liasonred

DisEnchantid - Every point you make sums up my situation as accurately as if I had wrote it myself. I am not sure if we will get back together in the future but you are right that people need to change for themselves and need to recognise their failings. In the past year when we have had troubled times before I have done that and now she needs too. I did this whilst we were apart and she went to Kenya... again running from problems. I hope she evolves and learns to love herself and maybe we can have a life together. For now I am going to again concentrate on me and meeting new people, do the stuff that our relationship stopped me from doing so if ther is a reconcile the time will not be wasted.

Thanks for the advice guys.. S&D - We were in the process of buying our 2nd place together when all this happened. Talk about stress. So we both officially have no where to live now as we sold the place we were living in. We are both back at our respective parents now. That's where a lot of my girls insecurities stem from and must be helping her. Double 3 - I guess I could be trying to be her saviour by taking this stance but the odds are that i'll move on and she'll move on 2. It's not a risk i'm taking to get her back but that I want to see what my life is like without her too. When I asked her to marry me and right up until we split last week I wanted to spend the rest of my life loving her but she brought an end to that and I have to see the positives for me now and see what my dumb head comes up with.

To be honest I am a bit tired of the pattern that has formed and have no energy to put a plan into action to get her back. I still want to be with her more than anything but feel that this time the whole break up thing needs to run it's course. I'm trying to prove to myself that I am fine without her and hope that she realises what's important to her too. She's one of those girls that put themselves down and thinks that they are bad people. She needs to get over that and I have realised I can't help her. I'm hoping one day we will be together but not right now. We were engaged and together for 6.5yrs up until last weekend so it is early days.

Me and my girl of 6 and a half years broke up last week. I love her to bits and she says she really still loves me but things just went down hill a bit and my girl is a runner away from problems and doesn't like to work at things. Anyways I normally talk to her and convince her things aren't as bad as they seem and reason with her about problems and we then get on great. We always have got on great. My question is that this time i am not fighting for her back, i am not even really thinking about what can i do to make this right but do wonder if we will just by chance or from her effort get back together. Are their any suprising stories or rekindled love? To cheer me up a bit.

I too am feeling lost. My relationship lasted 6.5yrs we had ups and downs but now it seems it will be over. We are meeting tomorrow to discuss things as we were buying a new home after selling ours when my girl told me she was unsure about us. The worst thing for me is that I didn't want it to end and am losing my best friend. I feel numb sometimes, try to convince myself i'll be better off but still feel upset and ill. I'm sure it will get better but the sorting possesions, who get's the cat, the money we have saved, where to live now just makes it more painfull. Chin up people, we are the good people. The ones that really care and will grow as individuals because of the experiences we are going through.

Hi, My girl and I are breaking up. The main reason she gives for this is that "you'll be better off without me" and that she is "Sacrificing me so I can be happy". This makes no sense to me and is making me feel really upset. She has some emotional problems which I want to and have helped her with. My question is, can anyone help me to understand what she really means by this because i am so confused.....? many thanks.

It's official we have decided to split... she is moving out today! Brief history... pt1 We have been together since october 1999. Living together since december 2002. Engaged in November 2003. My girl - Beautiful, Curvaceous, Intelligent and Caring person. Sometimes lacks self belief and self esteem with a jealous streak. A great listener to other peoples problems but unable to deal with and share her own. Me - I think i'm just a nice caring guy who thinks about other people before myself. Hard working and a bit of a provider by nature. I am very laid back sometimes far far too laid back it can be taken the wrong way or look bad. Situation Now. Sold our flat and in the process of buying a new place. In the short term we are staying at my parents and have been since christmas. My girl get's on great with them and they treat her as a daughter and am taking the whole thing very badly. She is very close to my mum and my mum see's the split as my girl leaving her too. In the time at my parents there have been no rows. or disagreements with anyone. A few weeks ago I felt something had change in the way she was and asked her what's up. She said she was unsure if she was in love with me and that moving in the new flat was going to be too much of a burden on us. I couldn't believe it!!! Where had this come from?? I said to her that because we are at my parents we maybe haven't been as close as a couple we had been in the past. That coming from our own place it may had been something we were not expecting and we should make an effort to sort this out. She agreed with what I said and was confused why she felt like this. After this I seemed to be the only one making any effort. It all came to a head last friday when I said to my girl that I would go out with her and she refused. I was to be out with my ex workmates as a lad's thing the following night because my old boss was emegrating to NZ and she told me we wouldn't see each other for 2 nights. I made the effort by saying I would go out with her and her reaction was wrong. I asked why not and she agreed that she was making a life away from me and us as a couple and that i wasn't invited. I told her I couldn't carry on like this and asked her to leave. When she got back we had a chat that involved my mum and I was still adamant she should go. I thought i am not gonna be treated like this and don't deserve it. Saturday came and went and she was still here. Talking to my ma and trying to get her head right. On Sunday I said again this can't go on either you are commited to us or not. After lots of talk she again said she wanted to sort it out. Was sorry and wanted to make it work. I agreed but said she has to make an effort. This week again only I have made an effort and have become drained. For 2 day at work this week I felt really really bad, like my confidence had gone that I was a failure and decided it can not go on. That prompted my post yesterday and the decisions of today. She stayed at my ma and pa's last night again and we talked some more when we went to bed. We still get on great, can talk openly and strangely had a pasionate embrace both last nigh and this morning. I my self can not undersyand the problems but am not a punch bag. She can not make a decision and is confused. She wants to leave and sort out issues she has with how she treated me and thinks that by "sacrificing me" she is doing what is best. That doesn't make sense to me. To make me unhappy is her doing what is right for me!!!! I'll let you all now how today goes later.. Heres a bit of our older history together with more to follow. Our relationship has always been great from day 1. We think and feel the same things often and have never really demanded anything of each other. Sometimes it feels like we love each other too much and that has lead to problems. We have only ever had 4 real arguments in the 6+ years. When these happen we seem to over react and think it's all over. In january of 2004 I had what I can describe now as a breakdown. Not a serious depressed obvious breakdown but a feeling of being lost and emotionless. The catalyst for this was my girl taken objection to a female friend of mine at work liking me. The night in question was one of the worst of my life and was aidded by my girl having far too much to drink which fuelled her anger and she was really nasty although because of the booze she can't remember. It finished with her throwing our engagement ring at me. There was nothing going on between me and my college. I awoke the next day with a sense of anger and bewilderment. It was only later that I would recognise that this had unlocked a lot of hidden baggage I had. Little of this baggage was with my girl. A lot of it stemmed from my family whom I had felt responsible for up and till then. When I was younger my dad had a heart attack and nearly died, he was in hospital for a while and the way he lead his life had to change ferom that point on. I assumed responsibility for my mum and brother at that point. A few years after that my Mum developed stomach cancer and though she too survived and is still here today it was a very rough 12-18 months for which I again took full responsibility for my family. I do not regret this but carried on that responsibility right up until my break down. At this time I started to push my girl away. Not because I didn't want her but because I didn't want to burden her with my pain. She hasn't had things easy and has suffered depression and self loathing. I have been there many many times to pick her up to talk and understand her. However she has never really dealt with any issues just put them to one side. I will continue this over the next few days. She is due back soon to get her stuff. Lastnight we went out had a really good chat to try and resolve the issues and both feel her moving out is all that can happen.

Hello, Today i'm probabaly going to end it with my girlfriend. She has been messing me around for a few weeks now and can not make the decision to leave herself. There is a history to why this has come to a head and i will post all the details later depending on how tonight goes. I was thinking that to get me through this I may keep a bit of a diary going on this site so pople who are feeling the same can relate to it, and i'm sure the feed back will help me too. Is this a good idea people? I will post again later with the details if I get a positive response to this.

Hello, me and my girl of 5 and a half years have broke up. We have been apart for about 3 months and in this time she has wanted us to start again but when we tried she says she doesn't know how she feels about me! Just feels numb and scared of getting hurt. She says she just feels numb all the time about everything. Anyone got an insight?

We are not together as a couple but we do live together. She talks of moving out but nothing has come of this yet. The holiday was her idea to try and help us but i'm not sure I wanna go because if she's insistent it's all over and doesn't feel anything for me I'd rather start to get over her now. I will still want her back for a while though and it will be hard but the waiting is a nightmare. Sometimes I think this week away will help, that I could make her wakeup and see what we had. Seriously we were a great loving couple. We still get on well as friends but she is confused about us and that she is thinking about other guys. I understand that given our situation this is normal but she thinks it's all wrong and she is a bad person and I am better off without her.

She isn't getting any professional help at the moment as she doesn't think she needs any. Since our relationship started she has always had a problem area in her life. This is normally work related as she has never relly been happy in any vocation or had self worth because of this. She has had problems with her parents also. None of these are extremly serious but they have often influenced how she lives her life and acts. I could always help and cheer her up and make her see that things aren't that bad and she is a special person. It's hard at the moment cos I have become the issue now and don't seem to be able to help. I love her to bits.

Hello, me and my girl had been together for 5 and a half years, lived together for 2 of them and had been engaged for 6 months when we went through a really bad patch because I has a breakdown and pushed her away to protect her although I still loved her and eventually we split. Anyway she decided she wanted us to try again after we were apart for about 3 months, this was a couple of months ago when she came back from a planned 2month trip to Kenya after 3weeks to try this and I was extatic. We had split for about 3 months and in this time we both got involved with other people and were honest with each other about this when she came back. We both were equal with the extent these relationships reached and I do not see any reason this should hold us back but she can't forget. She told me to get on with my life when she left and that she might not come back from Kenya when she went there. I had started to get over her when she decided to come back and try again. The situation now is that she has been back for 2 months and is in a real mess. She doesn't know what she wants in life, speaks of suicide has a real downer on men, espeacially me. She seems to be living 2 lives, one with me when she is depressed and angry with herself. She say's she wants us but doesn't know how it will work. How can I help? That she doesn't feel anything for me but numbness but this is how she feels about everything in her life. That she doesn't want any relationship cos she just gets hurt but I know some guy she met in a pub is after her and she is contacting and meeting him. When she is with her friends she puts on an act, acts like the life and soul of the party telling her friends nothing is wrong and acting nothing like I remember her being for the previous 5 years. When she comes home she gets down again. We are going to Egypt for a week holiday this weekend and I don't know how to save our relationship and help my girl. I have a week alone with her and want to make it count. Have you got any advice on why she is behaving like this or how to save my relationship.

Hello, me and my ex girlfriend are going away to egypt this weekend for a week as a last chance for us hol. Below is a quick description of our situation. We were engaged and had been together for just over 5 years, living together for 18 months when the following began: In February I began what I know now was an emotional breakdown. At the time I thought the emptiness and entrapment that I felt was caused by my partner. I did discuss this with her because she was having problems with work which I thought was making me feel like I have to deal with all her problems. The solution we came to was that she was going to leave work and go do some charity work in Kenya for 2 months because this is something she has always wanted to do. I saw this as a great thing for her but even better for me to find out how I actually felt. When the Kenya trip was arranged there was a gap of roughly 2 and a half months where we were in limbo. I still didn't know why I had no feelings at all about anything and began to push her away and ignore her. I started to go out drinking to help me to forget what I was feeling. Whilst I was doing this my girlfriend went through the motions of getting over us. I didn't know about this as at no point did I want us to actually split. After about a month of going through this my girlfriend approached me and said she thought it would be best if we actually split in the long term because she was going away and we would be able to weigh up what we wanted better. I reluctantly agreed to this, I still had no feelings in me and was pre-occupied with trying to sort myself out. We were still living together and still sharing the same bed so I think neither of us saw this as the big thing it was. When it became apparent to both of our respective group of friends that we had split someone that my partner had told me was after me and to be careful of started to come on a bit strong. A similar incident happened for my partner with one of her work colleagues approaching her. I then found out that my Mum may have breast Cancer and then the floodgates opened. She's had cancer before and my Dad has had an heart attack. These both happened when I was fairly young and I just began to feel they were my parents were my responsibility. I couldn't take the strain of this anymore. I had never thought I had to deal with any problems and never really spoke about my feelings and worries to anyone because I felt I couldn't burden anyone. I had never had a thought for myself and this was what was wrong not my relationship. I have spoken to my Parents about the way I was feeling and how I think I was having an emotional breakdown because I couldn't turn to anyone for help. This helped me a great deal to understand what I need to do and what I have done. They can see where they have put pressure on me and have apologised for what they think they done wrong. This has all helped me greatly with how I was feeling. When the trip came she told me she no longer wanted anything to do with us, that she was over me and didn't even know if she would even come back to this country. That I should continue with my life and forget about her. I continued to mail her while she was away, and she came to the conclusion she would be mad to throw it all down the drain and came back after 3 weeks wanting to start afresh. Once she contacted me about starting again she begain to feel guitly about something I asked what and she told me she had slept with this other guy. I told her that while she was away I slept with the other woman also and didn't see how it should make any difference to us. That this was a new start and when we both did what we did we were not together. She then went a bit cold, seems to think she'll get hurt again, want to just run from this problem. She has spoken of leaving everything she has including family and just disappearing. Of killing herself cos everyone will be bettter without her. I can't stand this and just want us to be back happy together. Running is not going to solve anything. We both still love eachother so much. Anyways whilst we are away on this holiday how should I act to soften her to the idea of a relationship again? Convince her that I will not intentionally hurt her but that I do not know what the future holds.