liasonred

Hi all, i'm confused please help!! Me and my girl of 6.5 yrs split 2 months ago. She found someone else lied to me about it and left. I didn't make any attempt to win her back or beg her to stay. Just said I thought us splitting was a mistake and that we should work things out. We had a lot of stuff to sort out and had to keep contact for about 2 weeks after she left. In that time I made no attempts to contact her for any other reason than I needed and told her we could not be friends. Through friends and her family I got to find out that she started seeing someone else. I am not bothered by this as we split, but she never told me and kept on that she wanted us to be friends. When everything got sorted out I started NC. She text me twice and I ignored these and she also text my mum and she ignored her message too. This week is about 5 weeks NC and she mails me with the subject "please respond" and below is how the mails went: HER > > >Hello, > > > > > > > > > > > >Hope your well!? > > > > > > > > > > > >Any chance we could meet up at all this week or the next? > > > > > > > > > > > >L ME > >Hello, > > > >I'm good. > > > >Not trying to awkward at all but why do you want us to meet up? > > > >Scott. HER > >Just think I owe you an apology and a bit of honesty. > > > >Is that OK? ME >If this is to make you feel better about it all? i'd rather we didn't. HER >Human nature, it will make me feel better getting how I feel off my >chest, but I understand completely if you would rather not. > >I would love for us to be friends but I know that could never happen?! > >L ME Is this really that important to you? are you ok? Because I just can't see that there is anything you can say that I will want to hear about the whole situation. For me it will just dredge up how you treated me and this time I will have to hear it from you as opposed to everyone else giving advice and little bits of info that I really didn't want to hear in the first place. As for friends I seriously would have loved that to be possible but that could never work, because of the way you made events occur. We both lead separate lives now and with those come different responsibillitys. I'm sure David (Her new BF) would love the idea of me and you being friends! HER I'm ok, just really miss your friendship. Obviously not sure on your position but I know David would be happy for me to stay friends with you. As you were part of my life for a very long time.! My last mail went something like this: Lisa, I do not hold a grudge or have any bitterness towards you. If you are happy with David then don't involve me. I don't wanna be involved and it is better for you too if I am not too. If this is really that important to you then we can meet. Just think about what you wanna say and it can't all be about you making yourself feel better. Scott. Now that was 2 days ago and I haven't got a response... Was I too harsh on her? Is she really ok? Should I meet her? Should I mail her again. Shall I just ignore and forget about it and start NC again? Any advice or insight from someone would be much appreciated.

Hi people, I am too going through the exact same swings of emotion you are experiencing. Me and my Gal were together for 6.5 yrs, buting a home and planning a wedding when she decided we didn't work. (She had found someone else and started seeing this guy a week after we split, i am sure they went out when we were together too) I have had NC for 3 weeks today, tho she has text me about some stuff which I have ignored becuase she wants to be on good terms so I can be there for her if her relationship fails. I look at contact with the Ex in a different way tho to make me feel better. Sure she was my best friend and I am soooo lonely without her at this moment but she also cut me deep and left a scar on my heart. Now if I have contact with her, she would get more out of that than me. I would have to deal with the new guys this and the new guy that, i couldn't tell her how I feel because it would be too heavy. I would do things for her if she needed me to but she would be unable to because she would have to check with her new guy and that is not what I want. Think of it this way, the person that you loved no longer exists as they were. You might not and i know I won't like the person they are now. Thats what stops me from sending that "Be friends" mail or text.

Just got a text from the Ex.... Last time we had contact 2 weeks ago we had an argument which she caused and apologised for the next day. I ignored the apology and today is th 16th day NC. Now she texts me asking am i ok and taking care of myself. Can I send her a pic of her cat that she abandoned and left me with and send her love to all my family!!!! Where on earth does she get the gaul... I'm planning on ignoring this text any ideas guys?

I have kept myleft busy today also webchick, strange i've been ok for a while and now i keep thinking bout her. Just wanna know if she's ok but will hate myself if I break this NC. So far so good though.

Count me in... Tomorrow will be my 14th day NC but today I really had the urge to contact her... Not sure why, think I just wanted to know she was ok but I resisted by coming to this site and reading all the positive posts. I'm joining so I have an extra incentive to stick with NC.

That's the kinda angle i'm looking at it from. Just want her to leave me alone, a cable is no big deal, thats if i have it. Sure she could've bought another easy. I would've instead of contcting her.

I don't want to jump to her tune though. I feel as she is trying to pull me in again so if things don't go ok with this guy she still has an open channel to contact me through. Or am i being paranoid?

Hello again, Me and my girl were together 6.5 yrs split up cos she found someone else although she told me she needed to sort herself out. (Suffers with low self esteem sometimes). Anyways you can read the background in some of my other posts if you want to. We have been broke up about 7weeks now and apart from when I need to contact her about finance related stuff I have been doing NC. Not to get her back but to move on and get away from the selfish life she is leading now. On thursday I got into a bit of a row with her because of finance stuff that she didn't tell me. The row came pretty much from her and was all based on her guilt of the way she has treated me. It was very heated and I got the most angry she has probabaly heard me ever. After this call which she ended by hanging up I text her mum and said that I think the best thing would be NC from all of her family cos she is trating me pretty bad and i don't deserve it. The next day I get a text from the Ex saying how sorry she is and how wonderful I am and that she should have been there for me.. blah blah blah. I ignore this and just want to move on and am. Then 2 days later she texts me again asking if I can post her a USB lead she has left at my house. In this text she calls me mate, and hopes i'm having a nice weekend. Is that strange after the argument or is it me. I know that she has a spare USB lead at her Mum and dad and am sure her new BF will have one. Wouldn't you rather just buy a new one from a shop than text me after the stress of the argument. I'm beginning to think she is bi-polar. Any suggestions as to what i should do. I am continueing to ignore her and am sure I don't even have the lead she is after.

Lotangel, Do not break NC, you'll only regret it after and will end up feeling worse than you are now. My ex left me saying that she needed to sort herself out but through friends i found out she is seeing someone else. We were together 6.5yrs buying a new home and planning a wedding. I have not been in contact with her for a week although there is so much frustration i have that i want to vent at her. The truth is i don't think she would care if i did. Stick with NC and slowly you will move on to better times.

Hi, your situation is very close to mine. My gf of 6.5 yrs broke up with me 6 weeks ago. We were in the process of buying our 2nd home and living with my parents at the time as we sold our place and was waiting for the new place to be ready. Whilst at my parents all her talk was of getting married in may of 06 and when are we gonna start a family. Then wham... she tells me things are no longer working, that i'm too good for her and that she needs to sort her head out. Truth is she went on a diet cos she thought she was over weight, i'm a litttle over weight too but that comes when you are comfortable in a relationship. Anyways she diets and looses a fair bit of weight, try to get me to do the same, i say i'm happy. I go to the gym when she lets me cos she wanted me to be with her all the time and look ok but along comes a new fitter, healthy eating guy and i'm out of the picture. 6.5 yrs, a wedding, a new 3 bedroom apartment, little cat all flushed because of her selfishness. The way i see it and you should too is that the person we loved no longer exists. A super selfish person has replaced them. By all means mourn the good times like i am and believe me i feel like real crap sometimes but don't want that person back. Don't contact them about anything other than what needs to be sorted out financially or possesion wise between you guys. Thats all i'm doing. It's really strange because i too took a new job so we could afford our new place. This was my GF idea but meant longer hours and she resented me for that too. I was a bit of an emotional rock for her and she has thrown that away too. She will loose in the long run and that makes me sad. But if she came and said she wanted us together again i would take great pleasure in telling her where to go. Remember, you have done nothing wrong. You have proved yourself to be faithful and able to have an honest adult relationship. You have laernt to put someone else before you and will be able to carry that into a new relationship when and only when you are ready. You are a good person and an honest one. Let the selfish, materialistic shallow people live their lives worrying about superficial stuff. Theres a big world out there and mine and yours just got bigger. It feels daunting at the start i know but i am coming to terms with it now and you will too. Think of all you can do now that was out of the question before and concentrate on that. Better yourself by concentrating on yourself for a while that is the key to me moving on.

I am going through a similar situation to you. I can't stop thinking about my ex. Wondering how this person I loved so much and that said she loved me so much has decided to lie and cheat to hurt me. She said she wanted us to be friends but i knew that was the wrong thing to do. I am desperately trying No contact with her. I feel like i want her back sometimes but ultimately know that because of the way she has acted that she is no longer the person i loved anymore. Look at it that way. The person you loved no longer exists. That person has hurt you and you will grow as a person for the better because of it. Most people are selfish and think of only themselves. My ex is the most selfish person i have ever known.

Is there anyone on here who have been in similar situations and have met someone new, better after they have healed? I miss my ex and couldn't imagine feeling this strong for anyone else... will it happen?

I am trying to do no contact but because it's at the early stages there has been some stuff to sort out. (we were moving into a new place and were staying at my parents ehrn this came about. Lots of solicitors stuff to sort and possesions to divide which were in storage) I have now done all the stuff i needed to do and haven't made contact with her for the last week. We have a cat which is hers but has been left with me, she won't take care of it that well and she knows that but says she wants him when she moves into a new place. Bet she won't but i don't like the fact she has an excuse to contact me about the cat, which she has on a few occasions and it always leads to asking something else. It does kinda knock you back.... it's a tricky one! Our relationship was good, we did split for a while last year tho but I thought that was all in the past and we had moved on. She was the one who wanted us to get engaged again, spoke about a wedding date, mentioned having kids constantly, wanted to buy a bigger and better place. That's the most confusing part!

Hello, it'd been 7 weeks now and I still think about my ex GF all the time. Is this normal? Sorry having a LOW day. We were together gor 6.5yrs and were planning to marry this time next year... She got with someone else straight after our split and i'm sure this was the reason she decided it wasn't working anymore. I just feel so confused, she was the oe talking about marriage and kids in february and now i'm the one missing our relationship so much. Has anyone got any advice for me or an insight into what went wrong?

I gave her a ring.... told her I was letting go and that the only thing holding me back was the promise. she said don't worry about it... Makes me feel a hell of a lot better. Probably won't last too long but now I can heal. I will miss her forever but am still breathing, sure she will miss me too but there as there is someone else for her and i'm sure there is someone else for me too. It is better to have loved and lost than never to love at all.

I'm a caring person, went to a counsellor this week for someone to talk to outside my current situation and the first thing she said to me is that I have a caring spirit.... kinda freaked me out.... Background.. me and my GF were together 6.5yrs, lived together 2.5 and were planning to marry May 06. She split with me cos she found someone else, said all the your a better person than me and i need to get my head sorted stuff but ultimately she has turned into someone else with this guys influence and i'm doing my best to move on. The Problem.. When we were together and all was great her Nan passed away. My GF was devestated as she was closer to her Nan than anyone. I also grew to love her Nan too. On her death bed her Nan asked me to promise her that I would always take care of Lisa (my Ex). I did and that promise has stayed with me always. Now that we are not together and none of this is through any fault of my own and did come from nowhere.... she picked the wedding date in march and then decided to split at the end of the month can I let that promise go? Should I tell my ex who knows her nan asked me this that i am letting go of that or am I just being silly and can just forget it?

Hi, Has anyone got any advice on how I can stop thinking about my Ex. It's been a month now sice we split and I have reached a point where I am better off out of that relationship because of the person she was. I can see that and know I have to get on with my own life now but can not stop thinking about her and the thought of spending time with her. We were together 6.5yrs, engaged and living together when she decided it wasn't right and that I am better than her and deserve more... blah blah blah... in other words she had found someone else. How do you stop thinking about them all the time when you know they are not right for you?

My girl kinda done the same to me. Said things like she needed to sort herself out and that maybe we could be together in a few years. What she really meant was that someone else was involved, she couldn't tell me because of her guilt abd that she wanted me to be in a position that I can be picked up again if things don't work out for her. I found all this out from her parents because I asked them if they could give me closure. I am now moving on... it's hard we were together nearly 7 yrs and planning to marry next may but I know that if she does come back to me I want to be in a position where I can tell her to get lost. Closure does come from within, it's more a case of respect for yourself. You loved once and will again but you can't be left hanging by someone on a thread.

Your right she was and still is my best friend. I miss her to talk to and to now how she is. It could be awkward tho and maybe more pain in the future for either of us. Is there anyone out there who has successfully stayed friends with an ex?

I have an ex GF who wants to be friends... We were together 6.5 yrs and have split, she has lied to me about the reasons behind the split but still wants us to be friends. Told her I don't think it could work. I can see that the relationship is better over but not sure on the friends. I care for her immensly but don't really see what I could get out of being friends with her if that makes sense? Is it better to forget and move on? or can being friends with an ex work?

DE, I'm in the same situation. The breakup my girlfriend told me was for her to sort herself out emotionally has turned into her wanting to be with someone else and just not having the gut's to tell me. Now I have trouble concentrating on anything... My brain thinks about her all the time and it's so annoying. I believe as you do that I am better of without this partner and can see now that for the 6.5yrs we were together she was selfish beyond belief. However the connection is still there, I love her still and always wonder if she is ok, will she need me in the future and stuff like that. Wish i could just "let go" but it is not that easy, my brain needs time to get used to my new routine. That she isn't here anymore when I wake, dinner is for 1 now and not 2. That i no longer have to think about someone else when making a decision. I understand all this takes time and the amount of time is different for everyone but I am not gonna replace her with someone else so some of the pain goes away. I spoke to her the other day and she was telling me she didn't feel any pain about our breakup at all. I can guarantee that is because of this other bloke, it will hit her eventually when she realises her life is upside down and that I have moved on. Just need to make sure I am strong now if she comes knocking on my door again. My advice to you is talk to as many people as you can about it, talking and getting a response is better than the pain and thinking you go through alone. Go out and have fun but know your limits, I sometimes go out and get to a point when I wish she was with me cos she would so enjoy it. As for the will I meet someone who clicks with me so well and who has everything i'm looking for.... i'm not sure on that one. I'm kinda worried bout that myself. What I do know now though is that the ideal person for me is now someone different to the impression I had before because of the ex. thereforeeee if I do find them they are definitely gonna be better.

kirstyski, Being friends with someone you really want to be with will hold you back from getting over this guy. What would happen if you were friends and another girl comes on the scene? All the heart ache would start again. It's hard but me and my girl split up 3 weeks ago and she too wanted to stay friends but i had to say no for my sanity. I've bumped into her a few times by accident and it hurts so the friends thing would be agony. What do you hope to get for yourself by being friends? What bought the break up about? How long were you guys together?

Don't get me wrong i am doing all those things. It's just that when you're in a relationship you neglect some things like me with the gym. I can do that now but i also get the satisfaction that if i bump into my ex i will look different hopefully. That's what i'm getting at. Not jealousy but making a positive change in your life.

Hello, I was just wondering what tips people have to make an ex realise what their missing by leaving you. I've been going to the gym a lot more to get the body i used to have before i met the ex back. Ironically i have the time now because i don't have the ex demanding my attention. Anyone else got any good tips to get one over on them and make us feel better too?

I am having kinda the same problem. Bumped into my ex twice in a week by accident. We split about 3 weeks ago, all her doing... the usual "i don't think we are right for each other, not you it's me crap" I have an idea what she really ment and said fair enough see ya later. We were together 6.5 years and in the process of buying our second home and a wedding date etched in for next May. Anyways when we bumped into each other she was all sweet like nothing had happened. I told her I didn't really want any contact unless there needed to be to sort financial stuff and the like out. We bumped into each other again and this time she eas real ratty and stormed off... starnge that was. Anyway i left it there but she has emailed me twice to see how i am, her ma, pa, and sis, text, mail and call me see how i am doing too. How can you move on when each contact drags your heart back into the old situation. I think they all don't wanna let me go and my girl wants me to be there if things don't work out for her. I love her and when i'm low think how i want her back but when i have time to enjoy myself and a few days no contact i realise how lucky i am this happened at this point. She needs to change and maybe she will but i can grow now too. It's just the contact from the past brings it all back!!! Why did you and your girl split?