yourself with the wrong crowd.
  9. I apologise in advance for the following lengthy post, I tried to make it as concise as possible. I have been with my boyfriend since 2013, we had a breakup in between for 4 months due to him cheating on me on a drunken night out and losing feelings for me. He had got with a girl 3 days days after our 4 year relationship and seen a few girls before getting back with me. I didn't move on at all during this time apart, as I tried to focus on myself and possibly getting back with him. Before the break-up, we were increasingly arguing mainly due to him creating a public Instagram profile as an aspiring model. This meant he was following and liking random girl's profiles and photos in order to grow his page and it made me uneasy. During the breakup, the girls he had seen were random girls from his Instagram profile that he had messaged and met up with. Ever since getting back with me, I supported him with attending photo-shoot meets, where multiple photographers and models would come together to shoot. I stayed supportive, until I saw a photo of him taken with another girl where they had to act like a couple, hence it was a very touchy photo. I expressed to him how I was extremely uncomfortable with these kind of shoots. I told him I would 100% support solo shoots and friendly shoots, but not intimate ones. He agreed, but never followed through. Since then, he took quite a few inappropriate ones girls. Due to this he agreed to compromise, and said that he would only go to solo shoots. This lasted a few months till last week, he wanted to attend another meet as he hadn't been having any photo-shoots for a while. He reassured me that he would refuse to taking any inappropriate photos with other women. However, he took a photo with a girl in her bra, which I saw on Instagram and felt completely shaken by. He told me he didn't realise she was in a bra!? We had an argument, which nearly led to a break-up as I explained that I was unable to support these kind of shoots as this was causing a strain on my mental health, (I am suffering from severe anxiety and depression). Neither of us however wanted to let go of each other, and he kept apologising and telling me how much he loved me. We then came to an agreement, (once again), that at the meets he goes to from there on, he would let everyone know that he is only okay with doing solo shoots. He had a meet today. We spoke this morning before he left and he reassured me that he would let everyone there know that he doesn't want to shoot with women. He just however messaged me, saying, " I'm sorry, I failed you, I was shooting by myself and a girl just came in an shot with me. I didn't know how to say no to her or the photographer. It wasn't my fault." I went on to explain that this has happened way too many times and that this was the reason I told him not to go to meets in the 1st place. He is on the way home, and I am waiting to talk to him. I don't know how to deal with this situation, I keep feeling like breaking up with him because these things keep on happening and he keeps blaming the other models and photographers, and it keeps making me sad and angry. Before I conclude, I would like to make clear that my issue isn't him innocently shooting with other girls. It's the fact that, at these meets, they aren't pre-planned and photographers just get models together and tell them how to pose. This is where the opportunity arises for my boyfriend and anther female model to get put together and be told to do intimate poses, which my boyfriend then feels awkward to say no to in the moment. Which then leads to me seeing these photos and getting ticked off and having an argument with him. I guess this stems from my working progress on my trust for him, and the countless images of him and women that I already battle with in my head. I am just looking for other people's point of view on my situation, and if anyone has any advice on how to deal with this, it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you :)
  10. My boyfriend cheated on me after getting super drunk on a night out last year. We broke up for a few months and recently got back together. I however can't help but feel super anxious whenever he goes drinking and clubbing now. I don't want to control his social life, but I can't help feeling the way I do. He expects me to just trust him, telling me the way he feels towards me now is a lot stronger than it was then. He is out at a club tonight, and I'm here awake overthinking. We are also moving in together at University in a couple weeks, and I am worried he might cheat again. Any advice on how to deal with this? Thank you in advance :)
  11. Bit of background information- I have been with my boyfriend/ex for nearly four years. We are both university students (21 years old) and were serious about each other. Introduced each other to our families and we had discussed marriage in the near future. I am going to try and make this as straight to the point as possible, I hope I don't end up writing an essay >. The first two years of our relationship was near perfect, we had ups and downs but they were resolved quickly, and we both would compromise, apologise and for the most part, won't do something that hurt one another a second time. However, for the past year and a half or so, I had felt him pulling away slowly. Admittedly, we both went through a rough year with our own personal issues, that may have taken a toll on the relationship. I felt like I was not getting enough attention or respect. Arguments, would be dragged on, he would let me sleep on an argument, and they took longer to get resolved, some never were. He continued to do the things I did not like. Mind you these were small things that I feel like he could have easily given up. I am not saying I was a saint in this relationship, I have done my fare share of wrong, but I always am open to hearing his opinion and respecting and not doing those things again. I kept telling him our relationship is becoming toxic, and that we really need to sit down and talk about how we can deal with arguments better and other issues. He either kept dragging this conversation out for as long as possible or would talk to me about possible solutions, but would not follow through. His words rarely matched his actions. In the past few months I brought up a break up twice because I was becoming fed up of him putting minimal effort into this relationship, he would quickly follow on by explaining how sorry he was, that he never took what I was saying seriously, that he loved me and that he does not want us to end. The last time I broke up with him, he promised to actively try and change those little things which end up being big things. By this point we had just re-started university (about three weeks ago). We hadn't gone on a date for about two months, due to him being abroad and then working everyday when he got back. So I was looking forward to spending time with him and dating him. He had other plans. The night after we had just gotten back together, his brother came to stay at his. It was freshers week, so they ended up going clubbing every single night. I figured I may as well let that week pass, and let him have fun with his brother, and worry about us once freshers week was over. That weekend, he met these two girls at one of the clubs and added each other on Snapchat. I stayed home that night, and was up waiting for him to get home (he usually sleeps at mine when we are at uni), to find out through his brother's Snapchat, that he went over to their place after clubbing. He then messaged me saying he was at this two girls' place, and that they were SCHOOL FRIENDS of his brothers'. He ended up coming back to mine two hours after being there. I find out through his brother the next day that my then boyfriend had told a white lie, and that they were not from his brother's school, nor were they friends. They just had lots of mutual friends in common. I let it slide. The week after this was when things really turned weird. Fresher's week was over, lectures started, but he was still in the mindset of partying every night, and not thinking about having the serious talk about our relationship we have been meaning to have for months on how to move forward, nor did he seem fussed on going on a date with me or just spending time with me. He told me two days after meeting them girls that he was thinking of going out of the city to his brother's University with one of those girls, let's call her Mia. So he wanted to travel for about two hours with Mia, in the middle of the week, possibly miss a day of University, go clubbing with her and his brother, and sleep over with her and him. I obviously, got pretty annoyed and we ended up arguing. He agreed to not go in the end and to spend time with me instead. This never happened. Instead, he was messaging her back and forth the whole week, and planning nights out with Mia every night. It never happened, probably because of me getting annoyed that he seemed it was more important to plan nights out with her rather than a date with me. He told me not to worry about her and that she was just a good friend (they had known each other for less than a week at this point), and that he saw her as a little sister. I went home to my family on the Friday of that week, and he had mentioned how he may go clubbing with her and a few of his guy mates that night. I wasn't very fond of it, but I didn't stop him. He had asked for my keys, so that he could sleep at mine while I was away for the weekend, since his friends would be sleeping at his. He ended up leaving his own keys with a friend, and my keys at his, so left to go clubbing with no key, and was supposed to get his keys off his friend, when he would join them at the club. Long story short, I found out through Snapchat the next day that he ended up sleeping at Mia's place. I called him straight away and asked him where he was, he replies "Mia's kitchen sofa, nothing happened". I got super annoyed by this point, and did not speak to him the whole of Saturday. He had not one but two places he could have gone to, but ended up at Mia's with the excuse of having neither keys. If this were in fact true, out of respect for me he should have gone to stay at one of his guy friend's place instead. On the Saturday he told me at night that "We need to talk.". I went back to University on the Sunday, met him up and he broke up with me. Saying he feels he had lost feelings for me, and that he only now realises the problems we have been having and how the relationship had become toxic. I let him break up with me, but was confused the whole day. I met up with his brother that afternoon, and found out through him, that my boyfriend had not slept in the kitchen but was in bed with his brother and those two girls. He had lied again. So I asked to meet up with him that evening as I did not believe he had lost feelings for me, I can usually tell when he is lying. Something was not adding up. After a long conversation, he finally says to me, "I feel like I have lost feelings for you because I considered cheating, I was attracted to a girl at the club that night and she tried kissing me, I moved away, but I was attracted to her and seriously thought about kissing her". He also said how he did not remember the girl's face and that he wasn't actually sure if he kissed her or not, and that he may have thought it was me cause he was so drunk. I was heart broken. It was not like him to get this drunk and lose his senses. He left that night saying how sorry he was, and how he couldn't look at me in the eye as he felt so guilty to have done this to me. The next few days, it still did not make sense to me. I still felt like he was lying about what had happened, and despite all this, I still wanted to be with him, and believed he did too. I did not speak to him for about two days. He called me in the middle of the night after this, I was asleep. I messaged him the next day asking why he called. He responded saying that he was drunk. It led to us having a proper conversation through text, and me asking for the truth. Cause him saying he doesn't remember the girl's face or he kissed her or not just did not sound believable to me. He then went on to say, he does remember, but did not want to tell me. He told me that his lips and the girl's lip touched, and that she bit his lip. He said how he was sorry to have hurt an amazing girl like me, and that he didn't deserve me. Making it sound like he was punishing himself by leaving me. I was devastated. I felt betrayed, like our whole relationship was a lie. We went on for another two days with no contact, but still did not believe what he had told me... I called him last night, we spoke and he kept saying how he has things to tell me but doesn't think he should. I told him how I was finding this hard to believe. He said how he was hurting, but felt single and now attracted to more girls, a few days into the breakup. I mentioned how he was probably looking for a rebound, he said probably. I kept pushing him to tell me the truth since that was the least I deserved. He finally gave in and said, nothing happened at the club. It all happened at Mia's place. He and Mia were really drunk, all four were in bed, and he ended up in Mia's arms. Their face got close, lips touched, she bit his lips thinking they were going to kiss, but he remembered me, pulled away and then got up and slept in the kitchen. He said how he was attracted to her in the moment and was contemplating kissing her, but that he didn't. I asked if he was attracted to her in general, he said no, and that he didn't know what was going on through his head at the time. He said he was scared to tell me the truth, because I was suspicious of Mia the whole week. He said he is scared to get into a relationship with me because he is scared he will cheat again. I said how I am willing to look past this, since he moved away and didn't kiss her, and that I am willing to work to regain our trust back. He said he wasn't sure what he wanted, and that he knew he would regret letting me go in the future. But for now, he is getting sucked into the lifestyle of clubbing every night, and meeting new girls. I said I will not contact him for two weeks. That I will give him this time to figure what he wants. However, this is also a time for me to reflect on what I want. What do you guys think? Is this relationship over for good? Is this just a phase he is going through? Should I just leave? Thank you for any advice in advance!
  12. He just unfollowed them today. He says he was too busy with work and forgot, (I don't understand how he could forget something so important to our relationship). I'm just going to give him some space as he seems to be stressed with work. Thank you for your advise though!
  13. I used to feel special, I just have really mixed emotions now. The only time I really feel special now is when he realises he might lose me, and tells me how he can't live without me etc... I feel, when my relationship is good, it's REALLY good, but when it is bad, it's REALLY bad. I'm sorry I am really emotional at the moment, I don't mean to exaggerate anything he has said. I just wanted to clarify I don't think he constantly or directly criticises my physique but I believe he has heavily implied it quite a few times. For instance, he once told me how the first time he touched my boobs he thought to himself "what the f***?". He has asked me as if in general, if there was a way girls can get there boobs bigger, and then went on to ask if I put on weight if the size would increase. In the moment I always feel he asks me out of innocent curiosity, but thinking back it feels like he isn't happy with the way I am. He tells me quite often to squat at the gym in order to get my bum bigger (he says it playfully, but after a couple times, I know he's serious). With the stretch marks he asked me if there was a way to remove it, and is quick to point out when I get more. I have been constantly trying to understand if I am insecure and he is just playfully teasing me or if in fact he is the one causing my insecurities. I understand that some women would be okay with his Instagram habits, so it may not be that he's a bad person, just not the right one for me. I spoke to him about this the other day and told him that because I am not okay with his interactions with women on Instagram, he is either going to have to stop this or find a woman that is okay with it. After almost an hour of debating, he agreed that he will unfollow all these women. Three days on he still hasn't. Trying to figure out whether or not to stay in an almost 4 year relationship is hard. I appreciate your opinion as I don't feel comfortable talking about this to my friends.
  14. I guess that's true, but the same thing can be said about me meeting another man on Instagram, I don't know My gut tells me I know what I should do but I am finding it hard to believe that a guy I once thought was the man I will marry is now finding it hard to chose between this and me.
  15. Thank you. I guess it is a compatibility thing after all. Thing is when I ask him what he would do if I did the same thing with men, he becomes silent and then replies, "But I am a model". Double standards?
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