We've been dating for year and a half. It never was perfect but now I feel like I'm suffocating. My gf's jealousy is killing me.
Back when I trusted her, I told her that I had porn addiction when I was 14 but haven't watched porn for almost 5 years since. Worst mistake. Now she constantly says that I haven't changed, that porn addiction can't go away, that I still want to watch it (I do not), that my mind is changed forever. And she's not saint, when she was a teen she liked yaoi manga and anime, BDSM. I never bring it up, never call her pornsick or a cheater, why do I get called a pervert and a liar? I don't get it.
In the beginning of our relationship she asked me to delete all friends from social media, and I did that because I didn't talk with them anyway. This summer I started to study Italian and wanted to find some native speakers to practice with but she said that it's not alright and she doesn't want me to talk with anyone online because "all people on these apps are looking for sex".
This June she started to looking through my playlist (quite often). She found some Greek songs with a woman in bikini on its cover. It caused a massive, massive fight. She said that I search for such songs on purpose, that I masturbate looking on songs' covers and that I'm cheating on her doing that. Of course, I don't do that, I don't even care what cover a song has. After few hours she forgave me but said that I have to make sure I have nothing sexual on my phone and computer. Okay, deleted all the songs that have naked or semi-naked people on the covers.
A month later, another fight. She doesn't even say what's wrong, just screams that I cannot keep my promise, that I cheat and I only think about other people. Turns out she was checking through my facebook and found a group about ancient Greece. As you know, some of Greek statues are naked. That's why I was called a cheater. I said that I like Greek culture and it's a lot more than statues' penises. Nah, she says that it's just excuses and I purposefully look for stuff with naked people. Later the same story happened with a gaming group because someone posted a semi-naked female character. Lesson learned, I deleted all the media.
She gets super mad when I want to go for a walk alone. She asked why I want to walk alone, I said that's because I enjoy listening to music while walking. Her reaction - "you imagine sex with other women while listening to songs, maybe even cheat on me pretending you are walking". The worst thing is, she doesn't even listen to me, everything I say is "just an excuse". That time she said that I do not like anything but naked women and porn.
Last weekend we were watching some kpop unboxing on YouTube, she asked if I like Blackpink, a kpop girl group. I said that I liked it two years ago. She immediately gets mad, asks why I liked them. Well, because I liked their music. No, she says that I'm lying, because everyone who likes female kpop groups likes them because of hot members and their nudity. Either I say what she wants or I'm a liar.
Today I was buying Christmas gifts. Bought something for my girlfriend - a rare Donald Duck comic book because she likes Disney. Told her that her Christmas gift is ready and her first reaction was "Is it something bad? I mean, is it some sex toys?" I calmly said that no, it's something cute, not sex toys. A hour later, again. The same question. I know she doesn't like sex toys and of course I never would buy her one. "But you like them, maybe you want to force me to use them". Sigh.
I feel like I'm going insane. I cannot enjoy songs, games, movies, nothing, because the only thoughts I have are "avoid looking at screen when there's a female". The appropriate reaction when there's a woman, any woman, is saying how ugly, fat and stupid this woman is. That's the only way my girlfriend doesn't think I want to have sex with that woman.
I wanted to leave my girlfriend many times but can't. She starts crying when we fight and I simply cannot leave her and keep suffering more to make her happy. What should I do? How can I convince her that I'm not cheating on her?
What should I do? How to convince her I'm not a cheater?
We've been dating for year and a half. It never was perfect but now I feel like I'm suffocating. My gf's jealousy is killing me. Back when I trusted her, I told her that I had porn addiction when I was 14 but haven't watched porn for almost 5 years since. Worst mistake. Now she constantly says that I haven't changed, that porn addiction can't go away, that I still want to watch it (I do not), that my mind is changed forever. And she's not saint, when she was a teen she liked yaoi manga and anime, BDSM. I never bring it up, never call her pornsick or a cheater, why do I get called a pervert and a liar? I don't get it. In the beginning of our relationship she asked me to delete all friends from social media, and I did that because I didn't talk with them anyway. This summer I started to study Italian and wanted to find some native speakers to practice with but she said that it's not alright and she doesn't want me to talk with anyone online because "all people on these apps are looking for sex". This June she started to looking through my playlist (quite often). She found some Greek songs with a woman in bikini on its cover. It caused a massive, massive fight. She said that I search for such songs on purpose, that I masturbate looking on songs' covers and that I'm cheating on her doing that. Of course, I don't do that, I don't even care what cover a song has. After few hours she forgave me but said that I have to make sure I have nothing sexual on my phone and computer. Okay, deleted all the songs that have naked or semi-naked people on the covers. A month later, another fight. She doesn't even say what's wrong, just screams that I cannot keep my promise, that I cheat and I only think about other people. Turns out she was checking through my facebook and found a group about ancient Greece. As you know, some of Greek statues are naked. That's why I was called a cheater. I said that I like Greek culture and it's a lot more than statues' penises. Nah, she says that it's just excuses and I purposefully look for stuff with naked people. Later the same story happened with a gaming group because someone posted a semi-naked female character. Lesson learned, I deleted all the media. She gets super mad when I want to go for a walk alone. She asked why I want to walk alone, I said that's because I enjoy listening to music while walking. Her reaction - "you imagine sex with other women while listening to songs, maybe even cheat on me pretending you are walking". The worst thing is, she doesn't even listen to me, everything I say is "just an excuse". That time she said that I do not like anything but naked women and porn. Last weekend we were watching some kpop unboxing on YouTube, she asked if I like Blackpink, a kpop girl group. I said that I liked it two years ago. She immediately gets mad, asks why I liked them. Well, because I liked their music. No, she says that I'm lying, because everyone who likes female kpop groups likes them because of hot members and their nudity. Either I say what she wants or I'm a liar. Today I was buying Christmas gifts. Bought something for my girlfriend - a rare Donald Duck comic book because she likes Disney. Told her that her Christmas gift is ready and her first reaction was "Is it something bad? I mean, is it some sex toys?" I calmly said that no, it's something cute, not sex toys. A hour later, again. The same question. I know she doesn't like sex toys and of course I never would buy her one. "But you like them, maybe you want to force me to use them". Sigh. I feel like I'm going insane. I cannot enjoy songs, games, movies, nothing, because the only thoughts I have are "avoid looking at screen when there's a female". The appropriate reaction when there's a woman, any woman, is saying how ugly, fat and stupid this woman is. That's the only way my girlfriend doesn't think I want to have sex with that woman. I wanted to leave my girlfriend many times but can't. She starts crying when we fight and I simply cannot leave her and keep suffering more to make her happy. What should I do? How can I convince her that I'm not cheating on her? What should I do? How to convince her I'm not a cheater?