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  1. @boltnrun That's interesting that your tests came back negative as well for everything you went through, especially because it's clear your body, like mine, wasn't right! I hope you have been able to recover from those issues! I think it just feels so unfair sometimes and I wish I could just be one of those people who seemingly have no health issues! But yes, this decision is so personal and it's a big one. I struggle enough with easy things in life, let alone the hard decisions haha
  2. @Batya33 I have briefly looked into surrogacy, but with it also being pretty expensive, it has put us off as well. My husband feels as though he doesn't know if he could connect with a surrogate or adopted child. I even thought about the type of surrogacy where they use my egg, his sperm....however I believe I'd be putting my body through the ringer doing the hormone injections for that too. I agree, this is all a very personal decision....I do best hearing from others and my anxiety leads me down paths of lots of questions and research. Sometimes I wonder if my anxiety went away, maybe half my problems would...haha. Thank you for your input/story as well, I truly appreciate it.
  3. @Cherylynthat's very interesting regarding the improvement of your chronic fatigue syndrome! Honestly, both my parents and my in laws have tried telling me multiple times that another pregnancy may reverse my symptoms/ make me better, but I've always taken that with "a grain of salt", as they say. I've been doing a lot of reading/researching on things such as gut health that seems to impact the whole body. I see way more research being drawn to this area recently...if only I could get my gut to tolerate the foods it needs!! Anyways, thank you for sharing your story!
  4. @boltnrun you are correct, I've had multiple doctors look for autoimmune disorders, but have come up negative to every test they've done. Such a frustrating process. Thank you for sharing your experience and I'll definitely be having further conversations.
  5. @Seraphim thank you so much for sharing a piece of your story. I appreciate your input!
  6. Hi! I wrote a previous post regarding having a 2nd child & am looking for feedback from anyone who dealt with issues during and/or after pregnancies. One of my main concerns having a 2nd child is honestly I'm scared of health issues that crop up. I've had anxiety my whole life, so it doesn't help. However, at 28yrs old, my first baby came 6 wks early (I'm now 31). No major complications thankfully. During pregnancy, lots of nausea/vomiting first 4 months, developed severe acne that EXPLODED after giving birth. HUGE cystic, painful pimples. I was so embarrassed. I'm talking horn like protrusions all over chin, forehead, back, neck, nose, in my eyebrows, hairline etc. I finally had treatment that took a good 6+ months to clear things up. Also, IBS came back with a vengeance (previously recovered from IBS for 5 yrs). Couldn't hardly eat, was so sick especially in the evenings. SEVERE abdominal cramping&everything that comes with it. Lost 30lbs in 3 months; doctors were concerned about malnourishment (weighed 95lbs at lowest; I'm 5ft tall). Took a full year to calm my gut down and figure out the safest foods. The scariest part for me, I developed what docs think is a mast cell disorder. Basically my mast cells (part of immune system) are "twitchy" and overreact, causing random allergic reactions. Mine is considered idiopathic, as they could never find a cause and there's no rhyme or reason sometimes for the reactions. I have been decently controlled now on meds for the last year and I'm very careful with my diet as they believe when I have abdominal cramping, it sets off my mast cells in my gut to cause a reaction. Its a hard thing to explain and not many people know much about the disorder. It landed me an ambulance ride for anaphylaxis once (early 2019)...I swear I have PTSD regarding that event, its very difficult for me. Another issue, my eyes. Vision worsened along with them diagnosing a disorder that effects my corneas. I had a procedure done in one eye, luckily other eye is stable. My "bad" eye has never been the same and they really haven't been able to find corrective prescription for it so it's blurry always. They claim pregnancy doesn't CAUSE this disorder, however it can progress it. Other notable health changes: Teeth. Ended up with many cavities, 2 broken teeth that needed crowns. I was found to have vitamin D deficiency so now supplement for that. Developed vestibular disorder (1.5 yrs postpartum) where I struggled with daily, debilitating dizziness. Luckily, PT has helped with this so I just have a few bad days a month now. I have GERD that I have to stay on meds for. And last thing I'll note would just be the all around stiff/achy joints I've had since giving birth. When I wake in the mornings, my hands/knuckles are always swollen/achy for the first hr of the day. My hips&knees are stiff and pop/crack a lot...does that really happen already at this age? Honestly, I know this looks like a lot of rambling (feels like it too), but I guess I'm looking for other experiences surrounding pregnancy. Can one pregnancy really cause all these issues? Am I doomed if I try to go through another pregnancy? I feel like this is just so much to have going on at my age. We're really leaning towards wanting to add one more to our family, but I guess I'm looking for other experiences? It seems so unfair that I know SO MANY people (some with pre-existing conditions) who've had multiple pregnancies and they walk away with no further issues.....I hope I'm making some sort of sense with what I'm trying to get at. Anyone have health conditions that were stable after pregnancies? I do have an appointment (month away) to discuss these concerns with a new OB, but sometimes its more helpful to hear from real world experiences too. Thank you in advance from a very anxious person trying to make sense of the world! P.s....I've suggested adoption to my husband, however its very pricey and my husband isn't interested. He's worried about my health issues as well. I practice regular yoga, daily walks, etc to try and take care of myself mentally/physically.
  7. @BecxyRex thank you for your reply! It's honestly nice to hear from someone in a similar boat as me right now. I am very much so like you regarding the quiet atmosphere. I'm a more introverted person and desperately need that quiet recharge time. I've had a few friends who had no siblings and are great people...I do think parenting has a large impact on if a child turns out "spoiled rotten" as they say. I wish you luck in your decision; the "what ifs" make it so hard for me!
  8. @Seraphim I'd be lying if I said it hasn't crossed our minds in regards to developmental difficulties, more in the aspect of...sensitivities to things I guess? Such as obviously having texture issues with food and then really seeming to act out/become overwhelmed in busy/social situations. She tends to calm down a bit after she's used to being somewhere, but we've definitely wondered if there's something going on or if she's just not managed to process emotions yet. I appreciate your feedback! @DarkCh0c0 honestly your response made me take a breath for a minute. Sometimes I do feel so rushed like we need to make a decision NOW but you really drew my attention to the fact that maybe we need a little more time to "recover" from our wild child. Love her to death of course, but wow life has been a roller coaster. Thank you for your input! I really appreciate everyone's time and opinions. Definitely reading the responses and doing a lot of thinking ♡
  9. Hi everyone, We've been toying with the idea of having a 2nd child for quite a while, however just can't seem to make a decision& it really stresses us out. Our daughter is 3 yrs old. I know toddlers are hard...but we REALLY struggled from day 1. She was born 6 weeks early. Luckily no major health deficits. She did have HORRIBLE reflux&was on meds for 9 months. She was never an easy, happy baby. It feels like she was always crying/screaming. She never took a pacifier so we just endured it. Being first time parents was of course difficult as we were not experienced. She is the most difficult of the grandkids in the family. Always causing a scene..people in our family joke that she "sets the bar" for attitude/bad behavior. I want to state that we really do try. We try to have patience/understanding. We hug/take breaths/try to talk things through. She's also always been a horrible eater. Would literally go days without eating one bite of dinner. She's still very picky, we just choose our battles more wisely these days. I know a lot of people say they're all picky eaters...but she was at the low of end the BMI chart and her doctor was starting to get concerned. Basically just trying to relay that we've definitely struggled with her. In fact, we're on our 3rd attempt at potty training right now too! On top of that, I developed health issues after pregnancy. Pretty bad gut issues so that I have to eat the same few meals or I'll pay miserably for it. I developed a condition where I was having spontaneous allergic reactions to nothing. That's been better controlled now as I stay on meds for it and I think my body settled down 1.5 yrs after the birth, but of course there's this worry now that "what if" something goes wrong with me. What if its even worse, etc. And am I getting too old soon? I never wanted to be having kids in my 30s. I'm almost 32. One thing I wonder about is if our perception of difficulty was heightened because when our daughter was only 5.5 months old, my father in law got very ill. It took 6 weeks to diagnose that he had a very rare brain cancer. It almost killed him. He was hospitalized for 4 months & lost who he was completely. This was obviously a VERY stressful situation &I'm sure just made everything feel that much worse for us at the time. When I think about NOT having a 2nd child...I feel sad. Always thought we'd have 2. I feel like a terrible parent to not at least try to give my child a sibling. I've told myself they may never get along, may have no relationship anyways etc. But what if they do? What if they'd be close like lots of people I know are with their siblings? What about family holidays or get togethers where she's the only kid on one side of the fam? I feel like I'm taking things from my daughter such as being an aunt (by blood) or there's always the topic of feeling bad if my husband and/or I end up in bad health and she's involved without the help of a sibling. Things like that just weigh on me SO heavily. I really didn't enjoy pregnancy. I was sick a lot & of course going through that labor/delivery...whew woman are strong. And money...having another kid is more money. Starting over with sleepless nights& constant feedings etc with having an already very wild toddler. I find myself asking "how do people do this??" all the time.... Ugh, even as I'm typing this my head is like a boomerang again! This is what my husband& I do every few weeks or so...throw out all these topics/reasons. But then also things like "oh this happened the other day and I thought how I'd love to have another one to enjoy that with" but then also "OH MY GOD I'M NEVER HAVING ANOTHER KID AFTER THE WAY SHE'S BEHAVED ALL DAY!" Please tell me we're not the only ones with this indecisiveness? We both struggle with some anxiety (definitely me being the worst one) and I think that complicates the matter even more. I apologize for the length of this post, but would truly appreciate any insight on how you or anyone you know made the final decision on this? Any advice on how to sort this out in our brains? lol Thank you to everyone for reading this!!
  10. I did wonder about postpartum depression for a while... but thought maybe this is too long after to still be going on? Although maybe it just started as that and has progressed from other events. Thank you for your perspective!
  11. Sending my thanks to you for your perspective on this. I'm seeing multiple people point out that I need to just let my husband handle himself, no matter what that may be, and focus more on my own sanity. It's crazy to think about how this got so overwhelming and out of control on us, but I know we've been through a lot and life isn't made to be easy unfortunately! I do agree with you on men not expressing emotions as much/as well.... this can make it hard for me when I'm so into sharing feelings etc which sounds kinda funny to say out loud. Again, thank you for your time and I'm really thinking over a lot of things today.
  12. Thank you so very much for the response. It's interesting that you brought up the "mothering" aspect...as my husband did make a comment to me not long ago that was something along the lines of "you're not my mom" and I was put off by it and I see what you mean about just letting things be. He definitely is his own person and should be able to make decisions on his own, even if it's not something I totally agree with. I'm really not sure why I've struggled so hard with parenting unless it's just related to struggles elsewhere. I tell myself all the time that toddlers just can't express themselves well etc and to be patient. But sometimes I really just wish I had a break. My only time away from her are the few days I go to work...not exactly relaxing time for me. I think its maybe time we find someone trustworthy to babysit once in a while so we can get out as a couple again. Again, thank you for your input on this!
  13. You have a wonderful way with words. As I'm reading people's responses and thinking things over, I just feel as though I've had a lot to go through in the last few years and some people come out the other side unscathed, but I'm not one of those. I've always been a sensitive/emotional person. One thing I didn't put in my original post was in 2017, my parents were in a bad motorcycle accident. For about 30-45 minutes, I had no idea if they were alive. It was one of the worst things I had ever felt. I still to this day have weird flashbacks...it seems to play out in my head exactly as it happened and it overwhelms me even years later. They are both thankfully healthy today. Lots of broken ribs, a punctured lung, concussion, broken hand/fingers that needed multiple surgeries. Scars that won't go away on my dad's face. But I'm beyond thankful they recovered! I feel like I'm rambling and for that I'm sorry, I guess the point I'm trying to make is I tend to hang on to things and can't seem to let them go no matter how hard I try and I think it just plays into other factors of my life. You are correct in saying it is all water and all depths at this time!! I know life wasn't made to be easy and I always tell myself there could be so many worse things....but sometimes I just feel like I need my feelings to be acknowledged/justified too? I feel like I have been through a few tough things and I just wish it was easier to get back to feeling "normal" again.
  14. @DancingFoolthank you for your response. I can see how I come across as "micromanaging" and I do see some of these tendencies myself. I'm not quite sure how to put it.....I'll address my father-in-law that you brought up. I grew up with my husbands family. His dad is very well known in our community and one of the kindest humans I've ever met. When he first got sick...NO ONE could figure out why. He went to multiple doctors before declining so badly that he needed to be sedated and on a vent to keep him alive. It took them 6 weeks to figure out what was wrong. I think when things feel so out of control and so wrong, I feel the need to do SOMETHING to try and help...so I constantly looked over his labs etc. I do have a medical background, the rest of the family has zero medical experience. I wanted to help as best as I could and it was the only way I knew how. That being said, I do have a narcissistic controlling mom. I love her, but I never wanted to be like her. Her mom, my grandma, is in fact the same way. Its scary to see it playing out generation to generation. My mom to this day still tries to control things in my life....I usually try to stand my ground, however I will admit a lot of times it's easier to just let it go and give in to her because she will never stop. Our relationship is better than it ever was previously, but I don't want to be like her. It sounds sort of dumb, but I honestly am not sure how to address things without being controlling then? Maybe that's something therapy could help me with. Things such as giving my dog her medication that she needs twice daily.....if I don't "nag" and just let it go...things don't get done. In fact, this just happened the other day and I found out my dog missed her medication (my husband is responsible for it in the morning because he's up for work early). I get very frustrated to feel so responsible for everything. Making my child's routine doctor appts, packing her things for daycare...so much falls on me and they are things that need to get done. I have talked to my husband about this, and sometimes he seems to make the effort to help more, but then things always go back to previous ways. Don't get me wrong, my husband is a great man. He is much like his dad and is a very loving father to our child. But man....it's like a snowball effect with "controlling" things I guess and its just pulling me a million ways. Thank you for your perspective on this.
  15. @rchubnThank you for your time in reading and responding to me. You have brought about good reminders...my toddler WILL grow up...even if it doesn't feel like it right now. Sometimes I'm just so caught in the hard moments. But my family deserves to have a healthy mom/wife and I do deserve it too. I am so happy that I decided to post here (first time!) because you guys have really blown my mind with responses. Thank you!
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