DancingFool

^ First world problems....lmao

]

Dear software programmers and designers: Software updates...... no you didn't improve the product, but you made my life hell, so a very sarcastic thank you for that. Also thank you for being utterly clueless about how the customer's business runs and how the product is actually used and what it actually needs to do, but hey, you pushed out a half azzed, brainless, clueless, bugged to all hell update that you are soooooo excited about. I mean seriously, we the customers didn't ask for it, so if you are going to make stupid changes, at least have the decency to fix the bugs before you release the update. No, your customers are not your free bug testers. We have this option to go use something else, remember? /end rant

He/she is really such a wonderful and caring person when he/she doesn't do ......insert insane psychotic behavior..... Dump them. Well....no but I love them. I just want advice on how to fix the crazy bits. I see and when was the last time they were normal? Ummm.......well.....when we first met like 5 years ago for 2 months..... ARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks....now I'm giggling too.....

This is just my personal taste, so take it with a grain of salt. I'd like to see you develop what you started more and have more of a transition before going to the father conflict. I'd recommend that you create kind of a map for yourself of who all the side characters will be and what their relationships are with others and when and how they will enter the story. The main characters need to be developed, which you already have worked out, but their relationships with others need to be developed as well. Remember that the reader doesn't know where you are going. You have to make sure they follow you from A to B. So you had created the interesting tension with the mother - I wouldn't just drop that cold, but work with that more and take the reader further. Also keep in mind a timeline. Between the car and now, is it still the same day? Next week/month? What time has passed and what has happened in between? Either way, you've got something important going on - you are capturing attention and interest in the first page. Awesome!