wickedbusa
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Everything posted by wickedbusa
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NC rule. It is golden and does wonders for the way you feel. It sounds like she is confused as to what she wants in life. I agree with Rich about the "having your cake and eating it to" advice. I don't think it is fair to you to have you keep hanging on to a situation that will not be what you want. She should be honest with you and just tell you she wants to break up if that is the case. Move on, someone else better will come along who will love you for who you are and not treat you this way. My view of "I need my space" is an easy way for someone breaking up with someone without the the harshness. Love yourself, everything else will fall into place.
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Rich, This is almost exactly like thhe situation I was in. All I can tell you is let it go. You need to move on and realize that this situation is killing you. I know how hard it is when you love somoene and you get the "I need space" line. Move on and continue the NC. It is hard to now call, but calling her will only make you feel worse. If she comes back to you, you will have to decide whether or not you want her back. Sometimes giving someone space saves a relationship, and sometimes it doesn't. You need to focus on yourself right now and make yourself first in your life. Don't revolve your life around her anymore. It is hard, and sometimes it will feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel, but let me tell you, I have gotten to the end of the tunnel and i feel a whole lot better about myself. People around me are happy to see me and I have developed a confidence in me that I never had before. Good luck to you.
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I know it's difficult, but with each passing day, you will get stronger and stronger. Eventually you will get to the point where this will no longer affect your life. It's hard, but know that you have the strength inside of you to overcome this hard time.
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You not an idiot man, you just experienced a terrible romantic situation like many of us here. Keep up the NC, we are all here for you. Get out there and focus on yourself. Stay busy and remind yourself that you deserve better than this is life. Everything else will fall into place. I thought it was the end of the world, but since I started to focus on myself, everything in my life has been falling into place and I am having more fun than ever before. Move on, even if just a little at a time. If she really wants to be with you, she will come and find you. You just have to decide whether or not you would be willing to take her back.
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Glad to hear your situation turned out ok, you are one of the lucky ones.
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Yes, NC is NO CONTACT. No phone calls, no emails, no text messages, no smoke signals, NOTHING.
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Doctor, that is so true.
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Don't let your life revolve around her anymore. Move on with your life and don't expect to hear anything from her. If she calls or responds, fine, but don't focus on her getting back to you. People do some awful things in this world and unfortunately there is nothing we can do to control the other person. The only person you can contol is you, so focus on yourself. I did and it did wonders for my life. Good luck to you.
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NC Worked - But she left me
wickedbusa replied to wickedbusa's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
I have thought about her coming back if she ever realizes what she lost in me, but I am not counting on it. Even if she did try to come back, I would not take her back. She has caused me pain, disappointed me, angered me, and confused me. I refuse to ever have her do that to me again. Once is enough and as harsh as it may seem, I have used the anger I have inside of me to, in a sense, totally block any feelings I have left for her. I deserve better in life and I am positive that I am going to find it one of these days. -
She dont want to be in a relationship anymore
wickedbusa replied to qwert's topic in Breaking Up Advice
I know it is tough, but you have to hang in there. Forget about her and focus on yourself now. There will be someone out there much better who will NOT treat you like this. You are a genuine person and deserve much more than this. I more than loved the sex with my ex, but in the end, I realized that sex is only a part of a relationship, albeit a big part of it, but not all of it. Begin the NC rule and take care of yourself. I promise you, life will get better with time and soon you will realize that she is not worth the trouble. Good luck to you and please, feel free to PM me if you need a friend. -
NC Worked - But she left me
wickedbusa replied to wickedbusa's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
**UPDATE** It's amazing how I feel stronger even though this only happened 48 hours ago. This forum and my close friends have made it easier for me to focus on myself and no one else. A friend of mine once told me that people begin to appear when you are not looking for it. I believe it because I have met new friends and am looking forward to a few nights of going out this week. I feel so much better even though this situation almost killed me. I am enjoying life, and am smiling and joking around just like my old self. I'm keeping positive and am moving on with my life a day at time. As each day passes, I feel stronger, more confident, and happier. My friends around me are reacting to my positive outlook on life and it is a wonderful feeling. -
All I can tell you is what I have been experiencing in the past few weeks. She needs a break. There is no telling whether this is a good or bad thing. Begin the NC rule and by all means, do not call her anymore. It is only going to be more painful for you. She will come looking for you if and when she is ready. In the meantime, take this time for yourself. I believe that she is confused and has no idea what she wants right now. Take a step back and put yourself first right now. If she can go from loving you to telling you she doesn't feel anything anymore, then something is wrong. Let it go and move on, she's not worth it.
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This reminds me of my situation. Look up my posts and you will see what I mean. My relationship began its ending when my girlfriend told me that she needed her space. I know that some people are blessed and get together after space is given, but in your case, I also agree that it would be best for you to move on with your life. You don't deserve to be treated this way, you deserve more. You have to convince yourself of that. Begin the NC rule and don't look back. I know how hard it is to not make the call, but you will only hurt even more if you do. Focus on yourself and love yourself. As I have been told, use this experience as a positive one. Focus on the fact that losing you will be the biggest mistake of his life. Stay strong and the best of luck to you.
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NC Worked - But she left me
wickedbusa replied to wickedbusa's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
I've been making changes to get rid of everything that reminds me of her. The pictures, her picture on my cell phone, my passwords that were her middle name, everything. I spent a lot of time with some of my friends today and they really amazed me with how supportive they were towards me. Thery were there to listen to me, and were there to tell me that everything is going to be okay. They kept telling me that it is her loss, not mine, so I should move on, learn from this experience, and learn to love myself again. The day began on an angry note, but after some laughs with my friends, I have hope that this is going to be something that is going to be better for me. It's strange how I even have plans to meet some new friends this weekend. I still have the occasional relapse of anger, but it is nothing like I experienced last night. For all of you who are experiencing what I am feeling, stay strong like I am finally doing. I am slowly realizing that I no longer need from her the things she was giving me (or lack thereof). I originally thought about fighting for her again, but why should I be the one to look like the fool again when it is apparent that she no longer cares about me? I'm moving on a day at at time and I feel that one day, she will wake up and realize dumping me is the biggest mistake she has ever made in life. But, I'm not going to help her realize this, she can figure it out on her own, after all, she did tell me that she wanted nothing from me anymore. -
NC Worked - But she left me
wickedbusa replied to wickedbusa's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
It's a weird feeling when you know you still love someone deep down inside, and yet, you feel so much anger at the same time. I keep thinking that she is going to call me again, that she is going to send me an email, or even show up at my front door. This is so hard for me to accept and the strange thing is, I haven't cried a tear. I am so emotionally numb that I feel nothing that is going on around me. There is no logic left in my mind. Nothing makes sense anymore, but I am not going to beg for her back. Not this time, not ever. If she chooses to contact me in the future, then so be it, but I refuse to live my life hoping that she is going to cometo her senses and realize what she lost in me. I don't want to move on without her, especially after everything that her and I planned, but it is something I need to do. The anger I feel inside is what is getting me through the day right now and I just wish that there was something I could do to erase all of the memories I had with her.... -
Well, NC worked alright. Do a search on my story under my username. In short, my girlfriend (well, ex-girlfriend now), needed space to think about things so I gave it to her. I did the NC thing, although it was very hard, and one week later she finally called me. Well, as hard as I prayed for her her to come back, she called me to tell me that it was over between us. In a relationship where I gave her my all, in the blink of an eye, is over. My relationship with her was wonderful and full of timeless moments. I helped her regain her confidence, her well being, and everything that she had lost in her past abusive relationship. And yet, her reasons for breaking up with me are her feelings for her ex. What is possessing her to go back to her ex is beyond me. She got out of that abusive relationship and vowed to never ever be in a situation like that agaiin. And yet, her she is, ending everything with me, a person who gave her everything to get her back on her own two feet. How I will ever get over such a disappointment is beyond me. What would possess someone to go back to someone who never appreciated them to begin with? Why would someone want to be back to where they started, being verbally and physically abused? These are questions in my mind that is making this break up not only confusing, but also angers me like I have never been angered before. I still love her, and when I asked her if a part of her still loved me, she just stayed quiet on the phone and told me, "You will always have a special place in my heart." So she went from, "I am in love with you, I don't ever want to lose you," to, "Thanks, but no thanks. I don't need you anymore and will not answer any questions you might have about my feelings for you because there isn't anything there anymore." I hate life right now. Nothing is more painful than the person you love dumping you and telling you that there is no love or any kind of emotion left inside of me for you. For the sake of everyone out there, I hope this never happens to you. Even for my ex, I hope that whoever she is with never does this to her. It is disappointing. It's feeling of betrayal, anguish, anger, love, and confusion, all wrapped into one. All I can do is pray that God can give me the strength to love myself and the trust to love someone else in the future. Right now, I don' think I can trust anyone close to me. I just lost my best friend, my lover, my soulmate.
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Excellent post. Please, don't take too long with your next post. This is good stuff.
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I could go and ask her if there is someone else, but after speaking to her this weekend, I am confident that there is no one else there. I appreciate the replies, and I understand every concern, but after thinking about things long and hard, I have decided to hang in there and wait for my girl. She is the love of my life. I trusted her before, and I still trust her now, despite everything that has happened.
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As hard as it was to do the NC thing, I disciplined myself and tried so hard to not call her. Last night, I got an email from her, so we emailed each other a couple of times, and ended up on the phone until about 1:30 in the morning. We were just chatting about school, light conversation, but nevertheless, it was nice hearing her voice on the other end of the phone. She told me she was doing a little better, which makes me happy because I didn't like seeing her be depressed. Seeing her sad also hurt me, I just didn't want to see her suffer anymore. It was just a nice, down to earth conversation and her and I enjoyed. I feel a little better now knowing that she is doing a little better herself. I know it is going to take time, but I still believe that her and I are just on a break and will get together again. I'm just going to take it slow, and let the relationship move at her pace. I'm not going to push the issue, or even bring up our relationship for now. All I am going to do is be here and give her all of the support that she needs from me. Some of you may not agree with me, but I have to follow what my heart is telling me.
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One week ago, my girlfriend told me she needed space. Well, since it is a long distance relationship, I asked her if she would be willing to talk about our relationship in person instead of on the phone. I made the drive to see her (about 400 miles) and we talked about where our relationship was. She told me again that she needed space. So, I asked her what she wanted of me. I asked her if she wanted me to disappear off the face of the earth, or if she still wanted some kind of contact with me. She told me that she didn't want me to fall off the face of the earth, instead, told me that it was ok to call her once in a while and to email her. I asked her if she still wanted to continue her relationship with me after she got the counseling she needed, and she replied with, "I would like to. I will let you know when I am ready." Now, our relationship has been beautiful for the almost two years we were in it. On the night before I had to head back, we ended up being intimate with each other, something that I think someone wouldn't do if they were really breaking up with you. My friends tell me to move on, but I am willing to wait for her. I love her with everything that I am and am willing to give her her space, in the hopes that when she is ready, she will come back to me and continue the relationship we had. So, I guess my question here is, "After this weekend and the things her and I did, does it seem like she just needs time to herself and everything will be fine in a little while?" I could tell that she still had feelings for me since everytime I went to hug her bye (I was there for two days), she would still give me an innocent kiss on the lips. Am I making the right decision here? I am emotionally distraught ever since all of this happened and as hard as I try to tell myself that everything will be fine, I also have the fear that I will never hear that call.
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To keep along story short, my girlfriend told me about a week ago that she needed space to herself. She told me that it wasn't me, and that she had feelings of anger, anxiety, and emotional numbness, and had no idea why she was feeling that way. On the day she told me that she needed space, she told me not to call her, but said that it would be ok to call her here and there to say hi. Our relationship has always been a beautiful thing without arguments. We have had open communication and have been able to talk about anything. A couple of days went by. She went to see a physician about her problems, who then prescribed her yet more drugs. I on the other hand, spoke with another mutual friend of ours who has been working with domestic violence for several years now. Prior to me, my girlfriend was married and in a very abusive relationship. My friend then told me to look up Battered Women's Disorder and as I read about the symptoms and feelings that one experiences with this disorder, I saw my girilfriend fitting the typical patient. So, I did what I was not supposed to do. I called my girlfriend, told her what I had found, and she listened to me. I told her that I believed she had this disorder, and also found her a few free places where she would be able to get counseling. She was very thankful and told me that she would see me on Friday. Did I do the right thing? I know all about the NC rule, it's all over this website, as well as coming out of the mouths of my friends. But, because I love her so much, I wanted to help her get past her problems and hopefully be able to pick up where we left off in the not too distant future. Not once did I talk about my relationship with her during this conversation and because of this, she was very sincere that I was so concerned about her health. I am going to see her tomorrow and am quite nervous as to what might happen. It's a long distance relationship and whenever we see each other, we always hug and kiss. I don't know if I can still do that, or if I should just hug her, but not kiss. We are going to talk about everything in person and hopefully define where our relationship is now. I am here to support her through this ordeal and am willing to wait for her.
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I am really trying to stay calm and stop wondering what she is doing. I keep telling myself that she will be back in my life, it's just that sometimes I lose focus and start to think about her again. I guess it doesn't help much when everything around me at work and at home reminds me of her.
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Thanks for the replies everyone. This is very difficult for me, and yes, I am going crazy trying so hard to give her the space she asked for. I'm trying to keep myself distracted, but I just can't stop thinking about her. During this phase of giving her space, does this mean that her and I have "broken up"?
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I am new to talking about my personal life on the internet, but right now, I feel so alone. I was married for 7 years, divorced, and have been with my current girlfriend for 3 years. For the past couple of weeks, she had been quieter than usual, very uncharacteristic of her. Her and I have had a wonderful relationship. The communication is there, the intimacy is there, and despite the long distance between us for the past year, we have been able to keep our relatioship strong. I visit her quite often, we talk on the phone, email each other, chat, you name it. Our conversations have always been deep and meaningful. Yesterday, after a civilized discussion about why she has been so quiet lately, she told me that she needed some time off for herself. She doesn't know why she has feelings of anger. She did tell me that she was in no way upset at me, and she did tell me that she was still deeply in love with me. I am deeply in love with her also and can't imagine my life without her in it. She has called me a couple of times since last night, and we've talked for a few minutes, but it's not quite the same. She is not cheating on me and I am not cheating on her. I know some of you might say that I am wrong, but this girl is different. She has two children from her previous marriage, and has always been a sweetheart. Since moving, she has had to take depression pills, although when I go and visit, she will spend a few days with me alone, not take a single pill, and is happy as always. I want to marry this girl, and we have talked about it before. We have a long distance relationship because of school, but we have made promises to each other to stay exclusive with each other. All I keep reading about asking for space is just another way of saying the relationship is over. Is it possible that my girlfriend just needs some genuine time alone? Her and I have had this connection since we met where we can sense that something is wrong. I know it probably sounds corny, but it is the truth. I am going to go and see her this weekend, and she told me that she was okay with seeing me, but just to give her some time alone for the next few days. Someone please tell me that i am not going to lose her, I don't want to cry anymore.