DancingFool

^This exactly. Even if you posted some ads, he ultimately had to get involved and spend his time to help you complete the sale. On top of that, you didn't take care to figure out payment ahead of time and so you had to go back and forth, which added to more time and irritation. That said, paying himself for time spent is a bit passive aggressive. He could have let you know that his time will cost you ahead of time so you can figure things out better or simply told you that you are on your own with it. Also, I think you are being a bit greedy, maybe out of desperation, but he is giving you something of his to sell for free, then you are asking for his time to complete the deal and then you are angry he took a portion of profit. I don't think you have much right to be upset. It's generous he is even trying to help out at all. He doesn't have to lift a finger. Anyway, if I were you, I'd focus more on getting a job that actually pays than bickering over $40.00

OP, the guy is telling you how his gf is jealous and suspects he cheats while sitting on a date with you literally cheating on her. Come on.....connect the dots and stay away from charming creeps. He just fed you the oldest line in the book, "I'm in a relationship, but you know, it's bad, we are breaking up." You don't even know if they really broke up or if he is stepping back because his gf is onto him too much at the moment and he is feeling blue because he is on a very short leash. If I were you, I'd lose his number and make sure he can't contact me again.

Soo you hate that men are in control and do the picking and choosing and all a woman can do is sit and pray that the right guy will pick her?

Several things: 1) It's not sexual harassment when it's consensual. So unless you told him explicitly and have it documented that you asked him to stop texting you and to leave you alone and he continued to harass after that, you don't have a leg to stand on. 2) You and him texting on company time can backfire equally when it's consensual 3) Even if the company has a no dating policy, that policy usually will affect both people who are dating in that either you'll both get fired or both get disciplined equally. Again, this is not about morality or who is more right or wrong, but rather company policy on no dating coworkers and since it takes two to tango, both pay the price In the future, don't get involved with co-workers and be more diligent about checking the guy's relationship status before you waste your time. Don't go along like a sheep to slaughter just because the guy is pursuing you. As the old joke goes, don't ask him if he is single, ask him if there is someone out there who might believe she is in a relationship with him.... and then google marital records.

You are born already valid. Period. The whole notifications thing, it sounds like you've become addicted to the ping so to speak. Checking obsessively and also being hyper alert to other people's notifications and fixating on that. You've artificially associated the notification ping with reward and lack of it with punishment, to the point where it's affecting your life and moods. Ironically, tech is actually designed to be addictive like that and it sounds like you've fallen into that trap pretty deep. So the solution is detox quite literally. If you must use your phone for work, then turn off ALL notifications for the day and only check messages morning/evening after work. If you can unplug for several days completely, just do it. Let your friends know that you are taking a sabatical for a few days and will be back shortly. Realize that getting rid of this addictive habit is going to be difficult and will overall take more a few days to get out of your system, change your habits and the mental groove you are stuck in. That said, I know you'll persevere and get it done and out of your system. Rooting for you.

Here are some questions you need to ask yourself and give some serious thought to: Why should the guy chase you? Being pretty will make him come over and talk to you, but from there on out, were you engaging? Was the convo fun, flirty, interesting, any or all of that? None of that? Why should he text you after the event? Did you give him a reason when you were chatting? What I'm driving at is that you really need to step away from this idea that your mere existence should be reason enough for men to chase you. That will only leave you fending off unwanted attention from creeps and players who will "chase" anything with a pulse (sometimes optional). To paraphrase what I've heard from many close guy friends and guys I've dated, "I'll only chase when I'm fairly certain she wants to be caught." Meaning, they will only put in the effort when the interest is clearly mutual and that click is there. So if you are holding your cards too close to your chest and come across as cold and not interested, good guys will walk way even if they think you are hot and they were interested when they came over to chat. Only toxic types will try to "make you come out of your shell."

^This 100% and especially what's in bold. Typically, people who choose broken people as partners are less about being caretakers and more about feeling in control. A person with issues is beholden to you for support and can't run away and leave you. On that note, it's interesting that now that she finally has herself and her life/work situation together and can actually be a proper equal partner, you are turned off.

Take a deep breath, step way back and ask yourself what is the purpose for you personally to call or talk to him now? Forget what your older brother is demanding or the stepsister issues and focus on just you. What feels right for you? Do you really want to talk to him after all these years? Would you rather stay away? There is no right or wrong, only what is right for you personally and your peace of mind. He left you and you haven't talked in years, so you have no obligation to provide succor to him now. Again, what you want to do or not do is entirely up to you. If you think stepping back into a toxic dynamic will not be good for you, then stay away. If you think you'll regret not talking to him, then pick up the phone and give him a call. If your brother is pushing you into doing something that feels wrong to you and brings up past trauma, let him know that you need him to back off and stop forcing his views or feelings on you. If you want to avoid the stepsister, maybe talk to your brother and see when he is there, so he can let you know when your father is actually awake so you can call then. Tune out the noise from others, sit with yourself and figure out what is right for you personally and go with that.

Nah I get that you more ducked under his arm rather than shove him or anything such. Also get that when you asked to move past, his attitude was eff you. Basically, you were in a bad place and likely so was he. I do think you are lucky that you both just exchanged some words and that was it and that he didn't escalate things into pushing or punching you or some such. Probably just like you are rethinking this, so is he. I wouldn't waste too much more energy or thought on this other than realizing that when you are having a bad day, you shouldn't expect others to be in a good place and polite. Most will be, but there is always that one and you happened to cross paths this time. I'd let this go and focus on more practical stuff you can do to get your life under control so you can feel balanced.

OP, at some point you need to step away from this blame game where you cast yourself as the helpless victim. Neither your dad nor this guy have anything to do with your extremely immature personal ideas of what dating/love/relationships look like. Real life relationships aren't a rom com where a man will swoop in, instantly fall in love with you even though he doesn't even know you, and you'll be married by Christmas. In some ways, your own behavior is extremely compulsive and something to look into and address. Whether this is driven by loneliness, depression, other issues, or a combination of everything, you need to find effective means to tackle those issues instead of blaming others. You can't fix you when you keep acting like a victim to whom life just happens. When you point your finger at your father or call this guy a narcissist, you are dodging ownership of the only thing you can control and change - yourself. Also, I very much doubt this guy is a narcissist who cast some spell over you. A man you barely know told you he is in love with you on a second date and instead of finding that amusing, absurd, or even insulting to your intelligence, you drank it up. Even now, you are choosing to bs yourself with the idea that he must have meant it at least a little. Come on, OP. He isn't manipulating you. You are manipulating yourself. It's great that you have therapists and coaching, but....how effective are they if you are going through life not addressing your own compulsiveness and unrealistic romantic ideas? Are they ignoring these blame games or are you refusing to let go of it against all advice?

Hard to bond when you arrive an emotional mess and completely frazzled. On that note, being late has cost you jobs, work relationships, has lead to this situation now. This is not about some past trauma or any other excuses. You panicked because you were late. You were late because you prioritized clearing up your house over leaving on time. Btw, I get the guy was a jerk, but he whatever was up his arse isn't your problem. You are being your own problem here. It's long past due for you to roll up your sleeves and start developing time management skills. Emphasis on skills, because they are learned. When your life seems chaotic, time to sit down and start making a daily timed task list of exactly what you need to do and when and for how long. Be realistic about it and do include time to rest as well. Like literally, start with get up at x time. Show for x time. Breakfast x time. Leave for work x time. Return from work x time. Change and eat x time. Unpack one box x time. Yes, that detailed and live by it. Make yourself follow through and do it. It won't be comfortable at first, but as it becomes more habitual, you'll find that your life is calmer, less chaotic, more organized and that you are happier and feel more energy overall....and....that you actually have more time on your hands than you realize. The other thing that I'm noticing in your threads is that you seem to be constantly tired. Maybe time for a check up with a doctor and also check your diet and that you are eating enough proper food to give you energy rather than high/low sugar crash type diet.

You need to learn to listen to ^ that and instead of asking a guy to slow down, run like your hair is on fire. Obsessed is not love or healthy or normal and something you should learn to avoid. Predators, aka abusers, chase hard, push your boundaries, try to sweep you off your feet (disorient you), try to force an instant relationship and lock you down hard and fast. What you saw when you asked him to get the trash is his mask slipped and his true self came out. Yes, he did raise his voice and when you called him out on it, he proceeded to gaslight you about it and turn it around on you like it's your fault. Classic abuser. Since you were already stuck in an abusive toxic relationship for so many years, please step away from dating, definitely get rid of this creep, and take some time out to sort out what healthy relationships and healthy dating looks like. In a new city, seek to make some female friends rather than getting involved in a toxic mess that has red flags slapping you in the face from day one. Join meetup.com and find some groups that interest you. Find some places to volunteer. Start meeting some people through that and developing some genuine friendships. Get grounded before you venture out into the dating world again. Keep in mind that this creep identified you as an easy victim he can bulldoze and manipulate from a mile away. Your instincts that he is off were correct, yet you didn't listen to yourself and carried on with him. You have to fix that and you have to get away from this "nice to have him for insert whatever here" dependent mindset.

That's the trouble with being too passive, isn't it? You get "chased" by undesirables who will chase anyone with a pulse. Anyway, there is a big difference between chasing after someone who isn't interested and showing interest and effectively inviting the guy to step up if he is interested. If you feel you've done your part to give him the green light and no dice, then you don't have a choice but to shift your interest and attention to someone else.

Do not bring any ex's or other guys into this as that would be cruel. Focus on this guy you are dating and the fact that it's not working out for you and you don't feel what you need to feel to continue with him. Then tell him that very simply and directly. After 10 months, you just don't have the connection on your end to keep going and you don't see a future with him, so you are ending this relationship. Wish him well, but as above poster said, don't gush. Then give him back whatever things of his you have and cut all contact for good, remove him for your social media, etc. Clean break so he can heal quickly and move on and you can also move on as you wish with whoever you wish.

The first sentence is the definition of trying to buy love and affection from someone. The second sentence......how did that not give you the creeps and send you running for your life??? Serious question. Think about it - how can a complete stranger who doesn't know you just love you out of the blue - you, the person, the individual, who is complex, who has her dreams and life experiences he knows nothing about, quirks and habits he knows nothing about? True love takes time, takes getting to know each other for real. It's not a word tossed at a stranger you've barely met. Sane men are not going to pursue you against your will and force themselves into your life because they have this thing called respect for other people. Only predators are pushy, forceful, in a sweep you off your feet kind of way whether you like it or not. This man is a predator and he pursued you purely because he saw that you are vulnerable and an easy target. Thankfully, you do at least have some boundaries and managed to draw some lines and say no to his demands. Unfortunately, you are still a bit confused and over invested and treating this thing like a relationship when in reality you've only seen him 6 times in your life. A few dates does not a relationship make, OP. Block this man from ever contacting you again. Going forward, when you notice that a man is trampling your boundaries, end things immediately. Also, being giving is all good, buuuuut healthy relationships are all about reciprocation. Goes back to don't keep giving and giving when he is not giving back equally in whatever form. If you keep giving and giving just hoping to get something eventually....you are trying to buy a relationship and it will never work. You said that you want a man who simply cares for you, so why are you chasing a man who clearly doesn't? Maybe think long and hard what genuine care looks like? You don't have to look far - look in the mirror and find someone who is like you, kind, giving, has his life together, etc.

Unfortunately, this is one of those now you see it now you don't situations. Could be that he is not that into you, or could be that he is so into you, he is getting a bit tongue tied and shy/awkward about it. Only way to find out is for you to step up and be more direct about your interest in him. If he doesn't take the bait or simply says "no thanks", then at least you can get over your crush and focus on other guys. As long as you are hung up on him, you will not see other guys as viable options even if they are way better than your crush.

Just to clarify, when the school said that he has developmental issues, they meant behavioral problems like he is disruptive, pitches tantrums, doesn't focus or do what he is told and therefore was falling further and further behind quickly. He is actually highly intelligent, but also sensitive, willful, and energetic - a combination that made things challenging. However, as he is growing up and maturing, he is way calmer and more centered emotionally. He takes his energy out on sports, but through that he also learned self discipline and focus. Also, his parents worked really hard with him once they knew how to do it right and it paid off. He was never medicated as his psychiatrist was adamant that he didn't need it if his parents were willing to work with him and learn how to. Incidentally, he was a preemie baby.

I would really really encourage you to reach out to a qualified child psychiatrist. My close friend had very similar issues with her son. Her biggest regret is that she waited until he was school age and then was told that he is severely developmentally behind by the school. Thing is that there was nothing wrong with him other than, as parents, they just didn't know how to handle things properly. Anyway, after the school told her to go to a child psychiatrist, she finally did take him. Turned out he was fine and she and her husband needed to learn how to parent him correctly and how to address some of his behaviors effectively. The psychiatrist also referred them to someone who would come out several times per week to work with them, no idea what the title was, but it was actually through their county health department, so free. Again, not sure how all that worked specifically because the psychiatrist they went to facilitated all that. The lady came out to sort of train them all for several months. What I do know is that my friend thought she was an absolute godsend and they all learned a lot and it made a huge difference. Her son caught up quickly and went back to school and was just fine. He is doing great now as we speak and has good grades and is otherwise doing well. Super athletic, so probably will get a free ride to uni on a sports scholarship. Big turnaround from nearly being kicked out of school for being too behind and too unruly.

Personally, I would take that as she'll contact me when she is ready. However, you do you. As you said, you know her better than we do. I just hope it's not along the lines of insisting on complimenting her body when she hated that so much and it made her feel terrible. Of course, you know her and you knew better, right? One thing I've just remembered is that you don't post to get advice, you post to get validation on what you've already decided on doing. It would be helpful if you would let people know that. Save everyone a lot of grief and you'll actually get what you want - a pat on the back.

Please take her and yourself to a qualified child psychiatrist. It may be that there is something going on with her. It may be that she is just fine, but that the way you've been handling things with her, given her natural temperament, simply are not right for her. A qualified child psychiatrist can both evaluate the situation accurately and can be a fantastic resource for you as a parent on how to respond to her behaviors in a way that will be effective and actually work for all of you. Basically, stop looking online and start talking to actual professionals who can help you.

Being different in some ways is not necessarily a bad thing. You don't want to date your polar opposite, but also, you don't want to date your mirror image. Some differences are complimentary to each other. That said, if you are seeing major deal breakers already, then it's best that you don't waste your time or hers on this. It all really depends on what you mean by seeing differences between you two and what they are. If you are seriously looking for your one, then be careful about getting stuck with a place holder who is kind of OK, but also not good enough because that will burn precious time. Be clear with yourself about what it is you are looking for exactly and what you are offering to that person that they should choose you. Keep in mind that relationships are a two way street.

Why do you plan to check in when she has made it clear that she is not ready and will contact you when she is in a better place? The ball is in her court here. Also, since you say that you are not ready either, then please don't keep trying to contact her and instead focus on your own healing and reaching a better place. Don't keep ripping that scab off. Think how you felt when you shared about your job loss and all you got from her was silence. Don't do this to yourself where you are constantly stuck on why she is or isn't responding, etc. Give both of you genuine time and space to heal, get yourselves sorted out for real. No check ins and actually trust the healing power of time and silence and the work you are both doing respectively. Then, hopefully you can both reconnect on a truly fresh clean slate and see where things go.

I think this is really the lesson you need to take away from this entire situation - do not over share and do not confuse someone over sharing personal stuff as some form of emotional intimacy. It's actually a red flag, be it in a professional environment or romantic relationships. Over sharing too much too soon is actually manipulative and certain types of people can really use that against you by creating that sense of trust and instant closeness that is actually quite fake on their end. It's good that you are out of this place and I wish you success in your new job. I think you were stuck in a toxic mess and this man simply manipulated you into staying longer until they were in a position to get a replacement. Going forward, beware of such people and maybe work on your own personal life and friendships, so that someone trying to tap into your emotional vulnerability will be met with a cold reception from you.

You are so deep in denial, you are drowning in it. No it's not grass is greener. She has been so blunt and direct with you that the relationship is dying, that she no longer finds you sexually attractive, she stopped sleeping with you for that reason, she also started cheating on you and ultimately dumped you outright and moved on with other guys. Dude.....she couldn't be more clear that it's over and she is totally done and checked out if she planted a dozen flashing neon signs in your yard telling you it's over. What she is doing now is friendzoning you. She is treating you exactly how she says she feels about you - totally platonic pal. So yes, she chats about her dating adventures, complains about bad dates, which is what we women do with each other. However, she is not looking to be saved or to come back to you, she is treating you like a girl friend. Her actions match her words - she is focused on another guy and building a relationship with him after sowing some wild oats. What she does or doesn't discuss with her family is none of your business and not relevant to what happened between you and her. On a side note, she left you exactly as she left her previous ex because that's who she is, that is her character. Please get rid of this notion that relationships are some kind of a competition where if you give enough, do enough, be better than other men that it will somehow ensure loyalty. Loyalty is a matter of core character and has NOTHING to do with what you give or provide to a partner. Anyway, short answer is time for you to get the message, let go, move on, heal. That means go no contact until you are over her - don't be a doormat girl friend in pants, don't track what she is doing and with who, etc. Complete break.

Your bar for what you expect from a relationship and what you are willing to put up with is so low, it's completely in the gutter. Busy is just an excuse people use when in reality they don't care to talk to you or make you a priority in their life in any way, shape, or form. He is not busy, OP, he just doesn't want to talk to you anymore and doesn't have the guts to tell you that you and him are done. An absolute coward who is stringing you along until you finally get it and dump him. Please stop trying to talk to him. Please stop making excuses how he is just this or that. Raise your standards, read the writing on the wall, and get rid of him. You don't even have to do anything here at all. Stop talking to him and I bet he will never reach out to you again. He is already doing everything he can to fade out.