Stinkweed

It's what I do. I don't know how to make myself just do things... I keep somehow making myself not do them. For example: in one of my classes there's this girl I think is cute, and she's nice too. She laughs at my jokes sometimes too... I haven't talked to her about anything that's not class-related, yet sometimes I think I should try to talk about something more and maybe see if I could get her number. But sometimes it's like I don't feel like it. I don't know why, but I think that normally this should be something I'd (or at least any normal dude) would go for, yet my interest feels so lukewarm... know what I mean? Like I think she's the kind of girl I'd be interested in (well, she's kinda like the other girls I've been interested in), yet I don't really feel motivated enough to do anything (I mean, I've no clue what I would say/do, but at least I should try something, right?). Same has happened with a couple other girls. I find them cute, and they're the kind of personality I'd go for (the one I've been on the lookout for), but for some reason I feel kinda not motivated enough (and lol, the other girls are not even remotely interesting to me... so being motivated to approach just ANYONE is out of question). I have come to believe that I'm sabotaging myself into not feeling this way. Or am I? Am I not really interested and I just want to try anyone? I dunno... Why can't I just ask one of them out and just get it out of my way? Who knows how I'll feel after I do that? Probably relieved at least, no matter what the answer is. God, I'm ridiculous... how do I stop sabotaging myself?

who cares about being popular if you're not being yourself? Seriously, man. Don't conform to all those cliques. It's a waste of time. Don't be like them hot topic kids who just try too hard to fit in with the rest thinking just because they're different from others, they are really different, when in fact they're just conforming because they end up looking just like 100 other dudes who belong to the same clique plus they just do it for attention. Know what I mean? The youth today are too look-oriented. Why let MTV or any other huge company define who you are? Just wear whatever man. Something you think looks good, and feels comfortable. In the end, it's you who makes the choice, but I'm telling you it's better to just be yourself. It's not the clothes that make a man, but if anything it's all the way around. I'm not saying you should judge them either, because some of them are not bad persons, and the way they dress is their own business, but if they judge you, then they're not worth your time. Good luck to you. And for hair get whatever haircut man. Any gentleman's haircut, or grow it out a little. Your call really. I'm telling you from experience, what you wear is not even skin-deep, so you shouldn't care way too much about that (personal higiene is always appropiate, though). And also, lol, I disagree with the title of your thread. If anything you've got more identity than the "metalheads" or the "punk rockers" or any of those cliques who claim they're not conforming.

Thank you all for your replies. You've all been very helpfull. I'm going to try to get those books (even though I find it hard to concentrate now...). Thanks and best wishes. Keep replies coming.

Well, that indeed is a good reply too. Where could I learn about buddhism? I've always been interested... Wow, you guys are awesome. Thanks for replying. Best wishes.

I feel really empty, but I'd never turn to drugs. It's a personal promise I made... Well, I play the guitar but I kinda suck, plus I think a second guitarist would indeed be nice, lol. The trip from florida to brighton, U.K. can't be that long... Seriously, though, I'd like to know what kind of music did you guys played. And also, any tips on meeting people who might have the same interest (or similar) in music as you? I've tried, but it's kinda hard to find anyone besides these kids, but they're too arrogant and not very cool...

You sound so much like my best friend (who is a girl) and I. It's entirely platonic too (she even has her own boyfriend). Except neither of us is really sentimental (nothing out of the ordinary at least). And, we've been having problems too, because we both have our own personal issues. I for one don't like to talk about mine... I mean, I don't even know what they are. I just feel something is wrong, yet I try not to let it get to me too much. She has her own issues too, and she just tries to talk about them to me. And I really am not up for talking about issues anymore. She's kinda clingy for some reason, and acting like a clingy girlfriend, when she's not my girlfriend (heck, she even has her own boyfriend), and I don't want her to be either... I guess she wants to much attention (you can see it even in the way she dresses...) and I guess I don't agree with that kind of attitude either. God, all I want to spend these last couple of months in high school, having the most fun I can. Is this the feeling we get when we're old and know our time's not that far from over, so we behave kind of bitter? I dunno, but I wish I could fix things. I dont wanna be a jerk to her. But why does she have to come looking for me all the time?

Today, I realized I don't know what I'm looking for. There is something, indeed, that I want, I just don't know what... I look at the things I don't have (a girlfriend = I'm not particularly interested in anyone really, a band = I can start one and I am going to so I don't think that is it, etc just to name a few) , and those are not the reasons I feel like this... I really don't feel like talking to anyone. I've posted like 3 times about this problem I've had with my best friend, who's acting all clingy and stuff, yet I only get 1 reply, and it doesn't really have to do with what I'm asking for, so I guess I give up on trying to ask advice on that one. The thing is I just don't feel like talking to anyone. I mean, sure I do hang out with some friends, but we just joke around and stuff, we don't really TALK, like about issues and stuff like that (I've had it with listening to my best friend's issues, and I myself don't want to talk about my own AT ALL with anyone) if you know what I mean... I search inside myself and try to see what is it that makes me not wanna talk to anyone. That makes me wanna walk home instead of taking the bus... That makes my mind wander off constantly. Is it that I wish I were someone else? I dunno.. I mean if there were something I wish I could change, it would be that I wish I had more fun in general, you know? Less stress, and maybe being able to appreciate life more, and to live to the fullest without remorse and just having fun... Why is it that some things are so much harder to carry on this way? I guess this is more of a rant, and I realize I won't get many replies. But if I do, please give me some input, or at least let me know if you've ever felt the same and how things turned out in the end. Thank you.

I'm sorry you have to go through that... I, myself, bite my nails when I'm stressed... But I bite it until I bleed. I only stop when it starts hurting and I see blood. Otherwise, I don't even know I'm doing it. I've done it since I was like 13, then I stopped doing it when I was 17, and now that I'm 18, it came back. But, I mean, I think the hair is tougher to deal with... I hope you overcome this. Good luck and best wishes.

I'm not interested in more than a friendship with her... And yes, she still has a boyfriend.

Few people are priviledged enough to have friend who stands by them even when they're in the worst of trouble. These friends are what I like to call best friends. And I have a best friend who is a girl. But this year things have changed. I mean, we've known each other for about 2 years now. The first half of the first year we weren't best friends yet. I mean, yes we joked a lot, and talked a lot, and got along really well. But still we weren't the kind of friends you'd entrust a secret to. That is what we became the second half of the year. We became grew closer. I never felt any attraction towards her, and I seriously doubt she's ever felt attraction towards me (besides, she even has a boyfriend). So it's entirely platonic, I think. So, then the first half of this second year, she was acting very weird, to the point that I thought "So much for being best friends". And at first I did feel affected, and I even felt pretty down about it... Then we gradually went back to what we used to be the 2nd half of the first year, except sometimes she'd disappear and she wouldn't say anything and then come up with some explanation (whether she was being honest or not, I'll never know). I stopped caring about this, cause I mean, it's not me who she should be doing the explaining to... I'm not her boyfriend. But this happened only a couple of time. Then, we got to the 2nd half of the 2nd year (present). I don't see her that often, and I guess this time I accepted it. I've had to grow a little bit closer to some of my other friends, who I see more often now, yet I think I've grown a little appart from her. She went missing for a couple of weeks (she told me she sprained her ankle, which is true, cause I saw her with crutches the day she came back). But in the meanwhile, I made new friends, and stuff (not that they'll replace her though). And I guess I have many new problems to tend to, that I didn't have before. And well, everybody thinks we're dating, and I never cared about it, but after all these people seeing me single during valentine's day... I dunno why, but it even felt good for some reason. And I guess the thing is that now she's kinda behaving like she would if she were my girlfriend, and, I mean. She has been kinda sick lately, and she says her friends left her, so I try to hang out with her, and stuff, but at times, my mind flies away... I don't wanna be all mean to her. Like sometimes she wants to hang out with me more than I'd like to. And there are just times I don't feel like talking to anyone... I dunno if I'm right to feel this way and she's being kinda clingy, or if I'm taking our friendship for granted or something... But I guess all I want is some input: Should I bring this up? Should I just wait and see what happens and maybe things will go back to normal?

I believe that if the fever is high enough, it might even cause hallucinations and delirium. So I guess it'd make sense if it gave you all these weird dreams... Don't worry, as soon as the fever's gone, all will go back to normal, I think. To recover faster, just get plenty of rest and drink a lot of fluids. Get well soon.

I'm posting exactly the same thing as yesterday, but I hope I'll get more replies today: Ok, I have a couple of issues: Ok, where to start? First of all, I have this friend. And she's basically the best friend I have. But after having not seen her for a while, she's back, and she has some issues. She has lost most of her friends but a couple. And I would like to support her, and be there, but guess what? I'm having some issues too! I mean, at least she has a boyfriend she hangs out with every weekend. I've got nothing. I can't find the courage to tell her I just maybe don't feel like talking at that time (sure, sometimes I do, but sometimes it just seems it's not the most "appropiate time). And, I mean, she tells me she doesn't wanna be alone, and I felt bad, but I am alone most of the time too. But still, I stood by her, because I know what it feels when a sea of people look at you like you're a weirdo (well, at least this time we actually talked about somethings other than her life and even had a few laughs... I'd talk about mine, but I'm too embarrassed to let anyone, even her, know that I'm the biggest loser to set foot on planet earth). And I've been kinda down lately about these things, and well, let's just say that I've been struggling lately. Trying to decide between spending time with my friend, or trying to sort my own mess out. I know you'd say that I should do the latter first, then do the second one. But it's not that easy... You see, besides the usual "I'm about to graduate, yet I wish I had done more, plus I feel like I have no good at anything" thoughts, I'm also having some trouble with another one of my best friends who's drifting away. I'm also having some trouble with another issue... I know it shouldn't matter, but heck, I've never been on a date. I don't have many candidates, and everytime I "plan" on talking to a girl, I never end up doing it because I either decide it's not a good opportunity (I know, it's wrong), or my friend who's in some trouble pops up out of nowhere. I dunno, maybe I wasn't gonna do it in the first place anyway. And, I mean, I have no clue what to talk about anyway. I have nothing in common with anyone. I feel like I'm a stranger even to my friends now... I just feel like a freak of nature... Only like 3 people in the world think I'm funny, so I can't say I'm good with humor either, even though I try, but end up making everybody think I'm a dork probably. I can't even talk to my friends to express that I'm also having a rough time, and that I wish I could help, but it's just not a good moment. Or maybe I'm the one who should set his priorities straight, and my "issues" are no biggie really... I dunno. And I'd never be able to talk to a girl and find anything in common (and no, I wouldn't wanna just go out with someone I don't have anything in common with either. But that means I can't have a good convo with anyone). Yet, I try to stay positive always... But it's so hard. And I told myself about a month ago I'd never fall into the hating again (I had a bad attitude a couple of months ago. I was so angry, I wouldn't socialize whatsoever...). But I just feel like going back to that way. But I don't wanna! And even though there's prom coming up and stuff, what'd be the point of starting anything if there's only like 3 months of school left before I graduate... Hey, maybe I do need to set my priorities straight anyway. I dunno, I feel like such a dumbas*. I just don't know what to think anymore... I don't even know if I'm just confused... Any advice would be great. It's not about what I want to accomplish. It's just that I wish I could just either snap out of it, and stop caring, or that I could try and fix myself. I have no self-esteem. I'd never talk to a girl, even when I "think" the odds might just be working for me (which happens very very very... very rarely).

someone who doesn't think I'm a loser, a dork, and a freak of nature. Someone I might have something in common with. It's what I look for in any girl. I guess it's too much to ask.

Might not be much... heck, might not even be exactly the answer to the question I asked. But at least you were decent enough to reply, unlike everyone else. Thank you.

Yeah, I think I'm kinda like you too easyguy. I've never been in a relationship either. But when I do find myself interested in a girl, it's more of a platonic thing too, but I do wish for intimacy, though. To me it is to be able to share your secrets, to be able to trust, and to be able just share emotions... Doesn't have to necessarily be physical. I know it sounds kinda corny, and maybe few relationships at my age are worth so much trust...

I realize my post is kinda long. But please, will somebody say something?

I dunno if it's normal, but it's the way I function too. I mean, I do find some girls hot, but it doesn't mean I wanna even approach them, let alone date them. But I mean, it doesn't mean either that I wanna have sex with them. Know what I mean? Like, it's still sexual attraction, but I don't think it's real attraction, and I don't even want to talk to the person, have anything to do with them, and I don't think about them except right now that the topic has been brought up. But there's also the girls I do feel genuinely attracted to that I would indeed like to date, but I don't consider it sexual attraction, cause the thought of sex is not even remotely close to crossing my head. Know what I mean? Sorry if I lost you there. Best wishes.

Ok, I have a couple of issues: Ok, where to start? First of all, I have this friend. And she's basically the best friend I have. But after having not seen her for a while, she's back, and she has some issues. And I would like to support her, and be there, but I'm having some issues too.. And I've been kinda down lately about these, and well, let's just say that I've been struggling lately. Trying to decide between spending time with my friend, or trying to sort my own mess out. I know you'd say that I should do the latter first, etc. But it's not that easy... You see, besides the usual "I'm about to graduate, yet I wish I had done more, plus I feel like I have no good at anything" thoughts, I'm also having some trouble with another one of my best friends who's drifting away. I'm also having some trouble with another issue... I know it shouldn't matter, but heck, I've never been on a date. I don't have many candidates, and everytime I "plan" on talking to a girl, I never end up doing it because I either decide it's not a good opportunity (I know, it's wrong), or my friend who's in some trouble pops up out of nowhere. I dunno, maybe I wasn't gonna do it in the first place anyway. And, I mean, I have no clue what to talk about anyway. I have nothing in common with anyone. I feel like I'm a stranger even to my friends now... I just feel like a freak of nature... Only like 3 people in the world think I'm funny, so I can't say I'm good with humor either, even though I try, but end up making everybody think I'm a dork probably. I can't even talk to my friends to express that I'm also having a rough time, and that I wish I could help, but it's just not a good moment. Or maybe I'm the one who should set his priorities straight, and my "issues" are no biggie really... I dunno. And I'd never be able to talk to a girl and find anything in common (and no, I wouldn't wanna just go out with someone I don't have anything in common with either. But that means I can't have a good convo with anyone). Yet, I try to stay positive always... But it's so hard. And I told myself about a month ago I'd never fall into the hating again (I had a bad attitude a couple of months ago. I was so angry, I wouldn't socialize whatsoever...). But I just feel like going back to that way. But I don't wanna! And even though there's prom coming up and stuff, what'd be the point of starting anything if there's only like 3 months of school left before I graduate... Hey, maybe I do need to set my priorities straight anyway. I dunno, I feel like such a dumbas*. I just don't know what to think anymore... I don't even know if I'm just confused... Any advice would be great.

Hi everybody. I hope everyone's doing just fine. Well, my question is the following. I've read a couple of times that women take just like 30 seconds to decide whether a guy is a potential date or not, thus it's better to ask for their number even if it's the first real conversation you're having with her. That you'd get the same result as if you wait for a couple more of convos, plus you get it over with. On the other hand, I've also read that that isn't the way to go. That girls wouldn't feel comfortable doing that, etc, and that it's better to wait for a couple of conversations perhaps. I'm not sure which one is it. I've only got like 1 number in my life (and it was the 1st time I really really tried too), and I did pretty much the latter, but in the end I never even got to go out with the girl (and it wasn't my fault... not consciously at least). So well, I guess I'd like to know which one's the better choice. And well, it would depend on the case too right? 1. What if, say, it's a girl that's been in one of my classes since the beginning of the year, back in august, but I've never really talked to her, and I was wondering if it'd be ok if I were to have a real convo and I asked for her number... I mean, of course it's ok, but would it make my chances of getting denied even greater? 2. What if it was a girl who used to at least seem to be interested in me. Yet, I was through a rough time, and I didn't do nothing about it, plus I didn't even know what to do either. Now she doesn't seem too interested, but I don't see her very often either... But in case I saw her, would it be ok to ask for her number in that 1st convo? Please, I'm just asking for some opinions. I know there's no absolute right or wrong, but hey, I wanna know what most people think.

Well, tons and tons of girls with gifts. But I dunno, it was pretty much a common day to me... And surprisingly, I didn't feel bad at all. In fact, I've felt great all day unlike the last couple of years before when I felt like crap, even though I tried hard not to... This time was different, and heck, even throughout the day, I kept wondering why I didn't feel even slightly depressed. I mean, maybe it's because at least I have friends, and stuff. I dunno. I don't care about gifts anyway. I mean, sure it's sweet, and stuff, but one starts to get the vibe that's it's all planned by big companies, and lol, you know all that conspiracy crap. I'm not saying it's what it's all about, but maybe there's a shred of truth there... they're watching us

Ok, lemme see if I can get an answer for this one: What is it about? I mean, do you go up to some person (how well do you have to know them?) and go like "Will you be my valentine?" or do you ask them out on a date? What? I wanna know... I've never done anything that day. I don't even know when it's gonna be (ugh, hopefully next, week not this one...).

Yeah, maybe I should... Sorry for the inconvenience.

out of topic

I say to hell with looks... It takes way more than that to make me feel interested in a girl... And well, I agree with hk, just be yourself. Don't ever be afraid to be yourself. I found out the hard way, that being afraid is just not the way to go. Now, I don't give a flying *ahem*, well, you know what I mean... I feel so free now, and if they don't like me they'll have to deal with it, and if they'll make fun of me, beware, I'm a really good sh!t talker. Jk, but seriously, don't ever be afraid to be yourself. WARNING* OUT OF TOPIC: I have a question about valentines day. How does it work? Say there's a girl you've sort of talked to, and you think there's some chemistry there, and you actually are interested. Would you just go up to her and say "will you be my valentine?" or will you ask her out on a date, or a valentines day... I dunno. I don't even know I'll have a candidate, but the day is getting awfully close!

Ok, I've lost some weight, and even though I still don't feel or look the way I'd like to look (haven't reached my target), I feel really good. The thing is, I dunno if I've also lost some muscle mass. I mean, I've been at it since like september 05, then stuck to it seriously and in like december I straggled a little bit, but I successfully maintained my weight, though. But since back then I haven't really worked out (I used to run, but I didn't lift, though). I've done some pushups here and there (sometimed I'd do 50+ every other day for 3 weeks, but then I'd stop, just to start over again). And well, before I lost the weight I certainly couldn't do 30 pushups in one set, but now I can (I dunno if it's just b/c I'm lighter, or if I've conserved or even gained strength). And I tried lifting a couple of days ago, and I still could do the same amount of weight. But the thing is that my arms look so much... skinier, I thought maybe I lost muscular mass, or maybe I just lost a lot of fat... I dunno. I've lost well over 40 lbs, and I'm looking to lose about 15 more to reach a healthy weight... So, I guess all I'm asking is that since I wanna keep going with my diet, isn't there like a way to get stronger and maybe look a little more built (not necesarily big, just... I dunno, not all skinny. I dunno, I'm not THAT skinny, by nature, but I would very much like to look a little bit more built) while doing the running and the diet? Btw, I didn't get the diet off of a book, and I certainly didn't make it up. It was my doctor, and I think he knows what he's doing, cause it's worked for me...