DancingFool

....With friends like that who needs enemies.... OP, why do you keep around friends who tear you down and leave you feeling low and insecure about yourself? If you are interested and he is interested, then that's all that matters. The only "league" is mutual interest and attraction. That said, part of dating is knowing what your purpose is. Are you just having some fun with this guy for now? Are you looking for long term? Are you looking for marriage material and having a child of your own? It's important to know where you stand before you delve into dating so you don't waste your time on the wrong men even if you like them. Dating is really a weed out rather than a weed in game. For example, if you want your own children and this guy is almost 50 and has children already, he might not be up for more so that would be a no go for you both. Forget leagues and focus more on what you want and whether the guy fits in or not.

It's not an either/or, black or white kind of a thing. There is a time to be serious and professional and times to be warm or friendly. You really need to read the room so to speak. When starting a new job, rather than walking in with preconceived ideas on how you want to act or be, try to be more neutral and look around at your new colleagues and atmosphere in general and adjust accordingly.

Why are you continuing to date someone who thinks you are a pervert and a liar???? This right here is reason to end the relationship yesterday. There is literally nothing normal about this kind of an attitude and when you see crazy, you step away from it instead of sticking around trying to fix it. You can't fix crazy. Full stop. Also, have you noticed that no matter what you do, the goalposts get moved again and again? She always manufactures another thing to attack you over. This is what abusers do. You can't fix this because their goal is to keep you forever unbalanced, confused, and under constant, relentless attack. This isn't love or caring, this is pure insanity and if you don't step away, it will affect your mental health and even physical well being. That kind of constant stress causes a lot of damage. Not only do you need to grow a spine and dump her yesterday, you also need to figure out why you want to prove yourself to someone who insults you, abuses you, controls, etc. Where is your self respect and even the most basic sense of right and wrong? How she is treating you is beyond wrong, it's appalling and yet.....you keep hanging around for more abuse. Why? Don't say love, because this is not what love looks like.

Judgy how? Are they just making snide remarks or are they actually raising some legitimate concerns that you should pay attention to and explore? Unlike you, your friends aren't smitten with him and are more able to see the red flags. So on that note, I wouldn't necessarily dismiss their concerns outright even if it's not what you want to hear. Kids living in a stable family home and being raised and supported by family is a million times healthier than being raised by strangers, nannies, and daycare. Especially considering that they lost their mother and the impact that has had on them. So from that angle, he is doing what is best for his children. That said, you should look carefully at the family dynamic and whether it's balanced or not. Meaning, does he take care of his parents, contribute to the household, etc. Basically, is this a mutually supportive and reciprocal arrangement OR is he living like an overgrown child where he spends his money and time on himself while taking advantage of his parents' time, home, and generosity. In short, make sure he isn't a selfish user looking for a younger woman to replace his mommy and become the next household appliance, cook, cleaner, and babysitter.

I think you need to figure out what you actually want because you can't have it both ways where you want it to be casual but also you want the guy to invest the kind of time and effort into you that leads to a serious monogamous relationship. Nobody in their right mind will play that kind of a game and the kind of a guy who might, you'll end up wishing you'd never met him. When you play games, you'll attract those who will play you. What this guy doing is exactly that - casual, whenever it's convenient and yeah, he is totally talking to and dating others as well as you should be too. This is what casual looks like and it seems that you don't actually like that. I don't know what you can say to him because he hasn't even responded to you and seems to be fading out or is simply busy with other options. After barely three dates you can't really call him up and demand more without looking unhinged no matter how you try to word your need for more. You don't have enough going with him to be asking for anything. What you do have is your own judgment - if he is not giving you what you want, Next! Kind of the point of casual - you should have enough dates lined up with other guys that you don't even notice one dropping off. It's called a rotating stable for a reason. You can stop rotating when you find one worth keeping around longer and the feeling is actually mutual.

More like telling a starving man not to eat the apple because it's poisoned. It won't stop your hunger, but it will make you even more sick and your overall situation that much worse. I'll just say this again, if you don't want more years of the same, you have to start making different choices for yourself starting now with giving a hard fast pass to this wreck. To answer your question, no she is not into you and she already has a relationship with her addiction. If she was into you, she wouldn't shrink away from you physically or make up bs excuses about not giving you her number. She is playing you and making you jump through hoops. Have enough self respect to pass on that bs.

Stay strong and keep ignoring him. Also, you might want to talk to your besties and ask them to support your healing by not responding to him and keeping whatever contact of his to themselves. You can't stop him from being manipulative and downright inappropriate, but your friends can be your shield against him.

Soooo maybe instead of making the same mistake over and over you actually step away from this train wreck? Try it. It might actually be a nice change in your life. I mean seriously....someone tells you they are an alcoholic, the sane response is "Bye!"

I'll just be blunt - there is no "we" here. It's just you wanting to date him and failing to read between the lines/falling for string-a-long bs. Harsh reality is that he doesn't see you as gf material for him, but he will use your time, attention, and body happily. Of course he doesn't want you to stop giving him all that but that means nothing other than this is all fun and convenient for him and strokes his ego. Since you want more, you need to step away and stop wasting your time on him. Going forward, pay more attention to actions than words. A guy who is into you and wants to date you will just date you. You won't be confused about his interest or have to jump through hoops. Dating is really not that complicated and when it is complicated, it's your clue that this is not your match and you need to move on. The less time you spend on time wasters and tire kickers, the better your chances on finding a good guy who will give you his best from the get go.

You can't change your in-laws, but you can change how you react and respond to things. First of all, what's with all the expectations and entitlement struggles between you? They are not entitled to see the grandkid at their beck and call. YOU are not entitled to expect them to engage with the child on your terms, pay attention, come to the parties or anything else such either. Basically, you need to learn how to step way back and stop reacting to everything they do and say. Follow the lead from your parents and distance yourself from these people instead of constantly engaging with them in various power struggles. Just reread your second to last paragraph - you are hell bent on pushing and inserting yourself into the conflict and fueling it instead of actually stepping back and letting things simmer down. In your mind, stepping back is some kind of a defeat. That's some seriously toxic thinking and behavior on your end. When your in-laws are toxic, you step back, step away, and let your spouse deal with them as they see fit while you go about your life and leave them be. They whine about not seeing the grandkid but won't come over to visit - that's their problem and you need to let hubby handle that convo. MIL jabs you with some bs about parenting? So what else is new in this world? You are not the first or last woman to hear that, so shrug and move on and leave her to look like an a hole instead of picking a fight with her that leaves you looking like one. Again, let your hubs address those issues with her later and if she continues, then she won't be seeing you or the grandchild and she can chew on that for awhile. Again, this needs to come from your hubs, never you. He can see them or not see or deal with them as he sees fits. His relationship with his parents is between them and you need to learn to stay out of it.

As others pointed out, his sister isn't going to change and she has issues that aren't going to be cured even if she were to get diagnosed and seek treatment and therapy. Problem with all mental health issues is that nobody can force a person to seek help, take meds, keep up with treatment and the worst part is that usually the person who is ill doesn't feel abnormal and in need of those things. It's the family and friends and those around them that really pay the price dealing with the instability and other issues that come up. What concerns me personally is that she has fixated already on you being the enemy and that she is not only highly vindictive but actually willing to take action to cause you damage and has done so. In other words, she is dangerous and who knows how far she may take that in the future. In that respect, your bf is actually correct that the best thing would be for you two to step out of this family thing and move far away. Put in very real distance between you and them. That's the only realistic boundary that will stick and bring you both relative peace. So in your shoes, I'd actually talk about that more seriously with him before you tie your life into this mess. Meanwhile, you need to step way back and stop trying to please her or be nice to her. Start being very neutral and watch your back. She is not your friend, she is a person who is actively trying to harm you.

It's only confusing because you are in denial about what's going on. He sweet talks you to get laid and means absolutely nothing more. When you jump on him about where is this leading, he strings you along with some vague bs because he doesn't want to totally shut you down. Meaning that he wants to leave the door open to get laid again when his dating calendar is too dry and you are easily available, willing, and easy to fool. If you are looking for him to tell you to get lost in those exact words so you finally get it, he won't do it because he won't close the door on easy to get casual sex. So at some point you need to get your head screwed on straight, accept he is not into you, block him and move on for good.....or keep sleeping with him, getting your hopes up and feeling broken hearted over and over again. Your choice. At some point it really becomes a game of how many times do you need to stick your hand in the fire to accept that it really does burn? Until you lose your hand? You are heading that way.

Sounds like blowing smoke and excuses. Regardless, what's in bold is all you need to know to walk away from this - he is still the same person without any plans to work on himself. Even if he was working on himself, I'd say give him at least a year before you even think about seeing if he is better. Also, ADHD does not make a person mean or abusive. You can be the kindest person in the world and have ADHD or you can be an abusive psycho and have ADHD. These are independent factors and you should never ever tolerate abusive behaviors from anyone in the name of "they are ill."

You knew who you were marrying - a womanizer and a cheater. Yet you still married him and had children with him. He is living up to who he is. So I'm not sure if you have always been in denial and telling yourself that he will change for you or you thought other benefits you got outweighed the issues but no longer do so now? At some point you have to make a practical decision where either you do talk to a lawyer and leave him OR you turn a blind eye to his side pieces and enjoy the lifestyle....until one day he discards you. On the latter, you really should also talk to a lawyer and know how to protect yourself against that possibility.

Put it simply, I think you are wasting your time with him. His kids are grown adults. Meaning that he can see them any time he wants to. He is not constrained by any type of child custody issues. On that note, he also has no reason at all to maintain a relationship with his ex for the sake of his kids. His kids are grown and on their own - he can have a direct relationship with them as he chooses. However, he is acting like him and his ex are still a couple such as going to a wedding together while not inviting you. Your instincts and observations are spot on - there are three of you in this relationship and on that note, I'd think the wise choice for you would be to step out of that triangle today. I also think it's very sketchy that he had a gf before he was even divorced. He may well be the kind of a man who likes attention from multiple women. Like triangulating you with his ex wife and so on. Basically, listen to your instincts that this is not kosher and dump him.

You are clinging to an illusion. Five days a week he denies you access, communication, or even basic availability that you'd have in a normal relationship. So of course, weekends seem amazing because you are finally getting something from him...even though you drive to him, make most of the effort to be with him, etc. It's a bit like a thirsty man in a desert thinks putrid water is amazing, except your desert is artificially created by this guy. I think you really need to step way back and think long and hard why this kind of a cold, push/pull, you needing to run after him dynamic while he denies you basic relationship courtesies is so comfortable for you. It shouldn't be comfortable because it's actually seriously toxic. While you are at it, rethink your perceptions that you need to try and do everything to force a relationship to work while the other person gives little or nothing at all. Why do you feel the need to pound a square peg into a round hole? Is it really leading to healthy happy relationships or more like feeling bad about yourself and growing insecurities?

Then you learn how to set some reasonable boundaries early on if constant contact is not your thing. You can always say something along the lines of "need to do x, will chat with you this evening (or whenever suits you better) and then reiterate that you can't wait see her on Saturday to be sure she knows you are interested. If you do tell her that you will contact her later on, be sure you follow through and do it. This way you slow the chatter down without shutting things down completely or coming off as not interested. You'll also show her that you stand by your word, which is huge. Also, as you are dating, do pay attention to these kinds of things and how they sit with you. How and how often someone needs to chat, communication style - these are all big compatibility issues. Your goal while dating isn't just to get to the next date, but also to observe and see if this is really the person you want to invest your time into as you get to know them and various lesser aspects of their personality come out.

How bad are his lies on a scale of 1-10? I'd say about 1,000,000,000,000. Your entire 8 months of a relationship has been build on lies and deceit. You are also quite in denial and oblivious to the fact that he, your bf, has been intentionally keeping you out of large parts of his life and lies to your face without blinking. When lying fails, he switches that up to gaslighting and blaming you for his bs. This is not a good bf, this is a toxic toxic person you should be running from like your hair is on fire. This isn't going to get better and you can't just stick your head in the sand and pretend you didn't uncover what you have and that everything is just normal. There is nothing normal about your relationship. If you want to know who the man really is, take a good look at his friends. His friend is not some bad influence, he is someone your bf relates to and enjoys being with. Also, it's not his friend who doesn't invite or include you, it's your bf. Please don't fool yourself into thinking otherwise. If your bf wanted to take you to the parties and so on, you'd be going. Your bf is excluding you and taking other women with him instead. Please get away from him and going forward, pay closer attention to these kinds of things. Don't put a guy on a pedestal but really look at his life, his friends and how much you are or aren't a part of it. You are trying to act like a normal person and get to know his friends and so on, he has been actively keeping you out and you chose to blame his friend instead of dealing with the real issue - the liar you are dating. Should have dumped him ages ago and if you think back more honestly, you'll see all the red flags you missed from the get go.

Your mother is who she is and you can't change that. Asking someone to better themselves, aka change themselves, is a losing game. You've got to accept your mother for who she is - flaws and all. That said, it sounds like she is having serious health issues, possibly beginnings of dementia or alzheimer's or some such. This is not something she can help and yes, she wants to do things and believe that she still can even though her brain is no longer working at full capacity. She may be aware of that or not. Bottom line is like it or not, her health is deteriorating and will continue to do so with age and it's good of you to keep an eye on her and care the way that you do. Going back to you wanting your mother to better herself because it's causing issues between you and your fiance..... Has it occurred to you that your mother isn't the issue here, but rather why are you tolerating your fiance being rude to you about your mother? I think it's interesting that while you are very sympathetic and upset about the way your mother is being treated, you seem to be a bit blind to how you are being treated in your own relationship. If a guy I'm with decided to be rude to my parents or rude to me about my relationship with my parents, he'd be out the door so fast he wouldn't know what hit him. Food for thought OP. It seems to me like your family's toxic dynamics might have rubbed off on you in a way where you have normalized bad behavior and are being too tolerant of that....much like your mom is.

OP, adhd doesn't make a person mean and doesn't cause them to make cruel comments specifically directed toward you. It also doesn't make a person stupid. He knows what he is saying to you perfectly well and yes he means to say it. You have got to stop using adhd as an excuse to continue to accept how badly he treats you. The trouble with both of you is that you don't know how to break up and exit the relationship gracefully. You are clinging on and he is blowing you off and making mean comments hoping to provoke you into dumping him. Set him free and set yourself free already. You are in college. Best time of your life to make friends, meet people, date, figure out who you are as an adult and who you actually need to be with in terms of a relationship. Some guy from high school is not it. You are both rapidly outgrowing each other and heading in different directions, which is normal at your age and stage in life. Time to accept it and part ways.

OP you've got to stop lying to yourself and bs'ing yourself about how great this guy is. The ex is not the problem, the guy you are dating is the real problem. She didn't keep you a secret, HE did and not just from his ex but also his other friends. Come on, OP. You call him sensitive, I call him callous and selfish. A kind and sensitive person would have cut off their ex firmly and definitively so she can heal and move on. That would be the kind thing to do. This guy strung her along and invited her e-mails, pleas, and professions of love and no, he is not that stupid, OP, he knows what he is doing. Also, no she is not so psycho that she just kept at it uninvited. Again, come on OP, stop fooling yourself. He also played you by presenting himself as this poor victim of a clingy ex who just won't let go while you supported him. Step back for a hot minute, OP, and think on just how absurd that was - he has another woman chasing after him and you are holding his hand through the "ordeal"...poor poor man who just can't find a block button and he is just soooo codependent........ Excuse while I roll my eyes. Bottom line is that you are angry and can't get away from that anger, because deep down you know that he is treating you like trash. The whole time, it has been three of you in your relationship and as you well know - three is a crowd and one too many. Nothing has changed either. They are still deeply connected and talking daily and you are still second, a leg in a triangle. He loves two women competing over his greatness and you are the current sucker and loser in that competition. OP, never stoop so low as to compete for a man's love and attention. If he is still stuck on his ex, let him go and don't drink the bs about him being a victim. Everything comes with a block function. I think you need to get it together, get your exit plan rolling and find your block button on him. He is demonstrating to you something important - one woman in his life is not enough and if you carry on with him, you'll always deal with third parties in your relationship. He has shown you that he is not loyal to you and that alone is enough to end things and you should have ended them a long time ago, before even moving with him.

I would copy the response from the management company to the letting agent and request that they arrange for a plumber to come out asap and to contact you within 24 hours to arrange that. Get specific and don't leave it hanging indefinitely.

^I sincerely hope that you learn to never do this again. Healthy relationships are reciprocal and neither person gives up, takes on, tries to fix, change, etc, etc, etc. Funny thing about this paragraph is that you described perfectly the exact type of personality and dynamic that assorted users, narcissist, sociopaths, and other assorted pathological people and abusers seek out very specifically - someone who is empathetic and wants to please and help to the point of giving up themselves and losing their own self and identity. You placed his needs above your own and when you dared ask for something, you were easy to shut down and guilt trip out of that because you have no sense of balance or boundaries. OP you have got to develop healthier boundaries before you date again and a stronger sense of self. People are not fixer upper projects that you pour yourself into. Also, having issues or having been through whatever is never ever an excuse to abuse you or treat you badly. If he is not treating you well and meeting your needs - dump him. You should never have to teach an adult how to behave. Stick that on your fridge and read it daily until it really sinks in.

Neither. Put down the poison and find someone better.

Lisa, if your husband is threatening you with your parents as a way to control you AND your parents' biggest fear is that you might get divorced, then you might have been raised with the belief that a woman cannot survive without a man. That you need a man to live. You don't. That's the simple cold fact of life. However, that false belief that you need a man is keeping you stuck in a horrible, toxic, abusive marriage where you are being driven so crazy that you are physically lashing out and risking ending up in jail. This has to stop. Get help, get therapy, get support and leave. No, it's not as hard as you think. It only seems that way because that is what's been pounded into your brain since you were a child. You are now old enough to change and fix that and get out and get away from the toxic mess. I know it's not easy, but like I said - start by getting help and support from people who don't subscribe to the helpless submissive damsel in distress bs.