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adee07

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  1. I did wonder about postpartum depression for a while... but thought maybe this is too long after to still be going on? Although maybe it just started as that and has progressed from other events. Thank you for your perspective!
  2. Sending my thanks to you for your perspective on this. I'm seeing multiple people point out that I need to just let my husband handle himself, no matter what that may be, and focus more on my own sanity. It's crazy to think about how this got so overwhelming and out of control on us, but I know we've been through a lot and life isn't made to be easy unfortunately! I do agree with you on men not expressing emotions as much/as well.... this can make it hard for me when I'm so into sharing feelings etc which sounds kinda funny to say out loud. Again, thank you for your time and I'm really thinking over a lot of things today.
  3. Thank you so very much for the response. It's interesting that you brought up the "mothering" aspect...as my husband did make a comment to me not long ago that was something along the lines of "you're not my mom" and I was put off by it and I see what you mean about just letting things be. He definitely is his own person and should be able to make decisions on his own, even if it's not something I totally agree with. I'm really not sure why I've struggled so hard with parenting unless it's just related to struggles elsewhere. I tell myself all the time that toddlers just can't express themselves well etc and to be patient. But sometimes I really just wish I had a break. My only time away from her are the few days I go to work...not exactly relaxing time for me. I think its maybe time we find someone trustworthy to babysit once in a while so we can get out as a couple again. Again, thank you for your input on this!
  4. You have a wonderful way with words. As I'm reading people's responses and thinking things over, I just feel as though I've had a lot to go through in the last few years and some people come out the other side unscathed, but I'm not one of those. I've always been a sensitive/emotional person. One thing I didn't put in my original post was in 2017, my parents were in a bad motorcycle accident. For about 30-45 minutes, I had no idea if they were alive. It was one of the worst things I had ever felt. I still to this day have weird flashbacks...it seems to play out in my head exactly as it happened and it overwhelms me even years later. They are both thankfully healthy today. Lots of broken ribs, a punctured lung, concussion, broken hand/fingers that needed multiple surgeries. Scars that won't go away on my dad's face. But I'm beyond thankful they recovered! I feel like I'm rambling and for that I'm sorry, I guess the point I'm trying to make is I tend to hang on to things and can't seem to let them go no matter how hard I try and I think it just plays into other factors of my life. You are correct in saying it is all water and all depths at this time!! I know life wasn't made to be easy and I always tell myself there could be so many worse things....but sometimes I just feel like I need my feelings to be acknowledged/justified too? I feel like I have been through a few tough things and I just wish it was easier to get back to feeling "normal" again.
  5. @DancingFoolthank you for your response. I can see how I come across as "micromanaging" and I do see some of these tendencies myself. I'm not quite sure how to put it.....I'll address my father-in-law that you brought up. I grew up with my husbands family. His dad is very well known in our community and one of the kindest humans I've ever met. When he first got sick...NO ONE could figure out why. He went to multiple doctors before declining so badly that he needed to be sedated and on a vent to keep him alive. It took them 6 weeks to figure out what was wrong. I think when things feel so out of control and so wrong, I feel the need to do SOMETHING to try and help...so I constantly looked over his labs etc. I do have a medical background, the rest of the family has zero medical experience. I wanted to help as best as I could and it was the only way I knew how. That being said, I do have a narcissistic controlling mom. I love her, but I never wanted to be like her. Her mom, my grandma, is in fact the same way. Its scary to see it playing out generation to generation. My mom to this day still tries to control things in my life....I usually try to stand my ground, however I will admit a lot of times it's easier to just let it go and give in to her because she will never stop. Our relationship is better than it ever was previously, but I don't want to be like her. It sounds sort of dumb, but I honestly am not sure how to address things without being controlling then? Maybe that's something therapy could help me with. Things such as giving my dog her medication that she needs twice daily.....if I don't "nag" and just let it go...things don't get done. In fact, this just happened the other day and I found out my dog missed her medication (my husband is responsible for it in the morning because he's up for work early). I get very frustrated to feel so responsible for everything. Making my child's routine doctor appts, packing her things for daycare...so much falls on me and they are things that need to get done. I have talked to my husband about this, and sometimes he seems to make the effort to help more, but then things always go back to previous ways. Don't get me wrong, my husband is a great man. He is much like his dad and is a very loving father to our child. But man....it's like a snowball effect with "controlling" things I guess and its just pulling me a million ways. Thank you for your perspective on this.
  6. @rchubnThank you for your time in reading and responding to me. You have brought about good reminders...my toddler WILL grow up...even if it doesn't feel like it right now. Sometimes I'm just so caught in the hard moments. But my family deserves to have a healthy mom/wife and I do deserve it too. I am so happy that I decided to post here (first time!) because you guys have really blown my mind with responses. Thank you!
  7. @Wiseman2thank you for sharing your perspective. I do seriously agree with you that I need to try and let some things go and let my husband handle more things...even if it takes him longer to get things accomplished than it would if I just did it myself. Thank you for taking the time to respond to me.
  8. @Emmamma Sending many thanks to you along with the others who have responded because wow, I feel like I just realized how long its been since I've heard encouraging words and it breaks my heart but opens my eyes at the same time. I can't believe how "on point" you are with the things you said. You are totally right, as I'm re-reading what I wrote and seeing responses, I really have been storing a lot over the last few years. I was trying so hard to be strong for my father in law and husband. I looked at every lab and test result, every doctor note available, asked so so so many questions. That alone, was exhausting. And then everything else....man no wonder I've been feeling this way. Thank you so, so much for the kind words and positivity.
  9. @bluecastleWow, thank you for spending the time to read and respond to me as well. The two sections that you pulled to my attention are eye-opening to look back on when you framed it like that. Sometimes I just get so buried, its hard to see the bigger picture. You brought up a lot of good points and tears to my eyes. Thank you for your support, it is so appreciated!
  10. @Lambert Thank you for taking the time to read and respond to me. I appreciate the feedback and the questions you have brought forth. I will truly take the time to think these things over and maybe journal some stuff out to help sort my thoughts too. I feel so bad to admit that most days have truly been a struggle with my toddler. Obviously we have good and bad days, but most days fall in a not-so-great category. Maybe part of this is due to the way I'm feeling overall? Just run down and she's exhausting. You asked what I can do differently and I think that is a great question for me to think over and maybe speak with my husband as he struggles with her too. We have had discussions on how she just seems so hard, and are we bad parents etc....but maybe we just need a different perspective. Again, THANK YOU for all the advice!!
  11. Hi, hoping to find words of advice. I'm 30, husband 28. Married almost 4 yrs, together for 7. Had our first child 2.5 yrs ago. I don't want to take up too much time/space listing everything, but I unfortunately ended up with many life-impacting issues from pregnancy that have taken 2 yrs to get back to a semi-normal life. Because of all the struggles...I fell back into an anxiety/panic spiral with some depression. Dealing with health issues, mental health issues, and trying to raise our first (preemie) baby has been ridiculously draining. Then, my father in law developed rare brain cancer when my child was 5 months old. He was in ICU for 4 months. No one was sure if he would survive. Miraculously, he pulled through, but needed to relearn to walk, talk, eat...it has been a VERY long haul. My husband was VERY close to his dad. They worked together everyday at a family business& when he got sick, it took a big toll on my husband, understandably. As my father in law recovered, it seemed as though my husband was doing better. His dad will never be the same person, he cant work anymore& has lost some of his personality, but the fact that he is here&doing ok, considering, is something to be thankful for. I try so hard to work on mental health. Started yoga 1.5 yrs ago. I do breathing exercises, tried meditation. Our child is a huge handful. I know many people do say this. But we definitely have a wild, full-of-attitude kid. I love my child dearly& am thankful I could have her, however I have NOT enjoyed being a parent. I feel as though it has taken so much from me. I work part time, and have always struggled to find a job I'm satisfied with. I'm pretty introverted& being around people is very draining for me. I just feel very unaccomplished in life. I've also been really pissed off at the health issues in my life& just general unfairness of things. I try to tell myself that everyone struggles...I mean I work with cancer patients (which can be hard too)...I know how hard life can be for some. But why do others seemingly get by so easily?? Ugh. Anyways, I've had these awful feelings of just generally feeling down about life for yrs now. My husband knows this, we've always had a very good relationship until he started closing up/lashing out after all this cancer business with his dad. A few days ago, I was upset because my husband told a little white lie about playing a computer game. I am a HUGE advocate of honesty all the time, no matter what. So when I confronted him about it, all the sudden he broke down saying something is wrong with him, he doesn't feel right anymore. He says he doesn't know where its coming from but he just feels like not being here sometimes. Of course I felt horrible. I feel let down that he didn't think he could come to me. I know it can be hard....but we are usually so open. If I'm being honest, I didn't think he'd even shown signs of being THAT bad. He still goofs around, he works on projects at home etc. He hasn't really lost interest in things that I've noticed. So now I find myself thinking does he really mean it? Or was he just mad that he got caught telling a lie/frustrating me &decided to turn it around& make me feel bad for him? I feel horrible even saying that, but unfortunately I had an ex that told me the same thing, even went as far as going to counseling....when in the end he was cheating on me etc so I guess it feels like deja vu for me. Now, on top of already feeling so wish-washy in my own head, I'm worried about my husband. He isn't very proactive in doing things (always been like that) so now last night I found myself trying to ask him what he needs, what needs to change etc. But at the same time, I'm feeling frustrated because I have my own problems&no one has offered to help me/talk things out with me. Is it my responsibility now to take care of him too? What's interesting is he has carried on since telling me this...acting like nothing bothering him. So I don't get it. I have history of anxiety/depression. My parents&I didn't have the best relationship. We RARELY said "love you" to each other or showed much affection. They criticized me all the time when it came to school/sports. I've been to therapists in the past due to my anxiety issues. I've been on meds (not currently). I've been trying to use the tools I know of to help myself. I know it hasn't been perfect, and I've considered finding someone to talk to again for a while.....however, everyone in our area has been virtual appts only because of stupid covid and that just doesn't work for me unfortunately. I feel horrible that we have a 2.5 yr old whose parents are struggling with getting through life. I have no idea where to go from here. I asked my husband if he wanted to talk to therapist,he said he isn't sure yet. Wants to see if its just a bad patch, wants to start exercising again. I told him to go ahead and put clothes in his car so that he's ready to go after work for exercising, however I noticed he didn't do it. I don't want to have to take on another thing to remember such as making sure he put exercise clothes in his car....I already have myself, 2.5 yr old, and 2 dogs to take care of! I know you guys don't know me, and there's a lot of details/specifics I had to leave out as this was getting pretty long......but I'm curious to know an outsiders view looking in. We live in the midwest US and are just getting into spring. Winter is SO HARD for me in particular....i really do hate it. So I know things have felt worse for me during the long, cold winter months. I'm just feeling so lost right now. How long do I give my husband before asking if he's doing any better? Or does it sound like counseling/therapy is needed? Or do I just leave him alone and see what happens? That scares me a bit though, I'd never forgive myself if he gets worse and doesn't tell me and heaven forbid something bad happen. I should state my husband has never mental health issues before, so I don't want to jump the gun either if he just isn't familiar with what he's feeling. Please send some positive vibes my way <3 Thank you in advance (and sorry for the long post)!
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